LEO’s POV

 

 

 

The night air blew coldly. I frown a little, as the air was so cold. I was walking alone on the streets of Itaewon on one of my rare holidays. It was January 30th. I felt a little bit satisfied when I found the store that I was looking for, then I walked in.

I went around looking for things after the shop keeper greeted me, and pulled my mask higher as I realized that it was my group’s song playing on the store’s stereo. I quietly checked the sport shoes section, and quickly found a nice pair of shoes. The design was very interesting, high-base with normal black and white color.

 

Didn’t she say she loved black and silver? She’s gonna love this.

 

“Excuse me,” I exclaimed, my voice muffled through the black mask I wore.

“How may I help you?” asked the shop keeper.

“I need two pairs of these, please.”

 

 

----

 

 

I have to restrain the feeling to hop around happily as I carry the shoe bags. I’m quite proud of myself, I think the shoes would suit me and her so much. If only we wear it in different times, it will be safe. I walked into the next store, this one has calmer design. It was a gadget accessories store. I bought two earphones with similar design, simple but the wire has black and white color, and went to pay. I smiled quietly as I walked out of the store and head to my car.

 

Tomorrow’s mission, the cake.

 

 

-----

 

 

 

“Where have you been? We ate gopchang just now,” said N from the wardrobe room.

“I bought presents,” I answer shortly. “Where are the others?”

“They’re out for a drink, and Hyukkie went out to buy heotteok for Shinwoo – hyung.”

 

The dorm was completely empty. I the TV and leisurely lied on the couch, while Hakyeon sat next to me with a bowl of Special K on his hands.

 

“You haven’t been staying here often,” he said calmly while eating.

“Well, it’s holidays. I stayed at my place. The others went home too, right?”

“I know.”

“How’s your nephew?” I asked, changed the TV channel to KBS.

“Oh, he’s fine. Cute as ever. You should meet him, you like kids anyways.”

“Not if they look like you,” I jokingly said. Hakyeon chopped my neck.

 

After a moment falling into silence, Hakyeon turned to me.

 

“Taekwoon-ah, tell me.”

I shot a questioning look at him.

“Where were you, really?” he asked, in a different tone. The tone he uses when there is a serious problem in his mind.

 

I sighed.

 

“I already told you, was just buying presents for a friend.”

“What friend?”

I sit up and faced him annoyedly.

“Since when did you like to interfere with my personal business?” I asked.

Hakyeon suddenly put his bowl on the table, and I notice his hands were trembling.

“Since I saw you and Rosie Song in your car, twice,” he shot down.

 

My heart skipped a beat. I didn’t even know that he saw us.

 

“So, when are you going to tell me the truth?”

I sighed. “It’s none of your business.”

“IT’S MY BUSINESS WHEN IT COMES TO THE WELLBEING OF MY GROUP, ESPECIALLY IF ONE OF THE MEMBERS WANT TO DROWN US ALL BECAUSE OF HIM BEING RECKLESS AND SELFISH, JUNG TAEKWOON.”

 

I was shocked, that was the first time he shout at me that way. His face were all angry. That’s the first time I saw his eyes that big.

 

So I guess there's no more hiding for us then.

 

“I will... tell you. But promise me, you will keep this off the record. No one else could find out, alright?” I said.

I could see that he’s still not being cooperative. “Please, Hakyeon. Please. I’m begging you.”

After a moment, I saw his expression soften, and then he sighed.

“I knew one day this would happen,” he said, looking down. I nodded.

“Hakyeon.. just so you know... The thing between me and her has been going for a year. I love her, yes, that’s what matters. I know Wonshik liked her first but she chose me, and I fall for her,” I said, still facing the leader, whose expression turned into complete worry.

“One year... and we didn’t even know a thing..? Not even the reps knew..” he repeated. I nod again.

“That’s why I have the confidence to keep going on with her. Because it has been a year, and no one seem to notice. Not even the fans. She even got more love and became even more popular and beautiful, don’t you see?” I added.

“When did this first happen?” asked Hakyeon carefully.

“January last year.”

“Who else knew?”

“Me, her, and Lee Jihae. We did a good job covering it all.”

“Lee Jihae knew?!”

I shrugged. “Well, she has to, if I’m going to deliver Rosie safely back to her dorm every time we went out.”

Hakyeon went limp and sat back to the couch, exhaled heavily. I spare him no time to relax. He has  to understand.

“Hakyeon-ah, I know Wonsik loves her. But I love her too, maybe even more than I first thought I would. You know I’ve never loved anyone else before. She’s like.. my first love. She changed me. She understands,” I said in a begging tone.

 

Hakyeon nodded.

 

“I know, Taekwoon-ah, I understand.. It’s just.. be careful, please, I beg you,” he put his hand on my knee, looking at me with sad eyes. I nodded.

“Mark my words, Hakyeon-ah.”

 

 

----

 

 

 

It has been a day since my private talk with Hakyeon at the dorm. Today, January 31st, a day before Rosie’s birthday. It was already night time when I walked towards a cake store.

I pick a set of cake with white base color, and has simple dark-chocolate lace around the sides. I asked the shop keeper to decorate it a little, and she told me to sit down and wait for 15 minutes. I sat on one of the tables, sipping on warm latte. My mind went on the night I told Hakyeon about me and Rosie. And I admit, his warnings made a clear path into my mind, and I feel a slight worry that someday our relationship would come to the surface and doomed us. After all, being an idol is extremely fragile when you want to have a normal relationship. But I love Rosie, so much. Even if we couldn’t work it out, she’s still the only girl whom I had thought to get married with someday.

But it’s been a year, everything went perfect, what to be scared of anyways? I know most idols who got caught with their relationship suffered lots of hate, but what of the idols who got married directly? Like the Super Junior sunbaenim who got married all of a sudden, people could do nothing but to shut up and accept it... unless for the girl, who suffered lots of hate.

I was unconsciously playing with a silver ring I always wear on my left index finger when a crazy, yet tempting thought came to mind again.

 

What if I just propose to her, then? That would shut the press up. I know it’s too early... but what if it helps securing our position? So that nobody would interfere? Dating scandals are worse than engagement proposals anyways...

 

But.. what about Wonshik?

 

“Excuse me, sir, here’s your custom cake. We already decorated it as you can see, and we put ice inside for 3 hours.”

I got a little bit shocked, but managed to smile.

“Alright, thanks.”

 

The thought didn’t leave my mind when I got up to pay for the cake, or even until I walked into my car and drove my way to the private restaurant which I had already reserved for the two of us. I pick the particular restaurant because it provides a secluded private place where no outsiders could see the guests inside, to make sure that Rosie is safe from curious eyes.

As I arrived and parked my car, I checked how I look. I wore a brown avant-garde style coat with black shirt inside and black trousers. Normal. Then I put on my black parka, hat, sunglass and face mask to cover who I am before getting out of the car. A little bit funny, because I wore sunglasses in nighttime, but I don’t even care. I also brought along the presents and the cake I bought for her.

I approached the reception and she took me to the private room I already reserved.

My first reaction was: perfect.

The room was windowless. But the salem-green walls are decorated so beautifully with many paintings with golden frames, golden lamps hanging from the ceilings gave the room great ambiance and warmth.

“The room is quite soundproof from the outside, and there’s no window. You could ask for assistance from our waiters by pressing this bell, and the menu you already requested will be served after you approve it through this monitor. And I will your guest to the room after they arrive,” the reception explained. I nodded.

“Thank you,” I said. She bowed and walked out, closing the door behind her.

 

I sat down, setting the cake and the presents. The cake was black and white, beautifully decorated with black candles which made the writings stood out. Right after I’m done with setting the cake, the bell rings and the door opens.

 

Rosie walked into the door step, and I was speechless.

 

The waiter who escorted her bowed and leave after closing the door. My mouth was agape as I stood up and held her hand, walking her in. She blushed.

“Do I look... weird?” she asked, her cheekbones were high and pink.

I quietly shook my head.

“Rosie Song... you are the prettiest woman on earth.”

 

And I wasn’t joking around.

Her hair, without her telling me, dyed in perfect platinum blond and already grew along her jaw in bob-style with no bangs. She wore a black body fitted dress which fits just right until above her knees with long sleeve and simple stilettos. And special, this is the first time I saw her putting on pretty make up. She put on dark red-brown lipstick which suits her skin tone perfectly.

I overcome my amazement and helped her to sit on her chair, then I sat. We both spend time to look at each other, smiling calmly.

“You’re georgeous,” I said.

“You’re god-like,” she replied, with her usual wide-smile, almost got me blinded.

 

Remember, Taekwoon.

Inhale, Exhale. Breathe.

 

“But don’t dress like this too often,” I finally added.

“Why? Am I weird?” she replied, not so confident.

I shook my head, and exhaled while reaching to her hands on the table, then I held it tight.

“Don’t let anyone else see this version of you. It’s mine.”

 

She blushed hard, and then she looked as if she doesn’t know what to do.

“Sunbaenim, please stop. You know I’m no good with compliments.”

I kept my face expressionless, and then brought the cake onto the table.

“Happy 24^th birthday, Rosie,” I said.

 

Her eyes twinkle with excitement, as she gasped. But then she looked at me with tears gleaming.

“Thank you so much... Really... this is... I don’t think I deserve this..” she stuttered, stumbled chuckling in disbelief and wiped a tear with her fingers. I stood up and went to her side, hugging her.  I sang Happy Birthday song softly in her ear and she looked like she fought her tears so hard. She smile at me.

 

This is why I loved her. Her face, her smile, her scent, her sincere heart, and the fact that she loved me and only me. That is why I don’t want her to be my doll. I want her to be my woman.

 

She managed to stop crying and I showed her the presents I bought her. Just as I thought, she loved the shoes so much, also the earphones. And she looked even happier when I said I got the ‘twin’ pair of those things I gave her.

“Just think of this as a couple-thing,” I said.

“But what if someone notice?”

I shook my head.

 

People will eventually notice. But we will continue on.

 

“It’s okay... I’ll protect you.”

 

 

 

Then the food came. Everything that I guessed she would love was right. She loved sushi, even the raw ones more than steak. She loved everything I gave her. We chat a lot, and I have to be honest, she’s one of the small group of people that could make me laugh. Our humor are similar, it’s just that sometimes I don’t feel that comfortable joking in front of many people. But with her, I feel so comfortable doing anything. I could even be confident enough to laugh my heart out because she is not the type to hold back as well. We’re both are just as loud as each other, in fact.

 

Right about 10 minutes to midnight, the champagne I ordered for us arrived. Her eyes went as big as a coin as I pour it to our glasses.

 

“Sunbaenim... you really don’t have to do this all..”

“But I want to,” I said while pouring hers.

After some time, finally the clock on the wall rings, showing that it’s midnight already, February 1^st.

Perfect.

 

“Happy birthday,” I said as we stood facing each other. She smiled, and drink her champagne.

I took a deep breath, rising my chest, gathering all my courage. It’s now or never. Right after that, I put our glass down, took off my silver-platina ring that I had owned ever since my debut, and kneeled in front of her. opens in shock as I took her right hand.

 

“Rosie Song... Promise me that one day, you will be engaged to me,” I said, while putting my ring on her index finger.

 

After that, I examine her expression. Her tears flow quietly. And then, suddenly she kneeled down to my eye level and hugged me tightly.

 

“I will,” she whispered.

 

And I feel the happiness flow throughout my whole body, made me at loss of words for a while.

 

 

 

 

-----

 

 

About five months passed by as we were back to our schedule. Rosie went hell-busy as her comeback is nearing, with stronger concept than their debut. I know the pressure she faced because they made an amazing record at their debut so they had to keep up. I’m also busy with my schedules, filming variety shows, personal schedules and so on. We went overseas so often and I rarely got the chance to speak with her. But everytime I got her on the phone, I could feel reassured again.

I wore the couple shoes more often as I missed her so much until my stomach hurts. I wore them alongside with the couple earphones to each schedules and performances, but luckily none of my group mates noticed. I worry that me and her would get caught someday, but deep inside I’m happier when I saw photos or snapshots of her in between schedules wearing our couple things. One thing I know for sure from Lee Jihae, is that Rosie never took my ring off.

And I still feel pretty close with Wonshik, who doesn’t appear to feel suspicious towards me, so I continue being normal, as normal as I could be.

 

One morning I arrived back to Korea from Beijing, being tired as hell, still wearing the couple things unconsciously as I got more comfortable wearing the shoes. At the airport I notice something different with the crowd and the paparazzi that took our picture. They seem to focus more on.... me. But I shrug it off and boarded on the van, planning to sleep along the way with earphones on.

 

 

----

 

 

 

I dropped my luggages on the wardrobe room in our dorm soon as I arrive, feeling happy when Shinwoo – hyung said we have 5 hours to rest. I lied down on my bed while my members struggling for food, when suddenly Shinwoo – hyung opened my bedroom door. I was about to complain, but cancelled doing so, when I saw the manager’s face. He was serious and scared.

 

“Taekwoon-ah, the CEO wants to see you. Now.”

I stuttered in shock. CEO-nim never asked any of us to meet him in private, unless there is something very serious, like when Hakyeon had bad articles.

“I-Why..?

Shinwoo-hyung sighed. “Do you not see the news? Better you meet him, fast. I’ll drive you.”

I can’t even refuse.

 

-----

CEO Hwang threw a bundle of newspapers and pictures in front of me.

 

“Explain what this is,” he said coldly while staring at me.

I took the papers with shaky hands.

 

And... Hakyeon’s fears came alive.

 

 

 

 

It was filled with pictures of me and Rosie in comparison, our couple things, moments when we stand close to each other, and an old picture of me and her exiting the SBS building together. But this all was nothing compared to screenshots of what looked like comments on social medias posted by netizens. I took it, and couldn’t hold reading until the end of the page. I shook my head.

 

“Well?” said CEO Hwang coldly. “Any explanation?”

 

I shook my head again in disbelief.

 

“Did... she knew.. about this..?” I asked.

 

CEO Hwang nodded.

“Her friends reported she slowly stopped eating, and they saw her crying once or twice. I haven't ask to meet her in private, because I want her to focus on her comeback.”

 

I couldn’t even spoke. I was frozen due to the shock after reading all those harsh comments targetting her. Those harsh, rude, inappropriate words. None of them was aimed to me, but it’s all aimed to her. It flooded her instagram posts, her soundcloud account, and all of her other SNS.

"."

"You less women, still have the confidence to get to our oppa? get the out."

"Kick her outta that group!"

"Ugly- tryin to stole the spotlight now kkk."

"And who's this nugu again? kkkk"

 

 

Apparently the scandalous articles has been going on for months. I bury my face in my palms.

 

I have to protect her.. I promised her I will protect her.

 

“There is nothing going on between me and Rosie Song, CEO-nim,” I finally said, sternly.

He raised an eyebrow. “Really? Then how do you explain the ones that said they saw you driving her home?”

“It was out of worry. She’s like my own little sister. I have three older sisters at home, but never a younger relative, as how I always wanted. This is what I found in her. ” I lied.

 

I hate lying. My tongue tastes so bitter. But I have to continue.

“I already explained everything to you. Those things are just coincidentally the same as mine. And you know she used to be my fan. It’s normal. So please... don’t call her here... If you would like to punish us for making trouble, please... just punish me,” I finally said.

 

CEO Hwang examined my blank face for a while, then he sighed.

“Taekwoon-ah, you are a hardworking person ever since you join this company, you never seek for trouble either. I want to believe what you said as there was nothing going on between you two. But I had been young before, I know. You don’t have to lie to me. You have always been.. a pretty bad liar,” he finally said, with a little bit of grin.

I exhaled in relief. I thought he was going to nullify Rosie’s contract or something.

“But, this is not over. You two had caused bad reputation to our company. I know it’s hard, but... stop anything that you’re doing with her.”

 

My heartbeat almost stopped.

 

“Wh-what?”

“Break up with her,” CEO Hwang said, back to be cold toned again. “Keep a distance. Stop everything you have with her. You could continue, but not now. Continue, after both of your contracts are due.”

 

I was speechless. I have respect to this man, I can’t disobey him. But this is too much.

 

“CEO-nim!”

“I will ask the managers to keep you two distant. If I ever, ever saw you with her again, which is not scheduled, it’s either you or her that has to walk out,” he said coldly.

I can’t even respond. I sat there with mouth agape.

“Judging from your response, it’s true that there is something going on between you two, huh..”

“But--!”

“But I will give you two one week, to finish everything between you. Only one week. You are dismissed, Taekwoon-ah.”

 

 

I walked out of his room, walked fast to find an empty corner with my breath going quicker. I stopped on an empty room and slid down the wall to the floor, hand unconsciously grabbing my heart.

 

What to do? What to do...? How could he..?

 

Cold sweat run down my temples as something wet and warm flow down to my cheeks. My body trembled, and I grab my head with both hands.

 

I thought.. everything was going smooth... How could this be...

No, I have to be strong.. I have to protect her..

She can’t fail because of me... I can’t fail because of this... there’s too much at stake...

But..

I love her...

 

 

 

 

-----

 

 

Hakyeon still stare at me with his usual worried look. Well, I’m glad he didn’t nag or shout at me, especially in front of the others. I appreciate him being understanding like this by keeping his silence. But really, I just want to be left alone.

“You could still meet her outside, right?” he whispered, afraid to be heard by the other members.

I shrugged quietly. Hakyeon hissed.

“Quit playing tough. I know how you feel,” he said.

I got too annoyed.

“Can you please get out? Give me some space, thanks,” I said coldly.

Hakyeon walked out, but he still managed to say, “I’m here if you want to talk!” then he closed the door.

 

I turned the lights off, and lie down on my bed, staring far to the walls where I kept my sticker photos with her framed safely. Something hot flow down from my eyes and wet my pillow, but I shut my eyes and refuse to think, letting the darkness consume me.

It's dark.

Rosie hates darkness.

 

 

“She’s strong, but she has severe Achluophobia... Lucky you were there..”

 

                “Look, hyung! It’s Rosie..”

 

“Say my name, Rose.”

 

                                “T-taekwoon – ah..”

 

“My hair looks like a lion’s mane...”

                                               

                                                “Do not ever question my feelings for you.”

 

                “I will...”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

****

dundunDUN. I listened to songs which suits my ideas for the story, so for this chapter i listened to Vodka rain - dreamlike so much. 

I ran outta ideas! I want to make taekwoon cry his eyes out. hurrrrr

Have you seen vixx's one fine day? leo ate doughnut all the way at the back of the car by himself -,-

 

(Oh, stop it you.)