+++

Ella was getting engaged. She was soon going to get married. Was it the life that she always wanted? The life that he could never have with her? Chun felt his head spin in never ending circles. He was supposed to care more about Selina, but his mind kept lingering back to Ella. It hadn’t been long since she’d left. Even if it was only a year and 2 months it was yesterday for him. Chun had managed to forget about her for a complete 8 months or so until he met Selina. Was it too coincidental? What if Ella had planned it all? Why would she? Chun knew Ella wouldn’t do such a foolish thing and he knew he couldn’t avoid the hurt he was feeling again.

+++

Selina hummed to Deshi as he sat still in her lap. Things will get better eventually she told herself over and over. Jiro had left a few minutes ago and it was almost time Chun came back for her and Deshi. When Chun did come he seemed more livelier than usual.

“Are you hungry? Do you want to go out and eat something?” Chun asked as he took Deshi from her arms.

“You’re paying though,” Selina smirked.

“Freeloader,” Chun name called as they walked out.

They chatted about usual things over their late lunch as if nothing had happened. On the drive back they were silent listening to Deshi snore quietly in the back. As they stopped in traffic Chun turned to Selina.

“I’m sorry if I was mean yesterday,” Chun apologized.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Selina told. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Are you still going then?” Chun asked turning to look at her.

“Ella would be angry with me if I don’t show up,” Selina told.

Chun was silent for a long time. Just hearing Ella’s name again felt like an arrow had just pierced through his heart.

“Where is the engagement ceremony being held at?” Chun questioned.

Selina was quiet before answering and Chun wondered if Selina was hiding something.

“The Maple Hotel next week Saturday at 12 in the afternoon,” Selina replied.

“Who’s her lucky guy?” Chun asked trying to put sarcasm in his voice, but failed, and made it into a simple question.

“Calvin Chen. All I know is his family owns a few hotels in this country and two in the states,” Selina told.

Chun felt himself harden his grip on the steering wheel. Calvin Chen was a rich monster after all Chun thought. No wonder Ella wanted to be with him he probably gave her everything she asked for. Chun felt his thoughts become bitter than sad pitiful ones. He wasn’t no where as good as Calvin. He would never be in Calvin’s league.

Chun turned to look at Selina seeming lost as she stared out of the window at the stores and cars outside. He was being unfair to her. He was being like those guys who did everything to woo a girl then just forgot her after having fallen for him. Chun didn’t want to be those jerks, but he was already beginning to be one. He was thinking about Ella so often. What was wrong with him?

When they got to Chun’s apartment she settled Deshi into his crib. Chun watched as Selina stared at the sleeping Deshi. How would she feel knowing that she was watching Ella’s baby? Would Selina’s feelings for Deshi become bitter? Or would Selina still keep loving him? Chun was bothered so much by the possibilities and questions that kept filtering his mind.  

“Lets go out this Saturday,” Chun told.

Selina turned to look at him from Deshi’s room. Could he sense the awkwardness that was now present between them too?

“To where?” Selina asked.

“The amusement park. I think we should freshen up our minds,” Chun told.

“I guess so,” Selina agreed.

That Saturday came fast and Selina found herself standing with Chun in front of the amusement park.

“I haven’t been here since I was 15,” Selina told.

“The last time I came here was…” Chun began then stopped.

The last time he went there was with Ella during her university years.

“When?” Selina asked.

“Oh…” Chun began as he plopped back into reality, “I was just saying a few years back.”

Selina gave him a smile, but he could see she didn’t really buy the story. There was something about her. She’d been so different the past few days he’d been with her. She didn’t seem like her usual self…it seemed like something was bothering her but she wasn’t talking about it. However, Chun figured that if Selina wanted to talk about it then she would.

“Lets go,” Chun said.

They went on child rides together and on some only one of them went with Deshi while the other stood outside watching and waving. They ate lunch for a bit and went on the merry go round again. Afterward they went to sit by the rose bushes and Selina helped Deshi walk back and forth. When Deshi was able to walk a little Selina and Chun stood on opposite ends of him clapping their hands calling to him. In the end Deshi chose Selina. Teasing Chun about not having a strong enough bond with Deshi Selina picked him up. Before heading back they went to the photo booth and took a few pictures for fun.

“Which one do you want?” Chun asked as the pictures came out later.

“The one where we were both kissing Deshi,” Selina pointed to it.

Chun handed the picture to Selina and stuck the rest of the pictures into his pocket.

“Hey! You should share some with me!” Selina shouted.

“No way!” Chun said turning away from her. “I paid for them.”

“No fair,” Selina pouted and turned to Deshi, “now, you don’t grow up selfish like you know who.”

Chun laughed at her childishness and walked after her.

Chun dropped Selina off at her apartment and drove immediately home.

+++

When Selina got back she found that no one was there to welcome her back. She figured maybe they were out shopping, or it was that Ella had gone out to prepare for her engagement ceremony and Hebe had gone with her. Selina sat herself down on the couch and closed her eyes. The next thing she remembered was being shaken awake by Hebe.

“What?” Selina asked tiredly.

“You’ve been out all day having fun and now you’re sleeping? How lazy,” Hebe mumbled.

“I was born lazy,” Selina told as she sat up.

“Ta-day!” Ella shouted.

Selina stared at the black dress in front of her.

“What’s that?” Selina asked.

“Dummy what do you think it is?” Ella asked.

“We went shopping for what we’re going to wear to Ella’s engagement,” Hebe clarified.

“Oh,” Selina scratched her head. “What?”

“Wake up Selina!” Hebe said shaking Selina.

A few minutes later Selina was standing up with Ella and Hebe observing her dress.

“You guys didn’t put any poison or whatever on it?” Selina joked.

“Selina! It cost a lot!” Hebe shouted while Ella just laughed.

Selina smiled and hugged the dress, “Of course it’s pretty. I love it thanks guys.”

The next day Calvin visited and took them out for some more shopping and for lunch and dinner. Selina and Hebe trailed behind Calvin and Ella. Ella could make out the sounds of Selina and Hebe laughing and teasing Ella. Once Ella almost let go of Calvin’s arm to turn around and yell at Hebe and Selina to be quiet, but Calvin had grabbed onto her hand stopping her.

“Doesn’t today feel lucky?” Calvin asked. “I feel lucky being with you.”

Ella went speechless. She wasn’t thinking of Chun again so why was she starting to feel guilt?

Selina arrived at the Day Care at the same time and met up with Chun. Genie watched as they hugged for what seemed like a long time and Chun finally left. That evening Selina went with Chun to his apartment. They cooked dinner together, but ended up just having a food fight. Finally they ordered a pizza and ate. After eating they sat together on the couch with Chun leaning against Selina.

Before Chun was able to doze off Selina asked, “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

“Yea?” was all Chun said.

“Deshi’s mom…I know you never want to talk about her, but can’t you at least tell me who she is?” Selina asked.

There was answer coming from Chun, but Selina could feel him lift his head off her shoulder.

“I don’t want you to know,” Chun told.

“But I want to know,” Selina said getting up from the couch and looked down at him. “It may not matter to you, but it bothers me. Why do you have to conceal her identity from me? Who is she Chun? This person that left you? Do I know her?”

Chun tried to hold back his glare, but he couldn’t help it. Selina was pressing his sensitive button.

“You don’t need to know who she is! The fact that she abandoned Deshi should already be enough. What? Are you going to try to bring her back? Can you do it?” Chun questioned.

Selina felt stunned and hurt with his rhetorical questions. Bring her back to him? But she liked him so much how in the world was she supposed to bring Deshi’s mother back to Chun?

“I just want to know. I don’t want to bring her back unless you want me to,” Selina said and could even hear the trembles in her voice.

“It’s none of your business so it shouldn’t matter to you,” Chun told.

“Do I know her? Is she someone close to me?” Selina asked with tears rising in her eyes.

Chun felt angry at himself and also angry at Selina for bringing up such a useless matter. It shouldn’t matter to her who Deshi’s mother is. It wouldn’t do any good for her, but why was she so concerned about it? Chun didn’t understand.

“No,” Chun lied.

“I wish you’d stop running from the past,” Selina said then pressed her lips together as she tried not to cry in front of him.

Chun just stared at her angrily and watched as Selina turned around and put her shoes on then walked out closing the door after her.   

+++

Selina didn’t feel like walking down the stairs. Chun always took the stairs and she couldn’t understand why he never liked the elevator. It was just something strange about him. As the doors opened Selina pressed the button and felt the elevator moving down to floor 1. She quickly wiped the tears that were falling down her cheeks. It always felt like such a burden with Chun always hiding Deshi’s mother’s identity. What was it? Why wasn’t she able to know? Maybe Chun was secretly thinking about her and Selina was just a substitute. Could that be it? As the elevator doors opened Selina walked out and hailed a taxi.