After coming back from B.A.P’s old home, Himchan cried that night.  It was expected.  Even Jongup was teary eyed over what happened.  What surprised everyone though was after that first night, Himchan acted like it never even happened.  Sure he acknowledged it, but he never really reacted, which worried Jaehyo and Jongup.  Jongup was constantly by Himchan’s side in case the older did breakdown, because Jongup didn’t think the tears that Himchan cried the first night were really enough.

 

“Jonguppie, can you go buy some banana milk for hyung?” Himchan asked, just wanting to get Jongup to leave his side for a little bit.

 

“He can’t go out by himself,” P.O said.  Jongup was always by Himchan’s side, and P.O was always by Jongup’s.  Himchan wanted to talk to Jongup about the younger’s shadow, but it was hard to do so when that shadow never left.  “What if he runs into Red Tigers?  Or your old friends?”

 

Himchan rolled his eyes.  He didn’t really expect that to happen.  Seoul was a big enough city to avoid bumping into people if you wanted.  “Why don’t you go with him and keep him safe?” he suggested.

 

P.O smiled and nodded.  “Yeah!  Come on, Jonguppie,” P.O said, throwing an arm around Jongup’s shoulders.  “Don’t worry, I’m already packing.  Guns fully loaded and ready to blast any ing Red Tigers.”

 

“P.O, language!” Jaehyo said, walking up to the three.

 

“Hyung,” P.O whined in his deep voice, “I’m old enough to cuss if I want.”

 

“You’re still the maknae,” Jaehyo said.

 

P.O frowned before looking at Jongup.  “But Jongup is younger than me!”

 

“And do you think it’s wise to use that kind of language in front of the baby?” Himchan asked.  P.O just pouted while Jongup slightly sighed unhappily at being called a baby.  Himchan and Jaehyo were just teasing, but it was fun for them to see the reactions.

 

“Fine, hyung,” Jongup said, pulling P.O away from the teasing hyungs.  “I’ll be back with your banana milk soon.”

 

“Okay, thank you, Jonguppie,” Himchan said.

 

As soon as P.O and Jongup were out of sight Jaehyo asked, “You’re just trying to get rid of him weren’t you?”

 

Himchan sighed and replied, “It’s suffocating.  I love Jongup and all, but I do need some space.”

 

Jaehyo chuckled and grabbed Himchan’s hand.  He didn’t say anything.  He just pulled Himchan along behind him.  Not really knowing where they were going, not really caring, Himchan allowed Jaehyo to pull him along.  He actually found a bit of comfort in Jaehyo holding his hand.  The warmth from the palm of Jaehyo’s hand put him at ease, and the heat from Jaehyo’s fingertips were sending little ripples of energy up Himchan’s arm.

 

To everyone Himchan seemed to have gotten over everything that’s happen, maybe got over it a bit too soon, but in truth, Himchan felt horrible inside.  The only reason why he wasn’t still crying was because he had been crying before they went back to the B.A.P home, and now he felt cried out.  He was coming to a realization, and that realization was partly helping him to move on, but it was also causing more grief.

 

Pulling out of his thoughts, and completely pushing down the thoughts that arose with the touch of Jaehyo’s hand, Himchan finally realized that Jaehyo was leading Himchan to his bedroom.  Jaehyo’s bedroom was actually the biggest bedroom at the Black Dragon base, which Himchan blamed Jaehyo’s vanity and selfishness on.

 

“Ah, it’s not fair,” Himchan whined.  Jaehyo was thinking that Himchan was talking about B.A.P breaking up, so he was preparing himself to offer his friend a shoulder to cry on.  “Why can’t I get a room this big?”

 

“Mwo!?” Jaehyo asked, shocked.

 

“Your room,” Himchan replied, walking around the room and looking at the many things in it.  “It’s too big for you, we should switch.”

 

“Switch!?”  Now Jaehyo sounded hysterical.  “I’m not switching rooms with you!”

 

Himchan just pouted.  “Some hospitality you have.”

 

Jaehyo chuckled and shook his head.  “Pabo!  I thought you were going to talk about what happened.”

 

It got really quiet as Jaehyo waited for Himchan to respond.  Eventually Himchan just shrugged.  As he sat on Jaehyo’s very large bed, he mumbled, “You already know what happened.”

 

“I mean, what do you think about it?  How do you feel?” Jaehyo asked, rolling his eyes at Himchan.

 

Himchan pouted and lied back on Jaehyo’s bed.  He curled up a bit and sighed.  “To be honest, I don’t know what to say about B.A.P as a whole, because all I’ve been thinking about is me and Yongguk.  I know that’s selfish, but that’s all that seems to cross my mind right now.”

 

Jaehyo shook his head.  “That’s not selfish,” he said, “it’s perfectly understandable.”

 

“I was always closest to Yongguk and Jongup, and since Jongup is here with me… I don’t want to be without the others either, but I don’t know what I could do.  I don’t think there’s anything that I could do to fix it, not by myself at least.”

 

Jaehyo sat down next to Himchan and placed his hand on Himchan’s shoulder.  “Don’t worry.  You are not alone.  I’ll help you however I can.”

 

Himchan softly smiled at this before his smile faded away and he said, “I don’t know if Yongguk’s the one for me.”

 

Jaehyo wanted to say that they weren’t together anymore so that didn’t really matter, but Jaehyo wasn’t that cold, so he just kept quiet.

 

“It was perfect at first, and maybe that’s all that it was supposed to be, a first.  Just there to love each other and help each other grow.  Maybe we weren’t meant to last.”

 

“But you were happy in the beginning?”  Jaehyo asked.

 

Himchan nodded and repeated, “At first.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I think Jongup likes you more,” Yongguk said, breaking the silence.

 

“What are you talking about?” Himchan asked, looking up at Yongguk.  Yongguk and Himchan were sitting on a bench outside, in front of a small bonfire, snuggled up together under a wool blanket.  It wasn’t too long since Himchan had brought Jongup in to join Best Absolute Perfect.

 

They had all decided to have a campfire.  They roasted wieners and marshmallows, and even made s’mores, but Zelo and Jongup had both started to fall asleep, so Yongguk had sent them to bed.  Yongguk and Himchan had decided to stay out for a while and just enjoy the other’s presence.  No words were being spoken, but it wasn’t one of those awkward silences.  It was a comfortable silence with the two holding each other, enjoying the warmth and feel of the other’s body on theirs, and listening to the crackling of the fire.

 

“It’s obvious Jongup prefers you,” Yongguk replied.  “He’s always hanging off your every word like it’s law.”

 

Himchan snorted before saying, “At least he still listens you.  Zelo doesn’t even treat me like his hyung sometimes.”

 

Yongguk laughed and said, “That’s because you play with him so much, and you too.”

 

“I play with Jonguppie and too, but he isn’t disrespectful,” Himchan responded, pouting.

 

Yongguk chuckled and lightly pinched Himchan’s cheek.  “Well Jongup and Zelo are two different people, so of course they are going to act differently.”

 

“Well I still think that you are Zelo’s favorite,” Himchan said, crossing his arms underneath the blanket.

 

“And I still think that you are Jongup’s favorite,” Yongguk replied as he played with Himchan’s hair.

 

Himchan smile before quietly asking, “Who is your favorite?”

 

“Between Jongup and Zelo?”  Yongguk asked.  Himchan nodded and Yongguk looked to be thinking a bit before he responded, “I don’t think favoritism is really fair in this case.”

 

“Oh,” Himchan mumbled.

 

“But if it’s ‘who is my favorite person ever,’ then I would definitely, without hesitation, say that it is Kim Himchan.”

 

Himchan looked up at Yongguk with a huge smile plastered on his face.  “You’re my favorite too, Bang Yongguk.  Saranghae,” Himchan said snuggling closer to the older.

 

“Nado,” Yongguk said before he kissed the topped of Himchan’s head and pulled the ulzzang closer to him, sitting in a comfortable silence once again.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Himchan was smiling at the memory of that night.  Jaehyo saw a tear rolling down Himchan’s cheek.  It made Jaehyo a bit sad that Himchan’s relationship, which was so great at one point, ended up where it is now.

 

“That was nice,” Jaehyo mumbled.

 

Himchan nodded his head.  “I never felt so loved,” he whispered.  “But it didn’t last.  Soon there was jealousy and pettiness and arguments, so many arguments, long before the one that lead me here.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“That damn Youngjae!” Yongguk shouted as he slammed the door shut.  He had just stormed into his and Himchan’s bedroom, and the younger was sitting at his dresser, looking into a vanity mirror.

 

Himchan sighed and asked, “What did he do now?”  It didn’t sound like Himchan really wanted to know, but Yongguk didn’t notice.

 

“He keeps going on and on about how ‘this’ is illegal and ‘that’ is going to get us into trouble!  Why’d that damn pansy come here in the first place then!?  Huh?”

 

Himchan sighed again.  “Why do you keep getting worked up over every little thing Youngjae says and does?” he asked.

 

“Because I don’t trust him,” Yongguk responded.

 

Looking back at the mirror, Himchan said, “I think it’s something else.”

 

Yongguk stopped pacing the room and looked at Himchan, confused.  “Something else?  What else is there?”

 

“I think you like Youngjae,” Himchan said in a monotonous tone.  “You’ve practically been obsessing over him since he arrived.”

 

“What!?  What am I?  A nine-year-old that has to pick on someone to say ‘I like you!?” Yongguk asked hysterically.  Himchan just shrugged.  “I can’t believe this!  If I have seemed obsessive since that twerp arrived, it’s because I haven’t trusted him since day one!  He just showed up!  Out of nowhere!”  Himchan sighed again, which pissed Yongguk off even more.  “What the hell is your problem!?  I don’t like Youngjae, not even a little.”

 

“If you say so,” Himchan replied.

 

“I say so!” Yongguk shouted.  “And dammit!  Would you stop looking in the mirror for once!?  I’m trying to talk to you!”

 

Himchan swiveled around in his chair to face Yongguk.  “You’re not done talking about Yoo Youngjae yet!?” He asked, getting angry himself and showing emotion for the first time since that conversation began.

 

Yongguk furiously shook his head and yelled before he stormed out of the room, slamming the door again.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I admit that I jumped the gun on that one,” Himchan said, sitting up in the bed, “but I just got so tired of hearing about Youngjae all of the time.  It was like that was all we talked about anymore.  No us, just ‘Youngjae did this,’ ‘Youngjae said that,’ ‘Youngjae won’t do this,’ ‘he refuses to do that.’  I guess I turned things around.”

 

“You were jealous?” Jaehyo asked, but it sounded more like a statement than and question.

 

Himchan nodded.  “I was, but by the time I got over it, it was Yongguk’s turn.”

 

“What do you mean?” Jaehyo asked.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Yongguk and Himchan had gone out to a café.  Things were going good for B.A.P.  They had plenty of money, Youngjae was complaining less and less, and Himchan had given up on the notion that Yongguk may really like Youngjae.  Things were really getting a lot better between Yongguk and Himchan.  It was almost like how it was when it was just the two of them.

 

“I can’t believe Daehyun and Youngjae were trying to make fun of us,” Yongguk said.

 

Himchan chuckled.  “I know!  They go out on dates all of the time,” he said, picking up the menu.  “We hardly ever go out, and when we do it’s like we’re committing a crime or something.”  Yongguk laughed at Himchan’s analogy.

 

They were sitting outside looking over the menu when their waitress came up to the table and placed a glass of red wine in front of Himchan.

 

Yongguk lifted his hand to stop her and said, “Oh, we haven’t ordered anything yet.”

 

“This is from that gentleman over there,” the waitress said, pointing at a man in a business suit a couple of tables away.  The man was obviously eyeing their table as he sipped on a glass of similar looking wine.  “He says that he would like to buy the whole bottle for you,” the waitress continued, now speaking directly to Himchan, “if you would only accept.”

 

Himchan blushed and looked back at the man again while Yongguk scowled and grumbled.  “Tell him that we are here together and no one will be accepting his anything,” Yongguk growled out.

 

Himchan gasped.  “I should at least accept the one glass, to be nice.”

 

“Why the hell should you have to be nice?” Yongguk asked.  “It’s not like he was being nice when he completely bypassed me to flirt with you.”

 

The waitress just stood there, not knowing what to do.

 

“Is it so wrong to receive a compliment every now and then?” Himchan asked.

 

“You’re with me.  You don’t need compliments from anyone but me,” Yongguk said.

 

The waitress began to walk away with the glass of wine, but Himchan stopped her.  “No,” he said.  “I’ll take it, but please let the gentleman know that I am thankful for the offer, but I cannot accept a whole bottle.  Thank you.”  Yongguk just glared as the waitress walked away to approach the other man, and Himchan sipped the wine.  “It’s nice to receive compliments from more than one person every now and then.”  Yongguk just scowled more before he roughly picked his menu back up and proceeded to look over it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Ever since that night Yongguk got insanely jealous over every little thing,” Himchan said, bringing his knees up, placing his head on them, and wrapping his arms around his legs.  “At first he didn’t trust others around me, but it quickly became to where he just didn’t trust me.  He started to think that I was cheating on him.  I don’t know… something about our relationship made him more possessive… and maybe paranoid.”

 

Jaehyo nodded.  “I don’t know him, but he seemed like one of those brusque, macho types, the type that does get possessive.  I can see how he ended up with Zico.”

 

“Ani,” Himchan said, shaking his head.  “Yongguk isn’t like that at all.  It’s just that he somehow became like that when we were together.  I think it’s because we don’t match well.  What he needs isn’t really what I am.  Does that make sense?”

 

“Yeah, I think so,” Jaehyo responded before he lied down on his back and folded his arms underneath his head.  “Does this mean that you’re giving up on you and Yongguk?”

 

Himchan buried his head in his knees.  “I don’t know,” he mumbled.  “I still love him, but I can’t go back to how things were… how we left it.  I just wish it could be like how it was in the beginning, but I don’t know if that’s possible.”

 

“Anything’s possible,” Jaehyo said.

 

“Then why does my heart say otherwise?” Himchan asked.

 

Jaehyo sat up and hugged Himchan.  “Well, your heart’s broken,” he said, “so of course it’s going to be a little pessimistic right now.”

 

Himchan chuckled before he started to silently cry.  Jaehyo rocked him back and forth and told him that he’d always be there for him.

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: So I'm trying to finish up the BangHim drama, not that there won't be any more drama and tension between Yongguk and Himchan, but there are other couples that need tending to, like DaeJae and the whole U-Kwon - B-Bomb - Jaehyo triangle.

 

Anyway I just wanted to show how Yongguk and Himchan had gotten to where they are now.  It wasn't just one fight that broke them a part.  Like Youngjae said before in a previous chapter, they had been arguing before.  It's not new.

 

I hope you guys liked it. :)