[Tae Bi's POV]

Three years passed…

                The aroma of mom’s cooking had my eyes opened. Pancakes.  

                I got up from bed and walked downstairs. Dad had already taken his seat at the dining area with newspaper covering his face. I smiled, because every morning I get to see them there. They’re the best people in the whole wide world and my day will never be complete without their love for me. Thank God because mom had completely recovered from her Status Migrainosus just a year ago. She would be close to coma if not because of prayers and special medical attention. I was everyday worried of mom the previous years that I temporarily lived in the hospital just to keep guiding her. Dad worked five times harder for the hospital bills, and I applied for the position of store manager at H&M. Our salary helped a lot. I didn’t even felt that three years have been spent since I came back here in Maryland. Time flies so fast especially when you’re seriously busy.

                I took my seat across from dad and gave myself a morning coffee. He put down the newspaper once he heard me sit. Mom greeted me with her beautiful smile I believe I inherited. For others, morning like this is usual, but for me it’s not. Every morning is different and always better than yesterday because we’re complete under the same roof.

                “What time is your work today?” mom asked me, placing a pancake on my empty plate. My stomach growled with the smell. I was hungry because I didn’t eat dinner last night due to company meeting that ended very late.

                “I have to be there at 8:30. The store’s on sale,” I answered, and gave myself a mouthful of pancake. For sure, a lot of shoppers will come today because we’re selling discounted products. The store opens at 10AM but I have to be earlier than that, so my workers are. I have to check if the clothes and accessories are in order before the store opens. I have to check the attendance of my employees, too, so that we can attend to every customer coming. There’s a lot of preparations to do for today, that’s why I have to be there early.

                Dad suddenly changed the topic and handed me the newspaper. I wondered why, so I took it. “They had a concert here last week, did you know about that?”

                I didn’t ask back because I know who and what he was referring to. My heart suddenly stopped from beating fast as I searched the paper and found the column in Entertainment section. It was entitled, BTS hypes up Maryland. The article was long and I read through it silently. There were snapshots attached and I smiled for a little when I saw their group-pose that resembled soldiers. The gigantic auditorium was filled with shining audience and I could imagine the loudness of the place. It brings back memories.

                This concert is considered a comeback performance for one of the group’s rappers, Suga, since his 2-year mandatory service in Korean military.

                He’s back. I wanted to shout his name and imagine that I’m in the crowd, jumping and singing and swaying with them. I wanted to cry. I wanted to see him. He had no idea how much I miss him. Does he know I still care?

                “Honey, are you alright?” I was surprised to see mom behind me. She put her hand on my shoulder and smiled. She noticed my sudden silence in front of my favorite breakfast.

                I quickly nodded and shook off the thought of crying. “Of course I am, mom.” I took a last sip from my coffee and stood up to prepare for work. “I’ll go wash and change. Thanks, mom.” Then I handed back the newspaper to dad’s side and walked upstairs, as if nothing came to my mind.

                My workplace is just a walking distance from our house; nevertheless, I have to hurry because I have to be the first to arrive before my employees. But then, on my way to the store, something caught my full attention. It forced me to stop from walking. A lot of children gathered around it, and they’re all happy including the parents. It’s a beautiful scenery across from me; smiling kids, surprises, and Brown.

                It’s exactly similar to the Brown I met back in Seoul. He’s giving away small white plastic bags to each kid that contained assorted sweets and toys. After thanking the mascot, they would run to their parents and boast what they received. Everyone’s happy. Except for me.

                It hyped up my curiosity but I didn’t let intuition won me over. I willingly waited for half an hour before the mascot walked behind LINE’s truck to take a rest. I ran to him and he was surprised to see me standing in front of him. He was going to remove the bulky head from him but he was stopped by my sudden appearance. He didn’t speak a word, and just stared at me. Those empty eyes of the mascot and speechless mouth totally reminded me of someone. Of him.

                Biting the back of my cheek, I pulled up the head of the mascot and expected to see him.

                The fluffy head dropped on the ground and I stepped back.

                “I’m sorry,” I said, showing a surprised face in front of a lady whose face was covered with sweat. She gave me surprised look, too, but she smiled later on.

                “You want candies?” she asked, handing a bag of candies to me. I silently took it and left her after apologizing.

                My shoulders felt heavier as I continued my walk to the store. My heart has no idea if I’m doing the right thing. I am not erasing memories, but I am keeping myself away from him. To me, it’s the best thing to do for both of us. I am happy with my current job, residence, and status. I know he, too, is happy with what he’s currently doing because I saw his photo in the news this morning, those smiles I thought had belonged to me.

                I was the first to open the store’s door. After putting down my bag in my office, I switched  on the lights and air conditioner. No one’s coming yet because it’s just 8 in the morning, but I initiated to prepare the store for today’s customers. I operated each cash register and arranged the mannequins. Meanwhile, a lady worker arrived and she hurried to sweep the floor after greeting me.

                “I’m sorry ma’am, I should be doing this, not you,” she told me. Somehow, I felt guilty and uncomfortable when they are talking to me with politeness because most of them are older than me.

                I shook my head and smiled, “You should put down your bag first, Mia. It’s also part of my job to clean the store, you know.”

                Three more employees came while we’re beautifying the place. We greeted one another, and I went back to my room to check my email. But then, I saw the bag of candies on top of the table that I received just a while ago. It reminded me of Brown’s signature expression. It reminded me of him. I took my seat and stared at it.

                Honestly, Suga and I ended our conversation two years ago, or if that’s what it seemed like. I was busy taking good care of my ill mom from morning to evening, and he’s busy performing in different countries. We used to phone call each other despite the huge time difference and unbearable fatigue, he used to update me of the latest projects of BTS, I used to tell him how much I missed him everyday. We were loyal to our promise of not leaving each other’s hearts no matter where we are. Until one day, none of us called the other one. A day lasted with no communication. Our real environment parted us slowly and we got pushed by that strong flow. That day grew to weeks, to months, and years. Now, we haven’t talked to each other for more than two years. I was able to cope fast with that unnoticeable pain probably because of those few news I’ve read and heard about him and the group. What made our relationship stagnant was the fact that he suddenly went into the army. I was surprised that time and it gave me less hope because he didn’t tell me about his decision prior to his enrollment. It gave me the thought that he no longer thinks of me as much as he used to before. So without further communication, we called it quits. Or I wish it was only my thought. I find it unfair because I get to know what keeps him busy, and it hurts me so much. He’s always happy, considering my absence for I’m not popular like him. No news article about me, and yet he can still smile? No matter how hard I try to distract myself, my world still revolves around him. But how about him? Do I still have value in his life? I am eager to know, but it seemed like I’ll remain trapped in this endless, hopeless wishes and hanging questions.

A knock on the door took me back to reality. I was surprised to see all the staff staring at me outside the door. They all wore worried faces and I wondered why until I felt my cheeks cold. I was crying.

                “Are you feeling well, ma’am?” Mia asked, and she’s the only person who walked close to my table. She handed me a box of tissue and I thanked her.

                “Yes, I’m perfectly fine, everyone. It’s just a headache, but I feel better now. Thank you.” I wiped off the tears from my face and showed them my smile to convince them I’m fine. They were hesitant to walk back to their work, so Mia silently forced them. I asked her to close the door when she left the room and I started working. No, I started crying.

                I got home late and tired. Mom and dad were already sleeping, so I headed straight to my room and closed the door carefully to avoid making noise that could wake them up. I know both of them were exhausted of work, especially dad. I the TV and my hand intentionally flipped the channel to Arirang. I was expecting for economic news about Korea or travel show promoting the very beautiful cities of the country, but what greeted me was entertainment news, and it’s about Nam Joon. Why does this day kept on reminding me about him?

                Rap Monster and non-celebrity girlfriend start going out. BigHit confirms the relationship.

                A lot of pictures of them together had surfaced, even a screenshot of the agency’s statement regarding the relationship. I focused my eye on one photo which showed the girl’s face. There’s no doubt that she’s Sabrina. Nam Joon’s first love whom he met in New Zealand. I felt like looking at myself because we have the same shape of eyes, smile, and skin color. I seriously looked like her and it’s crazy. No wonder I really reminded Nam Joon of her because of our similar physical attributes, except for our hair color. She is blonde and I have black hair. But still, we look like twins. Will her presence remind Suga of me?

                I washed away the thought and turned off the TV. I sent my silent congratulatory message to the new couple. I wished them a healthy relationship that would last forever, unlike ours.  I’m sure fans are affected, but in a good way just like their response to my relationship with Suga.              

                I woke up the next day with heavy eyelids. For the Tae Bi who longs for his boyfriend, it’s just an ordinary boring day. For the Tae Bi who strives to do better, it’s no ordinary day. I walked downstairs, seeing my mom cooking breakfast and dad reading the latest news. I settled down on my favorite spot, which is opposite to dad’s, and embraced the warm cup of coffee with my hands.

                “Hi, honey,” mom smiled, and I did the same. Yesterday’s events got me speechless and in pain. But I feel somehow better now because of my parents. “Your daddy has something to say, this might surprise you.”

                I automatically looked at dad with curious eyes. I hope it’s a good one, not illness or any terrible news again. I’m sick of worrying and waiting.

                Dad put down the broadsheet, and his smile was just a hint of his good news, so I calmed down covertly.

                “I got promoted,” he gladly said, lifting his chin. Mom laughed, so did I after showing my shocked face.

                “That’s cool, dad!” I gave him a hi-five and thumbs up. “You deserve it. Good job!” I clapped for him and nodded. That’s a blessing for all of us, especially for dad. His hard work really paid off. I am more than happy right now.

                Then, mom held on my shoulder after placing my meal in front. I looked up at her to see his small smile. There’s more to that news that might not be good. That’s when I thought of the consequence of promotions. Of course, the higher the position, the busier the person. Dad will be busier than ever.

                “It’s alright, dad. I understand if you spend your whole week at work,” I responded already although they’re not telling me those unspoken problems. “It’s also alright if you don’t accept the position to spend more time with me and mom. As long as you’re happy, we’ll be too.”

                Dad stood from his chair to give me and mom a big hug. We stayed quiet for a while until dad explained the real side of the story.

                “I was assigned to facilitate people at Gangnam,” he said, and my heart suddenly raced because Gangnam means Korea, and Korea means Yoon Gi. I was too stubborn to think of him instead of dad’s work condition.

                “We’ll be left here? How long will you stay there?” I asked him. Mom’s hand remained on my shoulder. What I really want to say is I want to come too.

                “I don’t have an idea about the duration, but I think it will take 8 to 10 years because I’ll be heading that company and train people,” dad continued. And he smiled again. That smile always brings hope and surprises. “Don’t worry, Stephanie, I’m bringing you and mom with me.”

                “Dad!” I couldn’t say a word for ecstasy but shout ‘dad’. My smile was so wide I could feel my cheeks hurt. We’re going to Korea.

                “Your mom and I are looking for a bungalow near the office. You might also want to find job in the city.” He suggested, and I suddenly thought of my work at H&M and the people I will leave. I have to prepare love letters for each of them or just throw a farewell party.

                “I’m glad to see your smile alive again, honey,” mom told me, and I was surprised by that because I always show my smiles to them, everyday. I was about to disapprove but she continued, “You’ve been down for months. We’re worried.”

                “Mom,” I was going to say futile excuses but mom’s so good at reading me and my behavior, so I just stopped from protesting.

“I know your desires. We’re now allowing you to reach all of it.” Her smile is a stamp of agreement that I’ve been waiting to receive for years. Dad also smiled and pinched my cheek. I didn’t ask any of them to expound what my desires are, because we all know who will give me absolute bliss.

                I embraced them once more and whispered my thanks. Finally, it’s a green light for me.

                The only problem now is – Will the person I will see in that country still recognize me as his significant other, or just a typical citizen?