ROSIE’S POV

 

 

“You should stop whining and work harder! Now repeat the second verse, add more power to it!”

“Yes, ssaem!” all four of us yelled, and went back to our position.

 

 

We were at the practice room, nearing the end of our 12-hours practice for our last goodbye stage. I couldn’t even think about anything, and just let my body go to the music of our remixed song, over and over and over again. Even when one of the members made a mistake that resulted in us having to repeat from the top again and again, I couldn’t even bring myself to be angry, and just stood with a blank look, trying to hold on my breath and keeping both of my legs standing.

 

We danced on and on and on until it was 5 AM in the morning, when our coach finally shut down the amplifier that kept on replaying our music until I think I could get nauseous by just listening to it. After he turned the music off, all of us fell down to the floor, chest going up and down heavily.

 

“GOD I DON’T WANNA DIE JUST YET.” Eunhee grunted on the floor right next to me, which led our staffs that monitored our practice to laugh their asses of. “I STILL WANNA AND HAVE PRETTY KIDS, BALDING TOGETHER WITH MY NAMPYEON...”

“What the hell are you mumbling about..” Jihae rolled to the black sofa, to reach her water bottle, not having any strength to walk anymore.

“You haven’t even had your first kiss yet, eonnie,” Gain shouted from across the room.

 

 

I could only laugh along with the rest of the staff and our coach, while lifting my training t-shirt up to reveal my toned stomach and covered my face with it. Then the electric fan was finally again, and everyone sighed in relief.

 

I ran my hand in the middle of my hipbones, to the lower of my stomach, unknowingly, while feeling it grumble in starvation. I knew that we wouldn’t be able to eat until later after our performance, to prevent our faces bloating.

 

But that’s not what made my heart skipped a beat.

 

As I ran my hand softly on the area under my belly, I could feel that there was a slight bump. Small, yet strong, and permanent. Because no matter how much I tried to push it, it wouldn’t flatten.

 

 

 

What the hell is this..?

 

 

“Allright guys, nice job. Let’s pack up and go home,” our manager shouted.

 

 

 

I slowly rose up, shrugging it off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Unnie, are you really okay?”

“Mhm, yeah, I’m fine, cat. Go.”

“But this has been going on for weeks!” Gain whined.

I shook my head quickly.

“I just got bad stomach. So please, go.”

 

Then the pain hit my stomach again, like it’s being punched by a pro boxer. I vomited, but not much, it was just liquid. In fact, I didn’t even eat anything since last night.

I stood up, tied my hair, which had grew to my shoulders, then brushed my teeth.

 

It’s only been about two weeks since I started dating Wonshik in secret, even though we hadn’t had much chance too meet. Our comeback stage was a success. I actually loved the concept my group portrayed. We were vixens, that’s why the company decided to go full blast with my hair, dyeing it in perfect platinum blond with black ombre. It did contrasted my skin perfectly, as I have become even more pale skinned than before. The concept was mysteriously y, and we all lost about 6 kilograms of our original weight in order to look better. It earned us great result, as we won first place on Inkigayo once, which was quite enough for a very fresh rookie group like us.

And VIXX had deal a great job as well. Winning triple crowns with their new record. Wonshik totally boasted over the record everytime we met. At least, his cheerfulness took my mind away from every memory that I had with Taekwoon.

 

Memories that always find their way to boil inside me.

 

But the problem was, this kind of morning sickness had been going on since last couple of months, the last time I was with Taekwoon, for almost every morning, everyday, and it grew even more severe.

I know the worst possibility coming from this. But I have been taking the pills regularly, everyday after breakfast. I bought them in secret.

 

Why would I be pregnant?

 

I cleared my throat and wiped my mouth clean. It felt fresh. I tidy my hair again, then came out of my bathroom.

 

 

“You’re sure you’re okay?” Jihae asked in a very worried tone.

I shook my head and pat her back, as we went off the van, and walked to the dance practice room.

Our manager turned the music on, and we begin the start of a 10-hours-long practice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“But, seriously though, have you tried seeing the doctor? Testpacks, perhaps?” Jihae whispered, as we walked out of the MBC building. We were both the last of the group to walk into the van as we walked slowly.

I shook my head. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll try buying some before I go home now?” I asked her.

Jihae then nodded. “Just go now, then, I’ll excuse you. You haven’t been skipping much so I think oppa would go easy on you.”

“Thanks, Jihae.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Here you go,” said the cashier.

“Thanks,” I said, my voice got muffled through the black mask I was wearing. “Sorry, but where’s the toilet?”

“Go to that hall on your left, then turn right.”

“Okay, thanks,” I said, took the white plastic bag and walked hurriedly.

 

I quickly took a glance over the test device. Then I fall kneeling to the floor of the bathroom stall.

 

The display showed two, red lines standing side by side.

 

 

I quickly saved the used test pack into my pocket, put my mask back on, then opened the door. I checked my reflection, tying my hair and hiding it under a black beanie, then pulled my black hoodie on top of it to cover it. After three times inhaling deeply, I ran out of the toilet, got to the front and called a cab.

 

My hands are all shaken, cold and sweaty. Whatever the ’s happened, I’m sure I don’t want this to happen. After the cab stopped in front of a hospital, I paid the fee and ran to the reception as fast as I could.

 

I register myself under the name of Irene Han, gave them fake identification. After they cleared me, I ran to the doctor’s examination room. In front of the door, I knocked.

“Come in.” A female voice said.

I opened the door, then came in, as the nurse closed the door behind me.

“Please, sit,” said the female doctor, as she herself sat down. I bowed and sat down anxiously.

 

The doctor was busy writing something for a bit, then gave it to the nurse, who then walked out of the room. Then finally the female doctor looked at me, smiling.

 

“There’s no need to cover your face. Are you an idol?” she directly asked, while taking a notepad.

 

I sighed.

 

“Is it.. really okay.. if I..?” I asked, my voice was shaken, as I was about to cry.

 

The female doctor smiled, encouraging me. I slowly raised my hand, and pulled down my hood, taking my beanie off my messy hair, then I pulled my mask off. She gasped when she saw who I am.

“I know you,” she said, then she sighed. “My little brother is a fan of your group. Well.. Okay, let’s get down to business. My name is Seo Do Yeon, call me Do Yeon or whatever you like. Rest assured that your secrets and problems won’t escape this room,” she said.

“I have your word, then,” I said, still looking for something to hold on. Then I held onto the table’s edge.

 

Doyeon smiled in sympathy, then continued. “The nurse from before? I sent her away for quite a long time, so she won’t come in here and saw who you are. She will be back when you’re done with me.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, “for being so thoughtful.”

“So, will you tell me what’s your problem?”

 

I hesitated for a moment, but then I managed to take out the test pack from my pocket, and showed it to her.

 

“I tested it just now. I’ve had morning sicknesses for about two months now, even though I took pills,” I explained, my hoarse voice couldn’t do much in explaining. My throat went really dry.

“Are you ually active?”

“Yes, quite.”

“On a weekly basis, how many times do you have ?”

“About two times.”

“Multiple partners?”

“No.”

“When was the last date of your period?”

“Well...” I counted silently. “My period never came in the same date, it was always either earlier or late. But one thing I know for sure, I haven’t had it for more than two months.”

“Then why don’t you check it earlier?”

“I was busy with my comeback stage, literally had no time to run here. I was thinking that maybe it was the side effect of taking the birth control pills...”

Doyeon sighed.

 

“Your said symptoms does suggest that you are pregnant. Birth control pills are 90% effective to prevent pregnancy, but once you forgot to took it, everything would fail.... But even so, test packs are not always correct. Why don’t you take off your sweater, and open your belt,” Doyeon said, while directing my weak body to sit on a chair next to an USG scanner machine.

 

This wasn’t my first time being scanned by an USG, I had it when I checked for any servical diseases and anomalies before I joined the company, and I was perfectly healthy. Doyeon set the chair lower and raised the leg part, so I lied on it comfortably. Then she took a white tube, and squeezed the contents on top of my womb. It contained gel, which was blue-ish and very cold. She put the tube back, took the scanner and ran it on top of my womb. We watched the scans on the display monitor, but I couldn’t recognize anything except for a small glomp of something in the middle of the curves. Doyeon examined the images carefully, while still moving the scanner on my womb.

 

 

“Oh, yeah. Yeah.. we got an embryo here.”

 

 

 

My heart was gripped by something hard.

 

 

 

“Is it... is it really..?”

“An embryo,” Doyeon said, in a serious tone. “Still young, though. I would say that it’s just fourteen weeks old, and, a boy.” she added.

 

“Fourteen....? A boy...?

 

I couldn’t react at all. I froze. My brain started counting.

 

 

 

Fourteen weeks old.. Fourteen... means about.. three months?

I’ve been pregnant for.. three months... and not realizing that I carried another life....?

What the...

But...

I haven’t had with Ravi for that long.

In fact, we only had once, two weeks ago, and he released it outside..

 

Could it be... Taekwoon’s..?

 

 

 

“How old did you say the embryo was?” I whispered, asking her again.

“Fourteen weeks old, that’s about two weeks over three months.”

 

 

 

So my calculation was correct.

 

 

Doyeon seemed to understand why I frozed.

 

“I’m not going to congratulate you, nor pitying you. If you think you’re old enough to engage in ual , I seriously hope you do know the risks, and the responsibilities, coming with the pleasure,” she said, while putting back her scanner next to the machine, and giving me a towel to wipe away the scanning gel.

“Thanks, doctor,” my voice was no more than just gusts of air.

“But it’s a healthy boy. Lucky for him to still be able to stay healthy in there, despite his mother’s extreme lifestyle as an idol...”

“And I smoke too... Oh God...” I could only bury my face in the palms of my hands.

“You should stop, then. Because at this stage, the embryo—no, the baby already lives as a person. It could hear you, your voice, your heart beats. So, be very careful with your every acts, your decisions.”

 

I still didn’t know how to react. I started wiping the gel off my lower stomach with one hand, slowly, realizing my movements thousands of times more careful than the usual, as something wet and warm fell from the edge of my eyes.

 

 

Doyeon held my shoulder, and squeezed it gently.

 

“Listen here, kiddo. You’re an idol, and obviously one who would shine someday. If you don’t know what to do, or too scared if your agency found out about this, I could.. recommend you to more than a group of very skilled practicist.. to take it away, while it’s still young,” Doyeon ended.

 

I put away the towel, and pulled the edge of my sweter.

“Thank you.. so much for your sympathy, Doyeon unni...” I said weakly, forcing a smile. “But... I’m still not sure...”

Doyeon sighed. “It’s okay, it has never been easy. Now... why don’t you save my number on your phone, just in case if you need to talk about it later?”

I nodded. Doyeon offered me tissue to wipe my tears. After tidying up, we exchanged phone numbers.

 

 

“Unnie, can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

“Can you please.. keep the information regarding this.. whole things.. away from anybody? Please.. Please don’t release any info regarding my pregnancy to anyone without my permission...” I begged her.

 

Doyeon sighed.

“Of course... You know, I used to have a friend just like you... so I understand.”

I nodded.

“Remember, take care of your health, take a rest immediately when you feel too tired, and stop smoking,” Doyeon advised me, while walking me out of the hospital, after finishing the administration process. “I will keep the USG scanned imageries save in private, if you want to take it, you’ll have to come to me personally, okay?”

I nodded again.

“Thank you so much, unnie..”

 

And without thinking about it, I embraced her waist lightly.

 

She seemed to be shocked, but he pat my back instead.

“It’s okay. Just.. think of me as a friend you could count on, okay? There’s your cab,” she said, and we walked to the taxi.

 

As my cab drove away, I waved to Doyeon through the window.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Where were you? Why did you take so long?” Jihae asked, sitting on my bed next to me, as I put on my night eye cream.

 

I had to pretend that everything were okay, that nothing’s wrong, and it’s taking even more energy than the usual.

 

“Hmm? Nothing. I just went to a hospital and got a shot. The doctor said I have to stay away from bread now,” I answered, pouting.

Jihae exhaled in relieve. “That’s right, huh... you’ve been eating so many sweet bread instead of rice lately.”

I laughed. “I know, right? Really, all the negative thoughts almost killed me.. turns out I’m allergic to yeast!”

 

Jihae laughed with me, as I put on a layer of snail mask , then I lied on the bed.

 

“Wanna sleep with me for the night?” I teasingly said, while extending my arms towards Jihae.

She snorted. “Why would I. Look, I’m just checking here. If you have any problem, don’t keep it a secret, okay? Tell me, I won’t tell anyone,” Jihae said.

 

I nodded.

 

Then Jihae took a magazine from my drawer, reading while asking me casually. “So... how’s you with Leo oppa?”

I almost gagged on my snail mask. “Why all of the sudden?!”

“I never heard much about him now, nor about Ravi oppa. Things had ended for good?”

I sighed. “Yesssss, Jihae. How many times have I told you...”

Jihae chuckled. “Right.. sorry.”

 

But then silence fell upon us, an awkward one.

Jihae didn’t know that I’m currently with Wonshik. Jihae didn’t know all the details, and yet she had to cover me up whenever I cause trouble.

 

“Uh--! Rose?”

I hugged her, rested my chin on her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Jihae-yah..” I whispered.

 

Jihae nodded, only my back in silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Ukhh!”

I jolted awake from my sleep, one hand covering my lower stomach as it suddenly hurt so much, it got me awake. My face scrunched, cold sweat ran down on my temples as the pain didn’t vanish. I froze at half-sitting up position, with one hand supporting my weight and the other pressing the area of my womb.

 

The small, soft yet strong bump didn’t disappear. It stayed there.

 

I absentmindedly ran my fingers on top of it.

 

A boy... and a healthy one...

Fourteen weeks....

 

I wonder how would he look like when he’s out...

I hope... I hope he would look like Taekwoon.. A perfect copy of Taekwoon...

Because Taekwoon was pretty when he was a child..

 

 

After a minute, I finally managed to sit up properly. The stabbing pain slowly gone away, as I still ran my fingers on top of my womb, scared to even think about anything else. I looked at the digital clock on my bedside table. It was 5 AM. I don’t want to wake Doyeon up just because of one, throbbing pain that now had slowly faded.

I remembered about what Doyeon said, about the fact that the baby could already listen. So I took my iPod, and a headset, absentmindedly smiling despite the tears that had started to fall.

 

I played Oh Joon Sung’s song, In Memories, and put the earpieces on my womb, so the baby could listen. He is the son of two musicians who loved to listen to songs, so he must be happy to listen to good songs.

 Once, Taekwoon had played this song for me on a piano in a practice room, way back during the first months of us dating. I smiled at the memories, it was after he surprised me with a back hug, bragging sleepily that he won his Bonsang Award, and at that day, he forced me to go to his apartment to cook together with him.

“Hey, little one, what should mommy call you?” I whisper lovingly at the small bump under my fingers, ignoring the tears that had fallen. “Your appa’s a Jung. Maybe mommy should call you... Taegoon. Jung Taegoon Because you’re goon, strong, right? Like what Doyeon unnie said...”

 

And then, my playlist moved on to Taekwoon’s old duet song with Lyn sunbaenim, Blossom Tears.

“And this is your daddy’s voice,” I whispered, chuckling. “Listen to him. Your daddy’s name is Taekwoon.. and he is a wonderful person with an angelic voice... Do you like it, Taegoon-ah?”

 

 

What am I doing...? It’s not like I could keep him now..

If this goes on... One day, people will know about Taegoon. About me. About Taekwoon....

 

Taegoon... Taekwoon...

 

“Taegoon-ah, you know umma loves you so much, right?” I cried, caressing my little baby bump, holding back my sobbings. “Taegoonnie, no matter what people said, umma loves you... Please forgive umma, not being able to provide you happiness and a good life.. Please forgive umma that you have to.. to be born into this chaos...”

 

I felt so hurted, so angered, by the fact that I could not even be a good mother to my coming baby. I resent the fact that I couldn’t let Taegoon grow yet, the fact that I might get into trouble just for wanting to keep my baby alive...

 

My baby Taegoon, that might look exactly like Taekwoon..

 

 

And then, my heart beat started to race.

I came to think about what Doyeon said. About the level of responsibilities that lies ahead of me.

 

I’m bearing Taekwoon’s son. And, even if I manage to find any courage to tell him, I’m not even sure how he would react about it. Will he tell me to just abort it, like what Doyeon suggested?

 

I had a dream to meet his family, his mother, once. But if this goes on... Will they accept me..?

 

 

And right at that moment, my eyes burned with tears as an imagination flashed before my eyes, where Taekwoon’s mother looked at me with heavy disgust... where his sisters snicker at me... where his father turned his back at me...

 

I clawed my head, holding back my sobbings as much as I can.

 

 

 

 

I’m scared.

I’m scared of Taekwoon.

Of how he’ll react.

I don’t want him to hate me. Please, God.. I don’t want him to hate me...

 

 

 

I sat with legs crossed on my bed, turning on the bedside light, and taking out a small photo, framed by black wooden frame. A photo of Taekwoon and me, his face turned to me kissing my temple, while I stood one head shorter than him, holding the camera. Next to it, plastered a polaroid photo he took inside his studio. Both of us, lying on the couch together, me inside his arms. But this time Taekwoon took the picture.

 

I stared at those photos for a long time in the dim light, unable to concentrate because of thousands of thoughts that flashed before my eyes.

 

 

 

How am I supposed to tell him?

I know that it’s his. Taegoon.

I want Taekwoon to love him... Because I came to love him too...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Thank you!”

“Thank you very much!”

“You’ve worked hard!”

 

We were busy bowing on the stage after finishing our goodbye stage on Inkigayo. After bidding goodbye to the fans, we went down off the stage, and still continued bowing to everyone we met all the way until we’re back to the waiting room.

The girls sat down, exhaling in relieve as our last performance of the day ended. I sat down at the edge of a sofa, drinking water from a bottle.

Today we performed in three different places, two TV stations and one concert near Gangnam. I took my boots off and sitting crosslegged on the sofa, watching silently as the girls take turns on removing our special stage make ups and lenses. I honestly felt so tired, unlike last year on my debut stage. We went to more than 3 performances, and I was right as rain. But now, I realize my condition had gone worse. I actually had felt lightheaded and weak since we walked into the SBS building, but I held back from complaining at all.

 

“Rose, you should remove those body paintings,” Jihae advised, as she herself getting some of her makeups removed. I stood up, looking for the remover, as our stylist handed me my regular clothes.

“Thanks. Oh, yeah. Hey, did anyone see—ahhh!”

“Wh—Rose?!”

 

I fell kneeled on the floor, then flat on my sides, while pressing my lower stomach with my hands. I couldn’t see anything, my eyes went blurry and I started seeing stars everywhere. I rolled to my side, trying to cope with the pain.

 

“Aargh!” screams escaped my mouth, screams I held back from last night.

“Rose! Tell me what’s wrong!”

“Unnie!”

 

I could feel cold hands wiped my cold sweat off my forehead, other hands getting under my body.

 

“Lift her up! Get her to the sofa!”

 

I could feel so many hands lifted my body, then I was put down on the sofa. Tears coming out of my eyes as I tried to hold back the pain that stabbed my womb.

 

“Rosie! What hurts? Your stomach again?”

“Please talk to us!”

 

I shook my head, my face still scrunched up unknowingly.

 

“Ah... A-ah... I don’t know... my.. stomach..”

 

But I was only worried about one thing.

 

Taegoon, are you okay in there? Please forgive umma..

 

 

“Is this pre-menstrual syndrome?”

“Maybe it’s her allergy?” “But she didn’t eat any bread today!”

“Here, I got painkiller pills,” a manager said.

“Rose. Rose, could you sit? Drink this.”

 

I nodded, inhaled, exhaled. I could feel hands on my back helping me to sit, as I open my eyes, even though my headache didn’t get better. I took the white pill, along with a bottle of water, and drank them.

Right then, the pain slowly got better, only leaving behind uncomfortable feeling.

 

“What the hell happened, really?” asked Jihae.

I shook my head slowly, still trying to digest what’s going on with my Taegoon.

 

Taegoon, are you hurt? Please forgive umma. Umma promise umma will rest, okay... please..

 

Hang in there, my precious Taegoon...

 

 

 

 

 

Days after the incident, I sat alone at the corner of the practice room, wiping away my sweat as I drink the whole bottle of water. I had practiced my new choreography for the new season-opening of Dancing 9 show. I had no time to waste so I worked hard in mastering it. Sweat after sweat pleasantly falling down from every pore on my body. After finished drinking, I exhaled long.

 

I ran my hands on top of my womb.

“Taegoon-ah, are you okay? I’m sorry I moved around so much... But umma had to work to live... Umma will give you time to rest, okay,” I whisper, with a loving caress on my womb.

 

I let myself to rest for about 30 minutes, because I was scared of Taegoon’s condition inside my body. But I know I can’t waste too much time.

I then put the water bottle aside, while examining my reflection. My clothes got drenched in sweat again, as my black, long sleeved t-shirt looked darker than the usual, except for my black-and-yellow-patterned training pants. I tied my hair up into a ponytail, then I jumped back up, setting up the music back and went back practicing my dance, but with a tad less power and force.

 

Right in the middle of my dance, someone showed up, walked into the practice room. Just his presence alone is shocking me.

 

 

 

It was Jung Taekwoon.

 

 

I stopped whatever I was doing, as he walked to the stereo set to turn it off, then he walked towards me, silently.

 

I bowed to him.

“Sunbaenim.”

 

Taekwoon only stood there, with his hands in his pocket. I took a glance to the door. It was closed.

 

 

We stood there, only one meter away from each other, from all the memories that had burn its way back towards my heart. I could still feel the spark, the electrifying air anytime he stand close to me.

 

 

The feel of yearning, longing. Missing him.

 

 

And I think I could sunk deep in Taekwoon’s eyes. In his stare. This time, even when he’s quiet, his stare was warm.

 

 

Oh, Taegoon, I wish you could see him through me.

It’s your daddy. He came, after a long while.... How has he been?

 

Taekwoon-nim... how I wish you could see Taegoon in me... Touching him...

He needs his daddy..

 

 

 

“How have you been?” he finally asked.

“I’m good, thank you very much,” I quickly answered, hiding my right hand behind my back.

“Don’t lie to me,” he then said, abruptly.

“What do you mean?”

 

 

Taekwoon then walked towards me, took my right hand that I hid behind my body. His eyes was looking to the platina ring on my index finger, which I never took off. Then he looked at me.

 

“Rose..”

 

There it was, again. The soft touches, as he caressed my cheek. I couldn’t bear not to touch his hand. I held his hand with both of my hands.

 

Taegoon-ah, can you see him? Your daddy..

 

Should umma tell appa about you.. now?

 

 

“Taekwoon-nim, I...”my words fell weak.

“Hmm..?” he softly held my hands, right in front of my womb.

“I have to tell you something,” I noticed that Taekwoon had moved closer, his sweet presence was only a breath away from me.

 

It gave me courage.

“What...?”

 

I, after taking a deep breath, held his hand and led it towards my womb, letting him caress my bump.

 

A sharp, quiet pull of breath notified me that Taekwoon felt the presence of the baby bump too. Taekwoon then started running his hands over my womb. His hand were trembling.

 

Then I gather all my courage to face him.

“Sunbaenim, I...”

“Is this...?”

 

I nodded.

 

And his lips were parted. “Mine..”

 

 

I was unable to read his expression, and it led me to start being even more worried. But Taekwoon had cupped my face, and brought me closer to him, softly, while sighing.

 

“Don’t ... stay away from me... ever...”

 

 

 

I was about to give up into him.

 

But CEO Hwang’s warnings echoed to the present until I suddenly pulled away.

 

 

Taegoon-ah.. What should I do? I can’t keep both of you....

 

I pulled away from him. “Sunbaenim... Let’s not. If the managers sees us here..”

 

 

 

 

Then the door was opened.

 

“Rosie!”

Jihae showed up, along with...

 

.. Wonshik.

 

I stood there frozen, as Jihae gasped, covering with her hand.

My eyes were locked onto Wonshik, while Wonshik’s eyes locked onto Taekwoon.

 

Ever so slowly, Wonshik walked towards Taekwoon, then they stood face to face.

 

“If you don’t mind me asking... what are you doing here with her, hyung?” Wonshik asked. His tone was friendly, but also dangerous. He wasn’t smiling.

“Same thing I would ask to you and Lee Jihae-ssi,” Taekwoon answered.

 

Wonshik turned to me.

 

“Are you okay, Rose? Jihae said you were sick a couple of days ago?” he asked worriedly, as he ran his fingers to my forehead, my cheek and my neck, checking for the temperature.

I shook my head slowly.

“I-I’m okay, oppa..” I whispered.

 

My whole body trembled. How I wished Wonshik wouldn’t do that in front of Taekwoon.

Wonshik smiled softly at me, caressed the top of my head, when he turned back to Taekwoon.

 

“Let’s go, hyung, Hakyeon-hyung’s buying galbijjim—“

 

Taekwoon cut off Wonshik’s friendly words with his cold tone.

 

“Don’t. Touch. Her.”

“Pardon me?”

Taekwoon’s voice got louder. “Don’t touch Rosie. She’s mine, and still mine. Back off, Wonshik-ah.”

 

Finally, Wonshik frowned.

“And what allows you to say that? You and Rosie broke up months ago!”

 

I grabbed Wonshik’s right arm, trying to pull him away, but it was the same as pulling back a concrete wall with only a wire.

 

“Oppa, oppa please just stop. Please.”

“I was first,” Wonshik said, in a low tone, his eyes sparkled dangerously.

“She chose me,” Taekwoon hissed, his hand fisted.

“KIM WONSHIK!” I shrieked. “Please.. just.. let’s go away from here. Please.”

 

I trembled, grabbing Wonshik’s arm with both my hands as I hold back tears that started to fall down my cheeks, mixed with sweat.

Wonshik finally looked down on me, touching my cheek with his other hand, when Taekwoon suddenly grabbed my right elbow and pulled it, so powerful until I swayed and almost fell.

 

“Uhh!”

“Come with me,” Taekwoon commanded. But Wonshik held the arm that Taekwoon grabbed, pulling it back.

“Hyung, you’re hurting her. Leave her out of this.”

 

Taekwoon slowly raised his face to meet with Wonshik’s in a dangerous, cold silence. Only that I realized his grip got stronger.

 

“T-Taekwoon-nim... Please let go.”

Taekwoon stared at me, but then his lips moved.

“You... want me to let go of you..?” Taekwoon finally whispered.

 

I was terrified, because the look that Taekwoon gave me was stained with disappointment.. and disbelief.

 

“It’s.. that easy, for you..?”

 

“No... no..” I could only shook my head, looking at Taekwoon’s face, which looked like he was being burned alive.

 

“I.. am ready to give everything for you...” Taekwoon’s voice was nothing more than blows of air. “But you... want me to let you go..?”

 

I couldn’t say anything. My tears escaped my eyes, again and again. I held back sobbing. My heart hurt so much, my head was spinning and I honestly was... lost, in Taekwoon’s stare, again.

 

But Taekwoon shook his head.

“I’m not going to give you two up just like this.”

 

 

You... two...?

 

 

And his grip went stronger, as he started to succeeded in pulling me away from Wonshik’s hands.

“Hyung! Please!”

 

Taekwoon man-handled me, and I gave up. It hurt so much, but I didn’t even want to fight him. Even when I followed Taekwoon to the door, his grip on my hand went even more stronger until it was unbearably painful.

Along with another pain growing down on my stomach, slow, but sure.

 

“Taekwoon-nim, please... ahh...!”

The pain got worsened, until I lost all the strength on my legs, and I fell to Taekwoon’s embrace.

“Rosie!”

 

I couldn’t respond, couldn’t even open my eyes, couldn’t react as Taekwoon catched me, one of his knee bent under me as support. My head went heavily dizzy. I saw stars everywhere, as my breathing got rougher, whines escaped my throat.

“Rose!”

 

I tried to open my heavy eyelids, and suddenly saw Wonshik and Taekwoon’s face on top of me. But my vision got blurrier and shaken, as my body trembled harder and worse. Dark, black spots covered my sight as I grew blinded by the pain.

It felt like something inside me rip me in half, struggling to get out of me from the back door, ripping its way open with its own claws. This pain, this monstrous, hideous thing that hurt me must not be Taegoon. Taegoon’s in danger...

 I could not breathe, couldn’t even scream...

 

 

Taegoon... Taegoon..

Help him to get out..

 

“Taegoon...” I whisper.

 

 

Taekwoon must have noticed, as he turned his head to me.

“Taegoon..?”

“Ours... Taegoon.. Help him...” I could only managed to whisper.

 

I heard Jihae kneeling near my legs.

 

“I’ll call 199!”

 

 

 

What?!

 

 

 

“No!” I screamed. “No... not them... no... Doyeon... Seo Doyeon..” I whined.

“Where’s your phone? Who’s Seo Doyeon?”

 

I shook my head as hard as I could, when I could feel something hard and big coming out from my , coming with something wet and warm. I couldn’t even made up anything in my mind regarding that, as I felt pain burned my whole body, and I instantly shrieked.

 

“Aaaaahhhhh...!”

“Wha—She’s bleeding!”

“SEO DOYEON..!” I screamed.

 

I could feel something wet falling to my face, and through all the disturbances, I saw Taekwoon crying on top of me in panic. Jihae was using my phone and made a phonecall. Wonshik held my other hand, I could see that he was panicked and abruptly examining something near my legs.

 

“She’s bleeding too much... this is not normal. I don’t see any visible injury. We have to get help.”

“It’s 1 AM, who would be here? The staffs are all gone when I came here!”

“Help’s coming.”

 

Jihae then showed up in my focus.

 

“Don’t worry, I contacted Seo Doyeon. She’s sending a car here, a normal hospital car, because ambulance would spark up suspicions, right? Calm down, Rosie... we got you.”

“Hhh.. Hhh.. Aaargh!!!”

 

 

The painful jab in my womb came back, and something else coming out from my like before, even though it isn’t as big. I squeezed my eyelids shut as strong as I could to held back my scream, biting on my lip, my claws digged into Taekwoon’s arm as hard as I could.

 

Please don’t... My precious Taegoon....

Please forgive mommy, my love... Please forgive mommy... I can’t keep you safe...

 

 

After it came out, I open my eyes just to see Taekwoon’s sharp gaze right on top of me, while he touched my cheek with his hands, stained by something red.

 

Even though my whole body was trembling, I managed to lift my free hand to caress Taekwoon’s face.

 

“I’m so sorry...”

Taekwoon held my hand, while shaking his head eagerly.

 

“Okay, Taekwoon oppa, Wonshik oppa, I need your help in carrying Rosie to the car, it’s already near. Seo Doyeon is Rosie’s doctor and friend. She’s right now stationed at Yeonjoo Hospital near here. Once you arrived, take Rosie straight to her, no one else. Don’t talk to anyone, don’t say anything suspicious,” Jihae commanded.

 

I saw both the man nodded. Jihae sighed. “As for me.. I’ll stay here to clean Rosie’s blood, then I’ll come over. I don’t want anyone else to know. Cover yourselves well,” she finally said.

 

Wonshik nodded. I felt his arms went to my back and behind my knees, then he lift me up. I could saw Taekwoon took his parka off, and covered my lower body with it. Jihae helped putting on my black mask and Wonshik’s hat, while Taekwoon zipped his sweater up, wore a mask and a hat.

 

“The car’s arrived,” Jihae said, after checking my phone. “Take her, oppa.”

 

Wonshik nodded in silence, then I could feel my body shifted. Wonshik handled me to Taekwoon. All of the sudden I could notice Taekwoon’s sturdy, wider and warmer arms under my body. The familiar sweet scent of coffee that used to linger on him now stained by the smell of coppery blood. I tried so hard to open my eyes, and I saw Taekwoon.

Tears fell down on his cheeks.

“Don’t worry, Rose... You’ll be okay..”

 

I could feel smile crept up my lips, then everything grew darker, as I felt that Taekwoon had started running, carrying me.

 

I know...

I’m with you.