+++

Chun glanced at Deshi who was crawling around on the bed next to him.

“Can you stay still for a second?” Chun asked.

Deshi looked at him but began to crawl again.

“When will you start walking you fat kid?” Chun said.

Chun turned away. After he had made Jiro leave he’d started thinking about Selina again. Did Jiro know where she was? Of course he hadn’t missed that expression that had climbed onto Jiro’s face after he had spoken about her. Were Jiro’s feelings still lingering around?

+++

Ella’s bedroom door was closed. Looking away from it Hebe made her way into her own bedroom. There was no news from Ella whatsoever if she had run into Chun or not so Hebe figured that Ella hadn’t talked to him yet. Time was going so slow and she wasn’t enjoying any bit of it. Young women her age were enjoying their lives and laughing everyday, but why was it that she wasn’t living like that? Hebe felt envy toward those girls. Without turning on the lights Hebe opened her window and pulled up a chair to sit by it. Hebe placed her elbows on the windowsill and placed her head on her arms. The stars were out and glittering. If she saw a shooting star would she be able to make a wish come true? Hebe smiled at her childish thought. As the night droned on Hebe silently dozed off.

+++

Selina awoke early and ate a quiet breakfast. As she ate she thought about Jiro’s words the night before. Was Chun really sick? Even if he was was it her fault? Selina laughed at herself. She never asked him to bother her in the first place. Him getting sick was all his fault. Ignoring every other thought Selina got up and got ready for work.

As Selina neared the store she couldn’t understand herself. Even when she knew Chun wasn’t going to be there she still glanced around hoping he would be there. Customers wandered the store, checked their items out, yet Selina still found herself looking through the window. When the clock ticked 3:00 Selina got up from her seat.

“Is it alright if I go home early today?” Selina questioned.

“You want to go home early?” her manager asked. “That’s strange you’ve never asked to leave early before. Is something going on?”

“Uh…well…I have something to do,” Selina replied.

“Go ahead. There’s nothing going on here anyway,” her manager told.

“Thank you!” Selina shouted and ran out of the store.

As soon as she returned to her apartment she started boiling water ready to make some congee for Chun.

+++

Jiro stared out of the large window in his office. Where would Selina be right now? Would she be at work or would she be with Chun? He bit his thumb nail getting lost in thought. The door opened and his secretary appeared at the door.

“Sir you haven’t eaten lunch yet. Would you like me to order you something?” his secretary questioned.

“No I’m not hungry, but get me a sandwich,” Jiro told.

His secretary nodded and closed the door.

+++

“Bye!” Ella called out as she walked out of the small interior designing shop.

Ella got into her car and started the engine. Ella gripped onto the steering wheel confident with her decision she’d made the night before. She’d promised Calvin and had already told him to wait. There was no turning back to Chun now. All she had to do for herself was to apologize to Chun and reconcile her mother-son relationship with Deshi. Even if Chun wouldn’t allow it she’d do whatever she could in order to maintain her status as Deshi’s mother. Wetting her lips Ella drove out into the street.

+++

Selina threw in small sides of some veggies and packed up the food in a bag. Taking another look at the food she gave it a note of approval. She figured she’d been away from Chun too long and even if she didn’t want to go back she would have to. Whatever she would say to him would come to her when she’d see him again. Smiling to herself she headed out.

+++

After taking care of Deshi from morning to afternoon Chun felt like a piece of rag that had been used over and over. When Deshi had finally fallen asleep for his afternoon nap Chun curled up on the couch with a warm blanket and was just about to fall asleep when the bell rang. His eyes flew open, but he shut them again hoping that whoever was there would leave when he didn’t go to the door. Still the ringing did not stop forcing Chun to get up. Groaning to himself he opened the door only to feel a mixture of feelings surge through him.

Ella stared back at Chun unsurely as she pressed her lips together.

“Can I come in?” Ella questioned.

Not surprisingly Chun remained silent unable to bring himself to talk. Even though it was just the second time coming face to face with her it still felt like a big shock to him. What was she doing there? What did she have to say to him? He felt angry that she would even dare to come see him, however, he felt a deep yearning for her to return back into his life. All thoughts of Selina vanished from his mind as he thought of only yearning for Ella.

Chun stepped back to make room for Ella to enter. Ella took off her shoes and slowly entered the apartment. It was definitely a different place from where they used to live together. Ella observed every the plain walls to the clean floors and the blanket on the couch.

“Are you not feeling well?” Ella questioned.

“Does it matter?” Chun asked walking over to the couch and folding the blanket setting it on one side of the couch.

Ella watched him silently and turned around to look at the kitchen. Everything seemed clean.

“I can make you something if you want,” Ella offered.

“I don’t want you to. Tell me what you came here for or just get out,” Chun said angrily through gritted teeth.

Ella restrained herself from biting her bottom lip. She knew she’d be getting this kind of lashing from him.

“You have to listen what I have to say,” Ella began, “I…I…first of all…I don’t expect anything from you. I didn’t expect anything in return when I ran away from the engagement. However, because of Selina I was able to see you and Deshi again. It made me think of the past and I faltered a bit so I turned away from the people who trusted me.”

Chun turned his face away. How was he supposed to look at her? He only felt more anger climb into his limbs.

“I felt bad too…I think it was worst living the whole year with guilt and pretending rather than having just stayed with you,” Ella told recalling all her emotions from back then. “Chun?”

Chun still kept his face turned away. It was obvious he could still recall every single day of the pain when Ella wasn’t there with him or Deshi. He didn’t want to listen to whatever Ella was talking about. He didn’t understand why she was there in the first place.

“Can you look at me?” Ella asked in a calm manner.

“Just get out. I don’t need to hear what you’ve got to say,” Chun told starting to walk away from her, but Ella reached out and grabbed his arm.

“What do you have to be scared of?” Ella opposed. “What’s there to be scared of? The words that are coming out of my mouth…are they scaring you? Just listen to me…after I crashed the engagement I locked myself up and did something I haven’t done over the past year. Yes…I should be feeling guilty and shameful, but bygones are bygones. I…Chun…I thought from your point of view. The unbelievable pain you’ve experienced alone…I’m sorry. Maybe those two words aren’t enough to compensate for the moments you could’ve had that you’ve never had…I’m sorry because there’s nothing I can do to bring them back. So I want to do what I can now…to help ease your burdens.”

“Sorry?” Chun finally turned around. “You left me and a year later you’re sorry?”

Ella felt her face burrow into a frown.

“Is that all you have to say for yourself?” Chun asked his face wrenched into pain. “So you’re sorry to Deshi and me?”

Chun let out an angry laugh.

Ella stared at Chun, “Please try to accept it that I’m sorry…maybe you’ll never forgive me…but I want to continue being Deshi’s mother. I carried him for nine months…”

“Even if you beg on your knees I don’t want to say yes,” Chun said calmly.

Ella felt tears rise up in her eyes. Chun turned away to blink back his tears also. How could he say yes? How could he just accept an apology just like that?

“Deshi’s my son too…Chun,” Ella pleaded.

Chun turned back around with red water eyes, “I loved you so much, but you had to throw everything away. Have you ever made a decision in your life Ella?”

Ella bit her lip finally.

“How low does a person need to be to abandon their own child?” Chun questioned.

Tears dropped from Ella’s face. Chun was nearly crumbling himself.

+++

Selina got out of the taxi and clutched the bag to her with both arms. She looked up at Chun’s apartment building. She had a feeling that he’d be on the couch lying down trying to sleep. She was sure he’d stayed home and took care of Deshi himself even if he was sick. With confident feelings Selina headed inside and climbed up the stairs.

+++

“I apologized…I just came here to apologize…” Ella told regaining her energy and wiping her tears, “do you have to bring every single detail back in?”

Chun stared at Ella still furious.

“Even if you try to hide it I will always be Deshi’s mother,” Ella said. “It’s right for you to be this angry with me, but should you really bear a grudge against me? Was I that bad to you? You lived through the pain didn’t you? You weren’t alone…did you not see anyone by you when you were at your toughest times? You weren’t the only one in pain…I was too. I cried, I felt like dying, but I don’t want to live in misery now that I’m taking the chance to fix this. Because now all I’m trying to do is get this guilt off my shoulders.”

Before Chun could even start the doorbell rang. Chun glanced at Ella then walked over to the door and unlocked it. The second surprise to him was Selina who stood there smiling. Chun felt everything that had just happened drain out of him. Why was Selina there? Without saying anything Selina stepped into the apartment about to take off her shoes when she noticed Ella standing by the couch. Her smile faded. Ella felt her eyes go wide in surprise, yet no one made any move. It was all awkward silence. Selina could feel her heart beating fast wondering if she shouldn’t have come. Maybe she had let her foolish thoughts get to her again. Selina opened , but nothing came out. Ella made a move to speak, but Selina finally brought herself to go first.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t know,” Selina said staring at the ground without blinking.

Selina felt her eyes quiver around the room then she hurried toward the couch and set the bag down and rubbed the palm of her hands against her sides as if wiping sweat off.

“Jiro…told me you weren’t feeling well…and told me to make something for you…” Selina felt her voice shake and her eyes become watery.

Biting her lip she rushed out the door with nothing more to say.

Ella and Chun found themselves standing in complete silence again. Ella stared at the ground feeling even more guilt. She hadn’t planned for Selina to see her inside Chun’s apartment. She felt bewildered that such a thing had happened.

Chun felt frozen in spot. Even as Selina had passed him he couldn’t bring himself to chase after her. He only thought of two options he had. Letting Selina go so he could still be with Ella or chasing after Selina and leaving Ella behind. Why could he suddenly not make a decision now? What was wrong with him?

“Go!” Ella suddenly shouted.

Chun looked up from the ground dumbfounded.

“Go after her! Selina’s misunderstanding us again! You might lose her this time!” Ella shouted pushing him to move. “Are you going to regret it?! Don’t you want Selina back?! Go after her you dummy!”

Slipping on a pair of shoes Chun turned around and rushed down the stairs.     

As soon as Chun had left Ella turned to see the bag of the congee Selina had made.

+++

Selina felt dumb once more. How many times was she going to make the same mistake over and over? Was Chun really sick? Selina felt herself shake with anger as tears dropped uncontrollably. Selina wiped her face dry with the top of her hand as she came to a stop by the streets. If someone were to kidnap her, torture her, or kill her it wouldn’t matter to her. Why did Ella have to be there? What were they doing? Maybe Chun had lied to her. He had gotten back with Ella. Just then Selina felt someone spin her around. Selina found herself staring back at Chun. He seemed at a loss of words because he was silent the moment she turned around.

“Go away,” Selina said loudly as she slipped his hand off her.

“I…listen to me…” Chun began.

Selina kept her face and eyes away from Chun, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Chun felt helpless even against his own feelings. He wanted to be there with Selina, but part of him kept floating away unrestlessly.

“If I knew you and Ella had gotten back together I wouldn’t have come. Jiro seemed panicked when he told me you weren’t feeling well…I thought there wasn’t anyone taking care of you…I guess I was wrong,” Selina said.

Chun felt his heart ache.

“I’m ok though,” Selina said turning to Chun with a smile, “those few weeks I’ve had without you were relaxing. Since I’m busy I’ll be going off.”

Selina hesitated for a few seconds then walked down the street. Chun felt his heartbeat increase as Selina got into a taxi and went off. Chun ran a few steps forward then stopped. He turned around and shut his eyes taking a frustrated sigh. What was wrong with him? He couldn’t even understand himself now. Why was he feeling that way when in the first place he had been so determined to get her back? Was he playing a game of chess by himself?