Seulgi hopefully tried to find any changes from the way Joohyun said it. From her tone, how she enunciated the words, her facial expression, how her gazes spoke, the way her body leans in closer, how her hand gripped on her tighter—but no, there isn’t a single change on it. It was how Joohyun usually says those three words whenever she felt like it, especially during special occasions like this—her birthdays.

If there was anything Seulgi can note though, it was that Joohyun had more conviction on it. But besides that, it was how Joohyun usually says her I love you.

The moment brought an urge into Seulgi to say the same, but no, it wasn’t the same; there wasn’t any change on how it was voiced. She knew, this is just how usually Joohyun is—being extra sweeter on her most especially during her birthdays. So, no, she will not say the same.

She hoped for any subtle changes though, because she knew her Hyunnie loves her, she had been telling her so and her actions always says it too. But she also knew that her love was different from her Hyunnie—as painful as that sounds; hers was a double-edged sword—as much as it makes her flutter, it also hurts as much—so she has to be careful on not to misread her Hyunnie’s meaning so she can avoid hurting herself, and ultimately ruining their friendship too. Any change would’ve prompted her to finally say something long-living inside , awaiting its right moment to be spoken. But alas, it isn’t the time yet. There was no change; so she still stood the same as Joohyun sees her—as her best friend she loves— just exactly that.

But the words still made an impact on her. She can feel her insides churn, knotting everything inside her in a messed-up emotion. How she wished Joohyun would say it to her in the same way she’d say it to her—the same way she loves her. But she knows she doesn’t. She knows.

I know, Seulgi thought. She composed herself, controlling hard her heart that’s been beating wildly inside her chest, enough to induce a heart attack on her at any moment. She smiled gently at Joohyun who was still looking at her beautifully. She chuckled a little. “I know, Hyunnie. I know.” She huffed. “You’ve been vocal about it so you don’t need to nag about it all the time.” She faked an annoyed reaction on her face just to tease the older girl; and mostly to ignore the pain welling up inside her.

Joohyun raised an eyebrow at the reaction Seulgi gave her. She crossed her arms. “Yah, Kang Seulgi—”

Seulgi chuckled and patted her head. “I know Hyunnie, I know. You can take as much time as you need to give me your gift. I know you might have forgotten it because you were all so busy to surprise me. You know me, I don’t hold grudge, especially when it’s you. You don’t need to act so cutely just to apologize. Geez.”

“No, no, Seulgi-yah—”

Seulgi chuckled again and pulled Joohyun into a hug; to hide her eyes that are already welling with tears she’s trying so hard to stop. “You’ve done great, Hyunnie. I appreciate it.” She then kissed her forehead playfully, pinched her cheeks then started to run. “I have to go back now, Hyunnie. Good night!”

“W-wait Seulgi-yah—YAH KANG SEULGI GET BACK HERE!!” But Seulgi had already sprinted away from her. She was left there frozen in her stance in disbelief and frustration. What the hell?! Did Seulgi just dismiss her confession?! OH MY GOD KANG SEULGI HOW DENSE CAN YOU BE?!?!

As Joohyun cursed Seulgi with all of her heart for disregarding her confession; just when she had the courage to say it, Seulgi stopped on her running when she turned two roads and leaned her back on the wall, holding her chest with her hand, panting hard due to running and her heart beating painfully—in thought that it’s funny how the words I love you from Joohyun makes her so happy yet dying at the same time.

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Before her birthday ended, two pings on Seulgi’s phone was heard. She checked it and the first one was a new uploaded slideshow video on their social media page and website, uploaded by none other than Yerim. It was almost the same with the one Yerim played a while ago—her gift—but was shorter. It now features more solo pictures and videos of her, and some group pictures with her family and close friends. She giggled, shaking her head; Yerim probably thought that the first one involves Joohyun too much that it looks like a couple video celebrating their anniversary.

Seulgi then checked out the next notification. It was an email from Joohyun with the subject of Happy Birthday Seulgi-yah with a rolling eyes emoji. Probably a typo, she thought. A music sheet and a MP3 file were attached to it. She opened the music sheet then played the MP3 file; the latter was Joohyun’s bass recording while the music sheet had the chords for her to follow and the lyrics. She stood up from her bed and got her guitar to play the song in sync with the recorded bass rhythm. She noted that the music sheet’s file name is Early Summer Rain 20 Love.

Raindrops begin to fall; how pretty they are!
They look like drops of sparkling soda, stopping the town's yawning

I count three drops and catch the big ones on my forehead
The rain speaks to me

The fifth drop is surely a little bird's mini tiara
That's right, the seventh drop is the power line's pendant and chain

Eight drops on my eyelashes; the ninth dances on the leaves
I may have fallen in love; the tenth drop intrudes, and I still don't know

Twenty, love
Though it's still faint
This dream is a watercolor painting
The brush that paints the rainbow
Is right here in my heart

Teardrops, don't fall; nobody has an umbrella
The rain gently washes away the footprints from a second before

Very soon, eighteen drops become polka dots, like jewels
With the twentieth drop, I wonder if I'll know if my love will continue

In a sudden flash
I want to give light
To this dream of mine
So the hands that will break up the rainclouds
Will come from my pockets

Twenty, love
Though it's still faint
This dream is a watercolor painting
The brush that paints the rainbow
Is right here in my heart

In a sudden flash
I want to give light
To this dream of mine
So the hands that will break up the rainclouds
Will come from my pockets

Seulgi smiled proudly after finishing the song. Finally, Joohyun escaped her writer’s block. And really, that’s the best thing her best friend can give her as a gift; because what else can make Seulgi happy better than seeing her Hyunnie happy and inspired as well.

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