The sister in me wanted to protect Karin with my life. To see her so sad, to see her as a shell of a person that I had grown to love more and more over the time we'd known each other killed me. The adult woman in me wanted to shake her, shake sense in her. We all backed Seungri, we all knew he hadn't done anything wrong. I knew if he had he would have admitted it, because he doesn't lie about things like this. I couldn't understand why Karin truly believed it and that made it all the harder. As I sit in the bathroom with her, holding her as she cried and cried, all I could do was love her and be there for her. I had nothing else to offer her, because no words were going to take away her pain.

We spent hours in that room it felt, just sitting there on the floor, door locked. Karin refused to talk she just wanted to cry. I wanted to talk but didn't know what to say. I picked up my phone beside me and texted Top, who was out in the other room comforting his mankae. As the oldest of the group, the hyung to the others, he always put everything he had in to being there for them in their weakest moments. "Babe, how's Seungri? Karin refuses to move or talk. She just is laying here bawling." I typed to him while holding onto Karin, who was again bawling with her head on my lap. I was exhausted, emotionally drained and sore from sitting on the floor, but I was here with her no matter what. Moments later my phone buzzed, I looked down to see a text from Top. "Aye, jagi, he's beside himself, broken, crying. Are YOU ok?" I smiled, even in the midst of the drama with our friends, Top was concerned about me. That man really loved me, there was no doubt and I needed that love at the moment. "No, not really. I'm worried and completely exhausted and emotionally drained. How are you?" I sent the text and laid my head back against the wall taking in a deep breath. I closed my eyes trying to rest just a little, but my phone again went off. "Jagi, I'm ok. I am very worried about you, ya know? Seungri and I are going to head back to our room, I will bring you back a change of clothes. Try to get Karin to sleep, ok? I love you so very much, we will get through this."

I smiled at my phone. I couldn't do this without him and he knew that. I heard the door close to the room, knowing they had left. I wanted to get Karin up off the floor and to the bed. I worried about her, but I couldn't not worry. The love I had for my sister, my bestest friend was so deep. Karin had fallen asleep there in my lap. I lightly shook her arm. "Karin, baby, come on, let's get out to the bed, ok?" I said. She didn't say anything, she just open her eyes and looked at me. I helped her sit up against the wall as she was weak from all the crying. I stood up, then pulled her up with me wrapping one of her arms around my shoulder as I wrapped one around her back. "Baby, I need you to walk, ok?" She nodded, not saying a word. I carefully got her to bed and sat her on it. My sweet friend was nothing but a zombie, she was completely blank; emotionless. I knew she was in there somewhere, my sweet, silly sister, but to see her like that took anything I had left out of me.

I looked through her clothes and found some clothes for her to sleep in. I carefully helped her out of her dress as I helped her get on her pajamas. I got her comfortable in bed, hearing a knock on the door. I kissed her forehead, "Be right back Karin, ok?" Still no reaction. I opened the door to find a change of clothes on the ground, my cell phone charger and a note. I picked it all up and headed back to Karin, who had began crying again. I quickly changed into a tshirt and pair of sweats that was Tops. He knew I would feel close to him if I had his clothes on and tonight I desperately needed it. I climbed into bed and Karin moved, hugging me, placing her head again in my lap. I sat there, her hair, trying to calm her down, trying to soothe her pain away. Eventually, she fell asleep like that, head on my lap clinging tightly to me. I was putting my all into loving her and supporting her and was on the brink of my own breakdown.

I sighed heavily, reaching for the note Top had left for me.

My sweetest love, 

I wish I knew what to do to give you all the strength in the world to help you tonight. I wish I knew how to take the pain away for our dear young friends. I wish I knew all the answers. I don't know how to do any of that, but I do know that it will be ok, somehow, some way. I wish I could hold you in my arms, I know your heart and I know the love you have for Karin it's one of the many things I love about you. Since I can't be there with you, because Seungri really needs me, here are some of my clothes. Wear them and draw strength to make it through the night, ok? Get rest, please, jagi! I love you. I love you, I love you!!! Top

I began to cry reading that note. The truth was, I was lost without him and I was weaker than I had been in a long time. It wasn't that I didn't want to be there for Karin, I really did, but to be left in charge of her, trying to comfort her and take away her pain, it wore me down. My heart was absolutely broken for her, my heart hurt as I saw my once happy-go-lucky sister become nothing but a shell of a person. All of a sudden my world was completely upside down. I thought back to earlier in the day, the trip to the ocean, the laughing, playing in the water, the time was precious. I thought back to when I first met Karin, there on instagram. The friendship bloomed from there, through twitter, her pushing me and loving me and supporting me through the mundane daily life I had. I thought back to our first time hearing the other's voice on skype. I remembered when Karin called me in crazy excitement the day she met Seungri. I was the first person she told about them being a couple. And now I was sitting here with my empty friend, desperately needing my fiance, wanting to hold Seungri, everything falling apart.

I pulled out my phone and tried to take my mind off of my current reality. I wanted to sleep but there was no use, I couldn't close my eyes for fear that Karin would try to harm herself. Had I had the time, I would go through the entire room and hide anything she could harm herself with, but I couldn't leave her side. My phone was my companion tonight as I began to look at it. My wallpaper was a picture of me and Top, right after our engagement, it brought the first smile to my face that I had had in hours. I looked through my instagram laughing at some of the pictures that Tae and Ji had posted. I got on twitter and looked at Top's last post...the one with the candle. As I did I noticed a trending topic #KaRi. That was the ship name their supporters had given them. I was curious why it was trending so I began to read. Seungri's scandal was now public and boy did those VIPS have a lot to say on the subject. I read through many many tweets, words like, "Hate", "", "over" were all over the place. Many people were hating on Karin, blaming her, saying it was because she was too busy to be with Seungri. Others were saying that they blamed her for Seungri being that way, the way the article had portrayed him. I read and read.

I couldn't allow Karin to see this, it wasn't just on twitter, no, it was on Facebook. It was everywhere. Not only that but so were rumors of me and Top, but I was less concerned with those at the moment. Karin was frail enough as it was, as was my mankae. Their health, their protection was way more important than mine and Tops. I had to take Karin's phone from her but it was on the table across the room. There was no way she could see this terrible stuff that was posted. I wouldn't allow that. I put my phone down and cried. Top wasn't there to hold me like he usually did when I was broken. This wasn't how the night was suppose to end - empty.