Seunghyun's first hand POV

(I promise that this and the next chapter are the only one's in first hand POV. I apologize if you don't like FHPOV, but I want it in here somewhere. This is a good place to put it.)

I, Seunghyun of Bigbang, fell for it. Of all people I was the one who fell for it. Sometimes I think I was totally crazy, but others I am completely serious about our relationship. I really do love Jiyong with everything vested in me. I may not show my emotions all the time, but I want him to know they're there and that they aren't changing. I want to have a good, real relationship with Jiyong. I really do. But sometimes I feel like he deserves more than I can give him. Then he goes off on a rant everytime I say something about it. He says things like, "You know you make me happy," and "You're all I want." I think it's nonsense. I feel like he might truly fall in love with some woman along the road.

I've thought of proposing. He might reject me, or things might go well and pass along with flying colors. Just the fraction of doubt in me that says he'll leave is biting at me. I can't think straight. I want to make him mine and only mine, now and forever. I want to know that everything he says is one hundred and ten percent true, that he loves me with his whole heart. I know he does, and he tells me he does. I just want it to be... I don't know. He has the ability to crush me with a single word. God forbid he'd ever do it, but it still hurts knowing he can still do it.

By now I had told him I was going out for a walk. And it's not to say that I wasn't. I was. But not to where I had led him to believe. It's deceitful, I know. Lovers should never lie to one another. And again, it's not to say that I lied. I just didn't tell him the whole truth. It's still not right, but it lessens the guilt that already gnaws at my heart and mind. 

It was freezing outside. I was shivering. My breath came out as little puffs of warm mist as I walked briskly to a nearby jeweler. Yes, I had made up my mind. I was going to propose. I had prayed more than I ever had last night. I was asking God to help Jiyong accept my proposal no matter if it was against God's true morals. He still loved us, even if he had placed rules. He knew they were going to be broken. Now I'm not one to openly express my personal opinions on religion, and quite frankly, I don't usually think about it all that much. But since I had been with Jiyong, I'd been feeling like I should be closer with God so I never felt alone if Jiyong decided he no longer wanted me. Thought I felt we were pretty stable, everyone always has a little doubt in the back of their mind. 

I opened the door to the Jeweler's shop and walked inside. The place was warm and I was the only customer in sight. "Goodmorning sir, how may I help you?" The man running the store was a stalky sort. Not fat, but definitely not slim. "I'm looking for an engagement ring," I told him, trying to make my voice as serious as possible. I felt like it would crack and make me seem reluctant, I needed to be taken seriously right now. The man chuckled and gave me a boring smile, "Who's the lucky lady?" he recited as he had a million times before. I didn't quite feel like getting into the argument that I'd be proposing to another man. "I think that should remain confidential," I told him, because that's what I truly thought. It's no one's business.

"Thank god," the man said, "You're the first customer that hasn't actually told me and them gone into a fit of telling me every little bit of your guys' relationship. Thank you." I think that's when I started to like him. Conservative. Minded his own business. If this weren't the wrong time or place, he and I could probably be great friends. "I don't want something too flashy. We're both a little too subtle for large rocks to perch on our fingers," I told him nodding thoughtfully as I did. "Great! I think I've got the perfect thing for you then. Classy, subtle, just for you," he said. He pulled out a small black velvet box and opened it up. It was perfect. A silver band with a small diamond sitting on it. "It's perfect," I told him. "Cash or credit?" he asked me and I immediately replied, "Cash." He gave me a sly smile and took my cash, handing me the box and the matching ring with it. "Thank you," I replied with a wave and walked out.

The walk back to the hotel room was agonizing and I was trying to think of a good hiding place for the box the whole time. When I got there, I hid it in my suitcase in a little hidden pocket at the back. It should be safe there, right?