Love,

 

SoMin

Where did that go now? The blond–with his brows furrowed and eyes squinted–intently searched the crowded area below. A small smile unknowingly made its way to his face as he caught sight of the other. There he was, standing on line for the big water ride. The blond sought the nearest seat in the cafe, next to the railing, while still keeping his eyes on the target. 

 

Was that his third time? Geez. Why am i not surprised that he's here? Going to the amusement park for a date. Holding hands. Gosh, his taste in things is so typical. 

 

Yongguk was sure that he had been scoffing as he thought about the other but somewhere along the lines, that scoff had turned into a pained sigh filled with want and heartache.

 

Even though the place was at its busiest, there was quiet around the blond and in the silence, Yongguk didn't feel ashamed to want. In the silence, he didn't feel hesitant to let his eyes hungrily gaze with all their strength. It was as if the stillness around him could voice all of the boy's desires and his emotions unkempt. It was only then, that he could proudly examine every inch and every gesture of the boy down below.

 

Only then, could he tell his racing heart that it was okay to beat like that; only then, could Yongguk think that it was okay to be. That it was fine to be the way he knew he was— no matter how much he tried to deny it. 

 

Of course, the tragedy was that this silence never lasted too long before the noises came out. Then, Yongguk knew all too well that he was to be tormented again. Then, every fiber in his would pull and tugg and his reflection scowl at him in disapproval. They would scowl at him and tell him to think about his parents and society.

 

And because they were so much stronger than his little heart, the boy would listen to them. Following their order, he would vehemently admonish his heart; he would tell it to stop being so stupid, he would yell at it with all his strength. But because it hurt too much to simply yell at his heart, Yongguk would just break the little guy. 

 

Yes.

 

He would break his heart and he would do it using the only way he knew how — by bringing pain to the very source of its beating. Everytime he saw the hurt on Himchan's face and the shock in his eyes, Yongguk would literally feel each layer of his own heart peel away and shatter. But he always kept it up till the end because only when he was thoroughly broken, would the voices stop torturing the blonde. Only then, would everything be quiet again.

 

But in the stillness and in the silence, Yongguk would affectionately tend to his broken heart again. The boy would heal it once more, knowing it will only break again as soon as it would start beating. Knowing that when the silence was gone and the disapproving voices and gazes returned, he would once again cruelly shatter it to bits.

 

It was a twisted circle, no doubt and the very fact that he was here—his heart once again happily beating—served proof that Yongguk was still actively trapped in it. 

 

Now Himchan was excitedly picking his seat on the ride, pulling the Jiho closely by the hand. Even though he was sitting a good fifty-hundred feet away and his hand wasn't the one being held, Yongguk smiled brightly. He could imagine just how excited the other was and seeing him so happy, naturally made Yongguk happier. As Himchan continued to head over – picking a seat in the very front – Yongguk noticed that the blond boy dragging behind was constantly looking into the crowd. The other blonde aka Himchan's boyfriend aka Jiho looked as if was looking for a way out, as if he didn't like following Himchan, as if he didn't want to be there. Yongguk cursed the boy even though the other could neither hear nor see him.

 

How dare he!! He should thank every single god in the sky for allowing him to be in that position. He was blessed to have Himchan all to himself without any voices or looks. Without-

 

"Excuse me....uh-...sir. We can't have you sit here if you're not ordering anything."

 

Yongguk looked at the boy about his own age. He looked familiar but since Yongguk didn't appreciate the sharp tone of the other's voice at all, he decided to wave him off. Realizing that his words were useless, Yongguk watched the boy sigh and roll his eyes. Just then, another voice called, "JB, can you get the order over here? I'll take this one." 

 

Having no interest in the matters of the waiter boy or boys, Yongguk turned his attention back to the scene below, watching the ride going up and down the heights. And so, only when he felt a meek little tap did he notice that another boy stood in front of him and there was a cup of coffee placed in front. 

 

"H-hey sir. I apologize for JB, he's in a sour mood. Coffee on the house. Oh–" The boy's big eyes flashed as he recognized Yongguk, "... y-you are in our high school right? You sit next to D-Da-Daehyun. I'm Yoo Youngjae. I'm in the same SCUTA class as you."

 

"Yea...H-hey. I'm Yongguk."

 

Although the boy kept his face expressionless, he internally groaned as he felt his earlier peace and quiet literally fall apart. Yongguk knew all to well that as soon as people recognized him, as soon as they realized what was inside his heart, they would instantly criticize him. All of them would look at him as if he were a piece of garbage. He knew the disapproving voices were probably making their way back again and the skeptical looks would soon follow. Yongguk had to get out of here but Youngjae wouldn't stop talking. 

 

"I work here on the weekends–well, Saturdays. I need all the shifts I can get but because JB, my friend, also started working here, I'm not getting the same amount of work. Hmmm...He says that he took the job for my own good, so I can get some rest or whatever, but I think he's just bluffing. He probably just wanted to make extra money so he can take out his boyfriend or something–"

 

Yongguk felt a familiar lump making its way up his thick neck and he was sure his voice was a bit higher. "B-boyfriend?" 

 

Youngjae quickly looked around, as if making sure no one was listening, before saying. "Don't be grossed out or anything, ok? He's gay." 

 

The blonde stole a glance in the direction of the earlier boy–JB was talking to someone but Yongguk couldn't see the face since the customer had a piece of flyer in the way. Youngjae followed Yongguk's gaze and smiled, amused, "Stop staring. People would think that JB has three heads or something."

 

"H-how can he be so sure? That...you know...that he's–"

 

"Into guys? Or that he's gay?" Youngjae jokingly raised an eyebrow.

 

Yongguk had to admit that even though he had just met him, something about talking with the other boy, made him feel slightly less tense. In fact, Yongguk was extremely surprised to find that the voices were still quiet – there were no looks of disapproval being directed at Yongguk– if anything, for once, Yongguk felt a bit calm. And so, he let himself nod. 

 

Youngjae suddenly leaned in close to the blonde across from him. Yongguk could almost see a glint of playfulness in his eyes – the same kind that was always in Himchan's. "Do you know how I know? I–"

 

"Yoo Youngjae!!! Your boyfriend is throwing a sissy fit in that corner again~~ You might want to take care of that before the customer files a complaint," A tired boy, with a voice full of annoyance and fatigue, cried from the next table. 

 

"He's not my boyfriend. If anything, JB told me you're his style, Ahn Jaehyo~~" 

 

Yongguk watched as the Jaehyo guy, horrified quickly gathered his things and left for some far corner, away from both Youngjae and JB. Then, Youngjae sat up while blowing a piece of hair out of his eyes, his face in a thoughtful gaze. "Why does everyone think that way about us? Hmmmm no wonder, Daehyun is so convinced of me and JB having something. But then again, he's always so clueless, I doubt it would do anything~"

 

Youngjae seemed so deep in his thoughts that he didn't notice that he was saying his things out loud and that Yongguk heard him, loud and clear. The latter didn't even try to hide his surprise or to close his jaw. 

It was only when Yongguk finally found the words that Youngjae seemed aware of what he had just said. 

 

"Y-you're gay, too? And D-daehyun too?"

 

To Yongguk's surprise, the other boy didn't even try to deny it vehemently or yell and angrily leave. Instead, Youngjae leaned in once again and his voice was surprisingly low when he spoke.

 

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