I wanted to make a note to all of you about the crack. The crack is mean to represent Haneul as the pocket watch. The pocket watch is something vintage and old, as in old and traditional. And so far, Haneul's life has been like that. Haneul's life is being represented as the pocket watch. It slowly ticks by without meaning, but now it has stopped. And her life has a crack in it, and since it is so small it will be hard to pull her apart. This is meant to represent how resilient and hard to take apart and bring down Haneul is. She's so perfect, but so traditioned and used to following rules, and the small crack is that fault in her. It's small, but deadly and can easily bring her apart if the right person who's observant enough and lucky enough to by chance (the moonlight) find it. But also at the same time, the crack’s just waiting to be noticed by the right person, the beautiful moonlight will help that right person find the crack. Also after you realise the crack is there and crack it open, you'll find something completely out of your imagination in there. This is supposed to represent how Haneul is supposed to have an unexpected side to her and she just needs the right person who has the right timing and the right abilities to find that crack in her and pull her apart to reveal her unexpected side.

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“What…” Haneul started slowly to herself, “Do you mean 49 C3, Hanbi unnie…” Haneul slowly muttered aloud to herself as she looked at the etched letters and numbers on the thin sheet of metal. She closed her eyes and began rifling through her library of stored information and thought. “49 C3… What does it sound like to you, Haneul…” She muttered to herself.

“Hey Haneul, what are you doing here just sitting in the dark with your eyes closed?” Haneul heard a voice from the hallway.

“Eun Ae unnie,” Haneul said to Eun Ae without even opening her eyes, “What does 49 C3 sound like to you? Because it’s so awfully familiar yet I can’t quite place it.”

“Hmm…” Eun Ae tapped her chin as she pondered. After a small while, Eun Ae clicked her fingers and excitedly said, “Map!”

“What?” Haneul said as she opened her eyes.

“You know? Grid reference and page number in a map?”

Haneul’s eyes widened as everything clicked into place. “Wonderful!” she exclaimed, “Thank you Eun Ae unnie!” Haneul stood up and went over to the door and gave Eun Ae a big hug, “Thank you so much!” she said and then the light in her room and shut the door in Eun Ae’s face.

“Well that was weird…” Eun Ae muttered slowly and wandered off back to her own room, glad that she had received confirmation with her own eyes her dongsaeng was okay. She knew that Haneul was probably fine, but she just had this weird feeling that Haneul had a knack for getting in danger.

“Map… Map… Map…” Haneul said to herself as she paced around the room thinking, “Which map would it be…” Then everything clicked into  place once again as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and started dialling a familiar number.

After three rings a husky voice picked up, “Haneul-ah? What’s the problem?”

“Woohyun oppa!” Haneul said excitedly.

On the other end of the phone Woohyun raised an eyebrow, “When was the last time you sounded so excited when talking to me?” Woohyun paused suspiciously, “What do you want? Because I have a feeling this isn’t a call just for fun. You never call me for fun.” Haneul could almost see him pouting at the other end of the line.

“Oppa-yah, do you still have the case of stuff that Hanbi unnie left for… him…” Haneul paused as she thought of the boy the case was originally left for then shook her head and continued, “at your house?” Haneul asked, her voice b once again with excitement and hope.

“Well, yes. Why?” Woohyun asked cautiously.

“Was just wondering!” Haneul said excitedly, “Can I come over tomorrow?”

“Ah, of course my favourite person in the world can come over!” Woohyun said happily and then paused to think, “Don’t tell Sunggyu hyung I called you my favourite person in the world.”

“Ah, I sure will!” Haneul teased and then became more serious again, “So what time can I come over?”

“Any time you like, my dear Haneul.” Woohyun said with a big grin on his face.

“So I can come at an undead hour if I wished?” Haneul jokingly said.

“Well, yes, you can. Only you’re allowed to do that. Why? Because I’m too used to you doing that since we were 7.” Woohyun scowled jokingly at her whilst in actual fact he had a huge smile on his face from remembering their old memories.

“Alright then, can I come at 5 in the morning or something? Or can I come right now?”

“Whenever’s fine.” Woohyun said with a big smile, “Though wouldn’t you rather I come to your house?”

“Ah…” Haneul’s voice trailed off, “I’m not staying at home right now.”

“Then where are you staying?” Woohyun asked with puzzlement in his voice.

“I just moved into the dorms today.” Haneul informed Woohyun with a nod of her head.

“Yes and of course as per usual you forget to tell me any major changes in your life.” Woohyun scowled at Haneul over the phone, seriously this time.

“I’m sorry.” Haneul bit her lip as she replied seriously, “I just don’t find telling people about my life particularly important, you know?” Haneul blinked her eyes a few times and then she realised something, “Oh no…”

“What?”

“I forgot to tell mother!” Haneul said in realisation.

Woohyun facepalmed at the other end of the phone, “You what?”

“I forgot to tell mother.” Haneul repeated.

“No, I heard what you said,” Woohyun sighed, “But how did you manage to forget to tell your own mother?”

“Isn’t it normal though?” Haneul questioned, “For teenagers to forget to tell their parents things, that is.”

“No, my dear, it’s not.” Woohyun sighed again, “Teenagers don’t forget, they don’t want to. But as for anything like this, even teenagers would tell their parents when they’re planning to become a K-Pop star and move into a dorm with 4 other girls.”

“Oh so it’s not normal to tell your parents you’re going to become part of the entertainment industry soon?” Haneul asked, sounding extremely puzzled.

“No, it’s not you moronic idiot.” Woohyun sighed and rubbed his face, “You seriously are an idiot, you know that?”

“Yah… I’m not an idiot!” Haneul exclaimed and pouted.

“Arasso, arasso. You’re not an idiot.” Woohyun gave in quickly, “At least… Not in your academics…”

“Thank y-… Wait what’s that supposed to mean!” Haneul yelled as Woohyun suddenly hung up. “Aish! That stupid oppa of mine!” Haneul frowned at the phone then suddenly giddily smiled again, “But finally after over 9 years I can finally make progress with the mission Hanbi unnie left me… Finally.”

Haneul smiled at the now broken pocket watch softly, “I’ve finally figured you out, hey?” She sighed and looked out the window up at the clouds which now covered the moon, “Unnie it was you, wasn’t it? It was you whom moved the clouds to allow that moon to shine onto this pocket watch, wasn’t it? I’m so glad you’re still watching over me.” Haneul bit her lip in sadness, “You’re not disappointed I’ve taken this long in figuring it out, right?”

Haneul closed her eyes and then all of a sudden an idea hit her. She pulled out a notepad and pen and started scribbling.

{Bolded words are in English}

The rains which pour for 365 days a year
The winds that beat down on me for 7 days a week
The loved ones forever running from me 24 hours a day
And my heart which continues to contract 60 minutes an hour

The time ticks by, ever so slowly
Tick tick tick, time goes by
Only wishing that you were here
Every second of the day

Do you see that clock
It’s ceased to move
Do you see my heart
It’s ceased to beat
Do you see my tears
They’re running down my face
Do you see that clock
It’s never going to tick again

All 365 days without you crush me
And with every passing second, I think about you
With everyone passing moment, I wonder if I think of me too
All 365 days without you, have killed my heart

Do you see that clock
It’s ceased to move
Do you see my heart
It’s ceased to beat
Do you see my tears
They’re falling down my face
Do you see that clock
It’s never going to tick again

(Get Soo Jin to write a rap later)

This endless internal war of my heart
It makes everything black and white
I want my heart to be able to see colour again, to sing again
Yet time without you has split it into two

Do you see that clock
It’s ceased to move
Do you see my heart
It’s ceased to beat
Do you see my tears
They’re falling down my face
Do you see that clock
It’s never going to tick again
Tell me how to make it tick again

Haneul stared at the lyrics she had written in front of her and she knew the song that could go with it already. A song that she had composed when she was 17. It was just perfect to go with it, Haneul just knew.

She smiled to herself and then tucked her notepad away in a drawer and placed her pen back on the top of her desk, making a mental note to ask Soo Jin to write a rap for it later one day. She quickly changed into her baby blue silk pajamas and settled into bed. Unfortunately for Haneul, she managed to have another old memory of hers pop by that night.

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I sat there on the bench melancholically, staring up at the sky. I watched wispy clouds float across the sky on a light breeze. The weather was just so beautiful, so strange for a winter’s day. I wondered how the world around me could manage to be so cruel and still be so normal after three of the people I loved most had departed from my life. Two of them, I hoped, only temporarily. Though my instincts told me not to cling onto that hope, I still continued to do so.

“Haneul-ah…” I heard a familiar voice call from behind me. I turned around to see my only best friend left, Woohyun, smile at me softly with a certain pity in his eyes, “Don’t you want to come in now?”

I shook my head and returned to gazing up at the clouds. Those beautiful, white, wispy clouds with a background of the bluest of the blue skies. It was strange really, how just gazing at clouds moving around was the only thing that could calm me down these days. Along with rope knotting and paper tearing. I sensed Woohyun sitting down next to me wordlessly. And that was how we managed to spend an entire 20 minutes, soundlessly, until the trance was finally disrupted by the sweet sound of a bird chirping in the tall tree nearby. I reached my hands out past the loose chain link fence and let the small bird hop onto my hand.

“You know if you have any problems you can always tell me?” Woohyun asked, trying to get me to talk again. About 10-15 days before today I was only able to speak to Woohyun, but at best the most I could scrape out of my mouth was only a few words. After that though, the amount of words I had slowly lessened to none. It’d been 10 days since a single word had left my mouth. I was almost beginning to get used to it. It was nice after all, not having to always force a reply to people who thought I was mentally ill from the shock from having three of the most important people in my life leave me, all within the space of three weeks. And it was nice, having an excuse to stop talking to people. Though at times I did feel guilty because I could tell Woohyun was honestly concerned about me.

 I sometimes really do wonder what makes a 12 year old like him put up with a 10 year old like me. I guess it’s all the memories we’ve had together over the years, though none of those memories were quite complete without our other bud, Sungyeol.

I glance sideways at Woohyun, allowing my eyes to pass on the message for me. “I don’t need you pity” were the words that my eyes were screaming, and thankfully, Woohyun got the message.

“Look, I’m not pitying you here.”He said with an exasperated sigh, “I’m really not. I just want you to talk to me. I’m going through the same, you know? Sungyeol was my best friend too.” He whispered the last few words and directed his eyes towards the ground. I could see him holding back the tears to appear brave in front of me. I heavily breathed out, a sound that resembled that of a sigh. “And Haneul, you’re 10. Don’t sigh.” I couldn’t help but to smile at that one.

“Come on, let’s go in now. The weather’s starting to get chilly these days. You can come to my house again and I’ll make ramyun for you, okay?” I nodded with a sad smile on my face as I knew he had been attempting to make me cheer up and see how ‘normal’ life could be even without my sister, my father or Sungyeol around. The three people who used to always cook for me. Though the latter wasn’t quite as good as the former two. I directed my gaze back up at Woohyun’s face and almost felt a sigh coming again. How he could manage to be so strong after his best friend just left like that was beyond me.

We made our way outside onto the streets of Myeondong and I could see what Woohyun meant by the weather. The days were certainly becoming increasingly shorter and colder, despite what the beautiful blue sky would seem to show. Woohyun saw me begin to shiver and quickly took off his outer coat and pulled off his jumper that he was wearing underneath. He quickly handed it to me with a warm smile that I had always found to be the third most heart-warming smile in the world. After my sister and Sungyeol’s, respectively, of course.

I nodded in thanks upwards at the boy who was a good 10 centimetres or so taller than me and took the jumper and put it on. I could smell Woohyun’s scent on it already and couldn’t help but to smile slightly at it. He quickly took my hand and tugged me so we would walk quicker.

“Aww… Look at those kids! Aren’t they just adorable?” I heard a random girl squeal to her boyfriend. The both of us almost snickered. If they knew the things we could both do, at the ages of 5 and 7 separately, to mutilate their bodies completely and then kill them, we were sure nobody would be calling us adorable anymore.

I looked up at Woohyun and caught his eye. We both smirked at how silly that girl was to call the two of us cute. I wondered if her mother taught her to never judge a book by its cover. Then as the edges of my lips began to curl into a wide smile, something that seemed a lot more of a rarity these days due to everything that had happened, I saw it.

No, to be more exact. I saw him. My face was still paused in mid-smile as he turned around and caught my eye. We gazed at each other gently for a couple of seconds until he suddenly smirked. The smile dropped off my face and my eyes widened to an almost impossible size.

“What? What’s wrong Haneul?” Woohyun said worriedly as he gently took my shoulders and shook them, “Don’t do this… It’s scaring me!” He said when I gave him no response.

My arm slowly lifted upwards and pointed off in the distance. My mouth attempted to say some words, but I supposed that it for some reason still hadn’t recovered.

“Wait, what?” Woohyun asked as he turned around to take a look at what was behind us, “Oh darn it. If only I wasn’t 12! Then I’d be taller and I could see over all these people to look at what you’re pointing at. What exactly are you pointing at?” He asked as he turned back around to look at my face for my reaction.

My mouth tried once again to spit out the words which had been caught at my throat. To regurgitate out the name of the boy who was so familiar to the both of us, standing there 10 metres away, just out of view when a taller adult passed by him. And I felt like applauding for both my mouth and my brain for attempting to get over what the doctors called the ‘shock’ of my situation. I finally managed to whisper something out. Though it still seemed nonexistent for Woohyun to hear in this crowd of noisy people.

“What? Repeat that again?” He said, almost excitedly as at least he could tell a whisper came out.

“Sungyeol.” I said this time, not a whisper, but still quiet. “Sungyeol.” I repeat again, this time at normal volume. “SUNGYEOL!” I managed to suddenly scream out and bolt in his direction. Unfortunately because I shouted out his name so loudly, he too had heard, even over the noise of this crowd, and he took off for it. “SUNGYEOL! WAIT!” I screamed.

“Haneul! Wait!” I could hear Woohyun shout from behind me. I guessed he had begun to run after me as well as I could hear frantic shouts from that same familiar voice say things like, “Sorry, could you please move” and “Coming through!”

“SUNGYEOL!” I screamed again, hoping against all hopes that maybe he would just slow down. But no, he suddenly disappeared. I ran to the spot where he was before and noticed a figure moving down the alley. I chased that figure down that alley.

“Please wait!” I screamed at him, amazed that this voicebox just a few minutes previously was unable to produce a single clear word and now was able to scream at the boy whom I was chasing. I guessed that I’d never realised how much he had meant to me for me being able to scream after him but be unable to even talk to Woohyun. It was that day that I discovered that maybe, just maybe, that Sungyeol had meant more to me than Woohyun had. But of course, it was much too late for my heart to only tell my brain at that point in time that I would hurt more when Sungyeol leaves.

“Please!” I screamed one last anguished cry at him. He swerved into another alley and a few seconds later I was down that same alley too.

It was a dead end.

I finally paused to pant to myself and I saw his back to me. “Are you ready to talk yet?” I asked quietly.

I could see his head shaking, “Oh but why. Why did you have to leave the IAI? It’s been a mess because their best hopeful young trainee and future agent had left. Why did you have to leave Woohyun? He’s been so strange, so unlike himself ever since you left. He hasn’t been as greasy as he’s always been, and surprisingly I miss that.” I paused to bite my lip as the last question rolled off my tongue as a whisper, “Why did you have to leave me?”

I saw the unmistakeable rising and falling back down of the shoulders of someone sighing and a silence ensued.

“Why are you sighing? Do I perhaps… bother you?” I bit my lip again, “Look, I’m sorry if this bothers you and all, but I just really want… No. I really need answers.”

He shook his head and I felt my heart fall a little, “So you’re going to give me the silent treatment even after I unmated myself just for you? I didn’t’ even do that for Woohyun, you know.”

“I know.” I suddenly heard him say and felt comforted by that familiar voice I hadn’t heard in weeks, “I know that you’ve had trouble talking to people ever since even I left you and you’ve all of a sudden regained the ability to start screaming, which is like going from unable to crawl to being able to run, just because of me. You’ve no idea how happy I am to hear that.”

I could feel my hear returning to normal. Well, almost. As normal as one’s heart can ever become again after one’s sister dies and their father leaves them because he no longer loves them.

“But I can’t go back.” And that was it. Those few words managed to put a stop on the healing of my heart again.

“Why? I whispered quietly, but in the eery silence of the alleyway, every word could be heard.

“Because I made a rash decision to leave and even if I wanted to go back now, they’d never let me go back.” He said with what I identified as a tone of bitterness in his voice.

“Why not?” My 10 year old self simply could not comprehended why.

“Because anyone who leaves can never go back.” He said with a sigh.

A rope suddenly dropped down from the top of the building wall he was standing next to. “Well it’s been nice seeing you for the first time in 3 weeks, but I’ve got to go now.” And I swore I could hear as much heartbreak in his voice as I could feel in my heart, “Please stay safe.” He whispered, “We may or may not meet again in this lifetime. Maybe if we’re very lucky we can meet again in circumstances that aren’t dangerous.”

“No! Don’t go again!” I shouted as he reached for the rope. I ran forwards to try and catch him to stop him from leaving again, but he slipped through my grasps by just an inch. Just that one inch. I was just late by that one inch.

“Alright!” I shouted, hoping he was still listening, “If I make it okay for you to come back again one day will you still come back?” I stopped talking to wait for his response and an eery silence which made my skin crawl took over again.

“Alright.” Was the one word answer I heard. It was the only answer I needed to hear to continue fighting for his acceptance to come back at the IAI again. Then I heard just another 5 words which managed to put my mute self away for good.

“Anything to be with you.”

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A/N

OH MY GOSH I SO MUCH AT WRITING LYRICS

DON'T MIND ME D: