[Suga’s POV]

[From: Stef

                Good morning, Sugar. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to call you last night because a lot of news came to me, both good and bad. Let’s go first to bad news because we should save the best for last. Imagine me heaving a very deep sigh while typing on my phone, okay? So, here it goes. After the concert, I headed straight to Namsan to meet Peter. By the way, he’s the one who managed the stall yesterday. Then, I found him sitting alone on the bench we always sit on. To my surprise, my stall was gone! It’s not around when I checked the whole park so I ran back to Peter and found a paper in his hand. I didn’t read the content when I saw the ‘Permanent Removal of Property’ on the top of the paper. I was shocked because it’s so unexpected and Namsan didn’t give me any prior notice or message that they would take away my food stall. I got mad, of course. I planned to report to United Korea but Peter told me that it’s Namsan’s decision to remove my stall from the park and they couldn’t do anything about it. Addition to that, United Korea suggested to transfer my stall to other place except Namsan Park. It’s saddening and irritating. Now, it’s my problem where to reconstruct my stall. It’s like a back-to-zero process again. What should I do, Sugar? Do you know any happy place where I can start over again? If you do, please tell me and let’s meet there. ;-(

                Okay, let’s put aside that bad news for a while and go to the good one. Sugar, you know how ecstatic I was yesterday, right? The Stef/Kim Tae Bi you know has been transformed into a sasaeng fan. Haha! I jumped, screamed, danced, swayed, freaked out and almost died because of BTS’ concert. It was perfect and awesome! I love Suga so much. Friend, don’t be surprised and just believe me. Suga of BTS, my ultimate bias, held my hand and rapped in front of me!!! No. I’m not lying. It’s true and every ARMY in the studio got jealous to the highest level when Suga offered a red rose for me. IT IS SWEET. Still not believing me? Then, you better watch Music Core’s special episode on Saturday and see it for yourself. They concluded the amazing concert with the announcement of their first world tour entitled ‘Bulletproof Journey’ Kyaaaa~~~ I’m so excited!! I have to save more bucks to follow them wherever they go. Haha! I’m just kidding. But Sugar, did you know that Suga has the same kind of necklace as ours? Did you already know that and bought the same necklace so that it would remind me of my bias? Well, thank you! I am so happy to know that Suga and I and you are wearing necklaces with similar design and it feels like we’re somewhat connected to each other. I don’t want to say this to you because it’s embarrassing, but you’re my friend so I know you’ll understand. The time when I saw Suga’s necklace, I called him Sugar. Haha! Funny, isn’t it? I suddenly thought of you when I saw the pendant that’s why I uttered your name. Anyway, you and Suga are very different from each other. You’re a girl and he’s a boy. You’re more important to me, of course. Min Yoon Ah, I hope I can call you tonight because I have to solve my problem today regarding the stall. Hope you’re doing fine. Please, please, please, let’s meet someday. I want to see your face, my dearest friend. Take care and see you soon!

                                                                8:11 AM, June 14]

                That was the very first text message I received today and it really brightened up my mood because it came from Stef. However, hearing the news of termination of her food stall in Namsan Park made me worry. I wanted to help her so I thought of places here in Seoul where she could reconstruct her stall. How about selling her pancakes in BH’s Coffee House? No. That’s too obvious. She might figure out that Sugar is connected to me. Where? Where? Where? I have to think quickly. I don’t want Stef to be stressed. If she has a problem, I should carry the burden too. Why did that happen to Stef? She’s a hardworking lady and everybody loves her pancakes so why did Namsan Park’s administrator let that happen to her? It’s absurd.

                “Hey man, why look so pensive?”

                Ho Seok put his cap on my head and settled down next to me. We’re given a one-week break after the concert yesterday for us to have more energy and time to prepare for our world tour next month. The itinerary is currently being processed as well as the flow of each concert. It’s going to be tiring because this is our first world tour, but I assure myself that it’s also going to be exciting because we will be able to meet our international fans. But before that, I have to help Stef with her problem first.

                Jin hyung joined us and he sat on the couch opposite to ours. The other members were still in deep slumber so this is the right time to tell my colleagues about Stef’s morning text message.

                “I really thought you’re going to announce to the whole world about your feelings for Stef yesterday,” hyung said, scratching his head and making his morning hair messier. “What happened? You’ve changed your mind? You almost did it, Yoon Gi. For the first time, you made me nervous. Did you know that the members were so surprised of what you did? Well, we saved you because J-Hope and I laughed and fortunately, they joined us.”

                “Same here,” Ho Seok pointed himself. “I was expecting for your spontaneous confession to that girl. Are you even aware of the fact that you’re holding her hand? Everybody would really think that it’s sweet. And that sweetness is beyond fan-idol sweetness.”

                That’s my problem I’m talking about a while ago. My feelings for Stef is secret but it’s slowly getting revealed to public. I have to confirm everything by myself so that suspicions, gossips, rumors and even anxiety will vanish.

                “I was absolutely aware of everything I did yesterday,” I told them and returned J-Hope’s cap to him. “But I wasn’t able to stop myself from doing it.” Then, I looked at Jin. “Hyung, I’ve decided to tell to others about Stef. Help me with that.”

                Hyung’s expression was placid and I found it both insulting and encouraging. Still, I continued, “I want everyone to know that I love Stef. No more hiding. It makes everything difficult you know. I’m not good at keeping secrets. I have to tell them today everything.”

                “No need, Yoon Gi hyung.”

                Someone from my back spoke and my hairs stood on end when I heard his voice. I had an idea who he is because of Jin’s surprised face.

                “Nam Joon!” J-Hope shouted, his eyes wide. I looked behind and saw everyone. I’m dead.

                “Gu-”

                Jimin jumped to my lap and put his arms around my neck. Our faces were so close that I could clearly see the dirt in his small eyes and smell his foul morning breath. I wanted to throw him away but my surprised body couldn’t.

                “Hyung, that’s too sweet of you! That girl is indeed lucky,” Jimin told me with those smiling eyes, even though I couldn’t really see his eyes anymore when he does that.

                Nam Joon and Tae Hyung took their seats on the carpet while Jungkook lay his sleepy head on Jin’s lap. They’re all wearing a calm facial expression as if they didn’t hear me say ‘I want everyone to know that I love Stef’.

                There was silence and Jimin’s bloated face in front of me. Manager wasn’t with us today because he went to our agency earlier this morning. We’re left alone here in the dorm and I guess this is really the perfect time to reveal everything to the members.

                “What did you hear?” I started. I know Jin’s also asking that question because of his disturbed face.

                “Everything,” V answered the word I didn’t wish to hear. He patted his tummy, showing that he’s hungry but no one entertained him because there’s a more important matter to deal with-my problem.

                Jungkook added, “Everything. The girl whom you’ve given a rose yesterday, the girl whom you held hands with. The girl you caught at KBS’ building, the girl who made you cry in Namsan Park. The girl who made you transform into a taxi driver. The girl you love the most. The girl whose name is Stef. We know her, hyung. We heard everything. We heard enough.”

                I felt like my heart was poked by needles not because I got broken-hearted but because of Jungkook’s words. It surprised me to the point that I got speechless. Was he telling the truth or was it just me who couldn’t believe what he just said?

                To my surprise, I pushed Jimin down to the floor and he said ‘ouch’. I didn’t care and remained staring at the maknae.

                “Wait, how did you know all of these?” I asked, my voice was barely heard. Then, I looked in the eyes of each member.

                No one moved. Maybe they’re scared of what I would do once I found the culprit, that’s why they were thinking that it’s best for them to shut up. I looked at Jin and gave him a did-you-tell-them stare. He just shrugged then patted Jungkook’s tummy.

                “C’mon, guys,” hyung’s voice lightened up the heavy ambience. “Who told you those things? Huh? Tell us. We won’t get mad. Suga will explain if you tell us your source here.” He talked like a teacher speaking to his stubborn middle-school students, but in a calm way.

                Unfortunately, Jin’s angelic aura wasn’t effective. Everyone was still. Jungkook pretended that he’s sleeping again.

                Jin and I looked at each other.

                “Fine. No one will cook for breakfast,” he put his hands up to surrender and was about to stand, but Jimin stopped him and hit Jungkook’s chest with no reason.

                “It’s Taehyung!” the kid shouted with a nervous chuckle.

                 All of us stared at V who’s now shaking his head but it’s too late, he’s found guilty. It’s very obvious because of his red ears.

                 “Tae Hyung told us. All of it. He’s the source. We didn’t believe him at first but when he told us to observe you, we noticed that you’re acting different.” Jimin continued and I saw the others nodding. I heaved a sigh and just listened. Of course, I couldn’t reprimand V for that. It already happened so getting mad is useless. Besides, he already looked culpable. “The four of us saw you one morning talking with someone on the phone and you were blushing. Nam Joon hyung sneaked into your room one night to check your camera and showed us hundreds of images of an unfamiliar girl. That’s when we believed V’s suspicions.”

                 I just gulped even though I already felt that my face is red.

                RapMon added, “V also told us that you didn’t just disguise as a driver for that girl, but you also rented a mascot to be closer to her. At first, it’s unbelievable but the pictures explained it all. You’re in love with a girl named Stef.”

                 I covered my whole face for a while because they all know everything that I was just about to say. They didn’t give me the chance to say those words by myself. Should I get mad?

                 I looked at V again and he quickly looked away from me. I walked to him and he shut his eyes, probably he’s thinking that I was going to hit him, but what I did is caressed his hair.

                 “Believe me, J-Hope was the one who told me all of it. I just shared it to others. Don’t punish me, hyung.” V wailed like a poor baby which made the whole house laugh.

                  I jokingly glared at Ho Seok whose ears were red. He avoided my eyes and it only means that he’s the real suspect here.

                  “Ho Seok?” I raised an eyebrow.

                  “Hyung, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t control this mouth,” he slapped his own mouth and got hurt by his own stupidity.

                  “It’s alright. I can’t do anything about it now all of you know about Stef. But, I won’t forgive Nam Joon for tampering my camera without my consent,” I looked at RapMon and he smiled nervously.

                  Jin and I smiled at each other. I wasn’t expecting for their positive response. I thought they would all get mad at me for keeping secrets from them. For not introducing Stef to them. It was selfish of me, but Bangtan proved that we’re a resilient team. Secrets won’t bring us down or break our group apart. No more secrets. My ultimate problem is quickly vanishing. I won’t feel burdened anymore because my secret’s already revealed to the members. I feel lighter now. Should I thank J-Hope for that?

                  Jin hyung stood up and winked at me.

                  He looked at everyone, “I have to cook for breakfast.” Then he whispered to me, “I guess you can now handle this all by yourself. Just shout my name if you need super Jin’s help.” He patted my back and headed to his favorite place- the kitchen.

                  He’s right. I can handle this by myself now. My bros aren’t thinking that I defeated them with my secrets.

                  “Guys,” I spoke and the chaos between them died down. “I should be the one saying my apologies to you because of what I’ve done. I’m sorry. I was selfish.”

                  No response. They just looked, waiting for me to finish my speech.

                  “Honestly, I wanted to tell you about this since the day I first saw Stef. But, I got worried of how you guys would react and I was afraid that you would tell it to manager. I only shared this with Jin hyung because…he’s trustworthy.” The word ‘trustworthy’ was too sharp that I felt my throat hurt when I uttered that word. I shouldn’t have said that because it would hurt them.

                  “So you’re saying that we’re not trustworthy?” Jungkook got up and he’s serious. “Man, where’s the unity there? We’re a team, remember? We’re not you.”

                  “No one said that,” I rebutted. “Hyung was just too smart and observant to notice my infatuation towards Stef that’s why I trusted him with my secrets. Don’t underestimate yourself. You deserve to know my feelings anyway. I’m sorry for the hundredth time.”

                  Finally, V nudged Ho Seok away and sat beside me.

                  “It’s alright, hyung,” he said with a sincere smile but I still felt unease because of Jungkook. “What matters now is you admitted everything by yourself. It’s clarified already. No more suspicions and secrets. We should be happy.”

                  Jimin agreed. “Apology accepted,” he said and scratched his chin. “So the reason why you and Jin are so glued to each other lately is because of that girl, right?”

                  I nodded, “But why didn’t you confront us or asked what we’re talking about if you’re very suspicious already?” I asked him, or them. V’s stomach grumbled. He must be very hungry.

                  “Because I thought you two were just talking about dirty stuffs that are not appropriate for kids. Of course, I don’t want to involve myself in that because I’m too young for that.”

                  My face turned red. Jimin thought Jin and I were having a conversation over dirty topics? Oh, that’s not me. In J-Hope’s case, that’s possible.

                  “Hey, I have a clean brain, okay?” I told him. Ho Seok and Tae Hyung started to laugh and they were talking to each other through their eyes only. erts. I hit their naughty heads.

                  “Ah…I’m hungry,” V complained, acting like a baby but no one cared.

                  Nam Joon changed the topic by asking me, “So what’s your next move?”

                  Bluntly, I announced my next plan that even Jin hyung wasn’t expecting. “I’ll confess to that girl as soon as possible.”

                  Jungkook stomped his foot and we all startled, “You’re putting yourself in danger, hyung.” His voice sounded a little bit angry but I know he’s just concern about me. “If you do that, of course you’ll go on a date and if you date her, many people will recognize you. Pictures will be on the headline. Not only will our manager see that, our agency will be affected as well. Dozens of media will start camping in front of our building. That’s a problem not for you, but for BTS. Are you thinking of those possibilities? Consider the ARMYs’ reaction when they hear that.” He crossed his arms and sighed. His loud voice made us quiet. Jungkook now acts like a grown up.

                 Of course I was expecting for the members to say those words to me that’s why I already prepared my own stand.

                 Both J-Hope and Nam Joon nodded their heads, agreeing to what the maknae has said. They all stared at me, well except for V who ran to the kitchen.

                 I cleared my throat before speaking, “Jungkook, thanks for your concern and strong words to hyung. I also worried about those things before all of you even thought about it. I will be on the headline, our company and BTS will be on the hot seat, our fans will get disturbed and Stef’s life will not be as peaceful as before. I thought about all of those possibilities of course. But have you also thought of its opposite?”

                 They looked baffled.

                 “What do you mean?” Jungkook asked.

                 The aroma of Jin’s cuisine made me starve, too, so I talked to them straightforwardly to end this quickly.

                 “All of those instances we’re thinking will only happen if and only if I date Stef privately, right? Now, let’s look at the opposite. What if I proudly announce to everyone that I’m dating Stef and ask for our fans’ support? Do you think the media will still camp outside the building now that they know the whole truth? Yes, BTS will still get affected but in a good way.” I put my right hand on my chest to show sincerity. Slowly but surely, the members understood what I was trying to say, even Jungkook. “I’m not a coward. Don’t compare me with those idols who are keeping their relationship a secret. It’s cowardice and for me it’s stupid. How could they keep that a secret? Aren’t they proud of their relationship? So what if many fans will protest? It’s their decision. We are humans like them. We have the right to find the love of our life, too. Our life doesn’t just revolve around fame or fans or money. It’s not bad to date someone. For me, announcing to public my feelings for Stef is the best thing to do. I don’t want secrets anymore. I am proud and happy to fall in love with her and no one can stop me.”

                 Jimin did a standing ovation and Ho Seok joined him. Even I couldn’t believe I said those words in just a minute or two. Did I miss anything?

                 “Wow, hyung, I salute that girl!” Jimin showed his thumbs-up. “She made you overconfident. That’s amazing! She increased your bravery level. Or was it just war among your hormones. Wow daebak.”

                 “Dude, your words are so strong. I never thought you would say those things,” Ho Seok added, then he settled next to me. “Announcing to public that you’re dating, huh? No idols would ever dare to do that unless their agency made the announcement first. But by yourself? That’s swag!”

                Nam Joon followed, “Actually, I was thinking that you would also use message codes through Twitter.” He chuckled and I saw Jungkook smiling to what RapMon said. If I’m not mistaken, he’s referring to the couple Taeyeon of SNSD and Baekhyun of EXO who’s known for their “love code messages” on Instagram. Well, everyone knows about it.

               “I told you I’m not a coward. Also, I don’t want ARMY to feel betrayed or something, okay?” I clarified, raising my eyebrows. “I’ll be proud of my relationship. That’s it.”

               “Easy there, hyung,” Jungkook butted in again, and our eyes were on him. “I think you’re jumping to conclusions already. Does that girl already know that you like her? Or does she know that you’re Suga of BTS and not the mascot thingy or the taxi driver?”

               “He’s right,” Jimin pointed at the maknae. “Does Stef know about your feelings? What if she doesn’t accept your confession? That’s the worst problem,” he clucked his tongue and shook his head.

               “Nope. That’s not the problem. There’s one fact that should be considered as the real problem,” Jin suddenly made his appearance with apron on. He carried the main dish for this morning and the mouth-watering smell roamed around the room. V also came with plates and utensils. They placed everything on the table and we circled around it. Jin hyung took his seat beside me and stirred the hot soup.

               “What’s that ‘one fact’?” Jimin asked.

               I just listened to what hyung’s gonna say.

               “The girl has a boyfriend,” he answered calmly, but the guys were not calm after hearing it. I wanted to explain but Jin slapped my thigh so I remained silent.

              “However, that boyfriend of Stef has another girlfriend,” he continued.

              “WHAT?!” all of them paused from getting food to shout in unison. Yes, those reactions are what I was expecting to see. I knew they would react like that.

              “OMG, that’s terrible,” V showed his disgusted face.

              “You know DJ Charmaine, right? From Arirang radio?” Jin’s question made the members serious. They all put down their plates to listen first. Of course, all of us know that lady because she’s the one who hosted our concert yesterday. In fact, our manager admires her because she’s beautiful. Really?

              “Charmaine Lee is a best friend to Suga’s Stef,” hyung patted my shoulder. ‘Suga’s Stef’ sounds good. “Stef has a boyfriend named Peter, an affluent American guy who acts cool and lovely to Stef. Terribly, this Peter also acts cutely and lovely to his girlfriend #2 named Charmaine Lee. Do you smell betrayal?”

              “WHAT?!” This time, it was only Nam Joon who shouted because the others were wearing disgusted face.

              “Wait, that Peter guy is the American who visited Charmaine at Arirang Studio?” Jungkook asked.

              “With a bunch of red roses?” Tae Hyung added, jaw-dropped.

              I finally nodded. “Exactly. That guy is Peter Woods, boyfriend of Stef.”

             “That guy is terrible,” Jimin shook his head and sighed.

             “No, Charmaine Lee is a terrible friend,” Ho Seok butted in.

             “Actually, both of them are horrible,” Jin corrected the two. “Guys, that’s why Suga has to be there for Stef. When the girl finds out the monstrous acts of those creatures, I’m sure she would be more than brokenhearted. That girl will be pathetic.”

             I nodded. That’s exactly what I wanted to say to the boys. I thank Jin for always getting my back. He’s a better speaker than me. He’s meticulous when it comes to explaining things, but I’m not.

            “And Jungkook, your hyung isn’t jumping to conclusions. He’s just telling his plans,” Jin continued. His voice was serious. “To be honest, I’m on his side. Look at him,” he pointed at me but I was too busy eating. “He changed a lot. Isn’t it obvious? Because of love, he got weird.”

            “Hey!” I hit his shoulder and he burst out laughing. Everyone joined him, making me smile, too. Although his jokes for me are always insulting I still find it calming because I feel like I am loved despite these circumstances.

            “Honestly, this is my first time to know that Suga hyung possesses a great confidence and bravery when it comes to love. Confronting the media and fans? That’s cool, man. I’ll look forward to that day,” Ho Seok showed his support as well. Jimin and V both held up their thumbs.

            Nam Joon was chewing his food when he spoke to me, “Hey Yoon Gi hyung, I want to see that girl in person, okay? Those pictures I saw on your camera aren’t enough.”

            “Buy me a new cam first,” I joked and he palmed his face.

            Jungkook joined the conversation, too, “Nam Joon hyung, didn’t you see her already in person?” Everyone looked at each other, looking puzzled. Even I felt baffled because did they already Stef without my knowledge? Then, Jungkook smirked. “Oh guys, what’s in your brain? Don’t you remember? She’s the girl who received Suga’s rose from our yesterday’s concert.”

           All of us said ‘ooh’ and nodded like kids who just saw a magic trick.

           Rap Mon was the only one who still looked lost. He shook his head, “That’s still not enough. I want a closer look.”

           I finally felt happy and satisfied to see the members’ positive response. They really are like a family to me. I promise myself not to keep a secret from them anymore because they deserve to know everything about me. That’s what a real and united team is.

           “Thanks, guys,” I suddenly said while we’re in the midst of eating in silence. “I was expecting that you would get mad at me for hiding a secret or for being a selfish. Thank you for understanding me,” I bowed and looked at Jungkook because he’s the most affected here. But, it feels good to see that he’s starting to give positive reactions. “I’ll talk to manager about this as soon as possible.”

           “We’re with you,” Jungkook gave his promising word no one expected to hear. I felt happier because of that. This is amazing.

           I smiled at him and thought of Stef. Her problem about her stall will be solved soon, too. Since everything’s going to be settled, I’ll let her sell her pancakes at BH’s Coffee House. How exciting. I’ll see her everyday without wearing any costumes or masks.

           I glanced at my phone and saw the best photo ever: Me and Stef staring at each other like there’s no tomorrow. Thanks to the fan who took this picture.

          See you soon. I said inside my head as I stared at her image I would never ever forget.