It was weird, looking at his mother like this after so many years. Sitting right next to her without her giving him any unfavourable look or screaming at him made him reminisce the time when he was just a few years old, before his mother decided she was not happy with her life and destroyed it. To think that he would be able to see her like this, looking calm and collected again was beyond him. Of course, it was all thanks to the drugs they gave her to keep her from having her breakdowns. Right now, his mother was in her own world, ignoring him and the people around her except when her name was called. She even smiled at him once when he called her name, thinking he was some stranger before commenting on how similar he looked to her ‘husband’. He wondered which one of them she was referring to. Soonyoung did look like his father, and thus, like his uncle.

Soonyoung really had no idea what he was doing here, what he was supposed to do here. This is the first time he saw her after a long time, and all those time, his grandparents never said a thing. He wondered why his grandmother told him to come here after seeing him cry his heart out yesterday.

Yes, he cried. Like a baby. Spilling every little dirty secret he kept inside of him, in front of his grandfather. From him two-timing his then-boyfriend, with a friend, and again with his current boyfriend, though not intentional, to the fact that he thought he could be with an omega.  Everything his grandfather warned him not to do, every single thing he thought he would never do, done with a big, ugly check.

He cried because he realized he brought it on himself. It was karma. Dropped onto him like pieces of bricks.

Unfortunately, just realizing his mistakes didn’t make it any less painful. In fact, it was harder for him because he didn’t have the coping mechanism. Since he was taken in his grandparent’s care, his life only consisted of him being ostracized and getting scolded by his grandparents. He never had anyone playing with his feelings or manipulated him because, nobody was ever close enough to be able to do so. Everything was new to him. Everything other people experienced during their childhood or high school, Soonyoung experienced for the first time with Seokmin and Wonwoo.

Everything. From love and lust, to loss and betrayal. The complete set.

The only good thing that happened recently was him telling his guardians the dark secrets. At least he could find relief in knowing that they accepted his flaws and still loved him. And though he wished he could get an expert advice on how to deal with these emotions, the only one he got was to come here and visit his mother.

What was he supposed to gain from meeting her? She was not even all here.

Soonyoung stared at his mother, biting his lips, contemplating whether to ask her why she did what she did knowing the consequences. Maybe that was the reason. His grandmother wanted to show him what would happen if he kept going with his messed up ways.

…or maybe she wanted him to make peace with his mother? Maybe this was supposed to be a journey of self-discovery kind of stuff he usually see in movies. Honestly, he didn’t know. They were never fighting so there was really nothing much to work on. His mother went crazy, she hated him, and he decided to stay away as it would not be of any good to both of them had they meet after his rescue.

It was never him, it had always been her.

Heck, Soonyoung never hated her. In fact, he wanted to understand her. He always wanted to understand her. He always wondered what it would be like in her shoes.

…and for some weird reason, he was. Right now. With a past omega-lover, and an alpha wanting to be with him. The only difference was Soonyoung was not bonded with any of them.

The thing is, no matter how much he forced himself to think that it was okay to be with another omega, he couldn’t. Nor could he force himself to be with the alpha, not after what happened. Which was why he couldn’t figure it out, the reason why his mother forced herself to bond with his father, or run away with his uncle. There was obviously another choice for her. And for him. Because Soonyoung made his choice, and he chose not to be with either.

Feeling a hand on his cheeks, Soonyoung’s face twitched as his mother started to bawl, repeating his uncle’s name over and over while hugging him. Even now, all she cared about was her stupid lover who ran away with another alpha. Who was he kidding? He would never understand her, because she only did what she did out of selfishness. Just like she took him with her to cause his father grief, not because she loved him.

That was it. There was nothing wrong with him. Some people are just messed up.

Without saying goodbye, Soonyoung pushed her hands away and got up from his seat, making his way out, not caring to look back at his mother. To think that he actually tried so hard to be loved by that crazy woman, no wonder he had all these issues with his confidence, trying to seek warmth from someone who only cared about making his life miserable…

But things are going to change because he was done with her and his past. And he was done trying to understand her. He was also done feeling pity for himself. He was done trying to fit in, done letting himself be treated like he was worthless.

Because he deserves better. He might not be perfect, but he deserve to be treated better. trying to make everyone like him. trying to make everyone happy. As long as he is happy, nothing else should matter. And if he was going to end up alone because of it, then be it. He owed himself that much.

‘Harabeoji? Soonyoung called out, peeking through the small window to his sister’s room before realizing his grandfather was already waiting for him on one of the benches.  ‘Done?’

‘Yeah,’ he replied, walking to the old man who was awkwardly standing still, waiting for him instead of walking first like he always did. Soonyoung hastily caught the key that was thrown at him.  ‘You’re driving. I’m tired.’

‘But-‘ Soonyoung was never allowed to drive whenever his grandfather was around, even though he already had his driver’s license. The old man always told him that he didn’t trust him enough. ‘What?’

‘Nothing… thanks!’ He grinned and felt his heart bloomed as his grandfather gave him a big smile and patted his shoulder. As expected, coming back to his hometown, meeting his grandparents who understood him the most, really helped his mind untangled. Everything that was complicated became clear again. Though he would still need to solve everything back at the campus, for now, he would take his time thinking what he would do one step at a time. While asking for the veteran’s advice that is. And by veteran, obviously he meant his grandmother. He wouldn’t want to take another chance with the old, grumpy man.

*****

Seokmin gulped, putting a hand on his chest as he stared at the door. He knew this was the right house as he had been here a lot of times, but he never made it past the gate. The truck normally parked up front was gone so he knew the man of the house was not home.

‘Aishh…’ He turned back, walking towards his car before stopping, sighing and returned back to the door.

He was already here. He needed to do this. It was now or losing Soonyoung for good.

Seokmin looked back at his watch. It was almost six in the evening. If he turned back now, he would still make it back home before dark. That is, without the traffic. Okay, maybe he should go back and talk to Soonyoung later.

But he was already here…

But maybe nobody was home right now so…

But what if Soonyoung was upstairs?

‘Young man, do you need something?’ Seokmin flinched at the voice, almost screaming as the door opened, revealing an old omega lady, Soonyoung’s grandmother. She was looking at him, concerned and Seokmin realized he was acting weird in front of her house. Bowing to her, he automatically excused himself and turned back to his car, pretending to have gotten the wrong address, but upon further thinking, rece again, face red from embarrassment. ‘Is Soonyoung here?’

‘Owh, you must be his friend. He’ll be here any time now. Come in.’

Seokmin sat down at the sofa, looking around the old house where his lovely omega grew up in. After listening to the older man’s story about his family, and his childhood, the alpha couldn’t help but smile at the pictures hanging on the wall, and the trinkets displayed, knowing the background of some of them. ‘So you’re Soonyoung’s friend?’ He nodded, ‘You must be Dokyeom.’

‘Seokmin.’ He smiled at her, feeling flustered that she knew his name. It meant that the omega told her about him. ‘I-uh… close friend.’

‘What are you doing here?’

‘I need to talk to Soonyoung… he wasn’t in campus so I-uh… I came here…’ He his lips, nervous. The old lady was slurping her tea, her eyes on him like a hawk, making him cautious. She nodded but he couldn’t help but feel like she was expecting more answers from him, which he didn’t want to say. ‘You guys had a fight? Soonyoung’s really upset.’

‘Yeah… I- did something and uh-… yup.‘

‘He’ll be back soon.’ Seokmin forced a smile at the old lady, nodding his head as she patted his knee a few times before getting up to go to the kitchen. ‘Why don’t you have dinner with us?’

*****

Soonyoung passed the key to his grandfather and made his way to the street dog sitting just outside their gate. He felt really great and just wanted to touch something soft. He tried hugging it but the growl suggested otherwise. Backing away, Soonyoung ran back to his house, laughing at himself.

‘Soonyoung-ah…’ He jumped at the familiar voice. Seokmin was standing near the dining table, in his house, beside his grandfather who was also looking at him. Eyeing the alpha accusingly, his old man inquired, ‘Is this that guy?’

‘Owh shush and let’s eat.’ The old woman grabbed her husband and guided him down, putting his bowl of rice in front. She signalled him to sit, but Soonyoung didn’t want to. He didn’t want to be in a room with the alpha. Everything was going great today, why the hell did he have to come? Even dare to enter his house?

‘What’re you doing here?’

‘I, hear-‘

‘You boys sit down or both of you get out.’ The only woman in the house warned, interrupting them. ‘Talk later.’ Soonyoung rolled his eyes, sighing a loud sigh as he made sat in front of his grandfather, the furthest from Seokmin. He could feel the old man giving him the stare, and the alpha, but pretended not to care. Except, it was hard pretending nothing was wrong. It was too silent. And he was trying real hard not to listen to the forced conversation his grandmother made with Seokmin, with his grandfather interrupting to belittle him with no luck. Because, most of Seokmin was perfect. Except for his pathetic lie.

Soonyoung got up as soon as he was done with his dinner, trying to wash the dish quickly and run to his room. But as soon as he stood, he was told to wait at the living room. His grandmother actually commanded him to talk to the bastard.

‘You better keep your hands to yourself, young man. I have a gun.’ The low growl of his old man warning the alpha bemused Soonyoung so much he couldn’t help his silly grin from forming. He knew he could count on the man to keep him safe.

‘What are you doing here? In my house? Are you stalking me openly now?’ Soonyoung wasted no time in attacking the younger male, not wanting to entertain him further. Coming here, being in his house felt like a breach of his private life. It made him feel really uncomfortable. ‘Soonyoung-ah. No, I… was invited in.’

‘Sure. She brought you here in her car too.’ He replied sarcastically. Obviously, that was not the answer he wanted to hear.

‘No, I came here. In my car.’ Seokmin spoke softly, but sternly. ‘Look. I wanted to talk to you at campus but Chan told me you were MIA. Figured you’d be here.’

‘Whatever it is, I’d probably won’t believe you so stop wasting time and get it over with.’

Seokmin looked at the omega in front of him, trying to digest the change in personality. Could it be the house? Did he act like this because he felt safe here? Because outside, on campus, Soonyoung was never this chatty, especially when he was upset. He would usually seek comfort from skinship, not attacking other people head-on like this.

Sighing, Seokmin his lips, gaining the motivation to speak. Frankly, the moment he was met with Soonyoung’s unwelcoming face, he felt depressed enough to want to give up his initial intention. But he couldn’t. Because he needed to fix things. Maybe not to back to normal, but he still needed to try.

‘Look, I’m not trying to defend myself, or beg you to stay,’ he looked at the omega, noting the deep frown. A brief glance to the side and Seokmin lowered his voice, ‘I knew I made a big mistake. You didn’t deserve it.’

He paused, giving Soonyoung a chance to speak but nothing came up. Feeling a pang in his heart, he decided to continue, ‘I heard about your omega friend. What you told him. Why did you do it?’

‘Do what?’

‘Tell him you wanna be lovers. I heard you told him it’s okay to be with another omega.’

‘ing Jeonghan.’ Soonyoung hissed, rolling his eyes as his fingers tapped at on the chair, nervous. ‘It’s none of your business.’

‘You hate it. Why’d you do it? Why’d you lie?’

‘Owh you’re the one to-‘

‘It’s not about me Soonyoung! It’s about you!’ Seokmin raised his voice, shocking the omega who sat back against the sofa, suddenly becoming tame. Unfortunately for him, it alerted a certain angry beta who screamed from the kitchen as a warning for him to behave. With an apology, Seokmin turned his attention back towards the man in front of him, who was now trying to avoid his gaze. ‘Are you trying to destroy your life?’

‘Like you’d care.’

Sensing the familiar distress, Seokmin instinctively strengthened his pheromones, without further thought. He didn’t realize he was doing it until Soonyoung stared at him, wide eyed. But before he could react, the omega pulled a face and turned away again, this time trying to sink himself deeper into the cushion. He wondered if Soonyoung realized how childish he was acting, or how adorable he was being.

‘If I didn’t, you think I’d drive all the way here to my death? Soonyoung-ah, you might not believe me, but I care about you. Not only bout your body…’ He didn’t know where that confidence and courage came from but he felt a bit proud of himself for conveying what he did, smoothly. ‘I hope you didn’t do it because of revenge… I know you’re not that stupid.’

With no reply, he continued, ‘I won’t allow it. Anyone but an omega.’

‘Is that all?’ Soonyoung asked, coldly. He knew what the alpha told him was right. He came to that conclusion himself before coming here. He didn’t need the pathetic liar to teach him about what was right and wrong. Even using that tone, as if he had the right to stop Soonyoung from doing what he wanted…

‘Yeah.’ The alpha nodded weakly, his heart heavy. How he wanted to stay and try to make things work. But this was not the time, nor the place to do so. Soonyoung was clearly still affected, and the angry beta was just waiting for the time to shoot him in the face with one wrong move. If he was going to do anything about their relationship, it would have to be back at the campus.

Forcing himself a smile, he tapped on his thighs as he pushed himself to a stand up position. Then, he called the grandmother, notifying her of his leaving. With a soft smile, she placed a hand on his head as she nodded slowly. Seokmin knew she was trying to cheer him up, and believe it or not, it worked.

Slowly, Seokmin bid goodbye to the only person who sent him off before entering his car. With a long exhale, he started the engine.

To be continued…

Another double update! On to the next!!