[Kim Tae Bi’s POV]

                The sunlight coming from the tinted windshield wakes me up. I feel a heavy blanket around my upper body and I’m wearing a loose pants. But I clearly remember that I wasn’t wearing this earlier. Or maybe this is just another dream. Where am I? Whose car is this I’m in?

                I quickly get up and I hit my head on the wide glass of the car.

                “Careful,” a soft, yet alarmed voice makes me shiver. I look to my left and see Suga. Wait, what? He’s here again? “Don’t get too excited or panicky. We’re alone. Far from the noise of the city,” he continues, and I’m not sure if those words are trustworthy. I don’t speak a word or even let out a single breath. Is this real? Or is this a dream, again? If I’m not mistaken, this is my third time seeing him this close, but I still think this is just a dream. Or maybe I’m in heaven already. My suicide is a success. I don’t know. If all of this is just a fantasy, then why do I still remember the names of those people who hurt me most? Why does my heart still feel broken?

                His signature smile melts down but his eyes are still on me, making me breathless.

                “Don’t you still believe this is real?” he asks the question I was planning to ask. I don’t respond. He looks partially disappointed and my heart hurts more.

                I need air. I need air.

                I rush outside the car without wearing any footwear. The blanket falls from me and I feel the breeze pinching my skin because the long white shirt I’m wearing is thin. I look down at my feet and feel the smooth sand sparkling under the sun. A vast blue sea lies to my front and tiny waves tickle my toes. It’s so beautiful. Despite this picturesque scenery, I can’t still think clearly. How did I come here? I mean, aside from that car, why am I here? With him? When I dream, I don’t remember the details of it and it’s disorganized. But this isn’t like that. I could vividly remember our first meeting before this; his tight embrace while it was raining and Brown’s costume was just beside us; his conversation with Jin when I woke up in his car; and his smile this morning when I woke up. I remember all of it. He is Suga.

                I wrap my arms around me because it’s really cold, my teeth start to clench and my nails are purplish. Then, someone covers me with a thick cloth and embraces me tightly.

                I quickly turn around to look at his face. It is really Suga. The man of my dreams. My ultimate crush. He is a star and I am just his fan. The only person I see only from afar and is so hard to reach but now he’s just an arm away from me.

                “Is that really you?” I ask and never let go of the blanket because it’s protecting me from this icy weather. I couldn’t feel my bare feet anymore. The wind brushes his hair and I find him so perfectly beautiful. His white skin makes my whole world glow right now. However, I still keep my distance even though I want to hug him again and never go away.

                He smiles and I lose my balance. He’s too quick at catching me in his shoulders and our eyes meet again. I don’t want this to end. His brown eyes tell me that this is real. He is Suga. His hands on my arms make me want to scream like a fangirl again. But no, I don’t have the strength to do that because I’m still dazed and confused. Still in pain. 

                “How many times will I tell you that this is me? Min Yoon Gi. Suga of BTS. Yes, this is me, Kim Tae Bi, and right now you’re not dreaming. You’re 100% conscious. Believe me.” He slides down his hands to fit with mine and that hurts me to the bone because the joy in my mind and the soreness in my heart are exchanging blows. “I was Sugar, your mascot friend. You called me yesterday just to say you love me and you were crying that time so I got worried and went to search for you. I know everything. You and I are bestfriends. It’s me, Sugar.”

                “I…”

                He wipes the tear on my cheek that I’m unaware of. He just answered some of the questions in my mind, but I remained speechless. It’s unbelievable. Those times I spent with Sugar flashbacked in my head. How come I didn’t know that the person inside that costume is a superstar, not a mute friend? He’s the one who took care of me when I was sick. He’s the one who always sent biscuits, bottles of water, and mails for me. He’s the one who received my calls and text messages every day. And he’s the one who listened to my spazz over BTS and Suga all the time.  Should I consider myself lucky? Now I know the real reason why Sugar couldn’t speak or why I never saw her/his face, it’s because he’s Suga, the member of BTS I’m so in love with. The necklace he is wearing proves that he is Sugar, my friend. Does it also mean that I can consider him part of me?

                “I understand you’re still shocked and confused, or bewildered. It’s alright, take your time. I’ll wait for you in the car once you’ve absorb everything. I won’t leave you,” he says, not showing his smile. He turns his back and starts to walk. Tears continue to fall from my eyes and I can’t pick the real reason why I’m crying. Peter and So Ah are still on my head. Suga is here, waiting for me. What’s the right thing to do? Who deserves more of my attention?

                As I tilt my head up to let the warmth of the sun dry my face, I suddenly think of Suga again. Min Yoon Gi. The superstar I’m admiring is so close to me. He’s supposed to be far away from me. I’m supposed to be a complete stranger to him, but because of what he has done, our world becomes so small that only he and I could fit on it. I’m starting to absorb the fact that he is not just a superstar in my eyes, but a guy who cares so much for me. I’m just so innocent of what happened in the past. There's no reason to be mad at him for keeping his identity in secrecy. 

                I look back. Before he reaches his black Audi car, I run to grab his hand. When he looks at me with those sad eyes, I tiptoe and kiss his soft lips.

                I’ve never kissed anyone on the lips before even my ex-boyfriend because that monster told me that he would kiss me on the day of our wedding. That sounds absurd now.

                This is my first kiss and I will cherish this forever because this is Suga. Suga of BTS. My Sugar. Lots of ARMY will skin me alive if they see us, but thankfully we’re alone here, in this paradise-like place. It feels like we’re just the same right now. He’s not a superstar, and I’m not a fan. I am his, he is mine. We’re both lovers of each other. We’re equal.

                I return to my position and look down, embarrased of my stupidity. I know I’m blushing even if there’s no mirror in front of me. What have I done? I don't dare to look at his face because I know he's surprised. And mad, probably. I'm disgusting.

                “I’m sorry…and thank you for…for…for taking care of me,” I stutter. “I am just too shocked of everything and I thought kissing you would make me forget Peter and So Ah.” I force myself not to say these words but adrenaline attacks me, “And it helped. It really helped. I’m sorry.”

                I was expecting him to push me away for what I’ve done. But surprisingly, he carries me inside his car and continues kissing me. This sounds absurd, but I’m enjoying it. We only pause if we get breathless but he’s passionate.

                My heart is beating so fast. I can’t believe that he likes me, too.