Seunghyun move quietly inside, there she was, sleeping peacefully. He flops down on the chair beside her bed. Silently he holds her hand.

Eunhye were wide awake late that night, feeling the hand holding her. “Oppa, oppa” she pulls her hand away and tries to wake him up.

          “It’s still late night, what are you doing up” Seunghyun blink his eyes, he get up to straighten his body

          “Oppa” she smile and pats the empty spot by her side, and just like that everything else melts within him. Silently he accepted her invitation and lay down beside her.

          “Oppa I’m sorry for everything”

They look at each other, staring deep into each other gaze. Seunghyun flick her forehead lightly,

          “Stop being so strong on your own” he rubs where he had flicked her, he missed her.

          “I…” Seunghyun put his finger on her lips.

          “Shh, listen” he caress her cheeks, how can he didn’t notice that she has lost weight.

“Kyesang-shi told me what happen about your family, about your health” Seunghyun stop, there a lump in his throat. “Why are you being stubborn on your own?” he take deep breath, “Why can’t you lean on me”, he fail to stop his tears from streaming down, he heard her sobbing too.

          Seunghyun lean closer to her, he locks their lips together. All the feeling rush to them, the sweet memory when they were younger and the bitter taste of ten years lingers. His hand slip under her garment, tracing her spine, they were more prominent and it breaks his heart to pieces. He kisses her bare skin making her whimper. He marks her once more.

          “Why are you leaving me again babe” he stop moving and rested his forehead on hers. They broke into silent tears once again.

Seunghyun wipe the trace of tears from her cheeks, staring to her eyes and there he found her Eunhye back, the love of his life, he kisses her again, he kiss her eyes, down to her nose and nibbles her cupid bow. His nose nudge hers and he let out a heavy sigh. Both of them were calm, tracing each other in their mind.

          “Why babe?” he feels there is so many why that needed explanations, “Why did you burden all of it on yourself, am I not able to help you Eunhye?”, he thought that he already break her wall down, but it seem it’s never enough for Eunhye. “I’ll give the universe to you Eunhye, everything babe”.

Eunhye look to the man he became from the years that they were not together, she caress his chiseled cheek, “That’s why I go Oppa. I wanted to give you more. You’re my sun. I know you would drop everything for me. Even throwing your dream of performing, you wanted to do it with them, your lyric books, the thousands of recording in your phone. You’re willing to do it all for me, but I’m dying Oppa. I’m dying. While you’re young, you have to reach for your dream. It will be too late and wasted.”

          “Breaking up with me is the best decision huh, I wanted to die Eunhye”

          “I’m sorry”

Seunghyun close his eyes, it’s all useless now, and it doesn’t mean anything now. He got his heart burned into ashes and push towards his dream by the same person.

He pinches her cheeks “This is for leaving me”.

He kisses her lips, “This is for coming back”.

“I love you” he said,

“Always” she replied,

“Forever” he seals it with another kiss.

 She didn’t notice when she doze off but she is waken when there’s a knock on the door.

          “Hey” Jiyong smile brightly for her.

          “Hyung, you should freshen up abit, we’re here to keep her company for awhile”, Youngbae pat his shoulder. Seunghyun look at Eunhye, while Jiyong already sit near her.

          “Okay, I’ll be back soon” he answered, shortly and head out after kissing on top of her head.

They were silent for a moment, Jiyong was holding her hand and he squeezes it a few times.

          “So, this is what you meant by what you said before”

Eunhye nods. Jiyong look down and he fall deep in thought.

          “This time I’ll say goodbye properly Youngbae-ah”

Youngbae sigh deeply, “I never thought that it’s this bad, I just wonder if somehow you will manage to get back with Seunghyun and…” he stops when Eunhye hand reaches for him.

“I don’t plan it like that”,

Eunhye smile,

Youngbae feel something and he gulp down his feeling, he wanted to remain calm.

Eunhye know best that they need conclusion, they have been her friends, but never once she let them see her vulnerable side, but all she want from them is the normal things they share, the friendship without them being concerned or pity her. 

“Throughout my childhood I’ve start to build a wall around me because of those around me, I come to not trust people as they showed me their negative side. That Eunhye grow up not to ask people for help and just to accept anything that thrown to her, she probably shutdown so many emotion growing up”

She smile again, “She is lucky to meet both of you, she learn to be happy”, they exchange smile, “I mean I’m lucky to meet you guys, thanks for everything,”

          “Bestfriends doesn’t need the thanks and sorry Eunhye” Youngbae brush her head lightly.

          “I’m still mad that you didn’t consider telling us your worries…” he takes a deep breath, “But…”, he hesitant to continue, “Have you live your life to the fullest”

Tears are welling up again, she smile sincerely, “I have…I have life to my fullest Jiyong-ie”, and this is happy tears.

The three of them hugs, cherishing the moment.

Seunghyun when back inside looking fresh, he stand near the window, hand crossing and just looking at them.

Eunhye take a moment to look at their face properly, and smile lovingly to them. She take a deep breath before she continue to speak.

“I think I fainted in highschool and that’s when the doctor informs that I was living with donated organ, a few of them to be specific and they were from my mother. I know they died from accident, but I never know she gave me a lifeline…and it’s kind of has an expired time” she could feel Jiyong holding her hand tightly.

She was saying it like she had bread that nearing an expiring time.

“No matter what happen I’ll always choose to life but I was living on borrowed time”, Jiyong pull her for a hug.

Youngbae stand and quickly move by the window, he look outside, sorting his feeling. Seunghyun hold his shoulder and they look at each other, he smile making the younger smile in defeat too.

          “I’m okay Jiyong, this is something I accepted. For my mother, I live on… Everyone die and I’m in luck to know when”

They were silent.

          “Don’t say it like you don’t matter Eunhye” Jiyong squeeze her hand.

Seunghyun move closer to her, “Stop acting all strong on your own too” he flicked her forehead again.

          “Aww,”she holds her forehead. Of course it didn’t hurt, but she understands what they mean.

          “Eomma!”, Nana run inside the room. She notices everyone looking at her, “Good morning” she smile brightly. Nana chatted with the uncle for awhile but she stays close to her mother.

 Jiyong and Yongbae had to go for a schedule, with heavy heart they had to leave. The three of them walk out together, leaving Nana with her mother.

          “Baby, here” she open her arm and Nana snuggle into Eunhye arm.

“Eomma, I’m not a baby anymore” she whines cutely. She pinches her nose, “Sometime eomma forget that you have grown up, but you’re still my baby” she hugs her again.

Eunhye look to her daughter lovingly, she tuck her hair behind her ear… “You grow up so prettily”

Nana smile showing her pearly teeth, “because my Eomma is prettier”

          “Do you know dear, I’m very happy, you’re the reason my life is complete, thank you for always being strong. I’m sorry that you have to grow up with such selfish mother”

Nana look at her confusedly, “I love you eomma, what are you trying to say”

Eunhye take a deep breath, she doesn’t really know if this is the right thing to say, “Eomma is sick, I won’t be able to see you grow up, I’m going like grandpa and grandma”

Nana blinks her eye in disbelieve, she understand what Eunhye meant, but… “No,no,no… Eomma… say you’re joking” she shakes her heads, denying the fact.

          “Nana” she hugs her. “No…no” she whine in her embrace.

Eunhye pat her back, “I love you the most, always”

Nana sobs harder,

“I love you Nana, always and forever” she let Nana cry in her embrace, “Be strong my dear Nana, its okay to cry”

The three men walk through the hospital park.

          “Are you going to be okay Hyung?” Jiyong ask him

Seunghyun can’t hide her pained expression, “If I’m being honest… I’m not okay but for now… they mean the most to me”

          “Make it worth, they will need you”, Yongbae hug him. After saying their goodbye, Seunghyun make his way back to Eunhye but got a call from someone. He stops to answer the call, “Yes, can I help you”

          “You’re not with Eunhye? They call, she’s having her episode. I’m on my way…” Seunghyun cut him before he could finish, “Nana with her, damn…” he drop the call and run quickly towards her room. Seunghyun slow down as he saw Nana sitting while looking at the room where Eunhye is. He sits beside her.

          “Nana”

She turn facing him, the trace of tears shown on her face, her redden and puffy eyes break his heart to pieces, “Hey, eomma going to be okay”

Nana stare at him, she blinks and she hug him tight, ”Appa, Eomma dying” she said between her sobs. Seunghyun bit his lips and hug her tightly.

Moon Shiyoung arrive soon with Kyesang too, they waited nervously, Nana is still sobbing in Seunghyun embrace.

          “She’s okay but it’s better to let her rest for now.” She smiles politely to the family member, “Kyesang-shi can we talk?”

          “Sure,” he looks back at Seunghyun and Nana, “Please join me too”

Seunghyun hesitant about bringing Nana, but looking at Kyesang and Shiyoung assuring expression, he decides it’s probably for the best.

The doctor shows them a few x-tray showing Eunhye organs explaining the condition and so on. The three of them silently listen to her. She continue to explain because of Eunhye bad condition as she grow up it affected her a lot and another transplant going to be a toll on her body, they have been waiting for a donor, but nothing match. Even if they found a match the rejection and the risk are too high.

          “You know what, we doctors always wanted to give hope, even if it just a percent success, but some of the time we failed, our technology failed to save a person life, but it’s get better with time and the success rate increase each year. Your mom is strong and she is strong because she had you.”

Dr.Yoon excuses herself and leaves them in the office. No one talk, trying to stomach the fact given to them.

          “Hey kid,” he turn to face Nana, “I’m sorry that you have to heard these, I know it’s not easy for you to accept it… but your Eomma love you the most, she would have done anything for you. She wanted to spend each moment with you” Kyesang sigh.

“I’m sorry kid” he head outside, how can he said anything to a little kid whose going to lose her mother soon.

          “Eonni” she let out a smile, Shiyoung sit near her.

          “How long I was out, Nana was with me earlier”, Eunhye sigh heavily.

“Just for a bit, feeling better?”, she asked

          “Never been better,” she smiles but quickly her pained face show.

Moon Shiyoung hug her, “Eonni, I told Nana and the attack happen” the tears quickly rush down her face.

          “Eunhye calm down, it’s okay” she rubs her hand, patting her back.

Eunhye shake her head, she know how much it hurt her girl.

          “I hurt her eonni, why am I even awake, why can’t I just died!” Eunhye started sobbing.

          “Why is this stupid heart giving up now!” she pounce on her chest repeatedly.

          “Stop it Eunhye”, Shiyoung caught her hand and she embrace her.

          “Eonni I don’t want to leave Nana! I don’t want her to be hurt like these!” she was saying between her sobs, “I don’t want to leave them! Why now, why me!” she cry loudly, letting out everything in her chest.

          “Eonni it’s hurt too much, dying is not even the hard part. I don’t want to leave them” Eunhye finally broke down and flood all her emotion out, “I hurt them both, again and again”

Shiyoung let Eunhye letting go of everything. When Eunhye finally calm down, she let her rest in bed, “you’re tiring yourself”

          “It hurt too much eonni” she says as she drifts into sleep, her body demand a rest.

Shiyoung look at her for awhile, looking at her breathing softly under the blanket then she quietly leaves her.

They head back to where Eunhye is, both of them were standing at the front door when they overhead Eunhye. Both of them hold each other hand, with defeat they sat on the chair.

          “Seunghyun, Eunhye is asleep”

He nods, “Is it okay if we both head back home for awhile” he say suddenly. Shiyoung look at them who look dejected.

          “Yes, I’ll be waiting here”, she pat Nana head lightly, they both need some time to sort everything out. Nana looks like she wanted to cry again, but she was holding on.

          “It’s okay”, Shiyoung kiss her forehead.

They were silent on the way home. It feels like forever when they head inside. Seunghyun stood and look around, they just about to wait for Nana and have dinner together. Eunhye have asked for a fake family, but he genuinely think that they make a fine family, they should forget about being fake altogether.

Nana feels like her mother present was lingering in the house, there she stand when making dinner, the way she smile when they look at each other. Without restrained she started crying again, she close from sobbing harder.

Seunghyun crunch down to match her eye level. “Nana”

          “Appa” Nana touch his face, she can feel the tears on his cheeks.

She understand he was as broken as she is, “Appa”,

          “Eomma is hurting as much as we are dear” he says very hoarsely as he try to surpass his own cry.

Nana tries hard to stop her tears, she come to a sobs and slowly she breathe calm. Seunghyun wipe the tears on her cheeks.

          “Thank you Nana, I’m sorry for asking this of you” he kisses her forehead. She replies by kissing his cheeks.

          “Let’s make good memory for Eomma okay”

Nana nods.

          “Rest up, after we rest abit we can head back to her” he patted her head.

Nana slowly make her way to her bedroom, she stop as she past in front of Eunhye workroom. Nana spends most of her time doing homework in that room. Nana love watching Eunhye focusing on her work. Nana wants to clean up, but she quietly laid rest on her bed. When weekends come, rather than waking her up, Eunhye will snuggle into her daughter in bed. Her mother do babied her, but she loves it.

Eunhye is the only one she had, she is the most important person to her, and how could she be without her. The scent of her making Nana tears fall again. Nana cries herself to sleep that night.

“For the last time eomma, let me cry”

Seunghyun look around their home and it suddenly feel to empty without her present. He look around their shared bedroom, they were many occasion that he sleep on the couch, but sometime they do sleep together, more than once he will secretly sleep closer to her, to take a wisp of her scent, planting a kiss or two. Seunghyun pretty sure that Eunhye does to sometimes, if they were more honest about their feelings.

Seunghyun take a deep breath.

The what if,

The why,

The reasons and even the explanations, that doesn’t matters now.

Seunghyun wash away his worries, his sadness under the running shower. His feeling never change despite what happen in the past. Eunhye laughter lingers. The way she look at him lovingly when they look at into each other eye, it’s never changes. Who knows how many times he broke down, the water wash away his tears, but the agony never goes away.