Irene

Going back to the estate is like going to war where you must stay on guard - one wrong move and you'll be assassinated. My father's eyes and ears are on me - he won't allow a mistake or anything that will ruin the family name so I must be the perfect child. During my stay, he won't stop summoning me to talk about his plans for the duchy once I am empress. I am the heir of the duchy and the only reason he is telling me his plans now is that I am a Regina candidate and that he is confident I will become the crown princess. 

     "How is your relationship with the crown prince?" My father asked. We are having dinner - my father sitting at the end of the table, my mother on his left, me on his right followed by my sister.  

     I answered, "Suho confessed to me. I am yet to answer him—forgive me. I need to sort out my feelings." 

     "That is great news, Joo-hyun! That is fine—do take your time. What's important is he holds affection for you. Finally, the prince realized that you are the perfect woman for him instead of that low ranking—" 

     My palms met the hard surface of his table. My father isn't pleased – thus, the change of the atmosphere enveloped us. I never showed any anger towards my father, but if he will talk about Seulgi in an ill manner... I will never let it slide. 

     "What is the meaning of this?" Father sternly asked. 

     I won't lie – I am scared. "E-Excuse me, your grace. I don't feel s-so w-well." I lied. 

     I retreated to my room – gasping for air. I wanted to tell father about my love for Seulgi, but he would never accept it. I chose to tell everyone in my family about my decision. Regrets have been made; I don't want my love for Seulgi to be one of them. I want to tell my father during dinner but his stern look, the dissolussionment on his face, the tone of his voice... fear enveloped me and I cower in fear.

      I am not brave enough.

   My fear of my father is a hindrance. I need support in this household; hence, I decided to break the news to my trusted attendants in the house and then to my family. The first person I told was my trusted maids, then my sister, and then my mother. My mother couldn't handle it (she didn't talk to me for one whole day); however, she accepted me for who I am. My sibling and the maids on the other hand accepted me for who I am the moment I told them. They were no hesitation among them, and they accepted me. I was surprised that they too find my friendship with Seulgi as something they support me with. However, the same question came out of their mouth: "What about your goal to become Regina?" I don't know what I should do. I want to become Regina, I want to help the people and the empire but that would mean I need to marry Suho. It is Seulgi whom I want to marry and not him. I can take Seulgi as my consort but... such a law isn't made in the empire yet. Same- relationships bounded by the law and the holy church aren't legal in this empire. 

     Now I have told the people in the estate about my love for Seulgi, the only person left is my father. 

    God, give me the strength to tell my father.

     The day before my return to the palace, I decided to tell my father about what I felt. The family gathered for dinner – and I chose to break the ice. I am aware that I chose the wrong time to tell him, but it is better than telling him days before I leave. He might end up locking me in the mansion – and I don't want that to happen. 

     "Father," I spoke, "I have something to tell you." 

     My mother and my sister looked reluctant – their reactions telling me I shouldn't tell my father. I have to apologize to them – I cannot back out now. I have to do this. 

     "What is it, Joo-hyun?" Father answered. 

     "I am in love." 

     "The prince will be—" 

     I interrupted him, finishing my meal, "No, father. It is not the crown prince." Father frowned at my answer. "I am in love with someone else." 

     "Are you going to spoil our family dinner by saying that?" His hands stopped moving and placed his fork and knife at the side of his plate. My father's tone I calm, yet I can feel his disappointment and his faint anger. He added, "You only have one p