Time To Think

Seunghyun was sitting on the balcony, they had slept till 23:00 and Jiyong was still sleeping, or so he thought. He looked out at the lights and thought about their relationship. Had he asked too soon? It bothered the older man to think that he might have slipped up. But then again, everyone makes mistakes, don't they? He pulled his legs to his chest, resting his chin upon his knees. He rubbed his eyes as if rubbing all traces of sleep away. He believed, personally, that this should remain a secret. Even if he already thought Daesung knew. Maybe, if Jiyong turns out to love him, they could tell people. He shook his head, probably not. The sound of the sliding glass door startled the man and he looked up at a very angry Jiyong, "Goodmorning Jiyong." The former scoffed and took a seat next to his hyung, "Why do you keep leaving me to wake up alone? It's rude, you know." Seunghyun chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair, a y habit of his. "You're too cute, Ji. Keep talking to me in that tone and I'm just going to have to tackle you," He surprisingly said this with a straight face, which in turn made Jiyong laugh. "Please stay in bed next time? I'd rather not wake up by myself," Jiyong said in that voice that always made Seunghyun melt.

That really got Seunghyun's attention and he turned to Jiyong with a suggestive glare. He got closer and crushed their lips together. There was no objection from the younger man. Seunghyun bit his lover's lip gently, a small whimper exulting from Jiyong's lips. This was their first real make-out session that Seunghyun so seldom had with anyone. Jiyong on the other had probably had so much experience with all those women he dated. That was going to change, it had to. The former emptied his mind and pressed his lips harder to the leader's own. When Jiyong pulled away, it bothered Seunghyun, so he leaned in to kiss him again and the man turned his face. "Damnit Ji," he muttered. Jiyong made a face and went back inside leaving The older man by himself. "Well now I know how he feels," He whispered as the sad feeling crept into him, "I won't leave him to wake up alone anymore."

When morning came around, the two sat at the counter sipping coffee. Nothing was being said, but the silence was not as awkward as Seunghyun thought it would have been. He rummaged through his mind for the right words to say, but instead, his mind lost control and his train of thought did a 360, crashing into his skull. He was thinking to hard, just say something. He looked over to Jiyong who had just lifted his cup to his lips, "Ji, do you want to be in this relationship?" What Jiyong was about to say wasn't what the older man wanted to hear. "To be honest, I don't know. I know I like you. I know why. But I feel bad because I'm not sure if my feelings for you quite match the ones you have for me-" Jiyong paused and absently bit his lower lip in thought, then he took a breath and began again, "What I'm trying to say is, I know you love me. And love is a really strong feeling. I'm just not sure whether I'm in over my head." Seunghyun wasn't even looking at Jiyong, he was looking out the far window, chewing on his lower lip, avoiding the idea of displaying any emotion. Jiyong scoffed, "You aren't even listening to me." "Shut up," Seunghyun's head didn't turn and it didn't even look like his lips moved, but it was him, his deep voice confirmed it, "You know I was listening. You think too much. Listen to your heart, not your mind. It's much simpler that way." Jiyong looked at him baffled. He didn't know whether to brush the statement off, or really listen to him. Seunghyun never really said things like that, so Jiyong took it as important and the statement was burned into his thoughts.

"I'm leaving," Seunghyun said when asked where he was going, "Does it matter where?" Jiyong rolled his eyes, "Yeah, it kind of does." "Why? You think I'll disappear and not come back?" That was precisely what Jiyong was thinking. Seunghyun has left for days without telling any of the band members where he was going, so he couldn't put it past his boyfriend now. Without a reply from Jiyong, the older man walked over to him, their faces close together, "I'll be back, okay?" He kissed the shorter man's forehead and walked back to the door, "You can stay here if you like, or go back to the dorms." He closed the door behind him and walked out to his car. Quite frankly, he didn't know where he was going, but his conversation with Jiyong nearly set him on edge. He took a deep breath and got into his car, starting it up and began to pull out into the street.

A loud screeching noise came before impact. He thought this kind of thing was over by now. With Daesung's accident last year, he thought there wouldn't be anymore. The sound of metal scraping against the pavement filled Seunghyun's ears and he could feel the steering wheel pressing against his ribcage. Then the whole world went black. When Seunghyun woke up he was standing in what looked like the worse wreck he had ever seen. He looked at his limbs, everything was intact... not even a scratch. That was odd. He was also wondering why he didn't wake up in the car. He shook his head and walked towards the large truck that had destroyed his car and a young man scrambled out of the seat and onto the ground. Seunghyun glared at him and began raving, "You ing idiot! You could have killed me! Do you even understa-" he was cut off when the young man ran to Seunghyun's car. He ran to the driver's door and wrenched it open. His eyes bulged with horror and he shrieked, "No! Oh god no! Please!" The man ran his fingers through his hair as a crowd began to form around the wreckage. Seunghyun looked at him confused, "Did you hear me?! You're going to pay for all the damage..." he trailed off, the man didn't even look at him. Then a realization hit him and he ran to where the man was standing. There he was, looking at his own, almost lifeless body."

A shrill scream broke out as a woman pushed past the crowd upon noticing who he was, "OH MY GOD! Someone call 911! It's Choi Seunghyun!" Jiyong had been standing on the opposite side where Seunghyun's car had been pulling out and his mouth was agape. Seunghyun felt like a ghost, no one could see or hear him. But the paramedics confirmed he was alive. He was in critical condition though. Jiyong rode in the ambulance with him, he was looking at his still body with his lover doing the same. Jiyong even held his cold hand like a lover would, which earned him strange looks from the two paramedics in the vehicle. When they reached the hospital they rushed him into the ER where they listed all the things that was wrong with him. Seunghyun was right next to his body, watching in horror. Not only was he afraid he was going to die, he was afraid of being in this state the whole time. He didn't want to hear all the sadness going on just because of his accident. He wanted to be back in his own body, pain or no pain. "He has a few bruises on his right arm, but his left arm is broken is several places. We need to set it before it has time to start the healing process. Also, his abdomen is hard, indicating some internal bleeding, but we won't know how bad it is until we get him into the O.R. He has several broke ribs and a fracture in the right collar bone. He might also have head trauma from the impact when the hood was crushed in through the windshield-" the paramedic spoke while running with the doctors that were pulling along the gurney, "His left foot is completely shattered and his hip is dislocated. He's taken the biggest beating on the inside, but his head took a nice beating as well." The doctors nodded and left the young man standing outside the O.R. doors. "God, please let him be saved," the man whispered before walking to Jiyong who's face was buried in Daesung's chest. Seunghyun walked over to them and listened, knowing they couldn't see or hear him.

"It should have been me," Daesung said. "NO! How could you say that? He's not going to die, nothing is or ever was your fault Daesung!" Seungri yelled, startling a few nurses. Seungri's face was now covered in tears, "What if he dies, hyung?" he asked Jiyong. "Don't ing say that Seungri! He can't die. He just can't." Youngbae threw his arms around the maknae as Seungri began openly weeping. Daesung was embracing Jiyong, the leader's black hair. Daesung's face was the only one untouched by tears. He looked completely emotionless. Two of the nurses were whispering, "They're all crying but Daesung. Do you think he's in shock?" The other nurse shrugged with a pained expression, "Remember his accident last year? It could be bringing him back to that." The first nurse nodded and stopped talking as the other nurse continued, "I wish there was something I could do for them. For TOP too. It's hurting me, but they've got to be in such awful pain." A small smile touched at Seunghyun's lips and he even bothered whispering, "Thank you VIPs." Even though they could not hear him.