[Suga's POV]

                Lovesick. Longing. Missing. Crazy. What do those words really mean? I included them in our songs’ lyrics because I thought I absolutely knew what they mean. But right now, I don’t know when to use those words. But one thing for sure, those words fit to describe what I’m feeling for weeks.

                The company gave us a 3-week break after promoting our latest single “Black & White”. Many events like fanmeets, mini-concerts, live shows, photo shoots and interviews happened in different places. However, my mind is still in front of KBS’ building. It stayed there with a memory I want to keep but do not want to treasure. I’m going crazy. That lady is like a puzzle I have to solve. Good thing I’m interested in puzzles. Interested only. I shouldn’t love someone whom I barely know. She has fantastically beautiful face, but beauty is not skin-deep, beauty is inside. But, a part of me tells that outward appearance leads me to the heart of that person. Seriously? Now, I believe in the saying that your own self is your greatest rival. Min Yoon Gi, think clearly and stop fighting yourself!

                “You alright?” Jin hyung helped me go back to my senses when he sat across to me and placed his brewed coffee on the round table. Jin hyung, Nam Joon and I walked down here in BH’s Coffee House from our dance studio in 5^th floor to grab warm coffees in the morning. We left the other members in our dorm because of their sleepy heads but Ho Seok texted me that they would follow later to join us in the gym.

                “Yep. I’m alright,” I lied, and sipped from my Americano.

                “You don’t seem to,” hyung looked at me judgingly and I pretended that I’m alright and not thinking of that girl. “Something’s wrong with you. Are you sick? Is that the aftermath of the disappearance of your appendix? Just tell me. You don’t seem like you these past few weeks. Your energy while dancing faded and you didn’t look at the camera during live broadcast. You only looked at the audience. What were you thinking?”

                “It’s better to look at the fans’ faces than the cameras, hyung,” I rebutted, making him looked more suspicious. I didn’t know either what he’s thinking when he looked at me like that.

                Nam Joon came, killing the awkward silence between us. He placed his mocha frappe above the table and sat on my right side.

                “Are you guys fighting?” he asked then looked at both me and Jin.

                “No, we’re not,” Jin smiled at me. It means there’s really nothing wrong going around us. “Yoon Gi and I were just having a serious conversation about our fans.”

                I thought this small talk was over, but Jin secretly pointed at my phone which was beside my coffee.

                My hand quickly grabbed it before Nam Joon could see my lock screen wallpaper. It’s a photo I downloaded from the internet that shows me and the unknown girl looking at each other’s eyes while her back is leaning on my arm. It’s unbelievable that I made it as my lock screen wallpaper. This is not so me.

                I powered off my phone and slid it into my pants-pocket. Then, I embarrassedly looked up to Jin hyung’s smirking face. Ugh, this is terrible. Now, he knows the source of my weakness.

                “A very beautiful excuse,” he got up after gulping the remaining coffee of his. Nam Joon looked baffled because he has no idea of what’s going on. To help him, I also stood up.

                “Just bring your drink upstairs, Nam Joon. I’m starting to feel suffocated here,” I said the words that weren’t supposed to be uttered.

                Rap Mon raised an eyebrow and pointed outside the floor-to-ceiling window of BH Coffee House where dozens of ARMYs were waving their hands and taking pictures of us. They’re always there, both same and new faces. 24/7. Sometimes, I’m worried that they would miss their classes because of coming here just to see us. I don’t want them to spend their whole day stalking at BTS because their future won’t be very bright. I’m not saying that I don’t like ARMY to follow us, I just want them to realize that their world doesn’t just revolve around us. There are more important things and people around them than BTS.

                “Suffocating you said?” Nam Joon asked. “You feel suffocated because of those people?”

                “Of course not,” I immediately responded and shook my head.

                I took a glimpse of the ARMY outside and waved my hand. Even if I couldn’t hear them, I could still feel their loud cheers.

                Nam Joon got up and I was about to leave our place when my eyes spotted someone outside I’m not supposed to see. I felt my heart jumped in my ribcage and I belched.

                The world and time both ceased from moving again. I experienced this weird feeling before where my brain and heart fight each other. My knees have gone weak, I held on the table to keep my balance. I can’t breathe.

                That girl. That girl from the KBS area who spellbound me with her Aphrodite-like face is here. That girl who made me a different person in just a few seconds. That girl who brought insanity inside me through her black stunning eyes. That girl who I really long to see is shining brightly from the sea of fans’ faces. Insanity bombarded me again.

                “Suga,” Jin’s hand was on my shoulder. But I didn’t look back at him because my eyes were so glued to that girl who’s now walking away from the crowd. She’s heading to a cab parked near our building.

                I panicked but I didn’t let them see it especially the fans outside who were oblivious because none of them were paying attention to the girl I was staring at. That’s a relief.

                “I’m not feeling well. Don’t follow me,” I said to the two. Rap Mon was still confused, but when I looked at Jin hyung, he nodded and gave me a small smile. What does that mean? Has he figured it out? Did he also see that girl even if there were numbers of faces out there? There’s no time to ask those questions because in any second, that girl who haunts me will be gone again with that taxi.

                “Hope you get well soon, Yoon Gi. Hurry and go to the restroom,” Jin sidestepped to give way for me. When he winked, I found out that he already knew I’m lying and running after someone. He explained to Nam Joon that I’m having a severe stomachache. A very good excuse and bad lie.

                I just gave hyung a pat on the shoulder to thank him silently. He grabbed my elbow and whispered before letting me go, “I knew it. You like that girl since the day you caught her. The way you looked at her was just so strong and intense. Don’t let anybody notice that because you’ll be in great danger. Promise me that.”

                I was shocked. He really knows what’s on my mind recently. I just nodded and rushed outside to fire exit, not minding the staff and janitors who’re looking at me as I ran.

                Thankfully, no one’s outside when I got out from the back door of our building. I was alone with the used props from our performances, huge trashbins that are sealed, and the backview of the building which is not as attractive and clean as the front. I spotted a black cap abandoned with one of the disposable props at the top of a trashbin. Maybe, it was used by one of our back-up dancers. Without a second thought, I picked it up and rubbed off the dirt before putting it above my head. I also snatched a black sunglasses. Then, I ran to the front with a very careful move so that the fans won’t notice me. Good thing, I’m wearing a very simple clothing that would make me look like a typical guy strolling along the streets of Seoul.

                I looked everywhere to search for a yellow cab. And I saw it, it’s going to pass the traffic light. I hopefully prayed that red light would blink on so that I’ll have more time to follow it.

                Unfortunately, the green light continued to shine and I was insulted.

                I stomped my foot, but luckily, a yellow taxi was coming so I really blocked its way, making the driver kick the break forcefully before he could hit me. My heart jumped because I was scared. I am insane.

                I rushed inside and settled down beside the driver.

                “What the heck, kid-” the driver’s furious face quickly melted when I removed my cap and bowed to him. “SUGA!”

                It’s so unexpected that he knows me too and freaked out like the girls in front of our building.

                “Were you trying to kill yourself a while ago?” he asked me, which sounded like a reprimand. “Don’t waste that precious life of yours kiddo. If you want a peaceful life, marry my daughter who-”

                “Sir please, I’m in a hurry. Follow that cab!” I ordered politely even if my voice was raised. I don’t have time to chat about such things right now because I wanted to go after that cab. Thankfully, he understood me and quickly accelerated the car with great speed to catch up the taxi I was pointing meters away from us.

                “Seems like there’s a very important person in that cab,” the driver could even manage to talk although he’s driving crazily fast. He’s an expert.

                I don’t know what to say because the girl in that cab has no relation to me except that she’s a fan. Well, it’s absurd to see an idol chasing his fan instead of the fan chasing the idol. That girl is the suspect to this kind of case. I won’t be acting like this if she didn’t show up to me before in the first place.

                “No, the person in that cab is keeping the last puzzle piece that I have to get to solve the puzzle I’m interestingly playing.” My answer was atrocious. The driver obviously didn’t seem to believe me. Maybe he’s thinking that I’m crazy because how could a normal person waste his time and put his life on risk just because of a puzzle piece? Insanity is within me.

                RIP Suga of BTS.