+++

Jiro stared out the window lost in his own thoughts. Chun had looked so pitiful that past week and Jiro was starting to feel guilty covering for Selina. Did she realize how difficult she was making things? He’d run into Hebe the other night when he’d gone out to buy food for Chun. She looked so desperate and worried about Selina. Knowing he was the last person with Selina Hebe had even begged for him to tell her anything.

Why was it him that was feeling everyone else’s pain? He’d witnessed Selina’s sleepless nights and hadn’t missed seeing the bottle of sleeping pills on her kitchen table. They’d even gotten into a small argument about it, but Jiro stopped pestering Selina about the pills after she begun crying again. Was she more injured than he thought she was?

Feeling the migraine climb into his nerves he really felt like having a boxing match with one of his friends. However, to his luck, he was stuck at work. After thinking that his phone rang frantically and figuring it was just a lousy customer he let it ring. A minute later when it didn’t stop Jiro frustratingly reached over and picked the phone up.   

“Hello?” Jiro answered lazily.

“Jiro!” Chun shouted.

Jiro felt himself wake up. Chun was calling. Why?

“Jiro!” Chun shouted his name again.

“What? I’m right here,” Jiro said almost annoyed.

“I think I know where Selina is,” Chun said angrily.

“You what?” Jiro asked.

“She went to the Day Care today,” Chun started, “Deshi talked. Deshi called her mama. I need to find Selina back. I need her to come back.”

Jiro felt his lips go dry.

“Chun think through this clearly,” Jiro told, “what if you don’t find her in the end? Your hopes will just fall down. Don’t hurt yourself Chun.”

“I know what I’m doing and I’m definitely sure I’ll find her,” Chun told. “I have to go now the neighbor’s knocking on the door. I’ll talk to you later.”

Before Jiro could interrupt or stop Chun he’d already hung up. Jiro was only left with the tone beeping. Jiro placed the phone back onto its receiver. Whether Chun would find Selina was up to fate.

+++

“Thank you. Have a good day,” Selina called after her woman walking out of the door.

“Selina,” her manager called. “Lilly left some food by the grocery section. Since you’re good at organizing things why don’t you go do it instead? Lilly always makes a mess.”

“Sure,” Selina said stepping out from behind the counter.

As Selina walked down the aisle and turned the door opened and she could hear the manager shout a welcome to him. As Selina began to organize the food she thought she heard Chun’s voice. Selina shook her head thinking she must be imagining things. Chun didn’t shop. Jiro did it for him. As seconds passed Selina could hear doubts pass through her mind. Something about the baby food she’d passed onto Genie was beginning to bother her. Then it struck her that the bag had the name of the store on it. Selina got up and looked around quickly. She could make out the quiet steps of the person approaching the grocery section and feeling panicked Selina rushed into another aisle and hid at the end of it. Peeking a little she could make out Chun’s back as he observed the place. As he quickly turned around Selina pulled herself back. She then slowly made her way to the women’s restroom.  

Selina locked herself on one of the stalls and took a breath of relief. Chun had come looking for her. She didn’t know what he’d do if he saw her, but she knew she’d run if he did see her. Selina felt like crying for a moment, but restrained herself from doing so. She’d spent the few nights alone missing Chun. Even when Jiro had offered to take her out to eat before going to Chun’s she’d refused. Deshi needed to be watched and Chun needed his rest before going to work. She didn’t want him to be careless and get sick again.

Chun wasn’t the only person that she missed. She missed Hebe and Ella’s presence…but she couldn’t face them. It wasn’t Ella’s fault to hide the secret. Ella was so full of pride and her parents were a big part of her life. Had Ella been hurt when she found out Selina had a thing for Chun?

+++

Ella stared down at her food. She hadn’t been able to concentrate at all since sabotaging the engagement ceremony. Calvin had tried to call her a few times, but she’d ignored him. Calvin must hate her by then Ella thought. He didn’t even know the reason why she did what she did. Ella breathed another sigh which Hebe felt like was the 99th time.

“Ella just eat something ok?” Hebe asked.  

“I can’t,” Ella replied, “have you found Selina? Has Chun found her?”

That was one thing Hebe had noted. Ella was beginning to speak about Chun freely.

“No,” Hebe replied scooping up the rest of the rice off her plate.

It was hard for Hebe to be able to eat also, but in order to keep Ella strong she had to be strong first. Everything had impacted Ella’s mood too. For the first time Ella’s workplace had gotten a complaint about how Ella had decorated their houses. How was Ella really? Even if Hebe was sharing an apartment with Ella she couldn’t even get through to her friend now. Things had really fallen apart and Hebe had had sleepless nights too. She had promised herself not to cry, but for a bit when her loneliness had gotten a hold of her she had to let it out. Was Ella crying too? Would they keep secrets about each other from each other? They didn’t even talk about how things had gone at work and how was their day anymore. Life had really lost control on itself. Hebe guessed that a person didn’t need a guy to ruin their life even friendship could be just the same.

+++

Chun finally gave up and left after what felt like an hour. He’d paced back and forth down the aisles and yet there was no sign of Selina like the manager had said. Chun walked out of the store and headed back to his apartment.

+++

“Do you know that man?” the manager asked as Selina walked passed.

Selina paused, “What man?”

“There was some man looking for you. Did he not find you?” asked her manager.

“I didn’t meet anyone,” Selina told.

The manager’s forehead creased, “Do you want me to report him to the police?”

“No it’s alright,” Selina said with a nervous smile then walked away.

+++

After taking a cold shower Ella settled into bed. She’d had a migraine again and after taking a pill she knew she was going to get drowsy soon. Ella stared at the dark ceiling and thought for a bit. Was she going into a tug of war with Selina over Chun? Would she choose to fight for him again? She knew the situation she’d put herself in would be a win-win or lose-lose. She would either get Chun back or leave him to Selina. She’d questioned herself about whether it would feel weird seeing Chun and Selina together. She had to agree that it would make her uncomfortable, but whatever she’d had with him was the past and she had to get that fact straight. The only thing that mattered to her at the moment was getting Selina back. After doing so she would only feel well enough to straighten things out with Chun. If Selina didn’t show up or they couldn’t find her then things would have to go differently.

+++

Just as Selina returned back to her apartment from work Jiro had come back a few minutes after. He’d figured he wanted to chat with Selina. He needed to clear some things and if he could he’d try to convince her to turn back. Before going into his apartment he knocked on Selina’s door.

+++

Selina just unpacked the food she’d gotten for free from the grocery store and was about to start eating when there was a knock on her door. Putting down her chopsticks Selina got up from her seat and opened the door.

“Is there something you need?” Selina questioned.

Jiro was still in his suit and he had bags under his eyes. That was the first thing Selina noticed.

“Can I talk to you?” Jiro asked trying not to sound too serious, but serious.

Selina opened the door wider for him and turned back heading into her kitchen.

“I was just about to eat. Do you want something?” Selina offered.

Jiro took off his shoes and closed the door.

“No,” Jiro replied.

Selina sat down and started to eat, “Good I didn’t have enough anyway.”

“How’d you get the food?” Jiro asked.

“The manager handed it to me,” Selina replied. “I did good work today.”

Watching Selina eat hungrily made Jiro want to turn back on what he’d come to do. Selina seemed to be in such a good mood that he didn’t want to ruin it, but he had no choice. Things were slowly getting worse and he had to do something at the least.

“Should I wait until you’re done?” Jiro questioned.

Selina took another bite and laid down her chopsticks, “Go ahead. I have a feeling I won’t be in the mood to talk about whatever you want to talk about later.”

Jiro glanced at the rest of the food and felt sorry for making it such a waste.

“Selina,” Jiro started, “I can see from everyone’s point of view.”

Selina waited for him to go on.

“It’s hard for me to say this,” Jiro began. “Chun called frantic that you’d gone to the Day Care. He was sure he was going to find you today, but from seeing how you are right now I guess he didn’t run into you.”

“No,” Selina replied.

Jiro took a breath then went on, “I’ve known Ella too and I’m pretty sure she’s feeling sorry, you are her friend after all. Chun’s having a lot of trouble without you around. He hasn’t been able to sleep either and Deshi’s been crying more than often. Chun and Hebe have been asking me about your location, but I’ve been lying to them and it makes me feel guilty. I want you to think Selina, not for yourself, but for everyone, and how hard it is.”

Selina kept her eyes glued to Jiro’s during his whole speech, but after he finished Selina turned away and turned toward the ground. A small smile on her face.

“You must be disappointed at my cruel actions,” Selina said with tears glinting in her eyes, “I’m hurt too and I’m very disappointed in everybody and everything. I’ve thought maybe I’ve hurt Ella too. I’ve told her I like Chun before and maybe I hurt her. She told me that I made her think a lot. I’ve known Ella for a long time that we’re so close maybe closer than sisters.”

Selina paused to take a breath.

“I know my feelings for Chun aren’t just a joke and they’re not child’s play. I really like him, but I don’t know enough about him. He could have been using me to get over Ella, but now this has happened. I’ve thought it over. It’s only been a year since Ella has left him and that isn’t enough time to get over someone,” Selina told her eyes now welling up with tears, “I can understand if he wants to get back to her, but I don’t get why no one told me. It hurts to know that they lied to me when someone could have said something. I’m not angry with you, but you could have said something too.”

Selina now turned to look at him and he could see all the water in her eyes. Her thoughts were very logical Jiro thought.

“When we love we are selfish. We only want things for ourselves and we do a lot without thinking clearly because all our feelings block our eyes. Love doesn’t blind us…we’re the ones that blind love. I know Jiro I am wrong for running. People need time. I’m neither super nor perfect,” tears began trickling down her face, “I can’t bring myself to face the truth in such a short amount of time. Maybe time isn’t all I need, but I want space too. You all want to comfort me, but I can only take so much. The man I want is the same man my friend has been with. Can I face the truth when I look at him? Will I resent anyone? Will I still be able to talk to them freely without feeling anything? Am I ok with everything yet? These are all the questions I think of everyday. The answer is I don’t know, Jiro. I’m sorry if I make it hard. I can go away and find another place so you really won’t know where I am then you won’t have to feel bad. Do you want me to do that? No, I know you don’t. Would I rather stay here or go back? I’m not ready to face anyone yet so don’t force me to.”

Jiro wasn’t feeling speechless. Selina had answered every of his questions without him having to ask. Selina had stated her reasons and her feelings. Was he going to push her further? She looked like she was going to break if he did any talking. Jiro stared at her for a bit. Was he wrong for coming in the first place? He felt so sorry and bad for making his visit.

After Jiro had left Selina still cried. Did he have to push her to say those? The truth did hurt, but a lie hurt more. Why didn’t someone at least say something? Did they all believe they could cover their pasts forever? Selina wiped her cheeks again for what seemed like the hundredth time and tossed her food. Pushing in her chair she grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills from the counter behind the toaster. Grabbing a cup of water she went into her room and closed the door.

+++

Jiro had taken a hot shower, climbed into bed, and wanted to sleep. However, it had been almost two hours and he couldn’t manage to even dream for five minutes. How come it felt like he’d hurt Selina? What had he done to make him feel so bad? Was it because he’d made her cry? Was he feeling her pain just by watching her?

Jiro tossed and turned for another half hour. He wanted to hold her, but was restraining himself because of Chun. If Selina was running away from Chun and didn’t want him would he take the chance to make Selina like him? What was wrong with that? People around him always said “It Takes Two Hands to Clap”. Chun wanted Selina, but Selina didn’t want him anymore. But he was a friend to them both. Could he betray one for another? Jiro felt so engulfed in everything. Everything he’d do would end up good on one side and bad on another.

+++

That night Chun did not go to work at the construction. Instead he fell asleep with Deshi on the couch. Selina had come back. He apologized and Selina cried, but she accepted his apology. He proposed to her and they were getting married. As soon as they were beginning to walk down the aisle Chun’s eyes fluttered open.

He glanced around the room to find that the light was still shining in the room. Deshi’s soft breathing filled the room, but he lay comfortably in Chun’s arms. He recalled sleeping with Deshi like that a few days before he found Selina sleeping with Deshi like that. If he could get Selina back he wouldn’t argue with her. Maybe if he hadn’t made a big deal about Deshi’s mother’s identity Selina wouldn’t have gotten so upset at the ceremony. If he had told her about Ella before he believed Selina wouldn’t have taken it so hard. What had hurt her most was the fact that they all lied.

He missed her so much. She was able to do so much that he wasn’t capable of. When he was sick Selina took care of him and Deshi. When he was tired Selina offered to clean and make food. It was somehow easy for her to dress Deshi. She could do it all. He wanted to hold her again and have Selina let him hug her. They haven’t even been together long…why did Ella’s engagement have to happen so fast? Why couldn’t he have thought more of Selina? Chun felt so flustered and upset. What could he do? How could he bring Selina back? Where was she?

+++

It was noon. A warm lonely day yet, it was nothing like how Jiro was feeling inside. He was about to drift off into his imagination when his phone rang.

“Selina hasn’t reported for work. Do you know where she may be?” it was the manager at the store.

Jiro sat up straighter leaning toward the phone, “Selina hasn’t arrived to work?”

“I’m worried about her. There was a man looking for her the other day. I offered to report him to the cops, but Selina told me not to.” The manager told. “If you find her make sure she’s ok.”

“Alright. Thank you,” Jiro said then hung up.

It was unlike Selina not to go to work. Something was wrong, but Jiro was sure that man the manager was talking about must have been Chun so he didn’t need to worry about that. Jiro grabbed his jacket and walked out. He didn’t want to think of any possibilities if Selina had been taking sleeping pills again.