A/N: HEY CHINGUS! DROPPING OFF A SHORT UPDATE FOR ALL OF YOU!

WISHING YOU ALL A GREAT WEEKEND!

PEACE YOW!~

 

 

 

 

 

 

23rd day of March, 2008

10:30 A.M.

 

Liu Residence

 

 

“Are you sure its part of the letter?… Maybe its just a coincidence…” I mumbled from the bed watching Amber pace back and forth in front of her bedroom window. The anxiety kicking in again inside her. This poor thing…

 

She kept on scratching her nape, sighing after. She’s like a battery operated toy walking back and forth with a frustrated, confused look. Even me, I’m confused too and wondering why or how it happened.

 

I raised the small piece of paper again scrutinizing it. There is no denying that its part of a whole page of paper that was possibly ripped into pieces by hands. Showing a part of Harvard University’s logo. Amber and I knew it by heart, that logo.

 

But why would it be lying around discarded inside the study room?

 

It means Uncle Hangeng really has the letter! He accepted all three envelops from the mailman yesterday. He gave me two and kept the other one. The most important one.

 

But why would he…

 

“Why would Dad keep it?…” Amber mumbled to herself. She turned around and finally joined me in her bed. I sat and leaned my back on the head board while she rested her head on my lap facing my belly. She took my hands and placed it on top of her head asking for affection.

 

Whenever she does that, it means she wants to be petted, she wants me to her head and her face repeatedly because according to her it helps when she’s thinking. And yes, she looks like in a real deep thinking right now.

 

“Amber…” I called her name caressing her face. She opened he eyes and met my worried gaze. “Relax… don’t think too much.”

 

“Sorry Soojung-ah… its just that… it really baffles me why would Dad do that? He knows I’m waiting for that letter.”

 

“Have you asked him again this morning?” I gently poked my right index finger on her eyebrows and started tracing it, down to the bridge of her nose then to her chin. She shook her head with her eyes closed, loving the way I ran my fingers through her hair. Hmmm… getting long… the sides should be shave again.

 

She has dark rings under her eyes due to lack of sleep last night. I knew it because this always happen, when her insomnia kicks in or I’m not beside her at night. Whenever I stay for sleepovers I always force her to sleep telling her that if she doesn’t sleep, I won’t sleep too.   

 

I was supposed to stay last night but Mom called asking me to go home for the night and sent my Samchon who is finally back as my driver. Looks like Mom won over Dad and managed to get Samchon again to take care of my security. Or maybe Dad is trying his best to get my attention again.

 

After that drama we had when Mom was away, I left our residence and stayed with the Lius until Mom went back. In that one week I was staying with Amber and her family, Dad’s assistant came thrice sending Dad’s message begging for forgiveness for what he has done to me and asking me to come back home. I declined three times… I hurt him… but he also hurt me. Even hurting Amber too. If I didn’t slap him he could have landed a punch on Amber’s face, never again that I will let her be hurt because of me.

 

Same arguments, same reason, same reaction. I wonder… when will Dad change his stand on this kind of love Amber and I have? A few years? Forever?

 

 

Looking down on her face, my fingers graze gently on her cheeks tracing circles on it. I love tracing every curve of her face… her face was thin before, then she gained a little weight and now is already defined. Her jaw is her biggest asset same as her eyelashes and her eyes. Amber’s face is a perfect mix of masculinity with a touch of femininity. She’s perfect.

 

She opened her eyes and all I see there now is serenity, her anxieties all gone. I traced my thumb on her pretty eyelashes and gently on her adorable lips that I love to bite. She tried to bite my thumb making me giggle smiling at her after. She caught my hand instead and pressed a gentle kiss on the same thumb giving me her sunshiny smile that I love.

 

Raising my hand she caught, she intertwined it with hers and brought it to her chest near her heart making me chuckle. Just what mushy thing is she doing again?!

 

“This hand, I won’t let go. Never. Even if your Father hates me to death Soojung-ah…” Awww~… my cheeks are burning (^___^)

 

I took her free hand and placed her palm near my heart. “This hand holds my heart. Only you can hold it so don’t ever let it go. If you do then I’ll die.”

 

“Same as yours, don’t ever let go of my heart.” we shared a smile that only the two of us can have. A special smile that we reserve for each other. She rose from my lap and pulled me for a hug that always comforts me and make me feel love and cared for.

 

I leaned back for a moment and burst on a giggle “That was some mushy .”

 

"I know~… you made my heart flutter!~” I playfully slap her face earning a carefree laugh from her pulling me for a kiss on my forehead.

 

I don’t know why but these past few days we have been so clingy with each other. I want to be beside her all the time, I can’t help myself not to touch her when we are together. Not that kind of 'touch' okay! I mean... Touch her arm, her neck, hold her hand, even bury my nose on her nape and smell her. My nose always looking for her scent, that distinct scent you smell from the person you adore so much.

  

Her hugs are the most effective cure in all sickness. Be it a small hug, a bear hug, a back hug, it warms my body and my heart everytime she has her arms around me. It gives me a sense of security and love, affection, assurance.

 

Moments like this is what we treasure together. Whether its inside her room or my room, under the Oak tree back in school, or just by sitting on the grass inside a tent we brought at Hangang Park at springtime. Her head will be resting on my lap then I will caress her face and her head, running my fingers through her short hair. It relaxes her and makes her fall asleep. Of course she also does that to me and I love it especially when she whispers sweet nothings in my ear. I love how her voice speaks softly in a whisper, how her breath hits my skin and how her lips grazes my ears.

 

We are each other’s first love. First kiss, first relationship and all first you can think of that a couple does. Of course including that birthday s*x I got two years ago. XD

 

I don’t know what I will do if we will lose each other… there’s no one else I want to be with when I grow old but Amber. It may sound like a silly teenage dream but its what I want.

 

It’s Amber who my heart wants.

 

No one else but her.

 

 

 

 

 

We fell asleep hugging each other and woke up after lunchtime. She woke up first not disturbing my sleep and went down to the kitchen to get some food. When she came back I was already awake but staring at the ceiling because my brain hasn’t loaded due to too much sleeping.

 

I told her in a joking manner over our late lunch of Bibimbap that maybe Uncle Hangeng destroyed the Harvard letter because he read it and wanted to spare Amber the heart break of being rejected. She only gave a shrugged and told me just forget about it because we still have two universities that accepted us both in their programs. She was smiling while saying it but I know her too well... she will think about it and won't forget unless she sees proof. That's why I sent a text message to Jessica unnie asking for a favor and well... Tell her an update about my choice of school.

 

So its a choice between Yale and Princeton. We opened my Harvard letter and I was.... accepted.   

 

But if Amber won’t be going with me…

 

Then I won’t go either.

 

Sorry Harvard University…

 

I’ll still choose my Alpacaber over you. (^___^)  

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

“Unnie… I know you are excited to have me there in Harvard but… I decided not to accept their offer.”

 

“WHAT!!!?” I instantly took the phone receiver away from my ear hearing Jessica unnie’s loud dolphin shriek. Awww…~ it hurts! I set the phone on speaker mode and placed it on top of Amber’s study desk while covering my ears.

 

Even Amber heard it from the bathroom quickly going out checking on me. She only has a towel wrapped around her waist her hair with shampoo bubbles. Hahaha!! … she looks so y… I can’t help but unconsciously bite my lips while my eyes feasted on her upper body. Whooooo!!! I think I need a shower too! XD

 

“What the hell was that!!?” she called over from the door. I motioned for her to keep shut while listening to Jessica unnie’s shriek. “Its Jessica unnie, baby… go back inside and finish your bath.” she shrugged her shoulders brushing back her shampooed hair and went back inside the bathroom. Ooookay… that was some hot … why is it suddenly so hot inside her room? Going back to my sister…

 

Unnie’s shriek stopped eliciting a sigh of relief from me. Finally! This drama queen!

 

I yelled over the phone taking out the hand covering my ear. “Yah unnie… are you finished?”

 

“Jung Soojung!!! Why would you do that?! Harvard is your first choice! I was already expecting you here!”

 

“But unnie… I changed my mind.”  

 

I sat on Amber’s computer chair raising my feet on the desk playing with my hair. Amber and I decided to choose between Yale and Princeton since Harvard is already out of the list. Although I'm still going to wait for Jessica unnie's update about it. Hmmm… I’m lowkey considering Yale because they have a good Math Program and well… Rory Gilmore is my spirit animal kekeke….

 

“Soojung, tell me… be honest please. Why?”

 

Sigh. I took Amber’s iPod Touch from the desk and started browsing songs in her music library. Aiisssh… unnie will definitely scold me if I tell her…

 

“Soojung…” there was threat in unnie’s voice that made me pout. Fine.

 

“We… I mean, I… decided to accept Yale’s offer unnie.” there was momentary silence at the other line. I bit my lips anticipating Jessica unnie’s tirade of sermons again but there was none.

 

She called all the way from Boston at 3:00 A.M. back there after I sent her a message telling her I won’t be joining her in Harvard this coming Fall Term. Hahaha… I disturbed her precious sleep… its her fault! She could have called me later in the morning!

 

I heard unnie’s sigh then she finally spoke in a calm manner. “Its because of Amber, isn’t it?”

 

Please don’t be mad unnie… “Unnie… that's why I'm asking a favor. Please check with the admission office if she was accepted  or  not.”

 

“Soojung, I know you are head over heels in love with Amber but… to base your decisions in life with her always on your mind seems illogical. Its your future we are talking about here Soojung, are you really sure about what you are doing with your life?” Tsss… here it goes… I thought sermons won’t happen…

 

I took a deep breath and stood up from the computer chair picking up the phone from the desk taking it out of loud speaker. “I’m sure about my choice unnie… Yale is the same calibre as Harvard plus its near Harvard too! I can visit you or you can visit us…” she clicked her tongue and chuckled. 

 

“Visit us… so Amber is going to Yale too, right?”

 

“Yes. She also accepted the offer and we will be flying there before Fall term starts. But if the tides turn and you check with Admissions, then we will choose Harvard and we are going to be together! How's that? Please unnie?!~... Mom already knows about my decision and she said she’s okay with it, she’s happy with my decision.”

 

“How about Dad?…” I tightened my grip on my phone hearing unnie mentioning Dad. I walked around Amber’s spacious room looking around. I stopped in front of her cabinet displaying her collections and sighed.

 

“I... haven’t told him unnie. Maybe when I get home later…”

 

“Until when are you going to be like that to Dad?”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Treating him like he’s not around.”

 

“Well he also treats me like I’m not around. You know our case unnie… I’m not going to break up with Amber.”

 

“Soojung… don’t decide on your life depending on how Amber moves…”

 

“Unnie, I decide on my life based on what I really want and not based on what people expects from me.”

 

“So you are saying…?" oookay... did I struck a nerve on her?... She sounded pretty annoyed.

 

“I… I’m just saying unnie that I am doing what I think is right for me. Yeah… unnie… don’t be mad at me...”. I mumbled at her earning a sigh. She’s studying hard in Harvard so she can finish her Masteral studies and make our family proud. I respect unnie for making our family and empire her priority than her own love life. I pity her for having a sister who only thinks about her self...

 

Yes.

 

I see my self as the ungrateful younger sister and daughter who only thinks about her own good and not about her family’s own good.

 

But if i will follow what Jessica unnie is doing... i will only end up unhappy with my choice. To be a follower of tradition set by the elders. Commands set by our Father.

 

No, i will never. Especially now that I have my own mind, I will choose what’s best for me and not them.  

 

There was momentary silence at the other line, I heard the ruffling of sheets meaning she is still in bed. “Nah… I’m not mad at you. You know how much unnie loves you… you’re my baby how can I be mad at you?…” she sounded so lonely… unnie…

 

“Unnie… wait for me there, okay? After graduation and everything is settled I will visit you and if Heaven permits that Amber really passed Harvard, both of us will be there as fast as we can. Arasso?” Just hold on Jessica unnie...

 

I heard her small laugh enough for me to know she is okay. “Fine, i’ll check with admissions later in the morning after my first two classes. Wait for my text silly girl... now go home! You’re spending too much time again at the Liu’s!” 

 

“Tsss... Excuse me... duh!~...I’m part of the family...” a pair of arms circled my waist from behind, the Lime & Basil newly showered scent filling my senses. Its her favorite shower gel Jo Malone that I also use when I stay. I gave her a whole set of those on her 17th birthday and it made her happy like a kid who received a bag of M&Ms.

 

“Wow... Jung Soojung... your face is hard as concrete... HAHAHA!!!” Ehhh unnie!! She was laughing non-stop on the other line while the y hugging me from behind is already running her lips on my nape tickling me making the hairs all over my body rise same as the temperature.

 

The switch has been flicked.

 

“Hahaha...*gulp*...” as if she was teasing me, the y even slid her right hand inside my shirt and started caressing my belly sending shivers all over my body. Oookay.... got to end this call now or my lip bite can’t hold it anymore! “Uhhh.... U-unnie... I’ll wait for your t-text... uhhh~...” I immediately covered my mouth with my free hand controlling the whimper that is going to come out any minute. The y even had the nerve to snicker on my neck! She’s enjoying this torture on me!

 

Tsk tsk tsk... her effect on me... Jung Soojung you control yourself!

 

“Yah! What the hell are you--” *toot toot toot toot*  Hehehe... she’ll forgive me (^___^’)

 

I dropped the call throwing my phone on the bed before turning around in Amber’s hold facing her. She has a mischievous, cute, smile on her face that means she succeeded on whatever is going on inside her mind. I pouted at her taking her hand inside my shirt and placing it on my side. “Yah! Wipe that smile away from your face! We still have a problem!”

 

“Soojung-ah~... Will our problem be solved if we sulk inside my room?” Oh. She has a point. “I’ll talk to Dad again and ask him why he has that piece of paper. Plus... I heard you a while ago asking Jessica unnie to check with the Admissions... God! Thank you for being a smart !” she gave me a quick peck making me smile. “I don’t know what I will do if you aren’t here!” 

 

“Tsss... you can’t live without me~!” I reached for her face cupping it with both hands while we grin at each other. Our noses bumping together like puppies, our imaginary tails wagging.

 

 

 

 

 

Samchon came to pick me up before 6:00 in the evening. It was Mom who told him to get me by that time because I have to be inside our residence before Dad arrives. Mom asked me a favor and told me to spend some time with her and Dad when its dinner time because I’m always out of the house on weekends. I’m guilty to be honest, because most of the time I try to avoid Dad. I don’t want another episode of heart break.

 

Dinner with Mom and Dad was quiet, like the other nights I randomly join them. If Mom stayed in San Fo and didn’t came home maybe Dad and I are still having a stand off.

 

I ate quietly and only say a word when asked a question. My mind having a fight if I should tell Dad about Yale or not. Because he already said back when he and Amber were fighting, that he wants me to stay here in Korea and enter Sungkyunkwan University. I know its a very prestigious university, Yoona unnie and Yuri unnie are alumnae.

 

But I don’t want to stay here in Korea and be trapped in this country full of prejudice and lack of acceptance when it comes to the LGBTQ community. Its already 2008 but their minds are still closed. I admit even if Amber and I don’t mind some people who gives us looks when we go walking at the mall or on the street, when we eat at restaurants or cafes, deep inside it still make us feel uncomfortable. Like they are mocking us, even whispering and looking at us. Amber will just take my hand and squeeze it tight giving me a smile.

 

Such a hard country to live in... going back to America will be a good choice. I’m not saying in America there are no prejudice and judgement, not every place is safe. I’m just convinced that the country is more open than our Motherland.

 

 

I went to bed early because I was a little bit... ehem... ‘tired’. Not knowing that back at the Liu residence something is already happening.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11:30 P.M.

 

AMBER’S POV

 

 

I held on to the piece of paper inside my pocket, drawing strength from it. I have to clear this out with Dad or forever will remain a mystery to me.

 

Soojung asked Jessica unnie for a favor to check with the admissions about the result of my application. If Dad is just protecting me from disappointment, then I will forgive him for what he did. Maybe he is just shielding me like what Soojung said. But still.... I find it strange like all the strange things happening on him.

 

A couple of times he treated Soojung different. We thought Dad was just having a bad day that’s why... but its still embedded on my mind. I have a strong feeling something wrong is going to happen but I dare not say it to Soojung because she still has a lot of stress that she deals with when she’s at their residence. I don’t want it to be added to her worries.

 

I knocked on the door of his study room three times before given a permission to enter. I opened the door and took a peek inside and saw Dad sitting on his chair behind the table with a glass of liquor in front of him. Staring directly at me. “Hey Dad... can I come in?”

 

“Sure. Come in Amber...” he waved his hand giving me permission. I entered the room with my heart pounding so wild not knowing how to tell Dad about my find. How should I ask Dad without hurting his feelings?

 

I stood in front of his table half a meter away and took a bow “Good evening Dad...”

 

“Is there any problem Amber? School stuff?”

 

“Nah, school is okay Dad. We are just waiting for the graduation...” I smiled at him and saw something in Dad’s eyes when I mentioned Graduation. “Ummm... its on second week of April Dad so you better clear up your schedule by that time.”

 

“S-sure... I’ll check with my secretary about that...” he nodded absentmindedly and took his drink on the table sipping it. Such a strong liquor... I can smell it from where I am standing. He seems... uneasy.

 

I fumbled on the pocket of my hoodie, holding the piece of paper. Should I ask him now? “Uhh... Dad... I... I wanna thank you for receiving my acceptance letters yesterday morning. Ummm... Soojung told me you were the one who passed the envelops to her to be given to me.” He stared at me like I grew three heads then looked away. There is really something strange happening here.

 

“Dad... where is my Harvard letter? You have it... right?”

 

He met my stare and sighed loudly, guilt written all over his face. So he really received it... huh! What is happening to him!?

 

“Amber... I...” 

 

“Did I passed or got rejected? I just wanna know Dad... this is important for me you know it.”

 

“It doesn’t matter if you passed or got rejected. You are not going to Harvard.” Huh???... seriously!?

 

“What do you mean? I don’t get it…” I sat on the chair facing him feeling all the nervousness and confusion inside me. What’s happening with Dad!?

 

“I just said it! You are not going to Harvard! End of discussion!” PAK! He