.:14:. Musique : Renaitre
Have You Ever
♫ Cho Sunhyun ♫
I read the mentions on Twitter, asking me about whether the post on our official website is real or not. The post that told our fans that Musique has disband.
I want to tweet something, to tell them that the post is telling the truth.
But my heart doesn't want to do that; I still want Musique to perform together again.
Of course it's only a sweet dream for now since the decision has been taken and announced. As much as I don't want the group to disband, each of us has agreed with the decision that night.
It has been almost a week since the post made our fans to go wild. Some of them even asked me in person when I walked around the university. The university news club came to me for interview but I avoided them.
Can I still have a hope to have our friendship together again?
I check my timeline but none of them tweet a single thing for this week.
Hari, Yoseob, Gikwang. We live this week as if we don't know each other, as if we're strangers.
There were times we met each other on our way around university area but one of us would look away, walking away to avoid conversation. Even me and Gikwang never walked back to our apartment together again since he said that he wanted to be alone.
This is the second time I've seen Gikwang acts like this. The first time he acted like this was when he broke up with Yuseon, when he found out that Yuseon was cheating on him.
Gikwang's heart is torn in two between love and friendship. Between the girl he loves and the friend he treasures.
My eyes stop when I see a figure is sitting on a bench. I am looking at him from third floor of School of Music building since I just finished my class.
My heart skips a beat when I see him busy with his paper. Looking at him like this makes me want to tell him about what I'm feeling, about why I agreed with the decision to disband Musique.
Yoseob is one of the reasons why Musique started at the first place. He must be sad when the news was announced.
I clutch my shirt as my eyes never leave him. It feels so hurt that I can't tell him what I'm feeling, to make him understand everything.
I take my phone and tweet the words that cross my mind at the moment.
"Have you ever been in love in love so bad, you’d do anything to make them understand?"
♫ Lee Gikwang ♫
"Yah, Gikwang," Doojoon approaches me with worried look. "Finally I find you. Tell me, is it true that you disband your group?"
I fake a smile and nod slightly, "Yes. We are too busy right now. All of us have agreed with it."
Before Doojoon give me another question, I stand up from my seat with my guitar and pat his shoulder twice, "I need to work on something for exam. See you, Hyung."
I leave the class and head to my favorite place to find inspiration: rooftop.
I don't need inspiration now. Actually I don't even think about the exam that will start next week. I don't want to think about all the questions about the reason behind the disband.
I need Hari.
But I don't even know how to start talking with her. I don't even talk to Yoseob for almost a week now since the day I found out that he's in love with Hari.
A part of me is glad that I haven't told Yoseob about my feeling towards Hari. This way he won't know that I am, possibly, his rival in love.
Once I arrive at the rooftop, I gaze at the evening sky. I put my guitar next to me as I close my eyes and Hari's face fills my mind again.
Her teary eyes. Her sad expression. Her angry words. Her disappointed tones. I still remember every detail of her on the last day I talked to her.
It's the first time I ever saw her that mad. She cried because of me. She lost her temper because of me. She wanted me to go away because she didn't want to see my face.
I deserved it. After the kisses I gave to her, after all special treatment I gave to her, I acted as if nothing happened between us. As if I didn't love her back.
To be honest, I was hoping that she would ask me to stay, to ask me the reasons of me wanting us to be only best friends. But she didn't.
Instead she refused to look at me. But I couldn't blame her to hate me now. Whenever we meet in our way now, she is the first who walks away from me, ignoring me fully.
I must choose between friendship and love. If I choose love, will I have my friendship? If I choose friendship, am I ready to let go of my love?
Everything is so messy in my head that I can't even say a word to describe my feeling. How can I talk with Hari or Yoseob to explain everything with this messy thought?
I take out my phone and take a picture of the evening sky and, finally after a week, I tweet the picture along with the words.
"Have you ever tried to find the words but they don’t come out right?"
♫ Yang Yoseob ♫
I put all my papers back into my bag. It's nearing the exam week now and I need to prepare everything even though my mind is not supporting me at all.
A week after the news about Musique and its disband, I can hear people are talking about the possibilities of their disband. But I keep silence even though I know the truth.
When I meet Gikwang or Sunhyun, they just give me a weak smile and then excuse themselves to somewhere else, telling me that they're busy.
I've been thinking to ask Sunhyun about her avoidance but somehow I know it's not the right time. It feels hurt to have your best friend to avoid you as well; what is Gikwang thinking?
I want to ask him. I want to talk to him. I want to know his reason for hurting Hari until she decided to step back from Musique. But I'm afraid I will lose control over myself and let out my anger on Gikwang.
But I know I can't stay like this forever. Someone needs to start talking. I don't believe that our friendship will end like this.
For my surprise, I find Hari is sitting on the sofa in my secret spot: the basement of School of Music building. She is staring at the paper in her hands and suddenly she crumples the paper, sighing with frustration.
"Hey," I greet her with an awkward smile, making her to turn around with wide eyes.
"I-I'm sorry," she quickly stands up and gathers her stuff. "I'm going to leave now."
"No, no!" I blurt out, stopping her from leaving. "It's alright. Really. Stay, Hari, you're really welcomed here."
She looks at me with confused look but then she sits again, looking at the floor, "I'm sorry. I don't know where to go to avoid people so-"
"It's alright," I pat her head gently, assuring her that her presence doesn't disturb me. "Stay as long as you want. It's your secret spot too."
Finally after a week, I'm with Hari again. I miss her but I know she is full of thoughts nowadays so I only can support her by listening to her; no way I'm going to confess to her now since she has told me that she wanted to be alone.
I stand up and take a guitar that I put in the corner of the room. I sit next to her again and start to play some melodies slowly, hoping that I can cheer her up.
"I never knew you can play guitar!" Hari frowns. She tilts her head, waiting for my respond. I only smile and I sing the refrain of one of their songs, the one I composed with Gikwang.
I can play guitar and piano; that way I can compose songs. I just never showed it in front of Hari and the others. To be honest, I also love singing.
When I finish the refrain, I look at her face and...
She is smiling.
"Your voice is beautiful!" she squeals with excitement. "You should have told me! How came I didn't know about it?! Yoseob, you're amazing!"
"Ah, it's nothing," I grin nervously, feeling that my heart is beating really fast because of her smile.
Finally after the nights where I couldn't sleep, thinking about what Hari was feeling now, how I could cheer her up, how I could make her feel better with all things happened, I see her smile now.
I take the pen on top of her stuff and take a paper from her to write down the sentence in my mind.
"Have you ever needed something so bad, you can’t sleep at night?"
♫ Yoon Hari ♫
I open the door slowly and, as I thought, no one is in the room. I step in our basecamp after checking the full mailbox; I bet they asked about the truth behind our disband.
Nothing has changed.
I put my backpack on the table and drag a chair to sit. I shatter my lyrics sheet on the table, looking on them carefully.
My eyes land on the paper where Yoseob wrote down a sentence with my pen when I was with him at the basement, his special spot.
I read it once again and his words are ringing in my mind.
"Did you sleep well lately?" Yoseob tilted his head, waiting for my answer. He had a weak smile that made me to frown with confusion.
"Eh?" I blinked, didn't understand what he was trying to say.
"I know you love music," Yoseob returned my pen and paper. "And I know you love Gikwang and Sunhyun. I know you don't want to disband the group."
"Eh?" I blinked, didn't understand what he was trying to say.
"I know you love music," Yoseob returned my pen and paper. "And I know you love Gikwang and Sunhyun. I know you don't want to disband the group."
I clenched my fists, "Gikwang was the one who decided to disband our group. He was the leader and he has told us that it would be the best decision for all of us."
"Because he doesn't want to hurt you more," He assured me with a smile. "You know that Gikwang is actually really kind, Hari. He doesn't want to hurt you."
Yoseob was right. Gikwang wouldn't want to hurt me more; even now my heart was aching just by a thought of what he said to me a week ago.
He sent a text message to me before he posted the announcement of our disband on our official website. I didn't reply his message since I was going to draw back from the group anyway.
"Look, Hari, I know it must be really hurt but I need you to think about the happy moments you have been through together with them," Yoseob patted my head gently again. "Three of you are my best friends and I'll be the happiest person if you gather together again."
I looked at him with uncertain feeling. I must admitted that I didn't want our group to disband: I loved music and I loved both of them as my groupmates.
"I will think," I murmured to Yoseob, looking away as my thought was wandering again.
He leaned closer and kissed my forehead. I touched my forehead with my fingers, feeling extremely surprised; it's the second time he kissed my forehead.
"Remember, I will always support you," he said with a shy smile. "That's my sign to show my support to you."
And here I am now, at the basecamp. I miss how we gathered together, exchanging news about events, practicing for our performances, playing around together and planning for dinner together.
Suddenly the door is swung open by someone. I turn around and I swear my heart stops beating for a second when I see him looking at me.
"Hey," Gikwang gives me an awkward smile. He closes the door behind him, standing still, doesn't dare to approach me. "What a surprise to see you here, Hari."
I take a deep breathe and answer him as calm as possible, "I miss our togetherness."
He blinks in surprise but he manages a sincere smile, "What a coincidence then. I feel the same."
I intertwine my fingers together and look at him with serious expression, "Will our friendship end this way?"
"Then if I ask you to form the group back, do you want to do that?" Gikwang looks at my eyes directly.
"Yes," I mutter firmly, making him to surprise. "With one condition."
Even though it really hurts me more the longer I stay with Gikwang after what he did and said to me, I still want to be together with him in the most possible way.
Along with Sunhyun and Yoseob.
I turn and stare at the words Yoseob wrote on the paper. I take the pen and write another sentence below the words.
"Have you ever loved somebody so much, it makes you cry?"
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
Five days before the exam week starts, a breaking news appears in Musique official website.
Their fans are flooding their website with comments and excitement, waiting for their performance after the exam week.
Musique: End, Renaitre: Born
After seven wonderful months, Musique has disband due to one and another reason but music will never disappeared no matter what happen.
Lee Gikwang, Cho Sunhyun, and Yoon Hari are back with a new member, Yang Yoseob as a new group, Renaitre, derived from a french word which means Reborn.
Musique is reborned as Renaitre and we will bring new color of music for all of you, our fans.
We will tell our first performance schedule this Sunday so make sure to check our official website.
Thank you.
Best regards with love,
Renaitre
Comments