“Rae?! Rae?! Can you hear me? Rae? Rae!” A voice called out to me. In my head, I was lost, I was running and there was no end. It was pitch dark, I couldn’t see a thing.

My eyes fluttered open as I blinked for a while to absorb my surroundings. I could still feel the ground or the bed shaking underneath me. But everyone stood still.

“Rae? Can you hear me? Can you see me? Rae?! I’m Lyn!” Lyn called out to me. Standing next to her was the director and the rest of the mission team.

“Thank goodness she’s alright.”

“I was getting so worried.”

“Can she hear us?”

I nodded my head slowly, trying to recall everything that happened and the reason why I was unconscious.

“W-Where am I?” I asked.

“You’re back at the hostel! Thank goodness a child noticed you and their family brought you back here!” Lyn said.

I closed my eyes for a while and listened to her talk and then my eyes shot open.

My body sat up straight.

“KYU!” I shouted.

“Where is he? Is he safe? Did he come back? Where is Kyu? I want to see him. Where is he? Kyu’s safe right? He’s resting in his room right now? He came back safely right?” I commanded, my face flustered as I grabbed Lyn’s hand.

“H-He.. Kyuhyun..” She stuttered.

That wasn’t a good sign. I knew it. Something bad happened.

“He what? Lyn! Answer me!” I said as I shook her hands. My fears increased as I saw her looked down. I looked to the rest of the mission team, and to the director. They just kept their heads down.

Lyn took a deep breath as she looked up at me.

I stared at her with tears rolling down my face, my heart aching for the worst.

“K-Kyuhyun didn’t return. We couldn’t find him. There is already a search team out there. They have been searching for the past fifteen hours. You were knocked out for the last fifteen hours, Rae.” She said.

My eyes widened. I shook my head repeatedly.

No. NO. NOOOOO.

My hands dropped against my side. I couldn’t believe what I just heard.

No.

“Rae? Rae? Are you alright?” Lyn asked me.

“I-It’s my entire fault! My fault! If it wasn’t for me, Kyu would not have run back to the shop! He ran back for me! For me, Lyn! Kyu ran back for me! He remembered it was my birthday so he brought me out for dinner but he left my birthday present at the shop. He went back for my birthday present. I tried to stop him but he didn’t want to listen. He ran back to take my birthday present! Lyn! He ran back for my birthday present! And now he’s missing! This is all my fault! He’s missing because of me, of me!” I shouted right back at Lyn.

“Rae! Calm down! He’ll be fine alright! No news is better than bad news! He might have survived the earthquake! Who knows! Rae! Get a hold of yourself!” Lyn yelled at me.

I shook my head.

“He ran back! I could barely see him after the quake subsided! Lyn! He could be dead by now! How many hours, you said? Fifteen hours! Lyn!” I said as I burst out crying.

“Calm down Rae! Calm down!” Lyn said as she tried to grab hold of my shoulders.

“I want to go find him. I want to go find him!” I said as I tried to get out of bed.

“Rae! You need to rest; your body is weak now! You need to rest! If you’re not well enough, how are you going to find him?” Lyn said as she pushed me back against the bed. The rest of them left my room so I could rest, leaving Lyn with me.

I tried to resist but then her words made sense.

I slowly leaned back against the headboard as tears continued to stream down my cheek. The blanket was getting soaked with my tears.

“You like him, right?” Lyn asked softly, eyeing me.

I turned my head and looked at her.

“Like him? I practically love him, Lyn.” I said in between sobs.

Lyn stared at me. And that’s when I started telling her my story, our story.

“I met Kyu almost a year ago. We met at a bookstore. We reached out for the same book at the same time. It was like love at first sight for me. WE started hanging out very often, going for book fairs together and I fell in love with him. He was the most romantic & charming guy I’ve ever met. He was different from the other guys I’ve met. Very different. We were very much in love, well I thought we were very much in love until I found out he lied to me.” I said, looking down at my hands.

“H-he cheated on you?” Lyn asked curiously.

“No. He met me with a motive, right from the very beginning. He hired a PI to keep tabs on me. I was furious when I found out about it so I initiated a break-up. After it, he confessed to me he really fell in love with me but I didn’t believe him. How do you expect me to believe something from a liar? But throughout this whole period, I could see and feel that he might be telling the truth after all. And now, he’s missing because of me.” I choked.

“Wow, if you didn’t tell me, I wouldn’t know. But if you ask me, I think he really did fall in love with you, Rae. I heard from the director that he joined this mission trip because you were going. He wanted to win you back.” Lyn said.

I stared at Lyn. Kyu joined this because of me? He wanted to win me back.

“Don’t think too much, alright. Rest. I’ll go take my bath now since you’ve awaken and I’m less worried.” Lyn spoke as she made her way to the bathroom.

I nodded as I watched her go into the bathroom.

I bit my bottom lip as I began to cry again.

Why didn’t I give Kyu that chance when he asked me for it? Why didn’t I do that? Now Kyu is missing and it’s all my bloody fault.

Oh Kyu, was my present more important than your life? Why were you so silly? Why did you run back even though there was an earthquake?

How could you leave me behind and just run off by yourself? How could you bear to leave me alone? How could you do that? You said you loved me but you left me when I needed you!

I hope you’re alright or else I’ll never forgive myself.

I can’t afford to lose you Kyu, I can’t. I want to see you again; I want to see you standing in front of me, acting all smug about yourself. I want to see you creeping up on me to give me a surprise. I want to have you sit next to me on the sofa in my home as we watched movie after movie while I sit in your embrace as we rock from left to right. I want to be able to cup your face in between my palms and kiss the hell out of you.

I regretted not giving you that chance. I regretted not letting you massage my back long enough for me to remember your touch. I regretted not running back with you to take my present.

I missed you so much. I missed your touch, I missed your hugs, I missed your kisses, and I missed every single thing of you.

I love you, Cho Kyuhyun. 

Nothing must happen to you, Kyu.

My hands were trembling so much that I couldn’t even hold a pen.

How am I supposed to fall asleep and rest now? How am I supposed to do that when Kyu might be in danger at any moment? Nobody knows where he is. I felt so selfish.

I couldn’t sleep. But I needed the energy. I needed the energy so I could go out and find Kyu tomorrow.

I don’t care about whatever happened between us in the past that he lied to me. I just want him back, safe and sound, by my side.

I don’t give a damn about it anymore. I’m just so worried. I’m so bloody worried about Kyu.

All those harsh things that I said to him, all those words that I used on him, he must have been so heartbroken. I thought back to all the times when I rejected him in the face. How humiliated it was for him, how embarrassing it was for him. I continued to cry as I remembered when I blocked the bullet for him.

“K-Kyu. I-I wish we hadn’t met in the f-first p-place.”

He must have felt so terrible, so awful after hearing me say those words to him.

Now if you ask me, I would still say the same.

Because if Kyu hadn’t met me, he wouldn’t have followed me to this mission trip, he wouldn’t know my birthday, he wouldn’t have ran back to take my birthday present. He wouldn’t be missing right now.

He wouldn’t be in danger now if we hadn’t met each other in the first place. He would be safe somewhere in the world, and I wouldn’t be worried about him.

But I rather die than to live a hundred years without knowing him.

He tolerated all my nonsense when I was furious with him. That pain he had to bear when I was in the hospital. I felt it now but I guess it’s ten times worse.

At least, he knew I was safe in the hands of the medics. Now, I don’t even know where Kyu’s body is! He could be anywhere around the mountain.

Oh, Kyu’s parents, please keep your son safe. I know I could have been a little over demanding and I was harsh to your son but I love him very much. Please keep him safe. I don’t want anything to happen to him.

Cho Kyuhyun, I shouldn’t have let you go. 

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Hey readers *waves*

Did you like my cliffhanger in the previous chapter?! You know how much I love cliffhangers. 

How's the story coming along? Those who have been with me from the very start know that I'm a naive author. *wink*

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Xoxo.