+++

When Selina opened the door Hebe and Ella both turned to look at her. They were sitting on the couch seeming to have been awake all night. Without any greetings Selina took off her shoes.

“Selina,” Hebe was first to talk as she rose up from the couch.

“Lets talk after I change,” Selina told turning away.

She walked toward her room and closed the door. Hebe turned to Ella and assured her once more everything would be alright. Selina took off her dress and got into sweatpants and a t-shirt. Selina dreaded Hebe’s knock on the door and had no choice, but to open it for her. Selina felt relieved that only Hebe stepped in. Hebe watched as Selina grab a suitcase and started to fill it with her belongings.

“What are you doing?” Hebe asked.

“I’ve found somewhere else to stay,” Selina told.

Hebe felt her heart sink into even more disappointment at the way things had turned out. If Selina left Ella would be left feeling guilty and sorry for everything. Hebe didn’t want anyone to feel bad, but would could be done?

“Selina Ella’s sorry,” Hebe told. “You can’t leave like this.”

“I know she’s sorry. I counted all the sorrys she said yesterday,” Selina said.    

Hebe couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic, but it hurt her seeing that her friend didn’t want to stay with them.

“We could try to talk things through,” Hebe told. “I know you’re feeling disappointed.”

“I’m not just disappointed,” Selina said staring at the wall as she stopped rummaging around. “It’s more than just disappointed…sorry but you might not be able to understand.”

Hebe stared at Selina’s back. Was that what she would only be able to see in the future? Selina’s back? She didn’t want Selina to turn away from her or Ella because of such a situation. How could they even decide to break up everything because of one guy? Or was it because of the baby too?

“Don’t go please,” Hebe pleaded. “We’ve been together for so long…it hurts to see things like this…”

Hebe stepped toward Selina in a pitiful manner and grabbed Selina’s arm with both her hands. Selina felt tears rise up into her eyes. How many tears would she have to cry in order to feel better? Of course Hebe wasn’t at fault, but how would she continue to stay with her friends when things had already worsened between her and Ella? Selina pulled Hebe’s fingers off of her and continued to pack. It was the first time that Selina felt she was putting real effort into packing.

“I’m tired Hebe,” Selina told Hebe in a cold tone. “I’ve been taking sleeping pills the last few days in order to get to sleep. I’m just tired ok?”

“Selina…everyone’s at fault. We all feel bad about it, but Ella…she felt even worse about it,” Hebe tried. “Please understand…”

Selina stuffed the rest of her clothing into her suitcase and shut it.

“Where are you staying?” Hebe asked following Selina’s movements as she held both her hands together rubbing them for comfort. “Please Selina don’t go.”

Selina lifted the suitcase off of her bed, “I’ll keep in touch Hebe. Staying here will only make the atmosphere awkward. We don’t need that do we?”

Hebe became speechless as Selina headed out and without turning back to glance at Ella Selina had already closed the door after her. From the parking lot Jiro hurried out from his car to help her carry the suitcase.

Once they got in the car Jiro turned to her, “What are you planning to do now?”

“I’ll find a new job,” Selina said confidently, “I don’t want to go to the Day Care anymore.”

Selina felt the car move.

“And Jiro thanks a lot,” Selina said.

+++

Hebe remained in Selina’s room for a bit feeling warm tears slide down her cheeks. How did it happen? How did Selina manage to leave? How…she wanted to ask someone how had everything happened? Hebe wiped her tears and stepped out. She glanced at Ella whose gaze was glued to the ground. What would they do now? Selina had really left.

+++

The following days Selina did not reappear at the Day Care. Deshi was left crying and Chun was deprived of his sleep. He’d called Jiro to ask where Selina was and Jiro had said he didn’t know. Chun had run into Hebe at the Day Care once when she’d gone to visit Genie.

“She said she’ll keep in touch, but she never called,” was what Hebe said.

That was when Chun learned that Selina wasn’t living with them anymore. Where had she really gone? He hoped that she was still in Taiwan at the least.

+++

Selina had found a nice paying job at a convenience store. It had been almost a week now and Selina was slowly getting better. Finding baby bibs at the end of the aisle one day she finally thought of Deshi. At least she didn’t have any resentment toward him. That afternoon on her break she decided to go to the Day Care to visit the boy. As expected she heard his wailing cries when she first entered the Day Care. Selina found Deshi sitting with some other babies. Once he saw her he quieted and Selina picked him up.

“Selina!” Genie gasped.

Selina swung around to see Genie.  

“I’m just visiting,” Selina assured.

“Mama,” Deshi said.

Genie looked surprised, but Selina felt even more bewildered.

“Here,” Selina told. “I brought some baby food for Deshi.”

Genie was at a lost of words as Selina just shoved Deshi at her without warning. Deshi began to whimper, but Selina pretended not to care. Selina quickly turned to go.

“Where have you been?” Genie asked.

“On my own,” Selina replied turning around with a smile.

“But…where are you going?” Genie shouted after Selina as she headed out.

Genie gave out an exasperated sigh as Selina did not answer.

Selina took a breath of relief glad that Genie did not hold her back. She didn’t want to stay there. She didn’t want to risk the chance of letting Chun see her again. She knew that if Chun did see her again he wouldn’t let her get away. It was already enough that Selina didn’t want to see him. She hadn’t been able to sleep the past week and every thought of Ella or Chun made her heart ache. It was enough to make her want to run away again, but she already realized even if she ran chance would grab her again. In order to not let it happen so soon the best thing for her to do was to hide for the time being.  

+++

Chun entered the Day Care to hear Deshi’s cries. Genie rushed over to him and handed Deshi to Chun.

“Take these too,” Genie told handing Chun the bag of baby food.

“What are these?” Chun asked trying to look in the bag.

“Selina brought them,” Genie replied and could see Chun’s surprised expression. “She came today around noon.”

“Why didn’t you make her stay?! Did she say anything to you?!” Chun quickly asked without stopping for a breath.

“Calm down!” Genie told. “She ran out on me before I could say anything.”

Chun looked disappointed by Genie’s answer.

“Did she look well?” asked Chun.

“She looks about the same,” Genie replied, “you can see bags under her eyes.”

This time Chun didn’t say anything. He halfway turned around but Genie stopped him.

“I don’t know what happened between the two of you but you should fix things up quickly,” Genie advised, “Deshi spoke his first word to Selina today. Do you know what he said?”

Chun turned back around and waited for Genie to answer.

“He called Selina mama,” Genie told.

Chun placed the bag on the kitchen table when he got back to his apartment. He sat Deshi in his high chair and began to eat the baby food Selina had bought. Even if it had just been a week it felt like a whole year without Selina around. He missed her so much, but had no idea where to start looking for her. He’d been feeling lonely and lost he couldn’t even bring himself to eat the luxurious food Jiro brought over for him. Chun sat down and watched Deshi sloppily place the spoon into his mouth letting the food drip over his chin.

“If Mama Selina were here would you start calling me papa?” Chun asked.

Deshi did not reply seemingly too busy with his food. Chun wiped Deshi’s chin and turned to look at the bag. Suddenly an idea came to him. If Selina had bought food for Deshi could that mean she was working at some store? Chun sat up straight. That would be the first place he’d start at. Chun grabbed the bag and read the name off it.