ROSIE’S POV      

 

 

 

The interview was mentally exhausting, I thought as I walked out of the KBS Cool Radio studio. We are done for today as that radio interview was the last activity for today, before our semi-holiday entering September. Our company decided that our group will not prepare for any comeback until November, and we were glad that we had a time off despite the normal busy schedule.

We appeared as guests at the radio, with Super Junior’s Ryeowook sunbaenim as our host. He was nice, and the 2-hours recording went very well, even though it was hard when questions personally addressed towards me were asked. I was especially uncomfortable when he started delivering questions that he got through SNS, and those questions particularly focusing on my ‘accident’, my past ‘scandal’ with Taekwoon and all those hateful comments. The rest of my group didn’t seem to attract much attention from the netizens aside from their performance as a group, even though last week Eunhee got casted for a role in a Sunday-morning drama.

Jihae praised me quietly right after we exit the studio, saying that what I said on the interview about the scandals were wise, even though those words had just flew out of my tongue without me having to do much consideration on what to say.

 

 

“Now, this question is for Rosie-ssi. The fans were asking if it was true that you are dating VIXX’s Leo, and due to the many candid shots that may prove this, I know it’s hard for you to keep it private, right?”Ryeowook-sunbaenim asked hesitantly, yet still keeping it polite.

 

I could sense my members secretively passing stares on me.

Bah.

Don’t they have anything else to ask?

 

Oh God, here it comes again.

 

“Well...” I cleared my throat, “Leo-sunbaenim is indeed a very kind person, and yes, we are close friends, but it was nothing more than a senior-junior relationship. I have always wanted to have an older brother, a cool, protective brother to brag about to my girl friends,” I joked, and luckily everybody also giggled, “and our relationship is exactly that, nothing else. He took care of me a lot, I owe him so much, and to accuse him or me to have any kind of affair other than that, I think, would be very impolite and disturbing. However... I really felt sorry that I brought a bad wind to his name,” I ended, still fighting to smile. “In fact, I think he doesn’t really like me, he teased me a lot,” I added, snorting, to make it convincing.

 

Ryeowook sunbaenim seemed surprised.

“Really? Well it’s good to know, because, you know I met VIXX a lot, and N-ssi is one of my close friends, so of course I know Leo. And boy I got to admit he does look scary sometimes, right? Not the type to speak much hahaha...”

Everyone laughed, nodding and agreeing. I grinned.

 

Oh there’s so many things you don’t know about him then, huh..

 

“But, there’s no doubt that he’s a great talented person. I’m actually surprised when I heard the news about you two, Rosie-ssi. Your character and his are completely different, don’t you think?”

“Well, theoretically speaking, opposites attract, right oppa?” I grin.

“But you’re not a magnet,” Ryeowook snort, as my members giggled, looking at each other. “Right, the next question for you is about your accident, what happened, really?” he was obviously curious.

 

“Oh, that,” I tried making my voice light, as if it was nothing. “Well I was exhausted after practicing for a dance show, and I was out to have a drink with my friends, so yeah, I was a bit light headed. When I went to the studio, I didn’t focus well so I slipped when I ran downstairs. It was completely my fault and I apologize to my team mates for getting them in trouble due to my absence,” I sad, and bowed to Jihae from my seat.

 

 

“Snap out of it,” Jihae pat my head all of the sudden, when we walked towards the front of the building, reaching our van. “Don’t space out too much.”

“Oh, okay. What time is it now?”

“ 1 AM.”

“Gosh...” soon as I sat in the van next to Jihae, I covered my face with my palms. “And we need to be at the salon at what, 5.30?”

“5 to be exact.”

“then there’s one hour to wash up, two to sleep... God I’m—“

 

A sudden ring on my phone, with VIXX’s After Dark ringtone just gave me a slap on the face. When I picked it up, on the caller ID was, of course, Jung Taekwoon.

 

“Yes.” I answered, in a tired voice.

“First date. Please tell your driver to drop you at the front of Jelly building. I’m waiting now.”

 

Taekwoon’s voice was firm, yet hoarse.

Was he sick again?

 

“Yes.” I ended the phonecall. “Oppa... can you drop me at Jellyfish? I have to take something.”

“What is it? I’ll take it, you need to rest.”

“I’d rather doing it myself, oppa.”

“Alright then.”

 

Jihae and the members didn’t even say anything. Two of the youngest had already fell asleep, and Jihae was yawning while putting on her earphones. The ride to the dorm was still long so they maybe wanted to sleep as long as they could.

 

Another sleepless night for me, I guess.

 

 

Taekwoon and I had agreed to restart everything from the beginning, and start a new page, starting a fresh memory. After everything that had happened between us, I must admit, I still love him, and will always love him, no matter what.

 

 

But it will never be the same.

 

 

 

 

LEO’S POV

 

 

 

The thing I was most nervous about came alive as Rosie walked towards me from across the street. She was pretty, that’s the first thing, very pretty in a simple white t-shirt, ripped jeans, white sneakers and brown coat. Yet her usual warmth and happy aura was contained in some sort of cold, distant shield about her, as she approached me in silence, not even smiling.

“You came,” I exhaled.

 

She stood quietly, not even looking at me in my eyes.

This version of her was new to me, and I was a bit startled.

 

“So.. uh... let’s go,” I said, awkwardly.

“Where?” she finally asked, yet still not looking at me.

“You’ll see.”

 

 

 

 

“Why are you taking me here?” she asked in some sort of cold tone.

“I want to catch up with everything about you,” I simply said.

 

We walked through a bridge over a small river in silence. I decided to take her to Seoul Forest, a place she had wanted to visit a long time ago. It was a garden decorated in traditional Korean design, and at this hour, it was empty.

 

 

“Talk, I will listen.”

 

I was ready to see her turned her back, to see her leaving me here.

But she didn’t.

She sat down on a bench, facing a nearby fish pond.

 

“What do you want me to talk about?”

 

Her tone was... extremely cold.

 

But I didn’t want to give up.

 

“Anything. Anything that I missed, that I didn’t know about you.”

“Well, then there’s many.”

“Don’t care.”

 

Rosie sighed, tired of me being so persistent.

 

“Fine..”

 

And halfway through her story, I knew she was right.

I loved her so much, yet I knew almost nothing about her.

 

Her father was a rich businessman, yet he got tricked by his own best friend, and ended up being in jail back in her home country, luckily this fact wasn’t known to many. He was released after three years, and during those years Rosie suffered a lot of hatred, which drove her mother to fell sick. As her father went home, her mother died of lung cancer. Her family fell apart, until her grandfather, an ex-Marine and a war veteran, took care for the both of them. Her father went back into business, yet she said ‘he was never the same, never as loving as he was’.

She went away from home, graduated college, and ran back to Korea, where her mother was born. It was her mother’s dying wish for her to return to Korea, and so she did.

 

“My mother was.. beautiful, in every way, you know. And she had this gift of being able to see the future to those who were close to her.”

“Really?”

“Yes. She said, she foreseen me coming to Korea, even though it was a blur... and she said, I will have it tough here, but in the end, I will meet someone who I would love to my death. A week after she said it.. she died,” Rosie ended, while taking a whiff off her cigarette.

“That earphone, the one that got broken when you saved me, do you remember?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“It was her last gift for me. She gave it about three days before she told me her ‘vision’, and she said.. ‘this will be helpful, this will be the key.’ I didn’t know what she meant by that, but she sort of spaced out when she said that. I thought she was, you know, just saying nonsense.”

 

 

And I wasn’t able to say anything about it.

 

Rosie continued, telling me everything she went through. Her audition, her training days, becoming friends with Lee Jihae.. and the day I saw her.

 

“Until that time.. you knew everything. You’re... a huge part of my story since then,” Rosie ended, stubbing her cigarette to a nearby standing ashtray.

 

“Not everything. Tell me about the days you were in the hospital.”

 

Rosie stopped in her movements.

 

“I... can’t.”

 

“Why?”

“It’s... too painful.”

“Please. I’ll bear the pain with you,” I reached for her hand.

 

Rosie sighed.

 

“Therapy, therapy and more therapy. The more physical it went, the more it hurt... I... Please, Taekwoon, I don’t want to remember, please..” she begged, and I saw beads of tears started forming at the edges of her eyes.

I quickly nodded.

 

I don’t want to hurt her more than I already did.

 

“Alright... what would you like to do next..?” I tried to distract her.

 

Rosie wiped away her tears in silence, yet after a few moments, she smiled.

 

“There’s an easier way to explain my days at the asylum to you, a way of getting back all my memories.”

“What is it?”

“Music.”

 

 

 

Rosie asked to be taken back to the Jellyfish building, and immediately led me to a practice room which had an accoustic guitar and a piano inside. Rosie took off her coat and hung it on a nearby chair, took a guitar and sat down on the floor, and I sat right in front of her.

“Doctor Shin accidentally left his iPod at his office one day when I was on a session with him. And I found this song in it. I asked him about this song, and he said, if I like it, then make a cover. Just like what I used to do,” Rosie explained, while tuning her guitar.

 

“I thought you only used to do cover dancing.”

“I sang too. On Soundcloud.”

 

But then she started playing. The song was in English.

 

And I knew this song.

 

It’s hard, letting go

I’m finally at peace but it feels wrong

Slow, I’m getting up

My hands and feet are weaker than before..

 

And you are folded on the bed where I rest my head

There’s nothing I can see, darkness becomes me...

 

But I’m already there, I’m already there...

Wherever there is you, I will be there too...

 

Her voice was... ethereal. Pure, softer than her usual singing, like there’s some loving caress to each tune she sang.

I slowly got up, sat in front of the piano, and played it, accompanying Rosie’s voice.

 

There’s nothing that I’d take back

But, it’s hard to say there’s nothing I regret.

Cause when I sing, you shout

I breathe, out loud,

You bleed, we crawl like animals

But when it’s over, I’m still awake...

 

A thousand silhouettes dancing on my chest

No matter where I sleep, you are haunting me...

 

But I’m already there, I’m already there..

Wherever there is you, I’ll be there too..

 

 

She stopped singing, yet I still played the piano to the bridge of the song, while taking glances at her. She pulled out her phone, and played the original song on her phone. Silhouettes, sung by Of Monsters and Men.

I went back down to face her, as she put down her guitar. She folded her legs and rest her face on her right knee. I waited for her to start talking, as I could see that she struggled with words, hanging on her tongue, waiting to spurt out.. yet disagreeing with her heart.

 

“You were the only one I could remember...” she finally said. “I wasn’t able to remember who you really were, but I remember your face, your name, and the fact that I loved you... that’s it... I was confused...”

She pulled both her legs to her chest, and held her head with both hands until I couldn’t see her face.

 

“The doctor went nuts as I couldn’t remember anything, whatever they did, whatever they injected into me during the first week I was there... I could only remember you... So, I draw... That’s the only thing I knew of doing... They gave me colored chalks... so I draw you, on the walls... on the pavements in the asylum... They praised my drawings of you.. ‘oh, so beautiful, such talent’... yet I threw the chalks at them... because they weren’t helping me... they didn’t help me to find you...”

 

Right then her voice turned into painful sobbings.

 

“They... they said they didn’t know you... that you were only a part of my imagination... and they did things to me... I screamed your name, begging for them to stop.. yet they kept on screaming your inexistence to me... The more I shout your name, the more they did me... At nights, I couldn’t remember anything, and they let my room turned darker and darker... I was scared, I couldn’t breathe.. I could only sat on the corner of the room, crying when I saw you lying on my bed, yet when I tried to touch you, you were gone.... I... I thought I was going to be crazy...”

 

“But doctor Shin finally let me touch musical instruments, after so long... And... as I sang the lyrics to this song... My eyes were opened, bit by bit.... I remember Jihae first... then, my father... my members... my job, who I was... and everything slowly came back... and when I remember why I was there... my head felt like it was split open, when I remember you...”

 

I tried pulling her hands away from clenching her hair, yet she resist.

 

 

“It was you who made me there... you were the one I loved, my source of hope, yet you were the one hurting me... I can’t accept it... I couldn’t process it in my mind... And so I buried you at the back of my head, refusing to think about you gave me a little bit of peace... And I was finally discharged... And when I finally saw you... It all turned into hatred, anger...”

 

Rosie finally lift her tear-soaked face, staring right into my soul, grabbing the front of my clothes.

 

“I hated you, I wanted to hurt you!! Can’t you see?! Why are you still here, drawing me back to you?!” she screamed.

 

I wasn’t strong enough to hold back my own tears.

I’m weak.

When it comes to Rosie, yes, I’m weak.

 

 

“Hit me, then,” I begged her, holding both of her hands, aiming my own face. “Hit me! Hurt me! Scar me!!”

 

She looked back at me, her jaws went down as her tears kept on falling.

 

“Let me bear your pain with you... Even in the dark, I will be with you, so please, Rosie... forgive me... Hit me as much as you can, I don’t care! If it’s to be with you, I don’t!”

 

Her face slowly hung down, as she started to sob yet again, muffled, ragged screams amidst her tears, and my own vision went blurry as she started hitting my chest, my stomach, my body with her weak hands...

 

And the only thing I knew of doing was to hug her.

All the way until she could breathe normally.

 

“You... smile more nowadays,” suddenly she muttered. “Like you had no burden at all... Like... you’re happier.”

 

I lift her chin to face me softly.

 

 

“Well... you’re back into my life. What’s not to smile about now?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THIRD PARTY POV

 

 

 

What was all that noise? It’s three in the morning and all trainees were already scheduled to go home—

Trainees.

What if..?

 

The noise came from Practice Room II. I walked quietly to listen what the riot was.

 

At first there were music, english music. A girl, talking. The voice of a man.

I knew both of them.

In fact, a few months ago, I called both of them into my office.

 

I was ready to open the door, when the girl started crying, and my legs stopped moving.

 

 

“.. and they did things to me... I screamed your name, begging for them to stop.. yet they kept on screaming your inexistence to me... The more I shout your name, the more they did me...  I... I thought I was going to be crazy...”

 

“But doctor Shin finally let me touch musical instruments, after so long... And... as I sang the lyrics to this song... I remember Jihae first... then, my father... my members... my job, who I was... and everything slowly came back... and when I remember why I was there... my head felt like it was split open, when I remember you...”

 

 

I felt like the worst person in the world, when I gathered all my guts and opened the door a little bit, so I could listen to them both better.

 

 

“It was you who made me there... you were the one I loved, my source of hope, yet you were the one hurting me... I can’t accept it... I couldn’t process it in my mind... And so I buried you at the back of my head, refusing to think about you gave me a little bit of peace... And I was finally discharged... And when I finally saw you... It all turned into hatred, anger...”

 

 

I was taken aback.

 

I thought it was some sort of monkey-crush between them, puppy love that teenagers had, which led to some serious mistakes... Never that I dare thinking what they had between them was this serious..

 

 

“I hated you, I wanted to hurt you!! Can’t you see?! Why are you still here, drawing me back to you?!” she screamed.

 

My heart beats faster, waiting for his response.

Yet it was another blow of surprise to me.

 

 

“Hit me, then.... Let me bear your pain with you... Even in the dark, I will be with you, so please, Rosie... forgive me... Hit me as much as you can, I don’t care! If it’s to be with you, I don’t!”

 

 

He was begging?!

 

 

So, what they had was mutual.

More than one year...?

 

 

 

Was it my fault when I forbid them to continue seeing each other?

 

 

I already felt like I was a father figure to them.

And I think, this time, I made a mistake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'M SO SORRY FOR SUCH A LOOONG WAIT!!