Jaehwan yawned as he ed his blazer, throwing it on the hanger next to the door. He cracked his neck. There was so much on his mind, it felt like it was all too much to take in all at once. He went to do some procedures and sign some agreements to arrange for his grandmother's tombstone. He didn't want to bother his friends and so it was all on him. And it was wearing him out. 

He paused and furrowed his eyebrows when he walked past the glass cabinet.

Taking a few steps back, he frowned when he noticed that there were so many bottles missing. He was pretty sure that the bottles were there this morning when he passed it.

His eyes widened in shock when he realized all the strongest bottles of liquor were gone.

He told the boys clearly not to touch his liquor collection, and there was only one other person in the house that would open that cabinet.

Hyomin.

.

He threw off his undone tie onto the kitchen counter as he rushed upstairs, his feets slamming loudly against the wooden steps. He swung the bedroom door open. The room stank of stale liquor, even he felt was too strong. His heart jolted as he heard his grandmother's sweet voice but shook it off when he realized that it was a voicemail when he saw your phone lying on the bedsheet. 

You were listening to her voicemail to you on loop. Jaehwan knew because he was the one that told her to send you a voicemail to tell you how important you were to everyone. He knew that day that you were feeling quite crappy due to the failed sweater.

You were passed out on the bed with an empty bottle in your hands, a few other lying around in the room. 

He was gone for 5 hours and you had so many empty bottles lying around. 4 vodka bottles and 2 more bottles of absinth and gin lying on the ground. 

He was so relived when he heard her breathing steadily, he had no idea how someone could still be alive after drinking this much.

"Hey, Hyomin, wake up. Hyomin, wake the up." Jaehwan growled as he kicked the side of the bed. 

Hyomin groaned and rolled to her side, clutching her head tightly. She felt her head spin before nausea crept up . Stumbling out of the bed, she pushed Jaehwan aside and rushed to the toilet, emptying out the alcohol she consumed.

It felt like acid was pouring out of — it hurt so much. 

But oddly, it felt good.

It felt good to be hurting over something else that isn't Grandma.

When you were positive that you threw up everything that was in your system, you flushed the toilet and headed to the sink where you washed your mouth.

You straightened up, trying to steady yourself as you leaned against the counter.

"Here." You looked over and grabbed the hankerchief from him, wiping off the sweat that gathered on your forehead when you were throwing up. Your eyes slowly peeled open and stared at the piece of cloth in your hands.

She made this. 

Your eyes widened as you recognised that it was the exact identical one you had too, the one that Grandma gave to you. This wasn't helping at all.

"Thank you,"

Jaehwan's eyes flashed a little when he heard you speak. It was dry and raspy, but he loved the sound of it. 

It had been so long since you spoke.

Silence engulfed the both of you as he continued studying your expression when you stared at the hankerchief. It was until the boys all broke into the room.

"Hyung!" 

"What the is wrong with you guys?" He snapped as you looked over, catching his glaring at the boys. They clearly didn't know what he was talking about until Jaehwan gestured behind him. The boys looked at the stray, empty bottles of alcohol when everything clicked. 

They froze.

"What happened to I'll look after her and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid? Huh?" Jaehwan asked harshly, eyes flickering at each of the boys. "She could've died from the amount of alcohol she drank!" He exclaimed, raising his voice. You could hear him curse under his breath as he pushed past the boys, leaving the room.

You made your way to the bed after dragging yourself up. Rubbing your face in irritation as your head ached, you really didn't want to deal with all of these.

You reached for the covers, but your foot caught in one of the stray bottles and you slipped, falling to fast for anyone to catch you. 

You fell on your back, your head hitting the floor.

"!" Hongbin cursed as he rushed towards you, trying to pick you up. You just shoved his hands away, reaching for the covers, curling into a ball as the pain starting to burn into you even more. 

"You could've ing died, did you hear me? Are you insane?" 

You could hear Taekwoon growling at you. 

"Good." You said soulessly. 

Taekwoon scoffed, "Good? You think that it's good if you died?" 

"It'd definitely be a lot better living this ty life." Your eyes landed on a faced down photo frame.

"You're bloody lucky she's not here to see you like this ing your life up. You're a ing pathetic mess." He spat. 

You laughed silently at his comment, "But she's not. She's ing dead! You think I don't know that already?" 

"You need to stop doing this to yourself." 

"You don't need to tell me how to deal with my pain. It's my life so just leave me alone." 

Taekwoon's voice trembled with anger. "Stop. She's gone, Hyomin. No matter how much you try to hurt yourself, she's not going to come back. She's gone, she's ing dead." 

You didn't understand why he was doing this to you. Can't they see how much pain you're going through? Why can't they just leave you alone?

"Stop telling me what to feel. Don't tell me what to do. You don't know anything. You don't know how I feel." 

Taekwoon snapped. "What the is wrong with you? I'm not going to let you rot away, you're my friend. I'm not going to watch you ruin yourself! Grandma wouldn't want to see you like this." 

You scoffed, "What do you know? She's dead. she'll never get to see what I've become. I can stop acting like I'm happy in front of her. You want to know why? Because she's dead!"

"You think I don't know that? You think I don't wake up every morning just to realize that we are all not happy?" 

You looked away, but he continued to speak. "You need to grow the up and get over this! We lose people every now and then! You need to stop doing this to yourself and dragging us into this! Life moves on and so do you. Hurting yourself isn't going to bring her back." 

You didn't know what to feel listening to him.

"You have to ing stop making all of us suffer along with you when you're the one that can't bring yourself to get the over this." 

Everything inside you felt that it just got stabbed once more. You were hurting enough and you definitely did not expect this from him. 

You could hear Hongbin hiss at him, somebody hitting him after he spat those poisonous words out.

You knew all along you lost the arguement, you didn't even want to think about it anymore because it was too tiring. 

"Then leave my life." 

You could hear the boys sigh. They picked up the bottles around before Taekwoon slammed the door behind him after everyone walked out.

You were losing people and ruining your relationship with everyone. 

You hated this but you couldn't help it. 

You felt like dying but you couldn't.

They didn't want you to stay in the house, nor did they want you to rot away like this.

You didn't want to drag them into his, just like Taekwoon said.

And if they didn't want to leave, you shall.

You pushed yourself off the bed and rubbed your temples. Your head still hurt so badly, guess you've been sleeping on the wrong side of the bed lately and getting thrown at you wasn't all you needed but you got it anyway. 

Pushing the door open, you squinted at the amount of sunlight that you were suddenly exposed to. You could hear Hakyeon and Jaehwan talking some sense out of Taekwoon downstairs so you assumed that all of them were in the living room, so you made your way to the room that Hongbin was staying in. 

You took a quick shower and freshed yourself up to make yourself look as normal as possible. The hot air from the blow dryer did it's job quick before you tied your hair up into a bun. You stepped out of the shower as the cold air welcomed you, making your goosebumps all appear as you rummaged through Hongbin's clothes, pulling out a  denim button up that he had. You slipped into his shirt and some shorts you had in Jaehwan's house.

Taking your phone and some money off the counter top, you walked down the stairs.

"Hyomin, where are you going?" Jaehwan asked before you could step out of the house any further, grabbing your arm. You sighed, turning around and prying his hand off you, emotionless eyes flashing to his. 

You slipped into some shoes and closed the door behind you, saying something along the lines of "Don't follow me." 

As you walked down the rocky path of the park, the leaves of the tress rustled against the winds. 

"Remember to put on your coat before you leave, it's going to get chilly now."

Her words ringed in your ears, like it was bouncing off the walls of your minds, but it was still in there. 

Your parents were always busy with work, you yearned for their care and sometimes they gave it to you but other times, it was Grandma who supplied you with the love you supposed to have gotten from your very own family. 

You sat down on thaat very familiar bench. 

Grandma was not your blood related kin, of course. But she cared for you like one and gave you all the love you could get. 

Your hand reached out to that cold, empty spot beside you. She used to alway bring you here for walks in the morning when you wake up and happen to be in her home. She'd tell you about her childhood and her life, telling you all about the harsh realities and sweet nothings that life gave you. 

She'd tell you so many things.

She could tell you all the things you didn't want to hear and you'd still want to hear it now. 

You wanted to hear her voice so bad it hurt. 

But you knew you had to let go. 

Letting go was what she always told you to do when you needed to. 

She was the one that helped you get over your past love— Daehyun. When you were that foolish girl crying everyday to go back into his arms, hoping that he'd still be there after these years. She was the one that told you to stand strong and be strong. 

Who was going to tell you that now? 

You knew she wouldn't want to see you like this. 

She wouldn't want to see you tearing yourself apart and losing people around you just because of her.

You in a breath and pressed your lips into a thin line. 

You had to move on, that was the harsh truth.

You had to let go, not for everyone else but for yourself. You were mentally tortured and you needed a release. 

"Babe," 

He was your release. 

He needed no words, just one look from you. He sat beside you in that spot where she used to sit, enveloping you in a hug and rubbing soothing circles on your back.

"Hongbin," You spoke in your broken voice. 

"Yes, baby?" He asked, smiling slightly against your hair. It was nice to hear you call his name. 

"I'm so sorry." You apologised.

"What for?"

You bit back a sob, "I'm such a burden, I'm so sorry." 

You could hear Hongbin's relieved sigh that it wasn't something big.

"No you're not. Taekwoon hyung was just being a little bit rude today because he wasn't really in a good mood a while ago." Hongbin ran his fingers through your soft hair. 

"I know it's hard, but you have to let go of this soon, okay, baby?" He asked before you hummed back as a response. "I love you so much, it hurts me to see you like this." You could hear the sadness in his voice, it was breaking you down too. 

"I will, Hongbin. I've mourned enough, it's time."