[Kim Tae Bi's POV]            

                It’s 6:30pm when we checked in at Hivice Hotel in Ansan. We’re pretty far from Seoul and the crowd here’s lesser. A good place for Suga because, so far, we haven’t encountered any ARMY yet, but there were few people giving us suspicious looks. Despite that, Suga never let go of my hand and it makes me smile all the time. His existence makes me feel extra special.

                Our room is 1305 so we take the elevator and Suga presses the button 13. The elevator door closes and we’re alone.

                I have no idea why I keep on looking at Suga’s perfect features. Maybe because he’s too attractive or maybe because I still couldn’t get over of the fact that he is Suga. He is Suga. The best rapper the world has ever produced is here. With me.

                The elevator continues going up without stopping at any floor. Was it intentionally or the people are just asleep at this hour?Suga looks at me and I do the same. He is so handsome and I look terrible. I just smile and he copies me. I pout, he pouts. I giggle, he giggles, too. I raise an eyebrow, so does he. Finally, I burst out laughing because of our naughtiness in this silent place. We don’t care whatever the people behind the CCTV are thinking about us. What matters is we’re enjoying our company.

                “You’re crazy to like a woman like me,” I suddenly say, and that’s out of curiosity actually.

                Suga closes the distance between us by pulling me for a hug. His hands on my back make me shiver. Slowly, I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my head to his chest. Hugging him like this is like knowing him better.

                “You’re my miss right,” he whispers, but those words will remain loud in my ears.

                The elevator stops at 13^th floor and we walk to ‘our’ room. The hotel is one of the 5-star hotels in the city that’s why the interior is glamorous and luxurious. This is the kind of place I like the most. Suga knows my taste. He’s such a stalker.

                “You want to take a bath first?” he asks me after settling down his baggage and the shopping bags. Before we arrived here, we dropped by a mall to buy food and clothes and stuffs we’ll need for our vacation. No, it’s just me who’s thinking that this is a vacation. I still don’t know the intention of Suga even though we already kissed like a married couple back there in his car.

                “Maybe later, I’ll just change my clothes and we’ll talk about lots of things,” I halt for a moment because I feel shy to say the next words. “I guess you have to clarify everything to me, is it alright?” asking that question makes the atmosphere awkward. Honestly, I just want to know how this all started, why is he doing this to me and what are the other things I’m still unaware of. Well, aside from the fact that he’s Sugar. I want to know him better not as the rapper of BTS, but as Min Yoon Gi- the person who cares so much for me.

                “Alright. I will explain everything you want to know later. I’ll wait here,” he calmly smiles and sits at the long couch.

                I walk to the shopping bags and pick the clothes Suga bought for me. I am happy to see it because it’s a thing he purchased specially for me. An idol just gave a gift to his fan. Who’s not going to be crazy about it?

                I turn around and our eyes meet. I didn’t know he’s watching me daydreaming as I touched the new clothes. It’s awkward, but for me it’s happiness. I remember his sincere kiss whenever I see those eyes.

                “I…I’ll change now,” I stutter, and it’s embarrassing. I look away and start to the bathroom. Then, I heard Suga giggling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                After changing into PJs, I walk to the bedroom because Suga’s there, well aside from the fact that I really want to stay there with him. I feel both nervous and excited because we’re alone. But when Suga smiles at me, I find that he’s a very harmless man. It is just me who’s thinking of weird thoughts. I’m such a ert.

                He’s wearing his blue PJs thatmatches mine. We both picked the same style because he suggested it, and who wouldn’t resist to that? Couple clothing is another proof that a relationship is burgeoning between us.

                I sit on the bed and he’s on the table, swaying his feet back and forth like a kid. I’m gonna cry, he’s so cute. We smile at each other but no one speaks. I don’t know how to start the conversation because my heart is hyperventilating in my rib cage. If I speak, I’m afraid I won’t stop screaming his name.

                “Hi,” he raises a hand. Thankfully, he starts.

                “Yeah, hi,” I flatly reply, but I could feel a scream trapped in my throat. I have to control, control, and control. Fangirling attacks me again and if I let my guard down, I’ll explode.

                “You’re cute,” he tells me, and my round world turns into a heart-shaped.

                “Why are you saying words like that to me?” I say and I could feel the heat rising up to my face.

                He laughs and my world melts.

                “You’re cute,” he says again and this time he sits beside me. My heart jumps out of my body.

                I couldn’t stop myself from admiring hiswhite flawless face. “Yourface is the one that’s cute, not mine,” I reply. I let my hand touch his. He holds onto it tightly and I feel so happy. “I never imagined that among the BTS members, you’ll be the first one to be in a relationship like this. I thought you’re the type of person who doesn’t have the luxury of time to fall in love with a girl because you’re too hooked on producing songs. You’re too busy to fall in love.”

                He stares down at our holding hands and smiles sweetly as if he’s reminiscing a funny memory.

                “I also thought of that when I started following you,” he starts. Hearing him say ‘I started following you’ gives me a chill and I inevitably smile back. When was the first time he started following me? Just thinking of it makes me blush. “You remember the first day we met in person?”

                “You mean the day I fell right in front of you?” Sharing that experience made me embarrass because that’s a very humiliating episode of my life. But, that’s the first day I saw Suga up close. Maybe he’s referring to that day.

                He nods, “Yes. That’s it. The first day I saw you. The first time I felt something weird in my heart. Apparently, you’re the reason why I grasp the feeling of falling in love.” His words are so genuine that tears start to form in my eyes. I never thought of this impossibility that could transform into reality. A superstar falling in love with his fan? That’s like giving the moon and stars, literally, to someone you love.

                “But, I thought you got mad at me for stepping beyond the line. I felt so sorry about that and I wasn’t able to apologize to you because the securities carried me away,” I rebutted. “That’s why I gave a towel to you as an apology gift.”

                He shakes his head, “I’ve never gone mad at you. Maybe puzzled. But, it still doesn’t mean that I got mad at you.” He smiles and I can’t stop myself from smiling. Such a loser. Then, he reaches the towel hanging on the wooden chair near the bed. It’s the white towel I gave to him with his name stitched on it. I takeit and feel the soft texture of the cloth. I’m glad to see that this is in good hands. But then I remember that he recently used this back when we were in Seoul.

                “How did you know that I was at the park, crying?” I suddenly blurt out a question. Well, that one keeps on pushing itself out of my mind.

                Suga didn’t let silence come between us, “You called Sugar and told her you love her. Your tone that time was weak and it really frightened me because I was thinking that you’re going to do something bad. That sent chills to me that I rushed to your unit. The door was unlocked and the room was empty. The park was the next place I thought you would go because that’s your favorite. Then, I found you there, as I was expecting. Waiting for the rushing truck to hit you.”His brows furrow for a while, then he looks at me. So, it’s really Suga whom I’ve been calling and sending text messages to for weeks, and not Sugar. Sugar was just a made-up character by him. Sugar is Suga. “Why would you let yourself get killed if you know there are people who will never stop loving you?”

                He sounds like he’s scolding me, but I know that he’s just deeply concernedabout me. I feel guilty even though those suicide thoughts are already in the past. I really made him worry.

                “I’m sorry,” I say with my most apologetic tone of voice. My heart is being pinched by my own breath. I just couldn’t describe this new emotion flooding up to my head. Is it really new or am I just ignoring it? “I was out of my mind that time because I was really, really hurt of what I’ve seen that-”

                I suddenly cover my mouth because I start to cry. My vision becomes blurred because of all the tears I kept from cascading for days. “I’m so sorry,” I repeatedly say to Suga even though I haven’t seen myself done anything wrong. I just said it because I’m crying in front of him. I look pathetic. Now I’m aware that the reason of these tears is the fact that the wounds on my heart are still fresh and open. The image of Peter and So Ah are coming back to my mind. The two of them lying in the same bed.They both made me look so stupid. They killed me already. I cry and cry until I hit my own chest to shake off my heart from squeezing itself. How I wish this pain could also go out with my tears so that I won’t suffer anymore.

                I remember Peter’s smiles, embraces and voice. His dedication to our relationship that turns out to be deceitful is like a dagger ing itself deep into my heart and killing me slowly. Peter is a good man. Was.Just what did I do to make him betray me? Charmaine.My dearest friend since we were still young students. I couldn’t think of any word to describe how terrible she is now to me. It seems like all the bondings we had together are all but fake. I love her to the extent that I treated her like my sister, but what has she given in return?

                I cry, sob, and wail. I know crying and hurting myself aren’t enough to ease the pain but I couldn’t kill myself anymore because of someone who brought color to my life. If not because of him, I won’t make it to this day.

                Suga stops me from hurting myself and pulls me for a tight embrace. My ear leans on his chest so that I could hear his heartbeat and help myself from suffocation.

                “It hurts. It really, really hurts me,” I cry. Both my hands cover my mouth so that I won’t cause so much noise, but I couldn’t help myself from screaming. My whole face is drenched in my own tears. Am I wrong for replacing our happy moments with this? We were just smiling at each other and now, everything has changed so quickly.I’m really not good at handling my own emotions. “What have I done terrible for them to betray me?” my words don’t sound like it should be because I start to catch my breath from crying. “They’re bad. Really bad.”Suga never stops patting my back and providing me warmth with his embrace. “I’m so sorry, Suga.”

                “Please don’t say that,” he finally speaks and his voice is like a remedy for my broken heart. “I know the reason why you’re like this and there’s no reason for you to say sorry. I am here to comfort you, Tae Bi. Cry all you want, I’ll be here to help.”

                With that, I release every tear that contains my misery and the image of Peter and So Ah together.

                “I’m here, Tae Bi. I won’t leave you ever again. Don’t think of Peter and Charmaine anymore please. You have me. Please let me take care of you.” Suga sounds like he’s going to cry. I sit up to look at him and his eyes look sad. I want to ask how he knew the names of those people but what really sinks in my mind is his ‘please’. Tears stop from wetting my eyes. Aside from my family, he’s the one who defines sincerity to me. I don’t know how to pay him back for this love he’s giving me. But others say love is priceless. My genuine love is maybe the only way to thank him for everything. “I don’t want to see you cry or in pain, honestly. When you cry like this, it only tells me that I’m not helping you.” He looks down and I feel terrible.

                “No, Yoon Gi,” It’s my first time to call him by his real name since we met in person. It somehow alarms him. Calling him Yoon Gi would really bring us to reality. It’s just me and him. “Don’t say those words. You are Min Yoon Gi, the person who helped me get better when I was sick. You’re the one who made me happy with your existence alone. Why would you say that you’re not helping me? You did more than enough.” I move his face to look at me. He also does the same and we stare at each other for a long time. His eyes are telling me not to cry anymore because I am always loved by him. Maybe it is just me who’s hurting myself. I keep on thinking about Peter and his love that turned out fake. I keep on thinking about them. Why do I keep on holding on to it when there’s someone who could catch me once I let go. All I have to do is forget and look on the bright picture. Forget. I wish it would be easy to forget a past that has a great part in my history.

Forget.

Let go.

                Am I getting too fast? Definitely not because this time, I can assure to myself that Suga is the only remedy to my fading life and I have to take it with no reluctance.

                Start over again. That’s right. I should start anew and take Suga with me. He loves me dearly and I do the same not as a fan, but as a girl who knows how to dwell in happiness. He might help me start over again and be a stronger Kim Tae Bi.

                I wipe the tears off my face and take Suga’s hand. “I’m sorry.” With that, I start to burymy dark past into the deepest grave of the world. Wherever it is.

                He shakes his head and smiles, “I love you.”

                This is the start.