I'm making an exception for this one. I actually had this idea running in my mind for a couple of weeks now. And I finally got my story line figured out.

Since it was already too long this part, I made it into a two shot (: I'll try to post the second part as soon as I can though (:

It's not pity... I truly care for you (Pt. 1)

It’s been quite long since we separated. He’s been busy and I’ve understood that. I didn’t expect to feel like this. Old feelings are taking over me as I see him smile. I am completely nervous to even make a move. My feet feel weak, and the butterflies are taking control of me. I can feel my flustered warm face. And there he is standing right there in the unbearable distance. He hasn’t seen me yet, and here I am admiring him for a couple seconds more before I make my way to him. Did he miss me as much as I missed him? Did he want to surprise me? Is that why he didn’t tell me he would arrive so early?

As I am lost in my own thoughts, he’s beautiful dark eyes look my way. I can feel my heart practically stop. Don’t die yet _____, not yet.

His smile… I swear just lighted up the whole city. His opens his arms and I hesitantly begin to walk forward to embrace him. My heart beat becoming unsteady each step.

As I walk closer, in the blink of an eye someone else occupies the space that was meant to be mine. I was pushed out of the way and in a second his arms were closed with another woman in them.

I stand in disbelief as tears threaten flood my face. His hands around the waist, his arms around the body, his lips on the lips… of another girl.

“I’ve missed you…”

Those words I’ve been longing to fill my ears with, are now meant for another person.

His eyes finally met mine, this time for sure. For a moment looked back at mine, are you ashamed?

He looked back at the girl in front of him, and took her hand walking away with her, and me losing them from sight. His eyes were no longer looking into mine. Not an apology, not an explanation, not a word from him. Was I really that worthless to you?

I walk away defeated; I can no longer do anything. Fighting, screaming, yelling at him was not going to be worth it. If he did not care to hurt me, why even waste my time on getting him back?

Walking back home I decided to hide in my own world hoping no one could find me. Is not that I let him have all the power over me. Is just that I need to be on my own for a while.

A slight knock on my door woke me up.

“_______ are you okay?”

I heard him, but I’m so numb I don’t want to get up. Is already painful enough, I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me right now. Is the same crap every single time…

When my parents left… Are you okay? You poor thing… And after a while all those who ‘cared’ for my well being vanished and never came back to me…

When my friend passed away… Is everything alright? If you need me just say so… I’m here for you. Yeah right! Same thing happened, after a couple of weeks I was left forgotten again. It only makes me think that people are only there for you when you have a problem, is like they believe they have to be there with you, not because they want to be there. And honestly… I hate it…

I won’t let this happen again. With the little strength I have I get up and open the door.

“What’s up Youngjae…” –I smile at him.

He scrunches his eyebrows, and places his hand on my forehead.

“Are you okay? Because you walked by me earlier and you didn’t even notice I was calling you.”

“I’m okay Youngjae, I was exhausted and came in to sleep… Why did you need me for?” –I took his hand off my forehead.

“Oh nothing much, I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out for a while. You’ve been so busy lately I thought you needed some time out.” –He smiled sincerely.

“Maybe another time, kay? Right now my bed is calling me…” –I say closing the door slowly.

“Okay, but make sure to call me if anything’s the matter!” –He said as he tried to see my face while I closed the door.

I feel bad for turning him down like that, but I can’t let him be one of the many. He already suspected something going on. But I don’t want him to pity me. He’s my friend and I love him as such, but I don’t need him worrying about me. I don’t want to burden him like that.

I go back to my head replaying everything that went through my mind, again and again and again… I was trying to tell myself it was alright that I didn’t need Himchan in my life no more… When that failed, I tried to tell myself this was all a dream… And when that didn’t work no more, I decided that it was all because of me… Yeah… I’m to blame, I wasn’t good enough for him.

Days after days I spent on my apartment. I had an excuse because I work at home. I tried to make myself concentrate in my job. No outsiders allowed. The outside world would only remind me of the one who hurt me without even acknowledging he did. I never confronted him, he never called me, and maybe it was for the best.

----

You were working on your desk when you heard a knock on your door. You get up stumbling a little, you blamed it to being sitting down for so many hours, but you got to the door. You took off your glasses and opened the door. Youngjae looked at you for seconds before answering. It had passed since the last time you saw him a week and a couple days more.

“Hey _____... Haven’t seen you in a while. How have you been?” –He said looking at you strangely.

“I’m fine Youngjae! Just a lot of work during the past weeks… Why do you ask?” –You say fixing your hair while smiling widely.

“Haven’t seen you around lately I was wondering if you were sick or something… Have you lost some weight though?” –He said looking at your loose clothing.

“I don’t know I haven’t checked lately… But if I did that’d be great!” –You say looking down at your clothes.

“Anyways… Would you like to go out for a while? I mean if you’re not that busy…” –He asked.

“Well… I do have some work I need to get done with, but I can manage to get out for a little…”

“Great!”

“But give me a couple of minutes to get ready okay? Wouldn’t want to go on public looking like this.” –You said and he chuckled. You closed the door and let a deep sigh.

Your face changed completely. You didn’t really feel like going out, but since you had turned him down and you’ve spent so much time inside, you were afraid he’d wonder if you were really okay. Need to keep smiling no matter how much I want to cry.

He already knew that even with that much work you always had, you always take the time to go outside and refresh your mind. You’d only spend that much time neglecting the outside world when something bad happened.

“Arasso let’s go!” –You beamed and closed the door.

Youngjae chuckled: “Okay! Someone’s a little too excited! Seems like you really needed sometime out of the apartment, didn’t you?”

“Yeah…” –You nodded and walked in front of him.

The walk was rather silent, he walked next to you and you just looked around. You were holding inside so many things. Why does everything around have to remind me of Himchan? Your trails of thoughts were disturbed.

“_____... _____...” –Youngjae tugged your arm.

“What…?” –You answered almost in a trance.

“You’ve been out of it for a while are you okay…?” –He asked worried.

“I’m okay, I need coffee…!” –You say pointing at the coffee shop near you.

He didn’t believe you, but he just followed.

You sit in front of him with your coffee almost untouched.

“I thought you wanted coffee.” –He said as he tapped the cup with his finger. You were again lost in your own thoughts.

“Oh… Nae…” –You answer and raise the cup to take a sip.

“Hey I’ve been meaning to ask you… How’s Himchan been doing? Have you talked to him?” –He asked.

You take a big sip of coffee and swallow almost chocking on it. You coughed a little and put the cup back in the table.

“No, I haven’t…” –You say softly. You wanted to keep your pride. You weren’t going to break in front of Youngjae like this.

“I heard he’s back… I thought you guys would be together.” –He said as he looked to the side.

This Youngjae you haven’t seen before. Why would he care so much about whether you and Himchan were together or not?

“We were never official Youngjae, why should we?” –You snapped sternly at him making him look up instantly.

Your eyes were starting to water and you could feel them burning.

“I- I thought that you guys confessed to each other before he left…” –He stuttered maybe afraid that you’d snap back again.

“Just because I liked him and he ‘liked’ me back doesn’t mean we were really a couple. He never even asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend or anything like that. We were just friends with mutual feelings… That’s that… Now please stop asking me about it.” –You answered keeping a straight face.

He didn’t answer; he was just stunned how your mood changed from one moment to another. You were happy (a little too happy), then thoughtful, and now you were angry.

You push the coffee cup and stand up:

“I don’t want any more coffee. I’m going home, I still have a lot of work to get done.” –You walk away from the table. Youngjae gets up and follows you.

“______! What’s going on? You are really acting strange…” –Youngjae grabbed your arm when you didn’t turn around to face him. He stood in front of you and you felt your tears wanting to fall even more. But you swallowed it all and spoke back.

“I’m fine Youngjae… I’ve just had a little too much work, I’m just tired.”

“You always say you’re tired when I ask you if you’re okay, but I know this is not like you _____. What’s really-?” –He cut himself off when he looked over your shoulder.

You turned around and you saw Himchan with the girl that you saw the other week walking in the same sidewalk you both were. You turned back and walked past Youngjae. He took a minute to fall into reality.

“_____!” –He tried to catch up to you, but you just kept walking. –“_____... Wait up…”

He finally managed to make you stop.

“Is this why you’re like this? Why didn’t you say anything…”

“I’m completely fine about it Youngjae.”

“You’re not… I can see it.”

“I. Am. Fine.” –You said as you clenched your teeth. You walked past him.

This time he didn’t even dare follow you, you were already angry enough. He walked to his apartment and looked up at where yours was. He couldn’t take your furious face out of his mind. He felt to blame for your state right now. No matter how much he wanted to do right now, he knew you needed time.

----

Youngjae kept thinking about you, it had been almost another week since he last saw you. He’d sometimes walk up to your apartment, but hesitate to knock. At the end he wouldn’t and he would leave. He couldn’t find a way to say something to you; he couldn’t text you or call you, because he’d be at a loss of words. He wanted to say many things to you, but he was also afraid you’d misunderstand him. He was getting ready to go to work when he heard a faint knock in the door.

He opened the door and his heartbeat increased when he saw the girl who was standing before him. She looked crushed, destroyed. Her hand was bandaged and her under eyes were dark. It wasn’t the same girl he had seen around for so long.

“_____... What happened?” –He said as he grabbed her wounded hand.

“I- I… can't… ” –You tried to speak up, but the strength you had left wasn’t enough. You stumbled in front of him.

No hard feelings Himchan... lol (I love Himchan too... kekeke He's like my third bias in B.A.P after Zelo ^_^)

Part 2 (COMING SOON)