Irene

Days went by since my arrival from the East. I told Suho all the events that happened while I was in the neighbouring land (excluding Jeongyeon's secret since I vow not to tell anyone even my husband). I am aware that Suho wanted to go as well, but he hid his envy. Not the vile envy, the disappointed kind of envy. My husband is bored with his isolation. After all, Suho is the adventurous type. He would rather go out and spar, hunt, and ride his horse than stay in his office working or laying on his bed recuperating.

     "Today is Wendy's return from the Eastern Continent, right?" Suho asked.

     "Yes," I replied, "I will be meeting her in the cafe we used to go to. I can't wait to see her adorable child."

     Mentioning the word, Suho averted his gaze. I know for a fact that Suho is aware of his lineage. A year of marriage yet he has no heir to continue his bloodline. He didn't bring up the topic (probably for my sake), yet I know he wanted my answer to his question: do I want a child or not? As the empress, I need to carry the emperor's child - to fulfill my role as a mother to produce an heir. 

     "Irene," Suho spoke, "what do you think about children?"

     Ah, he finally asked. I said to myself. He was probably hesitating to ask me all this time.

     I answered, "I am quite fond of them."

     "Would you like to take care of one? Or, at least have one?"

     I cannot answer. Leading the empire is one thing. but to be a mother? Now that is a responsibility that you must never neglect as you are taking care of your flesh and blood. The patience, attention, and time you must sacrifice for your child are immeasurable. My husband is bedridden, corruption is growing within the empire, a plausible war in the West - all of these are a hindrance to having a child. Even with the assistance of the imperial court, things are not sailing smoothly as we intended them to be.

     "Now? I don't think so, your majesty." I answered. "With our current situation, it's hard to take care of a child amidst the wars outside and inside our empire. I am fond of children and would care for one if things aren't as complicated as now."

     "So you would rather have children if our situation is more, let's say, breathable?"

     I chuckled, "Yes,"

     "I see,"

     "Did the words of the imperial court reach your ears?"

     Suho nodded.

     "Suho, I—"

     Suho interrupted me, "—don't force yourself, Seulgi. I can wait. Again, I don't want to force you." He held my hand, "I too don't want to have a child with our current situation. If things went smoothly, let's talk about this topic again some other time. As for the imperial court, I'll try to lessen their prying with our personal life. Though, I understand why they're insisting to have an heir."

     I nodded my head in agreement.

     My aid entered the room with a knock, "You majesty, the empress, we received news from the people at the port that the ship of the Eastern Kingdom has arrived with Queen Wendy."

     I stood up from my seat, "Excuse me, your majesty. I must prepare to depart."

     "You are excused. Send my regards to Wendy."

     Wendy won't be coming back with her husband due to his duties as the king of their kingdom. So today, Wendy will be with her aid, guards, and her child. I kept hearing about her little girl and I cannot wait to see her in person.

     I cannot see myself as a mother, but that doesn't mean I don't want a child. I am just... conflicted. I am not sure if I can hold such responsibility. I am sure of my responsibilities as an empress who leads, but an empress who is a mother is a different thing.

     I arrived at the cafe. The people bowed their heads and welcomed me. I don't want to limit