“Ji Eun! Let’s go on that one next!” Kyungsoo said happily.

I stared up at the next ride he was pointing at. It was a roller coaster, with tons of drops and loops and turns. My stomach felt queasy just looking at it.

“Are you sure? It looks a bit scary.” I said nervously. I have a small fear of heights, so roller coasters really aren’t my thing...

His smile instantly disappeared. “Oh, well if it’s too scary, then I guess we can skip it.” he said, giving a small sigh.

Aish, why does he have to be so cute?

“No it’s alright, let’s go.” I sighed, knowing I was going to regret it. But seeing his huge smile and his eyes sparkling with excitement, I decided it was worth it.

~

“I’m never. Doing that. Ever again!” I said, taking a deep breath every few words. I was sitting on a bench in a shaded area of the park, while Kyungsoo stood next to me. After that last ride, I definitely needed a break.

Kyungsoo looked at me anxiously. “Are you alright? I’m sorry for making you go on that. I guess it was too much for you.”

I gave him a weak smile. “It’s alright. It was kind of fun.” If you ignore the fact that I thought I was going to die the entire time...

“Should I get you anything? A drink?” he asked me.

“No thanks. I just need to rest.” He still looked concerned. “Don’t worry! I’ll be fine.” I gestured to the spot next to me. “Come sit with me.” He sat down.

After a few moments of silence, he spoke. “You know,” Kyungsoo began. “I’ve never been this comfortable around a girl before. It’s like whenever I’m around you, I can just be myself.” He gave me a bright smile. “And I really enjoy being with you.” He placed his hand on top of mine, and took a deep breath.

“I-I think I want to date you. For real.” he said, giving my hand a slight squeeze.

Oh my gosh. He’s asking me out!

I should say yes. He’s cute and nice, and he would be a good boyfriend. He’s treated me really well so far. What’s not to like?

…..

I can’t say it.

Why not? What’s stopping me from dating him?

…...Kris?

Wait a second. Why did he just pop into my head?

And just like that, all of the emotions from yesterday rushed into my head. When his face was so close to mine, and he was about to kiss me....

And how I wanted him to do it.

Kyungsoo looked at me expectantly.

I swallowed harshly. “Kyungsoo, I- I’m just really confused right now. I...I’m not sure if I can date you...”

A sorrowed look crossed his face, but he immediately replaced it with a small, sad smile.

“Don’t worry. I guess it was kind of stupid of me to ask that...I just wanted to see if it was possible.” he said sadly.

His expression and words made me want to just scream ‘YES!’ and jump into his arms.

But I couldn’t.

Kyungsoo let go of my hand and stood up. “Well, there’s still a few more rides to go on, if you want to of course.” he said. He was trying his best to sound cheerful, but I could tell that it was a little forced.

“Sure.” I said. We went on a few more rides, but there was a slight awkwardness between us now. Even as he walked me home later, we didn’t talk much.

At last we came to a stop outside my building. “Thank you for walking me home, and for taking me to the park.” I said sincerely.

“No problem. It was a lot of fun.” he replied, a small smile on his face. “I guess I’ll see you on Monday. Bye.” Giving me a small wave before heading down the street to his house.

Guilt washed over me as I walked up the stairs to my room. I feel like such a horrible person. A guy who is pretty much afraid of girls managed to work up the courage to confess to me, and I couldn’t even accept it.

And why can’t I stop thinking about Kris?

I tried to keep him out, but ever since Kyungsoo confessed, he’s been on my mind. Everything that happened yesterday keeps replaying in my head, and I can’t get rid of it!

Do I like him?

The thought of liking Kris scares me a little. If I like him, that means he wins. I’m his target, and he’s finally starting to get to me. It didn’t even take him a week!

What is it about him that makes him so special anyways? Nothing!

Alright, he is really handsome, and he does have a nice smile and a nice voice. But other than that he has nothing! Kyungsoo is so much better than him, and yet Kris is all I can think about.

Maybe if I just avoid him, these feelings will go away? Yes. I’ll just avoid for a while, and then I’ll get over it, and everything will be back to normal.

Oh right: he lives right below me. Not to mention I sit next to him at school.

Why is my life so complicated?