Taeyeon's Point of View

It's been 6 months and I couldn't even drag myself to go home. I am really ashamed of what have I done to all the people who did nothing but to care for me. I really disappointed them, my family, my members, my fans and my children.

I haven't heard any of them after a month of being away. Maybe they gave up. Because I also give up to myself. Tiffany never stopped messaging me, informing me what's happening there. I deactivated all my accounts, cut my phone's line and changed to a new one. Only Tiffany knew how to contact me but, I never replied even once. And now, she also gave up.

Taeyeon,
I couldn't do anything if you won't help me. Everybody's worried. We don't know if you're still alive or what, we don't know if what's happening to you. Everything changed here. The company and the members were having a hard time covering up to your absence. Your parents are also asking me if we're getting in touch but I couldn't answer them. The twins, my god Taeyeon! How can you do this to them?! If you can't be a responsible artist and daughter, be a responsible mother! How can you just leave them here with Jiyong?

My tears were flowing as I read those lines in her e-mail. I want to fix myself first before I go back. I want to be a whole person so I won't break again. Because if I couldn't fix myself, who else will? I will just keep on breaking and pitying myself all the time. It's really hard to be away from my family but I have to do this, to think, to reflect and to make rational decisions.

I continued reading Tiffany's letter when my heart started sinking again.

--And speaking of Jiyong, he changed. He's not the same Jiyong we once knew. He's dating. He's getting married. But I don't care, he still takes good care of the twins. So, if you don't want Jiyong to take the twins away from you forever. Make a move.

That was her letter 2 months ago. After reading that, I was determined to clear my mind. I also wanted to reply that I am okay. I am fine. I am taking care of myself. I eat a lot of foods and take vitamins as well. I gained weight. A lot of weight.

I wasn't in China anymore. I am in New Zealand, getting fresh air. China is a bit chaotic too. There are a lot of fans who can recognize me, but here? I'm with grandpa's and grandma's. I adapted well and they are treating me good. They are helping me to my everyday needs. The place is also good, no flashes of cameras, no fans camping outside my house, no paparazzis, no company that is pressuring me, there are only flashing of leaves from the trees, sounds of the animals at the backyard, and the swishing sound of the coffee machine in the morning.

It was calming. And it's good for me.

I still worry about my twins, but I know they are in good hands. Jiyong might hate me, but he won't neglect the twins. He loves the twins.

A sound of a car halted in front of the house and seconds later, someone started knocking the door.

"Taeyeon?" he called.

I was making breakfast so when grandma Elisa comes back from feeding the chicken, we could eat it together.

I turned off the stove and slowly walked to the front door. It was locked, so he couldn't just go inside.

"Good morning, Marco," I greeted with a smile. He was holding a basket of fruits and my body was in flattery just by seeing it.

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