[Suga's POV]                

                “Hey man, if I were you I would delete that picture,” Jin hyung told me while we’re alone in the dance studio. The others were strolling at Myeongdeong and looking for our food. I’m supposed to come with them but I refused because a very rare kind of heartache continues to attack me. This is the very first time I felt weakest and super sensitive when I see couples. Jin joined me here and I’m thankful about it because he’s the only one who could understand my situation and stupidity. I told him everything: my feelings for Stef, my disguise as a taxi driver, my hours of waiting in front of Incheon airport, Hansol Oak Valley, and the English guy Peter who is a boyfriend to the girl I like. Jin knows it all. He’s the only one here I could trust with my secret because obviously, he’s the first and only person who noticed my transformation after seeing Stef.

                My secrets are safe with him; however, he’s a little bit against to my spontaneous acts and my special feelings towards a fan. He told me the day I last saw Stef that what I did would bring no good to me and to BTS. If I’ll continue to follow the girl, there’s a possibility that someone will recognize me and take pictures, then, boom! I’ll be on the headline of entertainment news. BTS will be affected as well as our company, and Stef. I might receive suspension or reprimand from the CEO. Shame on me!

                “You have to stop it, Min Yoon Gi. Whatever you’re planning, thinking, and feeling to her,” Jin hyung finally proved that he’s opposing to my thoughts because his voice was now serious and filled with concern. “The girl already has a boyfriend. Don’t go between them. That’s her destiny, yours is going to a different way. You are an idol, she is not. She is rich, you are famous. Let go.”

                When he said “let go”, my heart felt like it’s going to dissolve. I rested my chin on my knees and hugged my legs. Knowing the fact that Stef has a boyfriend made it worse. Jin’s right, we’re not meant for each other.

                I stared at my lock screen wallpaper. It’s my fifth time to download the same picture of me and Stef in front of KBS building. I deleted it before but whenever I open our Twitter account, that picture keeps on popping up. All of it happened because of the hashtag #SUGAHERO that trended worldwide last week. Thankfully, the fans and the members see it as my act of heroism, but I call it love-at-first-sight.

                If I’ll delete this photo again to forget her, I’m sure that the fans and Twitter will continue to send me this picture. I cannot stop them.

                I thought Jin’s on my side because of what he did back in BH’s Coffee House, but after I narrated my short and weird encounter with Stef and his boyfriend, his opinion changed. He’s now pulling me away from Stef, and I think it’s really the right thing to do.

                I don’t have the right to argue with hyung because he’s absolutely right. Forgetting Stef is for good. She has Peter and I have BTS. I should be contented because she is.

                “Hyung, it’s so hard,” I finally surrendered and revealed what my heart wanted to say since the day I sent Stef to Hansol Oak Valley. “It’s so hard to forget her,” I bowed my head and sighed heavily. I don’t want to cry because it’s corny.

                “Pathetic, Yoon Gi. You are really in love with that girl,” he spoke beside me like he’s a love expert. But when he said that I’m really in love, my head felt lighter and calm. I do agree. This is me in love with a girl who’s already in love with someone else. One-sided love, they call it.

                Later on, he snatched my phone and I looked up to him.

                “I’m willing to help,” he winked at me and I hate seeing that because his wink is ambiguous, it may mean good or bad or both. He buried my phone into his pocket and stood up. “I’ll keep your phone until you forget that girl. Of course, if there’s an emergency or a message came I’ll let you touch it. Other than that, I won’t allow you to keep you phone. Deal?

                “But-”

                “No buts,” Jin raised a forefinger and shook it along with his head. After being a love expert, he now turned into a prefect of discipline who’s stricter than I was. “Addition to that, no Twitter and do not stare at the fans for so long. They might sense that you’re looking for someone.”

                “Jin you are killing me,” I also stood in front of him. Aside from he’s the oldest here, I still couldn’t win against his authority because of his height. That’s insulting.

                “No, Suga. I am helping you. You said that it’s so hard to forget her?” He crossed his arms and glued his eyes to me. “When you say that it’s hard, it means you’re suffering. And when you suffer, you need a helping hand. You need Kim Seok Jin.”

                “You’re exaggerating the situation, hyung,” I rebutted, showing him my smirk.

                “No. I am expounding it for you, my dear friend,” he smirked, too.

                Before I could answer, the boys came back with bags of energy drinks and snacks. They came in noisily like kids who just finished attending their last class in school.

                I looked back at Jin hyung.

                “Okay. Let’s give it a try,” I gave up accepting his complicated help. Maybe keeping myself from my phone is better than deleting that photo for hundred times then downloading it again on the same day. I hope it would really help me fly away from my heartache and forgetting Stef.

                Jin and I joined the guys and the staff on the floor who’s now having a serious meeting.

                I settled down beside Ho Seok and Jimin and grabbed a chicken from the bowl to eat.

                “You’re going to have an encore of Miss Right for the fans since that’s what the majority voted,” our manager told us while he’s typing on his laptop. Three staff stood up to assemble the cameras.

                “Wait, are you talking about the special episode of Bangtan Bomb?” I asked.

Last week, we made our goodbye stage for “Black & White” and we took home the 1^st prize from Inkigayo. To show our gratitude for the ARMY, we promised to upload a special episode of Bangtan Bomb which is encore of one of our songs. What makes it special? While playing the song, we’ll show a skit and it should be comedic. Dissapointingly, I’m not in the good mood to do such thing like that. Comedic? Next question please.

                Manager nodded to my question. Then, Jin hyung butted in.

                “Why don’t we remake two songs instead of Miss Right only? I suggest No More Dream.”

                Great. Now, he’s making me erupt like a volcano.

                “That’s a good idea,” Rap Mon joined and I looked at him. “Let’s do it. Surely, every ARMY would love it.”

                “Call!” Jimin agreed, raising his thumbs-up. My blood started to boil. Seriously, I don’t want to do this right now. I’m having a heartache and we’re going to do a comedy show? That’s absurd.

                “I’m not feeling well. Excuse me,” I got up, but Jin hyung was so quick at grabbing my right ankle and pulled me to fall next to him.

                “Of course, you are feeling very well. In fact, you told me a while ago that you’re excited to do this activity for the fans,” he emphasized the words ‘for the fans’ to remind me that I’m Suga of BTS, not Yoon Gi who has one-sided love.

                I tried to free myself from his tight grip and run outside, but I also thought that when I did that, I would leave everybody thinking suspiciously towards me.

                “Why? Something’s wrong, Suga? You sick?” manager looked at me, so did the others. And I hate being the center of attraction and destruction.

                Jin answered instead of me.

                “No, boss,” he patted my back and I just pouted. “I told you, he’s just overwhelmed about this activity. Right, Yoon Gi?”

                I just nodded without showing a smile or any sign of excitement.

                “Very well,” manager folded his laptop and stood up. The silence was still heavy. Despite that Jin hyung’s so good at lying, everyone’s still thinking that I’m not alright. I tried to mask myself but it’s hard. “Ready yourself, boys. We’re off to Namsan Park first. Then, go back here to film the encore.”

                “Namsan Park?!” we all asked in unison. Yes, all of us had no idea that Namsan Park was part of the plan.

                “What are we going to do there?” Jungkook asked. He’s the last one to stand.

                Manager gave a go-signal to the coordinators who were with the cameramen. Then, the ladies brought three suitcases in front of us. I didn’t notice earlier that they’re carrying those bags when they came here. They opened it and we saw costumes. Costumes that you can only see in anime-related conventions or fests.

                “What are-are we going to wear this?” Jungkook picked a costume that everybody here would avoid. It’s a dress. It looked familiar until Ho Seok shouted.

                “Lili’s white dress!”

                He’s right. It’s Lili’s notable costume from the game Tekken.

                Even her long blonde wig is in the suitcase along with the other costumes and wigs. Obviously, it’s the only suit that is for a girl.

                “You seemed to like it, Ho Seok. You wear that one,” I suggested.

                I thought everyone’s going to agree with me because none of us would love to wear that. Rap Mon’s sailor moon outfit, me as a coffee maid, Jin hyung’s Chinese dress, Jungkook wearing hanbok and V’s pathetic transformation into a ladybug were just an abject failure. It’s disgusting. Hip-hop is dead when we do that.

                However, Nam Joon took the white dress and handed it to me. I just stared at it.

                “You have the nicest legs here, hyung. You should be the one wearing this,” Nam Joon grinned and I wanted to hit him. I looked at Jin to seek for help but he’s the one who took the dress and forced me to take it. The others nodded, showing their annoying approval.

                “Oh come on!” I shook my head. Heartache + annoyance = demise of Suga. I looked at manager and asked “What are we going to do in Namsan Park with these clothes?”

                “Good question. I call this activity fan service,” manager answered, not leaving his bossy character ever. “When we reach the park, you’ll roam around there with other cosplayers because today, there’s an Anime gathering there,” he picked up all the things from one of the suitcases and fourteen signed CDs of our  latest album was there with gold Toblerone attached to each. “Encore is not enough I think, that’s why we planned this. Fourteen lucky fans only who have the ability to recognize you even if you’re in disguise. Two albums per member.” He, then, walked beside me and held my shoulder. “Act naturally, boys. We don’t want to ruin that convention, right? As much as possible, try to pick the calmest fan who won’t scream and get everyone’s attention. The cameramen will be around but not too close to you so just enjoy the show. This is for ARMY.”

                “But what if someone really freaked out there because of us?” Jimin asked. He’s right because it’s inevitable to see screaming fans once they saw us.

                “I’ll tell you the back-up plan later. You ready yourself first. This is going to be exciting,” manager smiled and he made his way out.

                No. This is NOT going to be exciting, and it will never be. I DON’T WANT TO GO.

                “This is definitely going to be exciting, Min Yoon Gi,” Jin hyung once again showed up with his not-so-cute smile.

                “Stop teasing me, hyung,” I lowered my voice so that others won’t notice my pissed off mood.

                “You said ‘let’s give it a try’. We’re about to do that, kiddo,” he winked and it’s displeasing.

                Before I could even speak, Jin quickly put the long wig on me and smiled widely.

                “Hyu-”

                “Hey guys! Look at Yoon Gi. Oops, I mean Yoon Lili.”

                Everyone looked at me and praised my beauty. I stood still and looked like a statue with burning head because of embarrassment and anger.

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                We finally arrived at Namsan Park. Manager told us that if something unexpected happens, we just run back here in the van and we’ll depart. It sounds like we’ll run away from the ARMYs if we do that but manager keeps on telling us to “act naturally” to avoid noisy situations from happening.

                My mood is stagnant. I’m trying to calm myself but seeing that I’m wearing Lili’s dress, lipstick, false eyelashes, and wig makes it worse.

                Remember that you’re Suga of BTS. Suga of ARMY.

                I closed my eyes as I breathed in and out. So many thoughts in my head. Each thought carrying Stef’s voice and face. I’m not seeing her in person for weeks but I could still remember her beautiful face that no one resembles. Maybe it’s because of my lockscreen wallpaper that I always stare at. Whatever. I have to forget her and Jin hyung’s helping me. I have to depend on his help and advice starting today. I want to be the old me again. The Suga of BTS. The Suga who loves giving laughter to the fans. Not the Suga who’s in love with a fan who already has a boyfriend.

                Let’s give it a try.

                “Put this on,” Jin hyung gave me an aviator sunglasses to help me with my disguise. He and the others were also wearing the same. When I wore it, I immediately remembered the day I transformed into a taxi driver for stalking purposes. I looked weird back then but honestly, it was fun until that Peter came. Again, I would like to thank ahjussi for letting me borrow his cab. What happened to him while I was out for a special trip with his taxi? I gave him and her daughter (who’s a die-hard fan of mine) a 40,000 worth of gift certificates from different branded stores and they both shopped happily for the rest of the day. Also, I gave her daughter a free signed album of BTS and you could imagine her ecstasy. Ahjussi promised that they would keep whatever happened that day as a secret and gave me his calling card.

                “You look cool,” I told Jin who’s wearing Sanji’s black outfit from the anime One Piece. The yellow artificial hair fits his milky white skin but the white unlit cigarette makes him look like a bad guy. Like Sanji. I was trying to entertain myself by checking on other’s costume. Nam Joon and manager were the ones who decided what we’re going to wear. Unfortunately in my case, the members forced me to wear this white flowy cocktail dress with tight bodice because of the fake s I hate to wear. Jungkook portrays Tsuna from Reborn, Jimin as the charismatic Lelouch, V as Kagari of Psycho-pass, J-Hope as Ichigo that I chose for me, and Rap Monster as the cold guy Zero from Vampire Knight.

                We could be a bunch of hot and tantalizing guys if only not because of me who destroys the image. I wanted to end this quickly, but if that happened, my brain would think of Stef again. I don’t want to leave my brain empty because I might think of Stef. I want to occupy myself with happy and funny thoughts just for the sake of forgetting her.

                “You look hot,” Jin gave me a naughty smile and hit my leg covered with black stockings. Then, he bit his lower lip.

                “YOU ERT!” I kicked his shoulder four times even if I’m wearing this kind of clothing. I just stopped because he rushed outside the van. Jimin also followed because he’s afraid I might kick him, too.

                The others stared blankly at me, even manager.

                “What? You want kisses from my heels, too?” I asked them, raising an eyebrow.

                Ho Seok showed his clown-like surprised face. “Wow, hyung. That’s y. Did you even learn Lili’s gestures?”

                “And dialogues?” Tae Hyung added. They’re both fans of Tekken that’s why they’re reacting like that and never took off their eyes from me.

                I shrugged and smiled, “Let’s just say I’m doing this for fun.”

                I went out and saw bunches of cool cosplayers ambling around Namsan Park. I’ve attended masquerade proms and major music awards, but this one’s also amazing because people around you are wearing outfits that you cannot wear during typical days. Indeed, I’m in the anime world today.

                “Wow, man,” Tae Hyung exclaimed as he jumped out of the van with Ho Seok. The others followed. I spotted Jin hyung from afar because of his bright yellow hair but Jimin’s gone because his wig has the same color as most of the cosplayers here. Each of us is carrying black paper bag containing two signed albums.

                “Should we hunt for ARMY or hunt for y ladies?” Ho Seok jokingly asked and Tae Hyung punched his shoulder.

                “Cut it, Ho Seok hyung. We’re here to do both,” V loudly laughed. I rolled my eyes because I thought he’s going to scold J-Hope. But, he just joined the guy’s naughtiness and they started to go the fantasy-like crowd excitedly.

                I was left alone after Rap Monster and Jungkook followed them. Manager stayed inside the van. I wonder what he’s going to do there for hours.

                The sun was so bright even if I’m wearing sunglasses, but the cold didn’t let itself be defeated by the heat so no sweating.

                I started to stroll and observe everyone. Most of the guys were staring and whistling to me, which I found disgusting. If I would take off my wig, I’m sure all of them would vomit. But, I shouldn’t do that because I’ll ruin our activity.

                There were so many attractive cosplayers at every corner. In fact, I spotted a group consisted of Tekken characters. I was going to join them but they already have a Lili who’s wearing ash black dress with the same design as mine.

                I was looking for the other members especially Jin, but no signs of them. Maybe they’re already recognized by lucky ARMYs that fast. This is going to be the most difficult for me because no one would ever think that I’m Suga of BTS. I really looked like a girl. This is horrible.

                Meanwhile, I spotted one of our cameramen standing still behind a food stall. He’s with many unfamiliar photographers who were nonstop taking pictures of each cosplayer passing by.

                I planned to stay with him for a while to get some rest because I’ve been walking and observing for an hour. However, that plan of mine has been forgotten quickly because of the food stall.

                No, not the food stall. But the lady who’s selling small pancakes for the benefit of a charity. The pleasant aroma of the food wasn’t the reason why my feet were slowly walking towards the stall, but her smiling face I long to see.

                “Hi there, pretty miss. Do you want to try these pancakes I made? If you’re looking for confectionery, try my friend’s steamed Hangwa. If you purchase, 40% of your money will be sent to the charity.”

                “Stef,”

                I was able to stop my eyes from crying due to sorrow and happiness, but I wasn’t able to stop my mouth from saying her name.

                I’m 100% sure that it’s Stef with her bright smile and shining aura. The only girl who can make me do things l never tried to do before. The only girl who can make my heart collapse like this.

                “Stef,” I said once more, oblivious of what’s happening around. My desire to touch her again came but I couldn’t move because I’m now filled with happiness.

                Everytime I promised myself to erase her in my memory, she always appears. How am I supposed to forget her?