ROSIE’S POV

 

 

 

“You should consider yourself very lucky, miss.”

“Why..?” I whisper, not lifting my eyes from my knees even once.

“Even though your miscarriage was very unfortunate, you have healed perfectly in just two weeks, and regained all of your memories back in another two weeks. One month is considerably a very short period  for oneself to recover from your level of trauma.”

 

I didn’t have any strength to respond. Nor that I wanted to.

I just wanted my last assessment session to be over quickly.

I just wanted to go home... and forget everything.

 

 

“So, that is... all.” Doctor Shin end things up with a long sigh.

“So... I could go home.”

“Yes, and Doctor Seo has already gave her green light. Too bad she’s out of town today, for a seminar. I’ll also report to her later,” Doctor Shin stood up from his seat.

I slowly raised to stand.

 

“Thank you, doctor.”

Doctor Shin nodded, and pat my head.

 

“But in the meantime, promise me you won’t go seeing that man.”

 

I shook my head.

 

“It hurts even to just remember his face...” I muttered.

 

 

 

 

Have you got colour in your cheeks?

Do you ever get that fear that you can’t shift

The type that sticks around like something in your teeth?

Are there some aces up in your sleeve? Have you no idea that you’re in deep?

I dreamt about you nearly every night this week

How many secrets can you keep?

‘Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I played it on repeat until I fall asleep

Spilling drinks on my settee...

 

 

Rain thunder down really hard on the top of the van’s ceiling, as the road manager silently speed up through the monsoon in the middle of the night back to my dorm. Arctic Monkeys’s Do I Wanna Know  boomed loudly through both of my earpieces, as I stared emptily to the hollow road.

 

Crawling back to you

Ever thought of calling when you’ve had a few?

‘Cause I always do.

Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new

Now I’ve thought it through..

 

 

Doctor Shin’s words flew through my mind several times in the past hour, his warnings to not seeing that man right after.

 

Jung Taekwoon.

 

What is this... painful, annoying jab in my upper stomach?

My hand automatically pressed that particular part everytime I think of him, due to the pain.

 

 

 

 

 

“Oh, horsey,” Jihae pulled me into her tight embrace. “Don’t you dare doing those ing things again or I swear to God I will kill you myself... Oh...” she ended up crying.

 

I sighed, a small smile naturally bloomed on my lips to my cheeks, as Jihae’s familiar body scent reached my lungs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

POP!!

 

“Yeaaa~” Eunhee laughed as she opened the champagne bottle on her own.

“Careful! Don’t spill too much.”

“Relax, mommy.” She excitedly poured down the contents of the bottle to each of the member’s ‘goblet’, as Gain had said before.

 

I laughed as Eunhee clumsily poured down champagne to CEO Hwang’s glass.

“Be careful, kid! These are brand new pants,” he exclaimed with a giggle.

“Please excuse me, sir,” Eunhee playfully said.

 

CEO Hwang took us out to a fine dining restaurant in Itaewon called La Cucina, which was located right in front of the gateways of Grand Hyatt Seoul. He said he wanted to celebrate our group’s high record sales, and also my return after a month resting in the hospital. It was a very pleasant surprise when he himself called Jihae’s number and told us to be ready to go about two hours ago.

 

The girls and I worked hard to dress well, to please CEO Hwang more, and he did compliment us on our appearance. He only invited us four as he said he wanted to make it personal.

 

“Now.. I would like to say, I’m very grateful that you four had done very well in the past years,” CEO Hwang started. “Almost two years, with a good record sales. You guys still have a long way to go from here on, but I believe you will do well, right?”

 

CEO Hwang messed Gain’s hair (which she cut short) and she giggled, as me and the other members gave our ‘yes’ together.

 

Not long after, our food was served, and our table was filled with happy chatter and laughter. CEO Hwang looked especially happy today, even though he forbid me from drinking too much.

Two hours passed as we finished our dinner comfortably, and the atmosphere turned calmer than before as small talks were triggered among each of us. CEO Hwang was talking to Jihae and Gain, while Eunhee went to the powder room. It seemed like the three of them were talking about boys ore something, because Gain giggled and Jihae’s ears went red.

 

“No, listen, don’t get me wrong. Your dating restrictions will end in, like, four months from now, right? So I’m saying, if you want to date, you better be secretive about it. And be picky as well. Guys nowadays can’t be trusted. Right, Rosie?” suddenly CEO Hwang pointed the tip of his knife towards me.

 

I was sipping my drink when he mentioned my name, and I coughed.

 

“Uhh.. right,” I answered whatever, while looking for something to wipe my mouth.

“See? She’s experienced, she knows,” CEO Hwang said.

 

I forced a laugh, yet my mind instantly go blank, and a subtle form of anger started to boil at the base of my stomach.

 

Oh no.

 

 

This kind of... anger attacks... had always surfaced and abused me ever since that accident happened.

Everytime the topic of love was mentioned, something hot, painful and annoying got ignited inside of me.

 

All of the sudden, I realized that slowly, I had trouble breathing.

 

Everything near me went blurry and shaken.

 

 

One instinct led me.

 

I have to get out.

 

 

“Excuse me,” I stood up quickly, and walked rushed towards the front door of the restaurant.

“Hey, you okay---“

 

I waved my hand and ran. As I reached the outside of the restaurant, I put both of my hands on my knees, supporting myself as I catch my breath.

 

 

It’s only the end of August.

Why is it so cold.

Why is there steam coming out of my mouth.

 

 

Why am I so.. angry?

 

 

“Ya! What’s wrong with you?” suddenly someone grabbed my shoulder.

 

But I couldn’t react normally. Before I could control myself, I raised up and tackled that person’s arm, grabbed it with power and speed that I didn’t even know existed.

“Oww! It hurts!”

 

It was Jihae.

“What’s going on with you?!” Jihae almost yelled at me.

 

But my mind was not able to comprehend anything.

I loosen my grip, and while letting go, fell on to my knees, sweat falling down to my temples.

 

“Seriously, what happened to you?!” Jihae whispered in anger. “I honestly don’t know you anymore.”

 

I could only stared blankly while chasing my breath, as Jihae walked away, still holding her arm that I grabbed.

 

 

 

 

The atmosphere of the room was weirdly cold. Everyone was busy with their costumes, make-up and warm ups. Nobody talked about anything and only focused on the preparation for our performance that day. It was a mid-year concert, with so many artists and idols performing.

 

People close to us had sent us some good-luck gifts to our waiting rooms, mostly flowers, letters and perfume. Our fans also sent us a hand-made dinner box because this will be our first performance after my return to the group.

But sadly, no one has the time nor the appetite to actually eat them.

 

We were especially nervous, because we have been given a 6 minutes slot and we are going to perform two songs. We also had to adjust to our new costumes last minute. I had to admit, our new costume were amazing. It was hand-sewn, an imitation to Alexander McQueen’s latest designs. Red leather, metallic silver plates and steampunk accessories was added to complete our look.

 

I was standing still as my stylist fixed my costume, but my eyes was directed at Jihae.

 

She hasn’t spoke to me for three days now, ever since the incident at the restaurant. I had tried to approach her, and she acted normal, but she kept a distance from me. As if I was a ticking time bomb.

 

Wait.

Maybe I was.

 

So I didn’t have the courage to try further. I think she would talk to me when she wanted to.

 

 

 

“Alright, let’s go!”

 

 

 

 

The performance went well, and our fans made banners to welcome me home. I almost teared up on stage when I saw them along with their cheer. I could see that they were sincerely welcoming me, even after I caused such a riot.

 

I let myself away, and gave everything I could on the stage. I let out most of my anger-fueled power in the dance break I did with Eunhee. The audience cheered excitedly, and when our performance was over, we were quite satisfied. But we couldn’t be as laid back as usual, as we still had other schedules for two more events.

 

“Great job guys!!”

“I’m impressed.”

“What a comeback! Good to see you, Rose!”

“You worked well!”

“It was great! Come on, hurry up!”

“Quick, get changed and go to the van. Go!”

 

Our manager rushed us and kept on pushing my back, even when I had to bow to my seniors through the corridor. Blood rushing to my ears and eyes and brain.. I couldn’t think properly and just bowed and greeted everyone I knew.

 

But then, I noticed the girls greeted longer and louder to a certain male group, dressed in white-and-black striped suits, with six members marching out of their own waiting room. I couldn’t see properly through my special softlenses, and as my manager pushed my back to keep on walking, finally I saw them.

 

They were VIXX.

 

 

And there he was.

 

 

It’s been so... long, since the last time I saw him. Almost two months, no words, no contact.

 

 

And the monster inside me lift its head, growling to the scent of that man, who walked closer and closer.

 

 

I tried to control my breathing, calming myself down.

One, two, three.

 

I walked passed them, not even making any eye contact to any of them, not even to Wonshik. After bowing, I hurriedly tried to escape as I was the last member walking, but suddenly someone grabbed my arm.

 

“Rosie!”

 

He turned me back to face him with an intense amount of power, until I felt pain stinging.

 

Jung Taekwoon.

 

 

 

“Rose..” he whispered.

 

 

Then, there it was. The familiar warmth, sweet lingering scent, his presence.

I struggled not to look at his eyes, but I couldn’t help myself.

 

His pupils was shaking.

His body was trembling.

 

I was losing control, but the anger inside me was stronger.

The anger I’ve tried so hard to contain since a long time ago.

 

And finally, it burst out of control.

 

 

“Go away.”

 

 

And my legs took me away from him.

 

 

As we reached our changing room, I quickly sat down on the couch, exhaling a long, heavy breath to release my anger. I noticed that, after the occurences happened before, the temperature of the room grew chilly as the girls didn’t have any courage to come anywhere near me. But it didn’t bother me. In fact, I was a bit glad.

 

I was angry.

I thought it was the biggest anger blast I ever had in life.

Sparked when I saw that man.

Why... I didn’t know.

I just despised him so much.

 

Cold sweat ran down on my temples, as I tried hard to calm my raging anger down. I was afraid I would hurt anyone, even that man who touched me. But... I couldn’t help hating him so much. This... foreign form of rage, anger, disgust all blended into one, chemical mixture that created chaos inside of myself.

 

I didn’t realize that my palm had fisted and my nails ripped a little bit of my black stocking on my thigh, until my style coordinator patted my shoulder and told me to get changed.

“Hey. You okay?”

I nodded.

“I’m sorry, eonnie. I’m just... tired...” I whispered, not realizing that my body had trembled.

“Stand up, we need to take these off.”

“Okay.”

 

But my mind didn’t stop working.

 

Amazing, how fast could love turned into hatred.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh Lord. Author's block.

I need new ideas, cuz my brain's going darker and darker for this story.

I NEED YOUR LIGHT....~~~~~

 

btw hv you notice leo's hair grew long so fast~

just wanna kiss him and grab a handful of his hair lol omg im sinning while writing