.:24:. Force : Blurry
Have You Ever
♫ Cho Sunhyun ♫
"Gikwang! Sunhyun!"
I turn around as Yuseon approaches me. I just stepped out from my classes with Gikwang when she called us. Gikwang gives her a straight face and keeps silence.
He is not in a good mood.
"Yes?" I try to lighten up the atmosphere with a smile. "What is it, Yuseon?"
"How is Yoon Hari?" she glances at Gikwang obviously but he ignores her. He tucks his hands inside his pockets, looking away for her. "It's been four days since her accident and I heard she has started to attend classes again today."
"She is alright now," I answer her. "Her voice has returned and her wound has healed."
"I'm glad to hear that. Gikwang, do you-" even before Yuseon finishes her sentence, Gikwang has cut her words quickly.
"I'm going to our basecamp first. I'll wait for you there," with that he walks away from me and Yuseon, not even bothering to look at Yuseon.
"What's wrong with him?" Yuseon finally asks after he disappeared at the corner. "Did something happen? He looks really pissed off."
"Not really," I smile awkwardly to her. "I'll send your regards to Hari. See you tomorrow, Yuseon."
I bow slightly to her and leave her, walking out from the building. That's when I see Yoseob, sitting alone on a bench with his guitar. There are some girls looking at him, giggling and whispering things to each other.
"And we are a couple, aren't we, Yoseob?" Hari turned to Yoseob with blushed cheeks but she had a smile on her face.
Her question made my heart sank immediately. There was no way she was making a joke because Hari was too shy to do that. Not to mention she lost part of her memories right now.
Gikwang's eyes widen because of her sudden question. I could imagine how he's feeling because I felt the same; knowing Yoseob loved Hari and now Hari thought they were a couple... Yoseob must be really happy, didn't he?
"We'll talk again later, okay?" Yoseob smiled softly. "You need to rest now. We'll see you tomorrow morning."
Yoseob stood up and bid her good night. I did the same but Gikwang didn't say a word to her. He stormed out from the ward.
"Gikwang!" I rushed to him, stopping him by grabbing his arm. "Wait!"
He tossed my hand away with confussion on his face. He closed his eyes and then took a deep breath before opened his eyes and stared at me and Yoseob, "I'm sorry. I'm really tired. I need to take a rest."
Looking at him like this, I felt that my heart ached. He was my best friend and I knew he must be hurting inside because the one he loved didn't even remember about it.
"I need fresh air," Gikwang avoided my eyes. "I'll wait for you at the lobby."
After Gikwang walked away, both of me and Yoseob stood in silence. He didn't look happy at all.
"Yoseob," I called his name. I wanted to ask him a question that had been lingering in my mind ever since he mentioned it. "Did you say Gikwang rejected Hari before?"
I knew Gikwang loved her. I knew something happened between them that made Musique to disband. When Gikwang told me that he kissed her before she felt down, I could understand that she was mad if she didn't return his feeling.
But if Gikwang rejected her, didn't it mean Hari was the one who had a crush on him?
"Hari wanted to withdraw from the group when he rejected her," Yoseob sighed, messing his own hair. "I don't understand why he did that to Hari. I... I didn't know what to do now."
I felt my hear stopped beating for a second when I heard his statement.
So Hari loved Gikwang? They loved each other.
But Gikwang let her go because he didn't want to hurt Yoseob. He knew that he loved Hari but he still rejected Hari's feeling even though they loved each other.
A tear escaped my eyes when I realized how complicated things were.
Two of my best friends loved each other but one of them let go for his best friend, the one I loved secretly. The one I loved was in love with the girl, trying to stay with her and now she what she remembered was she was the lover of the one I loved.
What should I do? No. What could I do?
"Sunhyun?" Yoseob looked really surprised because I cried without a reason. "W-What's wrong?"
But I didn't answer him. I cried, burying my face in my hands as my tears rolled down. I felt hurt for everything I couldn't do. How long would I force myself to lie my own heart?
After cried for a while, I forced a smile to assure him that I was alright and then returned with Gikwang. He didn't say a word as we walked back to our apartment.
I accompanied Yoseob to pick Hari from the hospital the next day but Gikwang didn't go with us. When I looked for him in the morning, he wasn't in his apartment and I couldn't contact him.
Hari didn't ask where Gikwang was. These four days passed with Yoseob staying by her side and Gikwang didn't talk to her. I didn't know what Gikwang was thinking and I didn't know how to ask him.
"Sunhyun," Yoseob notices my presence. He stands up and walks to me with his guitar. "Are you going to basecamp?"
I nod and force a smile, "Yes."
♫ Yoon Hari ♫
I take one of the red envelopes and take out the letter. A fan wrote for me, hoping I will regain my voice so I can perform again with Musique.
I look at all the envelopes on the table, wondering how we chose our own colors. There are so many things I ask to myself lately.
How we chose the Musique or Renaitre as the name. How I met my groupmates for the first time. How we could have this room as our basecamp. The reason we disbanded and the reason we formed a new group.
"Hari, do you feel that you can't remember a lot of things?" Yoseob sat next to me. He tilted his hand as he looked at my eyes with worry in his eyes.
He visited me the next day after he and Sunhyun picked me up from the hospital. I remembered that Sunhyun had a part time job as an art teacher.
I nodded slowly, absorbing his words in mind, "Yes. I don't even remember why I followed the musician camp. Why is that?"
"Due to the injury on your head, you have memory distrust syndrome. You can't remember parts of your memories but don't worry, you will remember them again in times," Yoseob quickly added when I frowned. "Look, if you can't remember things you want to know, ask me. I will tell you if I know it as well."
So I suffered amnesia. My head ached again as I tried to remember random things in mind, "Aigoo..."
"Yah, don't force yourself," he scolded me softly. "Ask me if you want to remember something. I'll help you to remember it."
Actually I wanted to ask him again about whether we were a couple or not but I was too embarassed to ask him. Besides he didn't answer me the last time I asked him so I assumed that he didn't want to talk about it yet.
"Am I right that Gikwang is the one who pushed me that day?" I managed to ask another question. It felt wrong when I asked it somehow.
"No," Yoseob smiled at me. "He is your best friend. He is our best friend. He will never do that. But he was right in front of you when you felt down. Maybe you confused with what you saw."
"I see...," I puffed my cheeks. Why did I feel something was missing from my memories? Something really important.
"Stop trying to be cute," Yoseob poked my cheek. He chuckled at my surprised reaction. "Let's perform together again when you're in your best condition. I'm sure your fans miss your voice."
I nodded and smiled, "Thank you, Yoseob."
"You're very welcome," he mumbled. He leaned closer to me and landed a soft kiss on my forehead. When he pulled back, I could see his flushed pink cheeks. "I miss your voice too."
My heart skipped a beat because of his statement. He said it sincerely. I knew it.
The door is swung open when I am reaching to check one of blue envelopes. I turn around and see Gikwang is walking inside the basecamp with bored expression. When he sees me, he stops his steps suddenly.
"Hey," I greet him politely. I feel awkward actually but I remember he is my groupmate and my best friend, so I think I can't let the blurry memories to stop me from being his best friend. "Where is Sunhyun?"
"She is talking with a friend," he answers with monotone, standing still.
I walk to the sofa with the blue envelope in my hand. I sit down and look at him, thinking about something I want to ask him since I haven't met him since the night I was at the hospital, "Yoseob has told me about my lost memories. Can you help me remember something?"
Gikwang stands there, hesitates for seconds but then he sits next to me, "What is it?"
"This," I put the blue envelope on the table so I can take out a paper from my bag. I hand it to him so he can read it, "I think it's the lyrics I wrote for us but I can't remember the notes. Do you happen to have the notes for the refrain part?"
"Ah, I haven't finished it yet actually," Gikwang rubs the back of his neck. He stands up and takes his guitar before sit next to me again. "Do you remember how to sing the first verse?"
"Sure," I nod and try to repeat the lyrics in my mind. As if he understands me, he starts to play his guitar for the intro part.
I sing the first verse with the guitar melodies echoing in the room. I stop right when we reach the refrain because the refrain hasn't have the melodies yet.
"Your sound is as amazing as usual," a small smile forms on his lips and I feel relieved to see it, as if I never saw his smile before. "I'm glad your voice has back."
"And your play is perfect," I reply him with a compliment. "You really need to finish the refrain part."
"I'm always perfect," he states with a confident smirk. I can't help myself to look at him with disbelief look as I want to respond his statement.
"Yah, don't be too cocky just because I gave you a compliment!" I fold my arms together and stick out my tongue.
"But I'm always been like this," he puts down his guitar on the floor, leaning it against the edge of the sofa. He returns his gaze to me, "Especially when I'm with you."
My heart beats rapidly when our eyes meet. What is this feeling?
"D-Don't tease me," I stammer, looking away and set my eyes on the floor. I tuck my hair behind my ear because I feel like I need to do something to distract myself from this pounding heart.
I can feel Gikwang shifts closer to me, placing one of his arm on the sofa, right behind my back. He leans closer until his lips meet my hair, "I miss your sweet scent, Hari ah."
Because of his sudden voice, I turn to see his face and I am captivated by his eyes. Our faces are only inches away but he doesn't pull away.
He leans closer and closer to me. I feel like I'm freezed on my seat; I can't move at all and my heart is beating like crazy.
When our lips almost meet, the blurry memory crosses my mind again. I remember I saw him kissing Yuseon at night and I was there. But then I remember he kissed me with force under the tree.
I quickly push him away from me. I look away and cup both of my warm cheeks with my hands.
"Hari?" Gikwang calls my name but I ignore him. I don't know whether the blurry past scenes in my head are true or not, but I feel uneasy when I remember that I almost kissed him just now.
"I-Is this for Yoseob?" I pick the blue envelope, trying to divert our conversation. I take out the letter to read it, "Let's see what his fan wrote for hi-"
I stop when I see what's written on the white paper.
"This is the final warning, Yang Yoseob.
We warned you to stay away from Hari.
You are not worth our goddess.
You are doomed."
I drop the letter to the floor as my head starts to ache really bad. I rub my temple, cringing because of the pain.
A flash scene of me coughing after I drank a bottle of drink crosses my mind. And I remember I cried after I read something. I cried in front of Yoseob and Gikwang.
Who sent this letter to Yoseob?
"Hari," Gikwang grabs my shoulders so I look at him but my head is really hurt; I force myself to remember it.
Why?
Why Yoseob?
Comments