It must be because she’s the first girl who has ever gotten close to me like that.

Yes. It must be.

After all, I’ve been staying away from girls for more than half of my life. Freaking out because a girl is suddenly very close to me is normal, right?

“OFCOURSE IT IS!” I shouted, answering my own question, banging my fist on the wooden table in front of me.

“Is there something you wish to share to the whole class, Mr. Kwon?”

I turned to the direction of the voice to see our religion teacher looking at me with her eyebrow raised.

“What?” My eyes scanned around the room to see everyone’s head in my direction. I could tell that some were stifling a laugh (one of them was Seungri) while the rest were looking at me strangely at my sudden outburst.

I forgot that I was in class... Ugh.

I cleared my throat before I spoke. “Nothing, really. I was just agreeing with what you just said,” I lied.

I frowned with wonder as whispers and gasps filled the room almost instantly. A flicker of interest lit the teacher’s eyes. “Is that so? How honest, you are. May you please elaborate…?”

Way to go, Ji. A voice in my head said sarcastically.

“Yes, Mr. Kwon? I think everyone here in the room would like to hear why you think so.”

I don’t even know what the topic is... How the hell am I supposed to elaborate?

I glanced at Daesung, who was seated behind Seungri, hoping he would be able to help me. He immediately understood what I was asking for as soon as our eyes met. He nodded his head towards the board.

My head automatically followed the direction. My jaw-dropped slightly at the words written on it. I found myself reading it several times before realizing that what I’m seeing is real.

‘ BEFORE MARRIAGE’

Seungri was still holding his stomach from too much laughter as we made our way to the cafeteria.

It was the first time I’ve ever been humiliated in class. What’s more humiliating is that I, myself, caused it.

No. It’s HER fault! I growled inside my head.

“I must say…”

“Don’t say it!” I snapped at Daesung who had a very amused expression on his face.

“…that was very entertaining, Ji.” He continued as if he didn’t hear me. “For a moment there I thought, ‘so you’re that kind of person’...”

“A ert!” Seungri laughed louder than ever –tears coming out of his eyes. I glared at them. Very hard. If glares could kill, they would be a hundred times dead by now.

“Over here!”

Seungri stopped laughing as he recognized the owner of the voice. I caught a glimpse of Dara motioning for us to sit with her and Joohyun, Bom was already with them. It was a good thing that Bom wasn’t around when the embarrassing moment happened, or else she would’ve told the two by now. Having the whole class knowing what happened was already embarrassing enough.

We headed towards their table. We sat in our usual ‘sitting arrangement’ -the three girls in one row and us boys in the other.

“Jiyong! Are you okay now?” Dara asked me almost immediately, concern evident in her voice. I felt my heart begin beating rapidly again as she stared at me, just like last night, waiting for an answer.

“Are you sick?” Daesung asked, putting his hand on my forehead to check my temperature.

I slapped his hand away. “No. I’m fine.”

Dara opened to say something when I saw Minhwan, our class president, walk towards her, making her look up at him.

“Hi, Minhwan.”

My eyebrow furrowed slightly as I watched her greet him with a smile.

He smiled back. “Can I talk to you for a moment? Just for a little while. It’s quite important.”

“Can’t you see she’s eating?”

He turned to me and let out a nervous laugh. “Oh, Jiyong… Yes… I can see that but I assure you, this’ll be real quick.”

I felt irritated –not that I wasn’t feeling that way already.

Just as I was about to answer, Dara waved her hand dismissively at me. “It’s okay, really!” She rose up from the chair and gave a smile that seemed to be saying ‘I’ll be right back’ before walking away with Minhwan.

“”Hey, Joohyun, Bom.” I heard Seungri call.

They both raised a brow at him. “What?” Joohyun asked.

“How come Dara isn’t wearing her bracelet anymore?” This made me shift uncomfortably in my seat while Joohyun and Bom exchange looks. Seungri continued, “I mean, isn’t it a very important gift from her mother?”

“She lost it.” Bom answered sadly.

Seungri almost gasped. “What? Seriously?”

Joohyun just nodded. Then, Seungri noticed he was the only one who seemed surprised at the news. His face fell. “I’m the only who didn’t know?”

“It’s not our fault that you’re not paying attention to your surroundings well enough.” Daesung said plainly.

Seungri pouted.

“Don’t worry about it, Seungri. I’m sure it’ll turn up sooner of later.” Daesung reassured Seungri. Then he gave me a sly grin. “Right, Jiyong?”

A feeling of nervousness suddenly crept up to me.

…He knows.

“See you tomorrow!” Dara waved goodbye enthusiastically at Joohyun and the others. They waved back. “Study well for the exams tomorrow, okay?”

I spun around to leave, not caring if she gets left behind. I don’t have a lot of time to waste.

“Oh!” I heard her exclaimed. She must’ve noticed I was gone. “Wait up!”

One would’ve slowed down if called but no, not me. I even increased my pace not wanting for her to get anywhere near me, especially since I still have this weird thing going on inside of me -my heartbeat rapidly increasing its speed when she’d get close to me.

“Jiyong! Wait for me!” She called again. She sounded tired already.

My eyes rolled. This girl really isn’t suited for athletic activities.

I still didn’t slow down nor stop. I put my hands in my pocket and felt something hard and cold. I froze in my tracks.

“Finally! I really thought that you weren’t going to stop!” She said between pants.

I turned around face her. I walked towards her and took her hand silently. This startled her a bit. My other hand was still inside my pocket. I pulled it out and placed it in her palm. She gave me a questionable look but said nothing.

She looked down at her palm. I saw her eyes grow wide at the sight of her treasured memento of her late mother. I took a step back. She was still staring at the bracelet that she lost –as if she couldn’t believe that it was now in her palm. She glanced up at me and I instantly saw tears starting to appear at the corner of her eyes.

Not again…

She must’ve felt it as she wiped them with her free hand.

“Why the hell are you always crying?” I moaned with annoyance.

As if what I just said confirmed what she was thinking, she spun around so her back was facing me. It was something I’ve already seen many times –well, just twice but more than one is considered many, right?

I sighed.

“You know… I decided to find that bracelet for you so that you won’t cry anymore. But even though I did find it, you’re still crying! What the hell is wrong with you? Maybe I shouldn’t have found it for you.” I tried to sound indifferent.

She didn’t answer. I saw her still wiping tears with her other hand. There was a moment of silence until she turned around to finally face me, revealing her now-dry face.

“I’m sorry, Jiyong. I was just too happy. I might sound selfish but I knew you were going find it. I just had a feeling that you will!” She giggled happily.

“Whatever.”

She showed me that very beautiful happy smile of hers. I could sense how happy she was. A tingling feeling came to me.

My hand automatically shot up to my chest as I felt my heart beating faster again.

“Ji?” She called for the nth time today.

“What?” I asked her impatiently.

“Can I hug you?” She asked casually.

This took me aback. Is that something you ask?

But I still managed to glower at her and say, “No.”

She frowned. “But you let me hug you before…”

I shuddered at the memory. “That was the first and last.”

I saw her lower her head in disappointment.

Suddenly, she gasped loudly making my body jerk in surprise. She pointed something behind me.

“What is it?” I felt annoyed but at the same time worried.

“A r-rhinoceros…” she stuttered nervously.

My bubble of worry suddenly burst while my bubble of annoyance grew bigger. “A what?!”

What the hell is this stupid girl blabbering about?! A rhinoceros? Seriously?

“There!” She screamed. Her body was trembling now as she continued pointing something behind me.

I couldn’t help but feel a bit worried now. She really looked frightened and scared. I looked behind me –not expecting a rhinoceros but expecting to see whatever was making her this way… definitely not a rhinoceros.

…But nothing was there. The street was empty besides for the two of us.

It was my turn to tremble now. But it wasn’t for the same reason as hers, but because of annoyance. I was just about to turn around and yell at her when I felt two arms wrap themselves around my waist.

I felt my cheeks grow hot and my body stiffened as if I was suddenly paralyzed.

I wanted to struggle. I wanted to complain. I wanted to push her away.

But nothing… my body and my voice weren’t cooperating with me.

Another moment of silence occurred between us.

“Thank you…” she whispered gently to me, hugging me a bit tighter.

My heart was beating harder and faster than ever now.  I wonder… if she could hear it…

After a while, she let go. I frowned. How I wished that she didn’t.

She flashed me a radiant smile.  “You’re really a good person, Jiyong.”

This snapped me back to reality. As if finally getting my voice back, I growled at her, “You’re still saying that?!”

What the hell was I thinking? This is Sandara Park! And she’s a girl. I hate girls!

I hate her.

Maybe I really am a ert just like what Seungri said… I shook my head at my thoughts and looked at the girl in front of me.

She was giggling hysterically and then she stuck her tongue out at me like a 5 year old kid before walking past me.

I just stood there, frozen, my cheeks growing hot again.

Seriously, something is wrong with me.

I took out my phone and quickly dialed a number. I heard it ring twice before it was answered.

“Ji?”

“Dae…” I begun, a bit hesitating.

I put my hand on my chest and felt that it was still beating crazily.

I exhaled before continuing…

“…I need help. I think I’m sick.”