Happy birthday to our precious maknae, Seo Juhyun!! And with celebration of her birthday, she will appear in this story for the first time!

Dwelling in The Past

Chapter 34

“There’s something I have to tell you.”

Jessica pulled away from Taeng’s neck and tilted up her head to look at him in puzzle.

He took a deep breath before saying, “On why I’m so persistent about talking up to you about your father.”

Jessica’s stomach churned hearing Taeng’s answer. Her back tensed, altogether with her widened pupils. Taeng didn’t miss the reaction though.

“Sica,” he called softly.

The woman scooted herself away from him, fully out of his embrace. She turned herself away, back facing the man.

She was not ready to hear anything that Taeng might say to her. It was already hard for her to deal with admitting that her father did gave her a mixed feeling. She wasn’t sure she would be able to face another thing related to the old man right now.

“Sica,” he called again more softly. Although a bit disheartened by the reaction, Taeng had already prepared himself for this. He knew Jessica wouldn’t lightly take his conversation. He would try at least, to make an understanding between them on this matter.

So he moved himself closer to his wife. His arm carefully wrapped around her torso gently as if the woman in front of him was so fragile and after making sure she wouldn’t be pulled away he put his chin on her shoulder.

“Do you remember what I said? That I won’t say anything you won’t like?” He whispered. “Hmm?”

Jessica closed her eyes before she nodded albeit hesitantly.

Hand was engulfed by the warmer one, caressed ever so gently. The soft touch eased the tense muscles on Jessica.

“Do you want me to talk about it?” he carefully asked.

The woman didn’t immediately answer. She only closed her eyes and positioned herself closer to the man, craving for the warmth from the short person behind her more.

Taeng waited. He didn’t utter anything while his hand continued caressing her gently.

The gesture tugged he heart together with Hyoyeon’s echoing words inside her mind. It reminded her about what she lacked the most, something she promised to do better. She needed to listen. She couldn’t forever snapped back at him whenever he tried to talk about this one topic. No matter how much she didn’t like it or not ready for it.

She quietly turned away, eyes gazing up at the brown orbs in front of her. It reflected only concern and sincerity.

She knew there was no one else who had been more patient handling her other than Taeng himself. She had turned her back to him - in either ways - so many times, yet he was still there. He stayed and did his best to be a comfort and shelter for her.

And if this thing seemed to matter so much for him - that even though he was sure to give her space yet he would still try to talk it up to her - then Jessica would try. She would try to understand him too and put her trust on him, on his judgment and choice. So she stepped up and braced herself to confront the matter.

“I will listen.”

The growing smile on Taeng’s face wasn’t hidden at all. He then laid his back on the bed, arm wrapping around Jessica’s shoulder, eyes fixating on the ceiling although the gaze seemed so far.

Jessica waited as the man took his breath.

“When I was young, I lived only with my mother, my birth mother. She was the only one that I have. My father passed away when I was still a baby. There was no other family either. Also we were so poor back then. So I have no friends either because there was no one who wanted to befriend a poor orphan child like me.”

Jessica was taken aback by the story. Not only she didn’t foresee he would talk about his childhood, she also never imagined Taeng had a rough childhood like that.

“It was a hard life, yes. But it was enough for me because there was my mother who loved me. Even when I was diagnosed with a heart disease when I was still young, she was there for me and loved me unconditionally.”

Taeng then chuckled, lingered with a bitterness. “But I was only a naive and selfish child. I wanted her love and also her attention. Fully,” he emphasized at the last word. “I didn’t want it to be divided to anyone or anything else.”

The brown haired woman turned her head to look at him. His eyes was closed. The angle of his mouth curved a bit downward as he continued.

“She worked and worked and worked. I barely could spent time with her. I was selfish. I wanted her back. I didn’t care that she worked for me, for saving my life. I was craving for her attention.” He stopped for a while and took a deep breath.

“I was too stubborn to acknowledge that to her directly. Instead, I made a lot of trouble. Yeah, I was a naughty boy back then. Just in order to get her attention more.” He chuckled bitterly again.

“I was disappointed when my attempts failed countless times. She kept working and working. Then I started to resent her. My ego took over me. I started to think that she didn’t care and love me anymore.”

He lifted his forearm to cover his eyes, fighting the tears that started to build and threaten to leak soon.

“Hey,” Jessica reached out to his cheek. “It’s okay if it’s hard for you to tell me. You don’t have to.”

Taeng took another deep breath before shaking his head and took Jessica’s hand from his cheek to hold it. “I want to tell you this. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded and continued. “I became cold to her. I demanded this and that. I shut myself from her.”

Jessica was speechless now. She would never imagine someone as warm as Taeng had been a cold person, moreover to his own mother. The image just didn’t click in her mind.

But, somehow something was bothering her. Something that she couldn’t point what but certainly bothered her.

“Until one day, I felt like someone slapped me. I was angry at her for making me waiting hungrily until late at night and only brought the same food that I’d had for consecutive days. And then I saw her crying while eating a plain rice after giving me the only kimchi fried rice that she could afford that night.”

She gasped unconsciously.

Taeng’s eyes met the woman’s.

“I...I…”

“I know right, I know. That day I realized that she still loved me and always put me first. I was a terrible son for ever thought otherwise.”

There. Something bothered her again. Was it his words or his sad expression while talking about it?

“I started to warm up to her again. I tried to love her back as much as I could. And eventually, I could do the long awaited surgery. I thought everything would be perfect by then. Only, the reality than a dream. I woke up without her by my side. And later...later...” his voice started wavering, “later I was told she was taken care in the ICU.” He held his breath.

Jessica saw he was struggling with his words. She touched his cheek, her finger softly caressed it. “It’s okay, Taeng.”

“She…” Taeng closed his eyes tightly.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Jessica whispered.

“She,” a paused, “had a breathing failure.”

This time, it was Jessica who held her breath.

“I was told she got a severe infection in her lungs. Actually her vital organs had been all infected by then.”

Coupled with her widened eyes. “H...h...how?”

“HIV,” he breathed out.

She gasped. “I...I...I’m sorry.”

Taeng shook his head. “By then I was too late. I should have stopped her doing whatever she did for saving up money for me and my surgery.” He wiped his eyes once before turning his gaze to Jessica.

“But do you know what I regret the most?”

Jessica’s eyes met a deep brown orbs that drown in emotion. Just by looking at it, Jessica knew. And honestly, deep down Jessica already knew. But she let him finish it.

“I should have spent my time with her. I should have loved her with all of my heart. I should have never resent her and waste the precious time with her.”

The feeling came back rushing again. Really, what was it? Jessica didn’t understand.

“I was breaking apart when she let out her final breath in front of me. Right after saying she loved me.” His breath hitched at the last sentence. Jessica could only imagine how painful it must be to remember the memory.

“Her death took its toll on me. Regret, guilt, sadness, anger, frustration, despair. I felt it all. It was like hell. As if I lived in emptiness. I really wished I could turn back time but I couldn’t. With all of that, I no longer had will to live. I was on the verge of giving up.”

Jessica was ready to engulf the man into her embrace but was stopped when he uttered the next sentence.

“Thankfully, I met Appa and Umma Kim. I still believe my mother sent them to me. Because without them I don’t know where would I be right now.”

“Taeng...that...I don’t know you went through that.”

He pulled a little smile.

“I don’t tell many people about this. It’s not a really fond memory, you see. Sometimes it still haunts me down during my sleep. Although it’s not as bad as it was back then. It certainly gets better now. But I can’t deny those days were excruciatingly painful.”

“Then, why are you telling me this?”

A soft gaze landed on her. “Because I trust you.” She wouldn’t deny the words sent a warm feeling throughout her chest.

“Also,” his gaze lingered. “ I don’t want you to feel what I felt.”

“What do you mean?”

“Our situation may not be exactly similar, but I’m certain of one thing. Both of our parents love us.”

“Love us...” she mumbled.

“Sometimes they show us their love through the different way from our expectation. But it doesn't mean they don’t love us.”

“And there is no one who knows when they will finally leave us. When the time comes it just struck you like a lightning bolt. There is no sufficient mental preparation for you when it hits you.”

Taeng placed his hands gently on her cheeks and fixed his gaze, staring deeply into her eyes. “I don't want you to regret it, Sica.” He then placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “The final decision is in your hand. But please think about it. Before it’s too late.”

***

The geese flocked around the chunk of breads thrown by the patron not far from them. They waddled adorably, especially the little one. The sight brought a smile to the woman.

A sudden kiss on her cheek diverted her attention from the adorable animal.

“Hello, beautiful.”

She giggled. “Hello too, sweet talker. Why are you already here? Do you miss me so much? Are you even doing jogging?” She teased. The man was on his Sunday routine and they only separated around 10 minutes before.

Taeng let out a snarky grin. “Cocky much now, are you? But of course I miss you already.” Two could play the game so he leaned in and stole a peck from his wife. He knew he made a score when the blush was apparent on her cheeks. The woman immediately hid her reddened cheek by turning around, giving her attention back to the circle she feed before.

“I used to do this with my mom.”

“It’s fun isn’t it?”

She nodded while her hand busy throwing another chunk to the circle of birds.

“It’ll be more fun if you join me jogging too.”

Taeng sneaked his arms around her from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder.

“And breaking a sweat? I better not.” She chuckled and threw some more bread.

“It’s really a mystery to me how you maintain this gorgeous body when you hate sweating so much.”

“It’s fine if there’s aircon around, you know.”

“Oh right. Your obsession towards aircon.” He laughed away.

Jessica turned around and pinched Taeng’s cheeks. “Aircon is my savior. Rest the case, please.”

He threw away his arms in the air and laughed. “All hail to aircon-nim.”

“Silly.” Jessica shook her head and chuckled at his antic.

It was a rare occasion for Jessica to tag along Taeng on his Sunday morning routine. Taeng at first didn’t completely believe it when Jessica told him she wanted to come because he knew how much her loves for sleeping at Sunday morning. But when he saw her this morning, all ready, he realized she wasn’t joking. Although he wasn’t sure why she joined if she didn’t want to go jogging.

“So care to tell me why you want to come if you’re not here for jogging?”

She looped her arms around his before casually answered, “to spend more time with you.”

Taeng was sure his heart just skipped a beat. He cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “I want to make up for all those times in the past.”

Taeng looked at her endearingly. “You don’t have to do this, you know. I’ll be back in half and an hour or so. You should have your beauty sleep.”

She shook her head. “I want to know you better. Also,” she turned to look at him. “You are more important than my beauty sleep. It’s worth it.”

He was mesmerized. By her gaze. By her words. And by her lips that had captured his. It took him awhile to realize he was so into his own trance that he hadn’t reciprocated the kiss when Jessica already pulled away.

“Now, who is the sweet talker?” He smiled, not in a cocky grin, but a prideful one. “Thank you, Sica.” This time he leaned in and they tasted each other’s lips, conveying the thankful feeling inside.

When they broke apart a sound of clearing throat followed by a playful whistle was heard from behind. They simultaneously looked back.

“Look what are these lovebirds doing in the middle of the park?” A smirk was apparent on the redhead’s face.

“Fany!!” Jessica approached and hugged her bestfriend.

Taeng rubbed his nape, a little bit embarrassed getting caught in action. “Hey, Fany.”

“I thought I would never see you here,” teased Tiffany after Jessica pulled away.

“I can have some fresh air sometimes.”

“It sure takes you awhile to finally realize that.” The redhead chuckled.

“What are you doing here though?”

“Gathering inspiration,” she fanned her notebook. “Also for some fresh air like you.”

“Ah, I see. It’s such a coincidence to meet you here.”

“Actually, I come here quite often. It’s just you who never come,” she chuckled.

“Oh really?”

“Yup. I met Taeng a couple of times too.”

Jessica turned her head to the man, questioning the revelation she just found out from her bestfriend’s mouth.

“Yes. We met a couple of times.”

“Ah,” the brunette nodded. Now that explained why her husband called her best friend so casually.

“By the way, about the night before,” Taeng talked again. “Sica told me you saw me when I was drunk. I’m sorry if I did anything bothering.”

Tiffany’s face stiffened for a split second upon hearing the topic brought up by the man, but sure she was good at controlling her expression as it was immediately replaced by a smile and went unnoticed by the couple.

“It’s okay. There’s nothing to be sorry about anyway.”

“Still sorry though.”

Tiffany chuckled. “Alright then I accept your apology.”

The reply was mirroring smile from the man.

“I’ll go first then. Enjoy your time.” She went to hug her bestfriend first and whispered loud enough that even Taeng could hear it. “Just tone it down with the PDA. Have mercy on the poor single souls out there.”

“Yah!!!” Jessica pushed her best friend away who had burst in laughter as she walked away from them.

“Byeeee lovebirds!”

“I hate you, Fany!”

The replied was only another laughter and waving hand.

Jessica face palmed herself to hide her reddened face. Sure, her bestfriend could sometimes be annoying. And it didn’t help that the other subject of the tease didn’t mind it and actually found it funny. He would even join the laughter fit.

“Your friend is really something.”

Jessica shook her head. “She could be loud and annoying sometimes.” She heaved a sigh before resting her head back on Taeng’s neck, and by then she noticed something.

“What is that, Taeng?”

Taeng turned his gaze to the direction Jessica was pointing at.

“Bike.”

Jessica put a flat face that would spell ‘well, duh, of course’.

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