Saturday Evening, Winter Break

Changsub and Hyunsik's room.

It was quite late and after all the drinks and drama almost everyone who was still at the apartment was passed out somewhere in the living room.

Somehow at some point Changsub had managed to sneak Chorong off to his room for some alone time away from the others but even as they were cuddling in his bed, Chorong was finding it difficult to relax with so much weighing on her mind.

"What's wrong?" Changsub asked when she didn't quite meet his eyes after he kissed her.

"Sorry there's just been a lot going on." Chorong mumbled.

It was hard to put into words exactly what she was feeling. Worry for Sungjae, disappointment for Namjoo, lingering doubts about the choices she was making in her life in general, and guilt for unconsciously putting up some of her old emotional barriers around Changsub again.

Talking to him like this used to be so easy but for whatever reason now she didn't know where to begin.

Changsub seemed to sense her uncertainty and sighed.

"Hey. It's okay. You can tell me." He said gently, cupping her cheek.

Chorong looked up slowly. The care that was evident in his eyes made her heart ache with regret for how she'd been treating him.

"Changsub-ah…I'm sorry I know I haven't been the nicest to you these days I'm just so…so…"

She was trying hard not to break down but the lump in was making it hard to talk evenly and before she knew it everything came pouring out in a rush of pent up stress and conflicted feelings she'd been holding in.

"When I went home, my sister…Eunjung unnie…she told me about how she had to break up with her boyfriend because it was too hard to keep up with everything on top of her job. She told me it wasn't worth it to keep trying so hard only to end up hurting herself more. And I thought…I thought maybe she might be right. It made me  question how much I really loved you and if there was even any point in staying with you if we'd just have to break up after college anyway. Then that thing happened with Minah and it scared me how angry I was with you and I had so many doubts about myself and about you and whether you might even be better off with someone like her who wont have to break your heart over a stupid dating ban to get signed. But when I tried to imagine leaving you but I couldn't. I can't. I don't know what I'm going to do if I have to make that choice to let you go…"

Suddenly the bedroom door opened and Hyunsik appeared.

"Oh - sorry." He whispered, eyes going wide when he realized the sensitive moment he'd just interrupted. "I just umm…I was gonna grab some blankets and stuff for everyone in the living room…"

Hyunsik looked between them with concern while Chorong hastily turned her head to hide the fact that she'd just been crying.

"Just hurry up and take the blankets." Changsub said, cutting off Hyunsik with a wave of his hand.

Hyunsik wasted no time rushing to his bed to yank off all the blankets and pillows then quickly edged out of the bedroom with the tangled pile of bedding in his arms.

The room fell dark again as he closed the door behind him and Changsub let out a low sigh.

He turned to Chorong who sniffed as she hastily dragged the back of her hand across her eyes.

"Sorry I should've locked the door." He apologized, reaching to comfort her.

"No…it's fine." Chorong whispered, shaking her head.

It was also partially Hyunsik's room that they were in after all and locking him out would've seemed very suspicious from the outside. But at least Hyunsik wasn't the type of person to go blabbing to the rest of their friends about what he'd just witnessed. He was a lot more trustworthy than any of the girls to say the least.

"Come here." Said Changsub softly, extending his arms to offer her a hug.

Chorong closed her eyes, allowing Changsub to pull her into his embrace and leaned into his chest to bury her face in the front of his sweater.

"I shouldn't have let my feelings get so messed up in my head."  She thought regretfully.

She felt marginally better now that everything was out but at the same time she still felt frustrated with herself and sorry to Changsub for unloading so much of her emotional baggage onto him at all once.

For a while neither said anything until Chorong's irregular sniffing had calmed down enough for her to breathe more evenly.

"Chorongie," Changsub said after some time. "I know you're trying to be strong but you don't have to keep stuff like this to yourself."

He was right, Chorong thought as she held a bit tighter to fabric of his sweater. Bottling things wasn't a good habit to have as much as she'd grown used to doing so when it came to her feelings.

"I didn't want to burden you with it when I wasn't even sure yet of what I wanted." Chorong mumbled.

"It's alright. We're both still learning how to do this." Changsub replied. "And if I'm being honest I actually umm…"

He paused as if he was nervous about what he was going to say next.

"I always have this tiny fear that I'm going to lose you."

This was different from his usual optimism, Chorong thought as she heard him let out a small chuckle of embarrassment before continuing with his confession.

"I even have dreams about it sometimes." Changsub admitted.

"You do?" Chorong asked.

"Yeah…they get a little bit weird. Not like *that* kind of weird but you know how dreams are. I'll try to hold your hand and you just disappear…things like that. But those are nonsense nightmares. They don't have to mean anything unless I believe them right?"

Chorong looked up as Changsub laid his hand of hers, gently pulling her fingers away from his sweater so she could hold his hand instead.

"And even if something does happen, " He continued, "Even if I have to let you go to chase the stars, I want to be able to do it with no regrets. To say that I loved you in every way that I could and that my time with you was the best thing that ever happened to me."

His eyes were shining with a genuineness which made it very clear to Chorong that at least in his eyes, being together right now was worth every risk of an uncertain future.

A thought, which should've been obvious from the beginning, suddenly occurred to Chorong.

"My sister isn't me and her life doesn't have to be mine either."

Loving him half heartedly while holding on to those worries had only given her reasons to regret and as much as she respected Eunjung's decisions, Chorong realized she'd been wrong to apply that point of view to herself. Time was too short to be wasted and she wasn't going to be wasting it anymore.

"No regrets."

Feeling brave, she grasped Changsub's hand more tightly.

"Would you wait for me?" She asked.

Changsub seemed surprised by her question at first but then a look of understanding came over his face and Chorong didn't need to hear his answer to know that he would keep his promise.

The room melted away as Chorong allowed Changsub to steal her breath away like it was the night before Christmas Eve all over again.

"I'll wait for you." Changsub said between kisses. "I'll wait as long as you need to reach the stars and back and I'll be there for you at the end when you've made all your dreams come true."

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A/N

Hello I am back from the dead. 

Not gonna lie it's kind of hard to get back into it after not writing for a while but here we are. 

Sorry for the sappy emotional drama lol but it had to come out eventually right? 

Anyways thanks for waiting for me ;) I'm still amazed anyone's reading this mess at all