There are subchappies for this since this chapter is so so so long. this part is getting too heavy.. I need to end this part. Anyway enjoy or get depressed,. I'd really appreciate if you guys comment :) At least I'd know what you think thanks! Oh the me is happy! why? Because I reached 1000 views!! yehey! keke...thank you for the support guys (if there are still people reading ...)

The Breakdown

What should I do now?

Taemin couldn’t take his eyes off the body lying inside room 203. His mind went fuzzy and his hold to everything became weak… and that includes his hold to Hyu Me

What should I do now? He desperately thought. Right at that moment, just looking at the lifeless figure made him nauseous and so… so sad. He didn’t know it would hurt this much when… when… no, he can’t even bring his mind to say it to him… he can’t bring his mind to tell him the unacceptable truth.

What should I do?

He heard someone scrambling to the floor and then quick paces came after that. Those were useless to him anymore but it tugged him; like it was important. It took him huge amount of effort to blink and tear his gaze away. He found Hyu Me running towards room 202 with handful of oranges in her arms.

With heavy steps, he followed her. The girl noticed him, going after her and so when she reached the room, she tried to lock the door. She failed though, because suddenly Taemin stuck his foot at the door.

“I-I’ll be back big baby, I’ll just wash this oranges. Why don’t you talk to Jihun for awhile?”

Taemin froze. What’s this? He’s sure Hyu Me saw what he saw. She even cried just few seconds ago. Could it be… no, he can’t let Hyu Me go insane…

Now I know what to do… I have to keep my promise to you, right? I have to take care of Hyu Me…

“Let me in noona.” Taemin was surprised of how calm he’s voice was when in fact he was dying inside.

“N-no Taem…” He saw her smiling as usual, but her eyes were wide and unfocused. “I said I’ll be--”

Taemin pushed the door and caught her before she can even fall to the ground. His touched made Hyu Me panic. She pushed him away and turned her back away from him. Just a step away and she can finally lock herself in the comfort room… with the unacceptable truth but then Taemin wrapped his arms around Hyu Me’s waist.

Stopping her

“Hey big baby, let me clean the oranges…”

“She can’t eat it anymore noona.” He said just behind her ear.

“What do you mean she can’t eat it? It’s her favori--”

“She’s gone noona!” Taemin exclaimed and tightened his embrace to Hyu Me; hoping that Hyu Me could feel that he is there for her. “She’s gone so please…”

“Oh you mean… you can’t find her? Ooh that sneaky girl, playing hide and seek…”

“Kim Hyu Me!!!” Taemin pulled away and grabbed her shoulders, shaking them. “Jihun Lim is gone!”

“No! Stop kidding around.” Hyu Me giggled and ran her hands threw her hair like a crazy person.

“Listen to me Hyu Me. She’s gone… she’s dead! Stop fooling yourself! You saw it… she’s dead… she’s dead… SHE’S DEAD!”

“I KNOW!!!” Hyu Me screamed and finally looked at Taemin. She hit him in the chest with her left hand and then her right hand too… and then her left again… and soon enough she was punching Taemin endlessly. “I know, you big stupid hurtful baby! I KNOW! She’s dead! Are you happy now…ARE YOU!”

He didn’t say anything in response. He let her hit him again and again without releasing his hold. “I know she’s dead… you don’t have to rub it on me… I know… this is all her fault; she made me befriends with her, she promised impossible things… she made me love her so much! That… that stupid JIHUN LIM!!!!”

When Hyu Me said her name, it was like her walls finally crumbled. The unacceptable truth finally reached her heart.

That’s when tears started to fall… heavily… nonstop.

Taemin bit his lip, holding back the tears that were blinding his eyes. It hurts to know that Jihun is gone… it hurts that Hyu Me is here crying in his arms again. They stood there still when suddenly the cries and moans of Jihun’s mother were more audible.

Hyu Me’s body started to shake at hearing her. “Wait here noona.” He heard Taemin say. He lets go of her and there she felt… utterly vulnerable. Her trembling worsened; all she wanted to do is curl up into a ball and let that tightness within herself make her disappear. Hyu Me couldn’t behave and because of this, her eyes swiveled to his father’s direction.

She shouted in horror. She felt someone touch her back this time; she cursed due to sheer terror. She saw it was only Taemin who had come back from closing the door. “T-Taemin… what can I do? I hear her mother and it weakens me… I look at my dad and it scares me because I realized there’s this big possibility… that he’ll leave me too!!! I have no one Taemin! None!” She ran to him and buried her face to his chest while her hands were on her head… pressing it down so she can subside the pain. “I’m going crazy! I think I am… Taemin otteoke! Help me… please…. I’m scared…darn scared!”

She felt herself being carried by Taemin and together they sat down on the couch. “Noona… look at me.”

She shook her head vigorously. She pressed herself closer to Taemin, she didn’t want to be out in the open again. The feeling of being vulnerable was intolerable for her. She wants to shrink… disappear… be gone! “They’re all leaving me Taemin!!! What have I ever done to deserve this!!! I only have few precious people and what happens! They’ve been taken away from me! I don’t have anyone anymore!!!”

“Kim Hyu Me… you still have your father. Hold on… don’t lose it. Fight for your father.” Taemin whispered with a very gentle voice.

“I CAN’T! AFTER BEING SO ATTACHED TO JIHUN… I JUST CAN’T!” She thrashed and tried to hurt herself. But of course Taemin won’t let that happen. He took this opportunity to cup Hyu Me’s face. He made those green eyes full of remorse look at him.

“You can. I will be here for you. Lee Taemin, your big baby will be here for you.” He wiped her tears away and hugged her again. “Just let it out… I’m here… I’m here for you… I’ll protect you… I’ll take care of you Kim Hyu Me.”

The words were repeating to Hyu Me, like a lullaby sending her to sleep. Her eyes are wet with tears, her face is a mess and her mind has gone astray. She’s in hell and there’s nothing she can do. But at least, with the person right beside her… she knows she’s not alone.

Hell wouldn’t be so bad at all.

The Guilt

Taemin’s point of view

I woke up around five in the morning.

Who am I kidding; I wasn’t able to sleep at all. I’m not complaining though, I’m glad I actually didn’t sleep because if I did, nightmares would surely await me.

My eyes scanned the room, pausing to the man who never loved her daughter then ended to Hyu Me’s head. I was lying on the couch while wrapping my arms around Hyu Me is curled beside me… sleeping. I peered at her beautiful face and I saw tears… even if she’s already asleep.

I drew her closer to me. I hated to see those tears. I know it was good to let the emotions out by crying but I really don’t like noona to cry. To be more accurate, I don’t like her being hurt. I can remember how her eyes looked when she asked me to help her… those were the eyes of a person who’s giving her sanity away. I swear the sight of it was tearing me apart. It was more than enough to toughen me up, to make me realize what I should do.

I checked the clock again and sighed. I wriggled myself and slowly pulled away from the sleeping figure. I have to go back to our apartment now. Manager hyung is probably angry and frantic since I didn’t come home last night. I’m not scared or actually concerned but I know if hyung gets angry, he’ll try to look for me… that can be troublesome for noona too.

I patted her head and wiped few more tears away from her face before I turned the doorknob. “I’ll be back as soon as I can” I muttered even if she can’t hear me.

 I ran past room 203 as fast as I can, just passing by that room made my chest so heavy already. I shook my head. I didn’t want to breakdown… I can’t breakdown, not now.

“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?”

I swear, I almost went flying at his loud voice. “I-I…”

“Aishh… we’ll talk about it later on. Go and get ready, you’re almost late for your photoshoot!” My manager shooed me offhandedly.

“Hyung, can we postpone all my schedules?”

“For today?”

“And the next two days too.”

“ARE YOU CRAZY LEE TAEMIN?”

I sighed. This will be hard, I know. But I have to try. I promised noona I’ll be there for her and so I’m keeping that promise. Besides, I don’t think I can work well when all I can think of right now is her. I suddenly just realized how much I’m worried about Hyu Me now that I’m far away.

“Hyung… I have my reasons… please hyung. It’s for a good cause… no funny business at all!” I said with full honesty painted on my face.

Our manager crossed his arms “You think it’ll be that easy? You walked out yesterday WITHOUT PERMISSION… you didn’t come back and now you want me to talk to tons of producers so to excuse you for three days?”

“I won’t do this if it’s not important hyung, I’m begging you. I can’t leave my friend right now.” Uh-oh! Did I just let a piece of information? Yes I did! Babo Taemin!

“Hey manager-nim!” The voice came from Minho hyung who was leaning on his door with his pajamas on. “I don’t want to interfere but I’ve never seen Taemin that serious and not to mention… rebellious. If our maknae’s acting like this then it must be really important. Besides, I bet he can’t focus with his work judging by his state.”

The manager glared at Minho but I can see that hyung has made him reconsider. “Well…I…”

“I’ll make up for my losses hyung. You know I’d never turn you down if it’s not important. It’s just this once… please.” I begged and hoped that my aegyo works this time too.

How long did it take… 3 minutes, 2 minutes? Finally he sighed wearily, “Fine. Three day under certain conditions. First, you are going to come back to this apartment every day. I don’t care if you just stay here for a minute or so as long as you come back. Second, make sure you’re not doing anything bad and I hope the media won’t hear about this. I won’t try to find out what you are doing boy because I trust you. And third, you will have to attend to your goodbye stage in Immortal song. I can excuse other schedules but not that.”

“Okay hyung! I will do all those. Thank you so much for trusting me hyung!” I bowed several times to him. And then I ran to Minho hyung’s room and hugged him. He tiredly kicked me off the bed, saying he wants to sleep again. I ran to my room, took a bath and prepared the necessary preparations on meeting noona again. I sensed an odd jittery feeling at the thought of spending the day with her but I just ignored it and moved as fast as I can.

I ran down to the living room only to find manager hyung on the phone (probably because of me) and Key hyung sitting quietly on the sofa. He saw me and the bag I was carrying. “I heard about you. Take care okay?”

I nodded at my umma. “You look nice hyung,” I complimented.

He smiled…sadly. “Yeah, it’s for my schedule. I hope everything will go well.”

I realized he was talking about his schedule to My Sweet Ordinary Girlfriend. Key hyung would still wait for Hyu Me wherever their dating place is.

Just last night, I was confronting noona, shouting at her for abandoning hyung. Now I am going to meet that same girl while my hyung will wait for her hopefully not knowing that she’ll never come.

There was suddenly a gnawing feeling inside me. What is it? Is it guilt?

Yes, it definitely is.

---&---

“Hey Hyu Me, I saw the video. I told you it was okay, you didn’t have to go to that extent anymore.”

No response.

Yui stared at Hyu Me who only looks at the floor while she bites her fingernails. Yui knew this was the bad habit of her friend that she does whenever she is bothered or nervous. It made her wonder… did separating with Key affect her that much? “You shouldn’t have done it if it would cause you to be like this.”

Hyu Me’s eyes fluttered a little and she saw the bruises again. Her head started to hurt immediately. She shook her head and just tried to help Yui unload the new deliveries. Just then, the first album that she took was a Sherlock album.

She found Key, the man she had left, staring at her… and then she remembered that because of being with him, Yui was hurt… and above all, it was a SHINEE album… Jihun’s favorite group… Jihun’s dead.

She shrieked and dropped the album at once.

“HYU ME! MY MANAGER WILL KILL ME IF YOU DESTROY THINGS HERE!” Yui suddenly shouted in alarm.

On the other hand, Hyu Me let her shaking hands cover her face. She was hoping that by visiting her bestfriend, she’d find comfort and solitude. But it was no use… because wherever she tries to go… wherever she darts her eyes… everything just reminds her of her mistakes and of the pain that she is feeling right now.

She didn’t want to go back to the hospital… it wasn’t an option. Being left alone there with only his father wasn’t enough. It only scared her thinking that he might probably end up like Jihun. Just the thought of it was enough to make tears flow again.

Her eyes were hurting because of the endless tears but she can’t even do anything about it. “I can’t… I don’t… I’m…. going mad…”

“Hyu Me, I’m sorry but please leave, costumers are starting to take pictures of you.” Yui didn’t wait for Hyu Me to answer she gently pushes her out of the store and gave her an apologetic look before closing the door.

Hyu Me staggered her way to nothing in particular. Nothing really mattered to her anymore.

Suddenly, she felt a hand grab her. She didn’t try to resist even if that person was trying to pull her inside a taxi. She doesn’t care… she doesn’t…. An arm is around her shoulders when the taxi started to move… still she didn’t budge.

“Good thing I found you along the way noona.” Her  head snapped at once and looked at her kidnapper. He found Taemin, with his face almost covered with a cap. “I’m sorry I left you, it was urgent.”

Hyu Me curled up closer to the familiar warmth that has kept her safe ever since the whole ruckus began. She took hold of Taemin hands in which he responded by giving her a light squeeze. “I’m suppose to meet Key today… I failed him ag---”

“Ssshhh… let’s not talk about it for now, okay?”

“Thank you.”

It was all she can say. One more word and she might breakdown again. She felt Taemin smile a little, “Let’s go back to the hospital noona. Don’t worry, I’ll be with you. I’ll take care of you.”

Three days passed by so fast that no one can even notice; especially Hyu Me. Most of the time she would just sit there motionlessly as she stares faraway. Taemin was the only one keeping her from getting worse. She only eats food when Taemin literally begs her to do it. He has to even urge her to take a bath which was sometimes embarrassing already.

Key on the other hand, despite of being hurt to what happened between Hyu Me and him, this diva still puts up a happy face and energetic spirit. He was so good at putting up an act that only his brothers can tell how miserable he really is. To make things more pathetic for him, Key still visits the set of MSOG (Author’s note: it means My Sweet Ordinary Girlfriend. Imma use this shortcut from now on. J) only to be stood up over and over again.

The third day came and Taemin has to leave Hyu Me since he has to keep his promise to his manager and perform for Immortal Song. “I’ll be back noona, I promise.” He told her and patted her head.

As soon as Taemin left, the third day sets its sun down and turns it into night. Depression is dragging everyone down. THIS HAS TO STOP.

 Maybe it was fate or maybe it was God’s order that He decided to finally settle this misery here and now. He started with Kim Kibum…

Brother-to-Brother

Key’s point of view

“Key, please stay put.”

I paused momentarily, clutching my heavy bag in one hand. Today is grandma’s birthday so I’m going back to Daegu. We, the Shinee, have 5 days of vacation that can be used in two months. I decided to take two of my days off and meet her. It is 8 in the evening and the travel can take many hours. I was hoping I can reach her before midnight.

“Yes hyung?” I sat on the couch and put the bag down.

“I have bad news…” our manager flicks worriedly at the paper before continuing. “I’m sorry but I can’t let you go to Daegu.”

“What?? B-but you we already agreed to this. A-and I always go back to Daegu whenever it is grandma’s birthday!” I sputtered in surprise.

“Yes… yes but an important schedule came up and it is held early tomorrow morning. If you go now, then you won’t be able to catch up to that schedule.” Hyung said and gave me the papers that show what the photoshoot was all about.

I immediately got pissed. Seriously, I haven’t been in a good mood ever since Hyu Me ran away from me after I just confessed how she meant to me, and the fact that I have to hide how devastated I am now, makes it worse. Manager hyung sure got the wrong timing of telling me this news. “How can you say that easily hyung? I asked permission ages ago and you said yes. Don’t you think this is unfair for me too?”

“There’s nothing I can do…”

“And because there is nothing YOU can do, you just break our deal and let me do that photoshoot? YOU knew I was going home but you still accepted that schedule? Sounds like a heck of a money-lover to me.” I sneered. The money-lover term made me remember of Hyu Me who said that everything was just for pure business. Good, now my blood is boiling.

“What did you just say?” Manager stood up; shocked at what I just said.

“Wow, I just said you are a money-lover, now you are a deaf too?”

“Kim Ki Bum! I know what just happened to you is not good still, I will not tolerate you behaving like this!” He said; almost shouting.

“Teaching me to be a good model now huh?” I said standing up as well. “Well why you don’t keep your promise like a real man hyung than maybe I’ll listen to you.” I grabbed my bags and stormed towards the exit only to find Shinee’s leader blocking the doorway.

I smirked, “so now you are in our manager’s side huh?”

“You hear the manager Key, you are staying. Give me your bag.” He said with a very serious expression that you rarely see on cam.

“I don’t want too.” I muttered under my breath as I glare at the ever-supportive brother.

“Give it to me Kim Kibum!”

“Fine! Take it!” I threw it at him as roughly as I could. “You KNOW how important my grandma is to me hyung and yet you are still trying to stop me! It’s unfair, I asked permission long ago! Can’t you just give this day to me? It’s HER BIRTHDAY I HAVE TO SEE HER!

“If you’ll act irresponsibly, your other members might be affected to.”

“LEE JINKI, YOU ARE SUCH A HYPOCRITE! Stop talking like you care for your members when in fact you only care about your reputation. YOU FAME-OBSESSED CHICKEN!”

That was it. Hyung grabbed the collars of my shirt and raised one fist. The manager is trying to stop us but we ignored him. Right now it is member to member… brother to brother. I must have hit a sensitive spot when I said those words and maybe not all of those were correct but I am really irritated and disappointed that Onew hyung didn’t have the courage to stand up for me. He knows how much I love my grandma and I know he sensed how down I was. Still, he just played the role of the leader; forgetting that we were also friends.

“I am NOT a fame-obsessed chicken!” He growled. “I have reasons for working hard Key. Don’t blabber things when you actually don’t know what’s going on.”

“That’s enough!” The manager shouted. “Onew, let go of him. And Key, you are staying in Seoul. THAT’S FINAL!”

I felt like crying there. I was never known to be tough with my feelings. It was two against one and both of them are superior to me. I can’t see my grandma… the only person that can heal me is too far away. I badly want to see her. She is old and frail, she must be lonely without me there. I pushed hyung away and ran to the door. I heard them threatening me, and telling me to come back.

“I am staying in Seoul!” I shouted without even looking back. “I’m going somewhere else DON’T YOU DARE FOLLOW ME OR I’LL BE REALLY IN DAEGU WHEN THAT DARN PHOTOSHOOT STARTS!”

I ran as fast as I can and rode a cab. I wasn’t really sure where I was going but I do know one thing. I have to find her… I need to see her…

I have to see Kim Hyu Me

---&---

He doesn't remember

Ding!

The chains pranced, releasing the very same sound as the costumer just opened the door and went out. Yui bowed to another costumer as she finished paying for another album. The said costumer happily went out and greeted the cold late night.

Ding!

The door slowly closed itself. Yui sighed. Finally there was no one around. She fixed everything as quickly as possible and turned off the lights.

DING!

“Oops, I’m sorry but we’re already close.” She said at once when she heard the chains. It was too dark now that she couldn’t see the person who just entered.

“Do you know where Hyu Me is?”

She sighed, so many people has asked that to her ever since Hyu Me’s video was broadcasted. “No, I don’t.” She lied. Just then two hands were holding her shoulders. She stopped herself just when she was about to scream.

“Please. You are her friend, right?”

Yui extended her hand and searched for the switch. She found it… pressed it… there’s the sound ‘CLICK’… and then she is facing the Almighty Key.

She gasped, her eyes widened and her heart started to beat so fast; a regular thing that happens when she sees him. She smiles and tries her best not squirm how happy she is.  It was Key, the guy she has idolized so much! “O-oppa..”

Key covered his face and pulled away from her. “I’m sorry for troubling you like this Yui-ssi. Do you… do you know where Hyu Me is?”

Why on earth is he looking for Hyu Me? She left him already. “Oppa, is there something wrong? You can always tell me. We’re friends now right?”

Yui touched his hands which sent electricity to her entire body. She tried to pull his hands away from his face but Key took a step back. “I-I want to talk to Hyu Me.”

“Oppa you can always tell me instead,” Yui patiently tried again. She didn’t care how long it would take, the heck, this is Key we are talking about!

“No..”

“But oppa-”

“YUI-SSI PLEASE!”

Yui cowered when Key finally exploded. His hands dropped to his sides and Yui can read so many things by just looking at those small brown eyes. Pain… frustration… longing… anger…

Key realized that he scared Yui. He sighed and crouched in one corner, his hands resting on his blond hair. “Mhiane Yui-ssi. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just… want to see her.”

It occurred to Yui that Hyu Me didn’t tell the truth why she quitted the show. She must have made another stupid excuse and put oppa to this state. But then again, if she did tell the truth oppa’s reputation might be affected. “She must have hit you bad oppa.”

Key smirked, “She did. You have an impressive friend Yui-ssi.”

He’s hurt, I never saw him like this. Yui sat beside Key and hugged her knees. “You know, I’m from Daegu too.”

Key quietly nodded his head. He didn’t say anything so Yui continued. “Back when I was a child, I was sooo ugly and sooo fat. Life was a bit hard… no, life was extremely hard especially when I am in school. In every school, bulky nasty bullies are swarming making every day a living hell…”

“I was bullied of course. Since I was a transferee at that time, nobody really cared or tried to help me. Nobody except one…” Yui’s eyes looked at Key’s sad figure, her chest tightened after saying those words. “He was a small kid but he still tried to help me. He kicked those boys’ butts even if he received punches from them. I was crying the whole time because those boys’ insults still hurt me. When they all ran away, the little kid dried my tears and told me something I have never heard from other people before.”

Key finally raised his eyes and met Yui’s, “what did the kid say?” he asked.

Yui sighed and smiled. “He said I am beautiful. It was just a simple line but it gave me confidence. Even if the whole world disliked me, I am finally okay because I know, there is one person who appreciated me for who I am. He was 2 years older than me, so he was my sunbae in school. I often watch him from afar; just seeing him made me really happy.

“That kid is good. But you know Yui, you didn’t have to hear that from other people. If there is one person who should’ve known all along, it should be you yourself. You are beautiful.” Key said in a soothing voice and smiled.

There you go oppa, you just said it to me again exactly the same when you said it to me when we were kids.

“What happened to the both of you? Did you two ended together?”

He doesn’t remember, Yui realized. She bit her lip to stop it from quivering. “Five months passed since he defended me and I was suddenly forced to come here in Seoul due to my appa’s work. Everything happened so fast, I wasn’t able to say goodbye to him.”

“Well, didn’t you meet again?” Key softly asked.

We did, we’re actually talking right now. She badly wants to tell him that, but when she tries to say it, would get dry and disappointment would crash her down. “W-we did, but I found out that… he is… he is with someone else already.”

“I’m so sorry Yui.” Key put an arm around her and dried the tears that were seeping out from her eyes.

“I-I know… it isn’t anyone’s fault. I know I’m the only one who loved him and not the other way around but I can’t help… to think how unfair it is. I… I was the one who liked him all along… I met him first… but all of a sudden… I just find him… singing with another girl… being with another girl… falling for that girl. I talked to him one night and I realized that he doesn’t even remember me anymore.”

Yui’s let out her true feelings. It was harder than she expected. Here she is, saying how much she loves one person in front of Key when in fact she is talking about Key himself.

“You are right Yui. The world is indeed unfair, if you didn’t separate, it might have been the two of you together now. But it is also correct that it’s no one’s fault. Years passed and he fell for another girl. Your love for him was at the wrong place and time and there’s nothing else to do except…” Key leaned a little to meet Yui’s eyes again, “… except to tell him that you love him. It might not change anything but it will give justice to what you feel. It will never be love if you haven’t showed that person that you do.”

Should I tell you now then Kim Kibum? Yui never left her gaze at Key while he wipes her cheeks with his own handkerchief. She can feel his other hand patting her back in a comforting manner. And she can see that smile making her feel better and better.

“I will tell him one day oppa. Not now…” As much as I want him, he doesn’t need me. I’m not the one who can make him feel better. I’m not the one who can comfort him. I’m not the one… but I know exactly what to do.

Yui stood up and grabbed Key out of the store. She smiled at the curious boy and squeezed his hand. “I have a surprise for you.”

For now I will give up oppa. I’ll give you what you want…

---&---

Finally Okay

Kim Hyu Me’s point of View

Even today, I’m drenched in my sweat
I woke up from my sleep, I can’t believe it, it was a horrible nightmare
[Taemin] Inside the dream that repeats every night
You leave me coldly like a lie, oh

[Minho] I still can’t believe it, I see you lips and I say
[Onew] I can’t let you go yet
When it feels like they’ll (kiss) touch my cheek
[Key] I can’t erase you

[All] I hope my alarm clock rings quickly and wakes me from this dream
Turn back the time that feels like a nightmare and throw away our break up
I can’t escape from this horrible broken dream that’s frozen into place
I hope the alarm clock rings loudly and wakes me up, oh quickly

[Taemin] Wake me up

[Key] Like a flower that falls after a small raindrop brushes against it
It may not be a big deal to you (Let’s break up)
[Onew] But I fall into a cold sleep at your cold words
I feel like I can still catch your shadow, oh please

[Minho] I still can’t believe it, your scent
I can’t get rid of it, it’s seeped (deeply) into me
[Jonghyun] This must be a dream

[All] I hope my alarm clock rings quickly and wakes me from this dream
Turn back the time that feels like a nightmare and throw away our break up
I can’t escape from this horrible broken dream that’s frozen into place
I hope the alarm clock rings loudly and wakes me up, oh quickly

Inside the nightmare, I, I lose my way, I, I
Inside the nightmare, I, I lose my way, I, I, inside the nightmare

[Onew] I can’t believe that you left, I’m in denial of our break up again
[Minho] I know that our separation and this moment are not dreams
[Key] But I can’t accept it, I can’t bear the reality

“Mhiane Key oppa… mhiane….” How many times have I said that to myself already? 50 times? A hundred? 150? It’s no use counting it, because that number would probably increase forever.

I won’t be able to stop myself as long as I haven’t told this in front of him. Which is also impossible because his probably so angry to me right now.

[Onew] I can’t believe that you left, I’m in denial of our break up again
[Minho] I know that our separation and this moment are not dreams
[Key] But I can’t accept it, I can’t bear the reality

I increased the volume of the mp4 Key gave me. I put it in to its maximum volume so I it can hurt my eardrums… so it can stab my heart… so that it can punish me for what I have done.

I like you Kim Hyu Me

 I winced when those words came up to my mind. I started to shiver again. It sure is cold outside the hospital but at least, I feel less suffocated here. I pushed the ground of my feet and the swing rocked me back and forth. I can remember Taemin sitting with me here.

I wish he would come back. I shouldn’t be relying to him and I shouldn’t be needing him but right now I am just feeling the opposite. That Big baby has supported me so much, I don’t think I would survive without him.

I feel vulnerable without him.

Just like now. I dare not look at the hospital behind me because I’m afraid I’d breakdown again. I’m disappointed of myself. I always thought I’m strong enough to handle this case. I’m used to being alone and I do not have a family so I was expecting that I won’t take this badly. Now I realized that Jihun filled in those missing parts really good and now that she is gone…those missing parts have gone worse than ever.

“Hyu Me-ssi”

My head snapped at the voice. A woman, probably an unnie is standing awkwardly in front of me. It took me awhile to recognize her. She was one of those fans who was at the restaurant. I stowed away my headphones and set aside Key’s mp4, hoping that I don’t look someone who misses oppa so much.

It was a hard thing to do, especially since I really do miss him so much. “I’m not coming back.” I said at once.

“Look just hear me out, I promise I’ll leave. Neh?”

I looked away and didn’t reply. She took this opportunity to sit beside the swing I’m on. “Look, I understand if you quit, I won’t beg for you to come back Hyu Me-ssi. I am just hoping that you’ll be happy of your decision.”

“I’m not.” I blurted. I know I’m making a fool of the four Shinee guys. And I know it was the right thing to stop. But I didn’t want to stop with another lie. If I quit, I wanted to tell them the truth but I couldn’t when the situation was like this. “But it was necessary.”

“Hyu Me-ssi, we know you quitted for your friend. But at the video you sent… you said we hurt her again. Did anything happen to her?” I looked at the strange woman, with ambiguity. “I see you are confused Hyu Me-ssi. That’s why I am also here. I wanted to tell you… that we NEVER hurt Yui ever since we made that promise to you.”

I blinked and for the first time in these three hell days, I was focused at present and not daydreaming at any sort.

“It occurred to me that maybe there are other people that must have hurt her and we tried to look for it. We found no one. Besides, when we were in revolt against her, all of us were doing it together. I don’t remember other groups attacking her.”

So what does this suppose to mean? Why is Yui hurt? Who would do such thing to her? Could it be… I shook my head, not wanting to believe at what I was thinking. “Th-thank you for telling me.” It was the only thing I can say. I didn’t want to further explain how sad I was when I thought that they were only lying to me. At least now, I know it wasn’t them. My chest feels a little less heavy now.

“Don’t you miss Key?” She suddenly blurted.

“I do.” I covered my ears when she squealed. “It doesn’t change anything.”

“You know, it wasn’t your fault that MBnet chose you. You needed the job and you accepted. Sure you might know Yui liked Key, but we all know every fan feels like that.”

“Are you defending me now?” I said in a sarcastic way.

“Aniyo,” she carefully patted my hand and smiled. “I’m just saying that you should stop blaming yourself. You are a caring person Hyu Me-ssi but you HAVE to learn to love yourself. Try thinking for yourself too. Don’t forget you are also human. You deserve to be happy.”

I looked away and hid how touch I am. “That’s comforting.”

She left after that. The night got darker and darker. I checked the time and suddenly remembered that I need to check appa. I breathed heavily. I don’t really want to see that room… it scares me.

I still went though. I unknowingly reached room 202 and was surprised to see an older woman standing in front of the door. She swayed her head a bit to my direction and then our eyes met.

I gasped.

She’s Jihun’s mom. They have exactly the same eyes and nose. I took a step back. I wasn’t ready for this, and I don’t think I will ever be. “Hyu Me, is it you?” She said with a frail voice. Her face was a mess, and her eyes were red but her lips… are smiling.

“It is you, right?” I can only nod in response. I looked down as she came closer to me. “Jihun has said so many things about you.”

I nodded and bit my lip. I didn’t want to talk about her. It’s too much for me.

“My daughter wanted to give this to you.” She handed me a pink folded paper. I bowed and accepted it. “She also said that she wants you to read it while I am around.”

Oh Jihun…I groaned. With shaky hands, I unfolded her letter and began to read.

Hyu Me,

 by the time you read this, I’m probably dead. No, I am dead.

You must be mad at me for leaving you. You must be frustrated that I didn’t keep my promise to you. You must be cursing right now for not telling you that I have become blind.

Mhiane…

I didn’t want to hide things from you but I know you’d still be sad even if I beg of you not to be. So I tried my best to be the blind actress for you. You might not understand my reasons…

But this is my only way of showing how I care for you! If I go, I want you to remember the happy ‘Jiihun’ while reading this and not the weak, crippled and blind person.

You didn’t see me with white hair and wrinkles but Hyu Me, I never broke my promise. I AM with you. The body left… but not Jihun Lim. I’m always here.

I have no regrets even if I died young. I am happy and contented with my family. When I got sick, I was dropped in room 203. I met you and taemin. What else can I ask for? The two of you completed my life. Yeah, I never regretted being sick, because if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to meet you.

I’m sorry I I had hurt you. Believe me, I didn’t want to die too… I want to be with you until the very end but THIS IS LIFE and it is inevitable.

Be strong okay? Your father will wake up, just have faith. I’m glad I met you Kim Hyu Me.

I wouldn’t die in vain if you smile. And don’t worry am happy. I am contented. I love you Hyu Me. I’m sure you have cried a lot of times. But I hope, at reading this, this will be the last time that you’ll cry for me.

Pull yourself together girl. You still have a date with the four dorkiest and loveliest human beings in Seoul!

It will never be goodbye for the two of us… I’m always here. Anyway, I still have one last gift for you… be sure to talk to my mom okay?

Love,

Jihun Lim

I sighed and met eyes with her mother. “Thank you for bringing this here.. uhm”

“Hyu Me, if it’s not so much of a burden, you can call me umma.” She caressed my cheek and smiled so warmly that tears started to flow out from my eyes. “It must have been so hard living alone dear. Don’t give up now, okay? Be strong; be happy, Jihun would like that.”

“U-umma…” the word sent electricity throughout my entire body. I promised I won’t show how weak I am… how I long for a family but maybe just this once… just this once, “I’m sorry but… c-can I hug you?”

And she did.

Slowly… like it is for the first time, I hugged her back. I bawled like never before. I hugged Jihun’s mother tightly. Warmth spreads inside me. So this is what it feels like to have a mother. “Umma… umma…” I said over and over again.

“I’m here Hyu Me… I’m here…”

This was Jihun’s last gift to me. The feeling of belonging, of being home. I cried some more and let the weight that I have kept for two years finally out.

I’ll cry one more time for you Jihun… I promise… I promise this will be the last one,.

---&---

“Haha and she loves Taemin soo much!”

Jihun’s mother and me laughed and talked about anything that crosses our mind. We let our wounds heal as time pass by.

When midnight came, she said her goodybye and left promising that it won’t be our last meeting. When I was left alone, I ran to my dad and hugged him tightly and apologized for not taking care of him well.

I suddenly wanted to listen to a song. That’s when I realized that I left Key’s mp4 on the swing outside the hospital.

I ran as fast as I can hoping that no one took it. I reached the spot, panting like a wild animal. I found the blue mp4, grabbed it and hugged it.

“To someone who said everything is just for pure business, you sure do worry very much on things that I gave to you”

I froze

No, it can’t be….

I looked up, and I found him, standing and smiling in front of me.

“Hey bunny…”

Too Late

Taemin’s point of view

“I’m so sorry noona.” I muttered under my breath.

I paid the cab and ran towards the hospital hoping that she is okay. She must be crying right now, did she even eat already? What if she walks out of town again?

Gracious, she’s making me so worried.

“Hey bunny”

I paused when I heard that voice. I looked to my right and I found Key hyung and noona at the children’s playground. I hid behind a tree and peered through.

Hyu Me noona’s face nothing but pure shock; her hands were wrapping around her blue mp4. “O-oppa…”

“No, let me talk Hyu Me.” Key interjected. Hyung has a smile plastered on his face. But it was different, because that smile never reached his eyes. “I don’t care about everything you said last time. You said you want to quit, fine. You tell me all of those were just for work, fine. You said, I was sickening, fine.”

“I was lyin--”

“I said I don’t care anymore Hyu Me. I don’t care if you are using me it doesn’t matter anymore. All I know right now is that I-I miss you. Push me away, shout at me… it doesn’t matter, I just want to see you. You have become a necessity for Kim Kibum. I’m-”

Hyu Me went closer to him and clamped hyung’s mouth. “Just shut it Kim Kibum. Just two things… I’m sorry and I miss you.” My noona smiled. It’s the first time she smiled eversince the whole problem started.

“I’m gonna hug you now oppa.”

Hyung chuckled and spreads his arms, noona shyly and slowly wraps her arms around his neck but then stopped in mid-air. “I-I don’t think I can do--”

“Oh bunny just shut it and hug me already.” Key grabbed her waist and pulled her close. He hugged her like never before.

Hyu Me sighed and hugged him back. “I’m really sorry oppa, I’ll explain everything.”

At least She’s happy…

I quietly walked away and went back to the main road and took a cab again. The driver noticed that I was the same person he just dropped a few minutes ago. “That was fast.” He commented.

“Yah,” I mumbled and stared at Hyu Me’s smile again.

“It turned out she didn’t needed me anymore.”

Now I can let it all out, right? As the cab rode away, I covered my face with a cap and wept for Jihun's death. Although I am not sure if I really am just crying because of her.

Too long!... I'm... I'm....exhausted! >.<

*dies! *

Music couple's last chapter soon!