You had on a white collared blouse and a navy blue pullover over it, with a pair of ripped black skinny jeans. You grabbed a few notes off the table and stuffed it into your left jean pocket, putting your phone into the right one. Pulling your hair into a ponytail and curling the ends, you felt satisfied with yourself. 

Stepping out of your room, you saw Jungkook standing by the door of his apartment, rubbing his hands somewhat nervously as he waited for you. He had on a simple white graphic t-shirt and a short-sleeved denim button down that he threw over, buttoning the tie button with a pair of black ripped jeans and his usual Timberlands. His freshly dyed metallic brown hair was done up nicely with a black and white beanie over it, he had a silver hoop in one of his piercings on each ear. 

It was breath-taking to see Jeon Jungkook dressed up well. 

"Jungkook-ah," You called out, getting his attention as he flashed a shy smile at you, rubbing his nape after that. "You look awesome," He said, not sure how to compliment you as he was too flustered. You chuckled, telling him that he looked not bad himself too. "Let's go," He muttered, tugging at your hand after you slipped into your Addidas. 

Jungkook had asked you out on a movie date the day before, he said he had something planned. And of course, you said yes. You loved guys who would initiate the day's activites instead of just asking you what you wanted to do for the entire day. This was one of the things Jungkook had that many others didn't, and you found it really charming.

The both of you walked to the nearby grilled meat restaurant because the both of you felt like having something that was simple but filling, and had a satisfying lunch as the both of you had a nice chat about random topics. 

"You know that feeling when you think to yourself, am I annoying her? You'll keep bugging her to meet you because all you can think of is seeing her, that subconsciously you become overly-clingy. I guess that through my past relationships, I get scared of losing someone again that irregardless of how they feel and all you want is their attention, their affection and their prescence. You become a beggar, a slave to all those things. You become pathetic. But then you come to realize that you're overcompensating by having someone in your life because everything else in your life is a failure and nothing seems to go your way. Thus your desperation to find someone, something to mend your dull and mundane life so you could be happy. 

I am that person, I keep trying so hard to be happy that I suffocate the people around me with my feelings. Deep down, I'm broken, I'm torn. My family is pressurizing, my education is a joke, my friends in high school are trash and I've always found the wrong 'right' one.

Lying to others that you're happy is so common, but how pathetic can I be to lie to myself? I need someone to pull me back to reality, show me the wonders and joys of life. Everything is so messed up, and I'm so confused."

Seokjin could only sigh as he recalled the younger's words. The truth, was what they were. 

Jeon Jungkook was indeed messed up, even Seokjin didn't know where to turn to for him to help Jungkook to figure his life out. But then he thought of you and knew what you'd be immediately— Jungkook's drunken remedy. 

Then there was where it started. Jungkook's incessant groaning as he tumbles out of bed unwillingly at 7am, after his useless complaints, just to get ready for work by 9am. Seokjin would plate him his breakfast after his cold shower that woke him up completely, lecturing Jungkook as he cleaned up the utensils at the basin. He'd then chug down his black coffee, mount his Hershel backpack onto his back as he tried to balance himself, hopping around on one foot as he put on his Timberlands on the other. Seokjin would then drive him to the particular office building where you'd be at, patiently waiting for that handsome boy everyday punctually at 9.45am. You, with a big smile that screamed 'good morning', would greet the both of them as Seokjin poked his head through his car windows, asking you to have a nice day ahead dealing with the handsome one. Giving him a reassuring smile, you'd wave goodbye to him as he lightly chides Jungkook to work hard before the handsome one nods impatiently. By 9.55am, you would watch Seokjin's Porsche disappear down the road. Turning to look at the handsome one with a grin, you'd tug his hand along and pull him in the building. 

"Good luck showing that thug kid the ropes, Hyomin." The lady at the front desk would always softly murmur to you, but always get glared daggers by both you and Jungkook. You'd usually laugh it off after telling Mrs Kim how Jeon Jungkook was a good person at heart, it was just that he didn't really want to show it. At first, Jungkook would curse back at the lady as he rolled his eyes, walking away where you hurriedly apologise to the lady before running to catch up with Jungkook. But gradually, Jungkook seemed to have taken that comment into great consideration as he slowly changed for the better. The impolite curses soon turned into respectful greetings, with the side of warm coffee from the coffee shop opposite the office building. 

7 months into the job and 'the handsome one' was now a sincere and true Jeon Jungkook. 

"The thought of her terrifies me, It makes every single bone in my body quiver with fear. But maybe it isn't her— maybe it's the thought of seeing her again. The dread of possibly falling in love with her deep brown eyes or the way she tousles her hair across her forehead. Maybe it's the way she speaks; how her lips softly caress each word that falls from her tongue. I fear her touch, in the form of a casual handshake or a friendly hug, because every touch sends fireworks in my heart— with both the pain and the wonder. Her presence makes me weak and that is why I'm afraid. I despair the thought of letting myself fall for her once again, because the first time nearly killed me and my pathetically patched heart." 

Hakyeon's lips pressed into a thin line as an unreadable emotion flashed across his dark eyes, he moves his line of vision to the man that finished speaking. He inhaled. "Hongbin, life isn't always of pretty rainbows and fluffy white clouds. There's always going to be this period of time in your life that you'll experience the dark skies, black clouds and the thunders and lightning. This is a way— God's way— of telling you to appreciate things. If you don't know about the bad things, how are you going to learn to appreciate what you have? You won't. That's my point right there that I wanted to emphasize. Everybody has gone through this, you just have to pull through this and prove to Hyomin that you love her enough to stay."

"You promised her a lifetime, and you'll give her that." Hakyeon finished, as he pat the latter's shoulder lightly. "Right?" The red-head asked. 

Jungkook took off his button down and spread it nicely on the grass, allowing the both of you to have a seat on it without getting dirty. 

The both of you ended up not watching a movie because there were only crappy shows, so Jungkook suggested to have a breather outside in the park near his home. 

Kids on the playgrounds went home long ago after their mothers' chides, only bringing home more memories as a child that they would feel happy to look back to in the near future when they grow up. You yearned for a carefree childhood but you didn't get it— your childhood was filled with your cries from the scoldings you got and not the ones you'd normally get when you play in the park with your friends, it was filled with stacks of books and electric dictionaries instead of Barbie dolls and electric playhouse sets. But you knew inside that all the hard work since young paid off when you got your scholarship, getting out of high school early was the best thing that ever happened to you other than your previous relationships that proved to fail after that. 

"Ahh, it's nice to have some fresh air here in the middle of the night." Jungkook said as he lay down on the button down, next to you. You nodded, chuckling slightly as you stared at the empty playground, with the gentle breeze blowing past as your melancholic sad background music. Silence engulfed the both of you as you and Jungkook were just lying down next to each other. The silence wasn't those kind that was awkward when you had nothing to say to each other anymore, it was those silences that were comfortable.

"What are we?" A voice beside you asked, breaking the silence.

You scoffed softly, "Yeah, what are we?" You paused, biting your lips lightly. "I guess we're just suited for 'friends with benefits'." You ended bitterly. 

You could literally feel Jungkook's sad gaze on you as you shifted a little bit in your position, still staring at the moon. "Friends." He scoffed bitterly. "I hate it when you call me that. Hyomin, I want to be someone more than a friend to you, I—" "I know, Jungkook, I know." You cut him off, not wanting to hear what he wanted to say to finish his sentence. Partially because you knew what he was about to say, the other was that you were sfraid you'd start crying if you rejected him. But you had to, there was really no choice for you at all. "Then why?" His voice was dry, but laced with pain. 

You closed your eyes for a moment, exhaling calmly even though you were wiltering on the inside. "If you count 'I'm not worth it' a reason, then there you have it. I'm not worth it, Jungkook, I'm not worth your love and your fight for me. You may think I'm really understanding and all that positive stuff but in actual fact, I'm not at all. I'm just a messed up young adult, trying to find meaning in my life. I'm a natural disaster, you wouldn't want me." You tried to convince him to let you go because you knew clearly how it felt like to feel heart-broken, and you didn't want Jungkook to be feeling that way too.  "I'm afraid of letting people in again, letting them hurt me to the point of broken beyond repair, I'm just scared of getting hurt again." 

You let out a deep sigh, "You're not—" Jungkook protested, "Staring at the ceiling, feeling a lump rising up my throat and holding back tears has become my daily routine. It's pathetic."

"I don't care, I love you enough to accept you just the way you are. Why don't you get it? Why don't you understand, Hyomin?" Jungkook asked, clenching his fists. "I will hold you in this understanding silence while you slowly patch yourself back up, I will hug you so tight all your broken pieces fit back together again. I'm that someone that sees more than all the broken pieces inside of you and I'll make you feel whole again. I'm not perfect and I need someone to fill up that void in me. 

We're both broken, don't you see?" 

You looked over at the leaves that fell off from the tree nearby after a gush of wind blew past. You felt like your heart was just going to fall off and wilt away, just like those leaves were going to. 

"Jungkook, you deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you're doing, where you are, who you're with and if you're okay." You spoke, your voice breaking like how you thought you heard your heart crack a little. "The thing about youth if that it's so precious yet fragile. The amount of uncertainties and opportunities that can either make you or break you is tremendous. That's why you deserve someone better than me, Jungkook, I can't promise you happiness."

"Truth to be told, I'm afraid of falling in love. I am afraid of all these feelings I have inside of me that cannot be screamed out. I am afraid that telling someone about these feelings would only end up being found out by you. I am afraid of how much I love you, because I love you so much and I don't see it possible for you to love me the same way I love you. I am afraid that the secret song you sing of everytime is me because all I have are broken melodies. I am afraid of all the things I would do for you and to you, I do not see the boundaries anymore. I am afraid of how my mother said she accepts the love for you because I see how much more serious this has become. I am afraid of how much my friends have accepted you, because you're acknowledged in my life now. I am afraid of how much you could change me , look how much different I am ever since I met you. I am afraid of many things but not as afraid of the bad that love can bring. I am not afraid of being heart broken, I am not afraid of fights, I am not afraid of your anger, I am not afraid of your grumpiness but I am afraid of love.

I am afraid that one day we'll realize we weren't meant to be. I am afraid that the day will come when we understand that we were just a pit stop on our way to our soulmates. I am afraid that you will soon look at me without a lit fire in your eyes but with a dull shine that does not reach me. I am afraid, terrified even. Because the thought itself of losing you is unbearable, the thought of loving you and being with you but not meaning to last is unbearable. So yes, I am afraid. I am afraid of who I'd become if I ever lose you." 

Jungkook was dead serious, you could hear the seriousness in his voice it made you shudder a little. "But even with all the uncertainty and fear, I am still willing to give you my all and love you with all I have. Is that not enough?"

You shut your eyes really tight, feeling that all so familiar lump rise up your throat as the tears were building up so quickly. "No.. Jungkook, no." You stopped, because you knew if you spoke any further, it'll just break you more. It was just like someone was rubbing salt to that wound that he just ripped your heart out from, rubbing it to your face and showing how stupid you are for being like this.

"I want to marry you, and watch the fire in your eyes burn as your face begins to wrinkle. I wast to see how you are 50 years from now, and know that I married the girl whose soul could never die. I want to hear you when you're angry and to laugh when you're happy, I want to know that I have someone who understands that life is tough, but it's good when you have someone with you. I want to know that at the end of my life, I had someone that I could love and who loved me back." Jungkook paused. It was just as if you could hear his heart shatter into millions of fragments you couldn't even imagine piecing back together. "But now? The greatest fear I have would be the fear of losing you. The fear of losing my love that wakes me up in the morning. The fear of losing my love that sings a lullaby before I go to sleep. The fear of losing my love that will tell me things would get better when I fail at doing something productive at work. The fear of losing my love who treats me like a child, taking care of me in every way possible. The fear of losing my love whom I always want to cuddle with. The fear of losing my love who can handle my moodswings. The fear of losing my life. My greatest fear is losing you. Losing my better half." 

Jungkook ended that sentence, his voice cracking painfully. And that was definitely it for you. You snapped your head to your right, just in time to see tears trickling down the sides of his cheeks. You saw his milky skin that was flawless other than the small scar near his left cheek bone, the small scar he told you about randomly when the both of you were walking out to grab some supper one night after an overtime in the office. The small scar he said he got from a fight when a boy in his elementary school insulted his mother, and that boy threw a sharp rock at him. 

Yes, Jeon Jungkook belongs to this category of sacred people left in the society nowadays. 

"Jungkook-ah," You called out softly, propping yourself up as you stared down to his tearful face which still was handsome like always.

"You need to spend a lot of your time alone to fully understand yourself. Let people say what they want to say about you because at the end of the day, what matters is what you believe. If you don't love yourself when you love someone else, you'll get so caught up to that other person you'll lose yourself. 

I'm sorry that I can't accept you into my life now as a lover, but you need to continue to live on, do you understand?" You asked, reaching out to Jungkook's face and caressing it, wiping away his tears, in hopes of making him feel less pained than he already is. 

"How am I supposed to go on like this? I need you. I don't even understand why am I hurting, and why I still need you when I know I'll get hurt in this end. I need you, Hyomin." He let out a soft, painful cry as he covered his eyes with the back of his hand. 

It really broke you and it hurt so bad, but  you had to get yourself together.

"Live for you. Live for me. Live for every person who has ever loved you, for the people who have come before you so that you may be here today. Live for the fire that burns in your soul, that tells you keep going you're almost there, just a little farther. Because when Rome burned down the emperor didn't run away, he stayed and sang for his people. Stay. Sing for your people. Sing for us."

You felt so much like a hypocrite right then because you couldn't imagine your life without Jeon Jungkook in it too. And oddly, seeing him cry because of your stupidity, tore your heart apart with that unspeakable pain.

[A/N]

Hey guys, I'm sorry if there are any errors in this chapter and the previous few. I just went to the emergency room (don't worry I'm fine, still in one piece) and my head is all over the place. It's so annoying! Anyway, I hope you guys are liking it so far. It's getting a little complicated, so maybe, just maybe, if there's a chance I'll explain everything in one go. For some of you who are really confused about some things, just ask me in the comments section! I will reply to your comments! :)

Thank you to the new subscribers too! Enjoy your stay here & I apologize once again for any mistakes you see here and there! >< I will update really soon, don't worry! I have the next chapter in draft status so it's ready to be posted anytime soon after I proof read it myself. 

Bye bye & have a nice day ahead! :D