SUNDAY NIGHT

 

 

ROSIE’S POV

 

 

Amazing. Amazing was the only word to describe my accomplishment, which was to drag Taekwoon out of his apartment.

 

He agreed to go to our favorite cafe which sold his favourite coffee, called 2Sol near the edges of Seoul city. The cafe was pretty private and isolated from curious eyes, so we could chill there without having to worry too much.

We spent the night just like how we usually do whenever we have free time to go out. We usually just sat there until one pm, if not just cuddling secretly, talking about nothings like we do now.

 

“So your father is a soldier? Wow.”

Leo nodded.

“Is he strict?” I asked.

He huffed.

“He is, but he never overly prohibit me to do anything. He’s rather.. permissive. He was only extremely strict to my older sisters. He knows when I need my freedom or when I need to be spanked.”

 

I chuckled. Spanked. Good language use, Taekwoon.

 

Anyway, this brought me a memory.

“You know, my grandfather was a soldier too. He was a captain before he retired,” I said.

Taekwoon raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah. I lived with my grandparents until I was five, because my parents were busy working overseas. He was quite a strict Korean, my grandpa. But he was also very supportive. He would help me with homeworks and studies, scold me over my mistakes, force me to take a nap or treat me coldly when I said wrong things. But every time I told him I have singing tests at school, right after I arrived home, he would always ask how I did with a smile and told me that he could hear my voice all the way from school,” I said while smiling. “Too bad he’s not around anymore.” I let out a sigh before sipping my coffee.

Leo looked at me with his unpredictable expression.

“You must have loved your grandpa so much.”

“Yeah, I still do.”

“Do you miss him?” Taekwoon asked.

I put my coffee cup down, crossed my arms on top of the table. I smiled sadly.

“I miss him a lot, sunbaenim. You see, something.. big… happened that caused the situation in my family went really unstable and problematic right after he passed away,” I said, hesitating, but then decided to keep it short. “Me and my dad… suffered great pressure from these problems the most, and this drift us away from our family. I relied on my grandpa a lot to go under tough moments because I know he was a kind man with huge discipline. So yeah, losing him is hard,” I said.

Taekwoon went silent for a moment, then he nodded. He suddenly reached my fingers and played softly with it. “That is exactly how I feel about my father. I understand you,” he said, in his soft tone.

I nodded quietly.

 

“But... If you don’t mind,” Taekwoon suddenly said.

“What? It’s okay, you can ask me anything.”

He seemed to be hesitating a little bit, but decided to ask anyway.

“Your mother... I still don’t understand.”

 

I chuckled.

“Well, I have a mother. Once. She was a Korean with Hawaiian descent, while my father is, you know, Russian-Chinese. But she died when I was 15, and my father re-married with a Singaporean woman. They got divorced after 2 years though,” I said lightly.

“Do you mind if I ask you, why your mother died..?” he asked hesitantly.

“Cancer, lung cancer,” I answered.

He nodded, sipping on his coffee quietly.

 

Now I wonder why must I bring this topic up. I must resist from showing any improper emotions. So I forced a smile, trying to not remember that tonight is the last night of the week our CEO gave for us to spend together.

 

 

The night we have to break everything up.

 

We stayed there in that exact position for quite some time, trying to make the best out of the last day of our week. The café was empty as it was already 11 PM, but people still do take-outs. Me and Taekwoon were disguised perfectly, as he was wearing his hat low down and also put on big glasses, which I notice to be Hongbin’s. He also wore a huge black parka. As for me, well, I did let my guard down tonight. I covered my jaw-long platina hair with a black beanie. I only wore a black shirt and black leather trousers along with boots and black parka.

 

Taekwoon seem to notice the silence is growing harder between us, as he decide to play with his platina ring on my index finger, which he gave to me on my birthday only weeks ago.  I forced myself to smile.

 

“Should I return this to you?” I finally said, my voice sounds a little bit shaken.

Taekwoon shook his head quickly.

“Keep it, until... until you yourself.. felt like you want to throw it away.”

 

I nodded, and the 27 year-old man who sat in front of me let out a long sigh.

“I should get you back to your dorm,” he said. I could still sense some worry from him.

I, as much as I hate to separate from him, only nodded. We left some money on the table then walked out together.

 

 

 

We walked out of the dim lights in the café and strut along the paving stones toward Taekwoon’s black Nissan Juke, parked a couple blocks from the café. He decided to leave it there to avoid people noticing us. The air tonight was really cold and street lights were dim. Our breaths became steamy in front of us, and I had the slightest fun while making round clouds with my mouth. Taekwoon grinned, then he took my left hand, held it and put it in his parka’s pocket, making me walk closer to his body.

 

Our paces were slow. I somehow felt that Taekwoon didn’t want to go home either, through the way he kicked pebbles along the way, squeezing my hand multiple times in silence, and even stopped sometimes only to point his finger to useless stuff, like weird graffities or showing me unique clothing stores silently with that cute, blank expression of his.

 

All of those actions from him made me just fell deeper in love for him. I know it’s wrong. I shouldn’t feel like this anymore. Even though he did said that he loved me, I can’t be a burden to him. Not when he was in his time of shining, being threatened to be nullified. Even though I said I loved him and he loved me as well, I can’t go overboard.

 

 

But.. I just can’t. He’s just so sweet, he’s unintentionally cute, funny and thoughtful. He could make my heart explode and send goosebumps throughout my whole body just by looking at me.

 

 

No matter how slow we tried to walk, we finally reached the car. Taekwoon sighed. He hesitated, but finally let go of my hand, took his keys and opened the car. We went in.

 

 

There was a deep, cold silence each time we are going to part like this, even though we still have kilometers to go to our places. After we closed the doors, Taekwoon didn’t immediately start the engine. He only sat there, hands on his thighs and head hung low, as he always does whenever he has to drive me home.

 

I screened his face, trying to put on a smile but failed. I tried to say something out of my throat, but I failed yet again, as I felt tears start to burn its way out of the edges of my eyes. I took a deep breath.

 

Yes. I know this is all only fiction. Our relationship, our closeness is only fiction, because CEO Hwang already warned us, so it was final. And if anyone found out about my relationship with Taekwoon, it would cause him a huge disadvantage, just like how it hurt me the other day. Not just him or me, but the whole of our groups as well. That’s why we decide to end it today.

 

 

But… it slowly eats me away.

 

 

Hot, wet tears starts to flow down from my face. I sighed, not to let any sob escape my mouth. I took my hat away.

 

Taekwoon stared at me, and I looked at his eyes with tears on my face. We looked into each other’s eyes for a long time.

 

Then Taekwoon’s arms reached out to me, brought me to his chest through the car’s mid panel. I slowly clung my arms around his wide waist. My tears stream down even more. I started sobbing, messily.

 

I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t know why my gut felt so heavy and painful. I could only cry into the crook of his neck, while I felt he slowly caressed my hair. Everything felt so painful. I tried hard to swallow down my sobs, but I failed.

 

 

He’s the man of my dreams. Yet I can’t have him all to myself.

 

Maybe he hugged me just because he felt pitiful of my desperation. Maybe he saw me just as a doll needing to be repaired by its master. Maybe.. maybe he offered this hug as a form of his last ‘repair work’ for his doll so she could function properly. I don’t know.

 

All these thoughts hurts me, and hurts me even more when I remembered that I was the one that decided to do this and take all the risks with me, bearing it on my own.

 

 

“I’m sorry..” Taekwoon suddenly whispered.

 

I was shocked to hear that. I raised my face to look at him. My tear-soaked, messed up face. He brushed my hair away from my eyes and tucked them behind my ears, while looking at me in some sort of weird, bitter expression.

 

“I damaged you,” he said again in a deep voice. He frowned, then pulled my head to his chest again while letting out a long, deep sigh. I let my eyes shut to hold back the intense pain in my heart. I shook my head slowly when tears found its way out again.

 

At that moment, I grabbed the front of his clothes. I sobbed messily. I could feel him hugging me tighter, resting his face on top of my head.

 

He kept whispering “I’m sorry.. I’m sorry..”

 

 

I felt I could scream ‘I love you’ a thousand times to him, but I held back.

 

 

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I gave you my heart, yet you gave me loneliness even when I’m holding on to you like this.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

 

Snow falls from the sky, finding its way to the ground as I pulled away from Leo’s hug. He wiped my tears away with his mitten-covered hands. I can’t figure anything out through his expression. He was pale. His eyes were red, but I saw no trace of tears. Even when I already look away, he still stared at me.

 

Minutes passed. Finally, Taekwoon sighed again and started the machine before snow rain down heavier. He drove slowly out of the lane into the main roads, which was exceptionally empty and started to be covered in snow. I stared blankly to the road, repeating the same words all over again in my head.

 

I love you, Jung Taekwoon. I love you. I love you. I love you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LEO’S POV

 

 

We were strutting down the lane, nearing to my car. I kept her hand in my pocket, holding it even tighter. I was afraid she would reject my action, due to the anticipation of being seen by paparazzi or anyone, but she didn’t seem to mind.

She beamed to me a soft smile, the soft, warm and familiar, teeth rich smile of hers that managed to find its way to my heart.

 

I looked at her.

The fragile doll that tries to appear strong, with the height that only reach my shoulders. The fragile rose that could easily wither, once you hold on them too strong.

 

I swallow down my chuckle seeing her making round clouds with her breath.

Wonshik was right. She was precious. But as I remember Wonshik and his feelings towards this particular flower that had start to bloom right next to me, I felt bitterness.

 

Wonshik had always been a dongsaeng that I held dear the most, amongst all of my other members. He had always been understanding, always turned to me whenever he had problems, and not as loud as the others. He made me felt comfortable being around him. I would be so happy if Wonshik would be able to finally found someone he really love with his all, because he’s not the type who could love just anyone, even though he changed almost immediately whenever a cute girl appeared. And months ago, right after he found out that Rose chose me instead of him, he changed. He was the same on the outside, but at times, I could feel that his stare wasn’t the normal stare he used to look at me with.

 

But, when it comes to Rosie... I felt like I’m such a bad person, stealing his love from him. But I can’t just let him be with her. He’s too young.. to understand her.

She had such a mature mind, not to be matched by someone too young. She needed someone way older, to protect her, to direct her. And that someone was clearly me.

 

My heart suddenly felt so cold, just by the imagination of Wonshik touching her. So I squeezed her hand again in my pocket, tried to avert my own attention by showing her cafes, unique street arts along the pavements and shops, just to make her laugh.

 

 I had to be honest that this was my first time holding someone so close.. and gaining the feel of being ‘alive’ by touching them.

 

I had a hard time of letting go of her hand. We went into my car, and sat without looking at each other.

 

I suddenly feel like such a jerk. I’m a bad person. I can’t even protect her from all those harsh words. I make them targetting her.

 

I feel dirty. I feel guilty. I feel like… I’ve ruined such a beautiful fine porcelain with my own hands.

I have damaged her.

 

 

I have to be honest, I first thought that it was, and would be, just that I would ever need from her, just as she offered before. But as time went by, I couldn’t help but to fall in love with her, down until the point where I don’t even know whether it’s my love for her that’s bigger, or hers.

 

Until I felt trapped, that there’s no turning back.

 

Until the point that I knew, I will be forever wed to her.

 

I never really think about her physical aspects. She is so… purely beautiful, even when she’s not a to start with. I know it when I first did it with her at the changing room months ago. But I never had the bravery to ask her who took ‘it’ from her, nor to ask her what kind of problems she had to face before she came to Korea.

 

Even through her smile, somehow I could feel that something was off. Something had already made a crack on my beautiful doll, and I only made the crack worse.

I was so busy with my own thoughts when I realize that she was looking at me, already took away her glasses and her beanie. Her face was pale. She forced a smile, but her red lips were shaking. I stared at her as her tears starts to fell down, made her face even more beautiful and sparkly in the dim lights from the outside street.

 

I was in total wreck. I don’t know what to do to her. Seeing the rose wither, its clover falling one by one. I could tell she was hurt. I have nothing else in mind other than to pull her into me, hugging her tight in a protective position.

 

My doll is broken. My red rose started to wither painfully, and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I was the one who damaged her. I shut my eyes painfully.

 

 

Right at the moment when we have to cut everything linking us to each other off, I can’t even let her go.

 

Somehow, I feel something very painful ing my heart.

 

The thorn of the rose started to carve its way into me, painfully.

 

My eyes grew hot and humid, but I shook it away, refusing to show any kind of weakness as I need to be strong for her.

 

I need to fix her, but I don’t know how.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry..” I whispered.

 

My doll raised her face in shock and sobs. She always looks so beautiful when she is weak like this, even with tears all over, and messy hair and puffy red eyes.

 She’s pretty.

I could only tuck her hair back, fixing it.

 

Painful. It was painful. The doll which usually shows her charismatic, powerful side to the world, turns out to be even more beautiful when she fell weak.

“I damaged you..” I whispered weakly. She kept staring at me, her lips part.

I have to held back the urge to kiss her lips. It was too painful for me, until I can’t think about anything else and just squeeze my eyes shut, frowning, while pulling her back to my chest.

I’m sorry… I’m sorry.. was all that I could say to her, as I felt her clenching her fist on my chest, crying her heart out into me.

 

My doll is broken.. and I don’t know how to fix her. I don’t want to hurt her anymore.. but.. I can’t her go.. not yet.

 

She pulled away from my hands, and started to buckle up the seatbelt silently, signing that she is ready to go home. I sighed, put on my own seatbelt, and started to drive towards the main street.

 

 

 

I didn’t realize that a thin layer of snow had started to fall again. It has covered some parts of the street. I began to drive slower, scared of the slippery road because I didn’t prepare any chains for the tires. But I kept driving nearing the apartment building which hosted Rose’s dorm. She didn’t seem like she’s going to say anything. So I parked my car in the basement near the elevator. I turned off the machine and pull off my seatbelt together with her.

 

Just as her hand reached the door handle, I felt the sudden urge of not letting her go this quick. I grabbed her elbow and brought her to me, earning a gasp from her. I can’t hold back any longer. I kissed her.

 

She fell weak in my arms. She didn’t fight back. Our kiss wasn’t a lustful, hot kiss.

 

It was desperation and sadness all over again.

 

 

Our last kiss.

 

 

I kissed her softly. I don’t want to ruin her again. My right hand moved to hold her cheek softly, cupped it as our breaths became one.

I’m sure as hell I don’t want this to end. Not when she tightened her grip on the front of my clothes, not when I felt even more eager to hug her tighter, closer than this.

 

I know she loved me first. I know the reason behind her offering herself to me. It wasn’t of debt. It was because she loved me. But the rest of us, I leave it for her to decide.

 

I wish we never loved it… I wish I never fell so deep for you, and now there is no way, we can’t be just friends…

Damn it, Rosie…

If I know it would be like this, I would have never gave up to you and kissed you.. cause I’ll fell in love with you…

Now I don’t even know how to stay away from you.

 

 

The lines of the Trey Songz song that I sang in public a few years ago rang itself in my mind. Maybe it’s a karma to me.

 

Rosie pulled away from me while sighing, trying to hold back her tears, maybe. She started to get busy with her things, then she beamed me a painful, fake smile.

 

“Thank you, sunbaenim. Thank you for the memories, everything you gave me. From now on... it’s over,” she said in her husky, alluring voice. I could hear traces of sadness in it.

 

I only nodded, while touching her cheek for the last time tonight.

 

“Just, remember.... My feelings for you will never change,” I said.

My heart hurt so much, but I refuse to throw my cool away.

 

 

She touched my fingers, pulled them down off her face, then walked out of my car into the apartment building.

 

 

I continued watching over her through the glass windows, as she got into the elevator and the steel door closes. I know that her dorm is placed at the 11^th floor of the 20 stories building. I watched as the floor numbers slowly climbing up on the monitor, and it does stopped at number 11. Feeling she would have been safe and secure, I started my machine again and drove out of the building, ignoring the hot flow of tears slowly flowing down from the edges of my eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BOOM. DOUBLE UPDATE.

PLEASE DO COMMENT AND SUBSCRIBE! ^_^

CHEESUS I CRIED TYPING LEO'S POV OMG

 

 

 

 

OH, and FOR THOSE WHO GON CRAZY FOR BASTARZ OUT THERE, EXPECT A SPECIAL PERFORMANCE BY P.O HERE.

WHEN? NA MOLLA, NA MOLLA~ *in hyogie's voice* IN SHORT, P.O IS RAVI'S NEIGHBOR AND WILL HAVE A COLLAB WITH ROSIE.

 GET READY. 

 

 

OKAY, LET'S GO ~ *wiggle in excitement*