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After the long hours of stop overs and travelling, we’re finally taking off in Jeju airport.

I was really praying that no one could recognize me. I didn’t put on any make up, all I have to do is to cover my face. I think no one will recognize me based on my situation. I really look like a whale! Gone the little Taeyeon! Maybe, I went 3 times my usual body size!

I don’t know what to do if I will finally see them. What should I say first? ‘Hi? I’m back! I will never leave again.’ Will that be alright?

What should I tell my twins if they’ll see me like this? Or can they still recognize me as their Mom? Do they miss me? Will they run and hug me?

I really miss the both of them.

Thinking about them before, makes me really wanna go back to Korea. But I am so embarrassed. Even to my twins, they might still be kids, but still, when they grow up, they would hear this story and I don’t want them to misunderstand me.

And now, I’m willing to embrace and face everything. I finally found that courage after the long hiding on the dim light.

As usual, fans are camping outside the airport with their I-don’t-know-what-to-call-it but with their long cameras, banners, light sticks and fully charged energy as they cheer on their idols name when they saw them.

I was pulling my luggage cart with my face fully covered with ugly sunglasses, an army green face mask, a colorful scarf covering my neck matching with my colorful beanie. I think I look ugly. The colors really doesn’t match.

I tried hiding myself from the public’s eye. So I sneakily pull my luggage as far as I can but exits are clogged and I wouldn’t want to make myself troubled in the crowd. My long flight was exhausting, my body feels heavy and I am really tired. I still have to face everyone later. I have to muster and save all the energy that I could get.

I sighed of relief.

Finally seated at the back of the taxi. I’m exhausted. I should rest for a bit.

But resting is hard if you’re this nervous. Like you’ll be interrogated on a crime you did. Well, I’ll be interrogated not because I did a crime but because of my foolishness.

 Loving Baekhyun was one of the sweetest thing that happened to me after I gave birth. He’s my knight in shining armor. I never thought I would love again after leaving Jiyong. He was my safe place.

I left Jiyong because I was scared. I was scared that even though how many times he said that he still loves me and will take care of us, the thought of him leaving me again haunts me. It’s okay if he leaves me, but how about the twins?