Irene

The third stage is finally here - the last stage of the Regina Selection. I'm nervous throughout the divinity process. However, the anxiety vanished when Seulgi assured me that everything will be alright. Things went back to normal as usual as if... we didn't share a night of short intimacy in the garden. Other than that, Seulgi is acting in a weird manner. She is too polite – which is unlike her. It is as if she's offering her respect to someone superior than her when I already gave her the permission to be informal around me.

      I can no longer tolerate Seulgi's weird actions. I know something is going on and she is hiding it. So, I hid us both inside the curtains - where we can be alone in silence. I am a fool for thinking on kissing her in this seclusion – I cannot help it; she is a temptress. 

      Because of the avoidance I felt, I asked, "Is it because of the kiss...?" It is the only reason I can think of. Things weren't the same after the kiss. I guess we shouldn't have done it after all. 

      "Yes?" 

      "The kiss... in the garden. You're acting strange because of the kiss, are you not?" 

      "No! No. I am not." Seulgi pushed me away, "Please, your highness. People might think we are doing something disgraceful." 

      "Oh? Disgraceful? Like what exactly? Two women kissing behind a curtain?" 

      Seulgi ended up pushing me away – leaving me in the dark. As if, she is telling me to stop whatever we have right now. I cannot let that happen – I cannot lose her. I want to stay beside her. I am not ready yet – my heart is not ready to leave her yet. I haven't told her I love her yet. 

      Call me greedy and selfish, I don't care. I don't care if this is lust, or obsession, or love - I just don't want to lose Seulgi.

      I hugged her from behind. 

      She said, "Please, let go. Someone might see." 

      "I am only hugging you like a normal friend would." 

      As much as I want time to stop, I don't have the power. The priests arrived afterwards and announced our blessing and gifts. I received divine blessing and certain qualities, as well as fertility – thus, I can bear an heir. However, when it was Seulgi’s turn, it felt like my world was turned upside down. She received the blessing of sanctity (a sacred blessing), but her gifts weren't what I expected. I shouldn't be affected since I am not Seulgi, but to hear she is infertile, it felt like my whole world crumbled. I can sense her pain and her heartbreak. She may not show it, she may show that she isn't affected, but she cannot hide it from me. 

      I ended up gaining the crown of the crown princess. Because of that, I cannot fall asleep. My thoughts and my feelings are keeping me awake. I am... Regina - I am finally Regina. However, what will happen between me and Seulgi now?

      I decide to give the imperial garden a visit. 

      With a shoal on my shoulders, I walked through the silence in the garden - my thoughts accompanying me. The moon is shining bright – giving me enough illumination to see my way to the greenhouse. I thought I will be alone, but when I got there, I saw Seulgi – shivering under the cold, dejected eyes, and barefoot. Seeing her like that continues to break me – she looked despairing, helpless, and numb. My heart couldn't bare the sight of her vulnerable state.

      I gave her my shoal to keep her warm from the cold and grabbed her hand to send her back to her chambers, but she didn't move. She is only staring at my hand on hers. There, I can read her – asking herself if I really am holding her hand, if this moment is real, how long will the moment last, and what would it feel like if she lets go of my hand. The unreadable Kang Seulgi looked like a one-page essay under the moonlight. 

      "Your h