‘Something bothering you?’ Soonyoung looked down at his feet, feeling the anger emitting from his coach. He was used to this, to being looked down. It didn’t matter anymore. All he had to do was not fight back and they would eventually give up and leave him alone. They always do. ‘You’ve been making a lot of stupid mistakes Soonyoung. Beginner’s mistake. And you, you’re not a beginner. Whatever’s bothering you right now, take care of it. If you let it bother your progress, I’m telling you, you’re not going to make it as a professional.’

Closing his eyes, biting the inner wall of his mouth, the student nodded obediently. ‘If you’re not going to take this seriously, maybe you should think about letting go of your scholarship. Other students could use it.’ The coach added before she finally exited the studio, leaving Soonyoung standing still in his place. Nobody was stopping him, what was said to him was not shocking, and yet, he couldn’t move. There was no anger, no sadness, but he couldn’t walk away.

He was too tired to even bend his knees to sit.

His scholarship. He forgot he had a scholarship. He had been too caught up with his not-so-good relationship problems he let it affect his studies. And he knew his results were not good but it wasn’t such a big deal to him. Because everyone mess up but they still made it through the semester.

Except he was not everyone. He was only here because of the scholarship. If he mess up, he would be forced to leave and return to life of isolation and hatred. The real one, not the one he was feeling right now. He had been too happy he let this small problem affect him when in truth, it was nothing compared to what he had been through back then.

That was it. He was happy here. And that caused him to feel worse than he should. He shouldn’t let the temporary delusion affect him this much. He knew he never deserved it, he should never even try to hold onto it in the first place.

His real happiness is his escape from all the bull around him, when he dance.

Taking a deep breath, Soonyoung picked up his bag and got out of the room. He didn’t feel like dancing right now, it didn’t feel appropriate. A good night sleep was what he needed. And a nice pair of headphones that can cancel noise that he just saw on the way back from his part-time job. Yes, if he had those, he won’t be able to listen to all the bull around him and could focus only on himself. He needed that.

Entering the dormitory, Soonyoung completely ignored Jeonghan who happened to be walking towards him. He saw the man trying to greet him but he knew that was out of guilt or whatever the . He just didn’t want to see, nor hear anything right now. He was not in the mood to deal with fakes. With people. Everyone is fake. He should have never even tried to make friends. He was better off alone.

Opening his laptop, Soonyoung opened his Facebook profile and without scrolling through, went to the setting, and deactivated it. There. Now he wouldn’t have to worry about people not contacting him or what not. Maybe he should just switch off his phone as well.

…No. His grandmother would call him once a week at random times. Maybe he should just block everyone, or better yet, just clear address book except for the two old folks. And Jihoon and Yoongi. His cousins would kill him if he ignores them. He wanted peace, not the sweet release of death, no matter how tempting that sounds.

*****

‘Kwon Soonyoung! Why are you still here?’ Soonyoung ran back to get his stuff the moment he heard the guard’s voice. Glancing quickly at the wall clock, he almost trip on his towel on his way towards the exit. ‘Again? Should I lock the doors at 10?’ The older man scolded him per usual, and Soonyoung could only bow in apology. He didn’t mean to stay up so late, as usual. He just lost track of time, as usual. Pouting all the way as he was escorted towards the exit, Soonyoung finally sighed, walking back to the dormitory.

Getting straight into shower, he closed his eyes and let the water hit his face. This was calming…

Fifteen minutes in the shower, he finally got out, dried his hair and flopped on the bed, sleeping heavily a few moment later.

The alarm rang and he got up. That was fast, he didn’t even get to dream. But that wasn’t unusual. Lately, that was what happened daily. He gets up, showers, goes to class, eats, class, then practice until late at night, gets scolded, walks back, showers, sleeps and repeat. On weekends, he would go to the club meetings or his part time jobs instead.

Things were good. He didn’t feel anything bad. Or good. Things were just, fine. Which was good.

He had club meetings today. Getting ready, he walked to the gym and looked inside at the many familiar faces excited to see each other. Sighing, he got inside.

*****

‘So? What’s up with you these days?’ Soonyoung lifted his head to look at his small cousin who was questioning in between slurps. Ignoring the question, he did the same, munching on his ramen halfway before stuffing another batch, just so he couldn’t answer the question. ‘Uhukk!’

‘Aishh.’ Jihoon took a piece of tissue paper and passed it to his coughing relative before continuing on with his meal. The omega was coughing violently he sounded like he would choke to death. Looking around, he brought his bottle water and handed it to the man, laughing through his nose as Soonyoung finally calmed down enough to breath normally. He could still hear some wheezing though. ‘You didn’t get your happy vitamin?’

‘What’s that?’

‘That overly bright alpha.’ Jihoon stared at his taller cousin who again, pretended not to hear him. ‘Owh, so you had a fight?’

‘No. We’re not close.’ Soonyoung pretended he didn’t see the face Jihoon was making at that statement. As long as he didn’t voice it out, he could keep ignoring it. Continuing his lunch, he saw the alpha leaning back and resting his head on the wall behind him. ‘Good. I never liked that guy. Too cheesy. Probably a player. You should stay away from him.’

‘You’re talking bout his friend.’

‘Nope. I hate his friend. I don’t like the cheesy heart-guy.’ Jihoon smirked as the omega actually choked on the soup and again, coughed, almost spilling his ramen all over. He knew mentioning the heart would caused that reaction, he had been waiting for this day to come. He was not disappointed. ‘Aigoo… you’re making a mess. How’re you gonna take care of your kids like this.’

‘What’re you talking about? My mate’s gonna do that.’

‘Who? Skinny beta or cheesy alpha?’ Somehow something hit Soonyoung. From the way things were right now, none. None of the two would be his mate. ‘I want a beta lady.’

‘Okay… you’ll have to take care of your heat yourself then.’

‘I can do that.’

‘Owh right. That’s why you went to heart-guy’s room during orientation.’

. Jihoon saw him. ‘Yah! That wasn’t for my heat!’

‘Owh?’ . Why was the alpha smiling? Did he said anything wrong? ‘I thought you’re not close?’ . ‘Spending the night in his room is not close?’ . ‘You never even came to my room.’

‘You wanna die??’ Soonyoung screamed on the top of his lungs, thinking that might somehow scare the smaller alpha into shutting his mouth. That didn’t work. Jihoon kept his stupid smirk on. ‘You ever been to Wonwoo’s?’ He looked away. Wonwoo…

‘Thought so.’

‘We didn’t do anything.’

‘Of course. You guys just watch some movies or something and fell asleep.’ Soonyoung widened his eyes at the answer. Was Jihoon spying on them? Why? ‘How did you know?’

‘What? Movies?’

‘Kingsmen.’ Soonyoung still stared at Jihoon, his mouth opened. This was freaking him out. ‘How did you know?’

‘What? That was sarcasm Soonyoung-ah!!! Did you use the only time you could be in an alpha’s dorm to watch a movie??’ The omega nodded. ‘WHY??’

‘Because I couldn’t watch it at home!’

‘Why didn’t you watch it alone?’

‘Cus…’ Because he wanted to watch it with someone. Because he was lonely. And because Seokmin would always agree to his company. That was why. Because things were better when he was with Seokmin. ‘Whatever.’

‘Just saying. I would’ve agreed to watch a movie with you.’ Soonyoung pouted a threat, lifting his hand as if to stab the small alpha with his chopstick. ‘Shut up!!’

*****

Finally done with his work for the day, Soonyoung took out his phone to read the mail he just got from Jihoon a few hours earlier while waiting for his stop. The alpha sent him a picture and he was curious of what. Unlocking his phone with a few slides, Soonyoung found himself cringing, but he couldn’t help but stare at the picture.

It was Seokmin and Choi Yuna, the cheerleader.

What’s this?

They’ve been going out a lot these days. Time to give up. - Uji

Soonyoung scoffed at the message. Who cares? Seokmin could do whatever he wanted to do. It was not as if they were ever in a relationship to begin with. And give up? Soonyoung never tried anything in the first place. It was always Seokmin.

… It was always Seokmin.

Why did that made him feel guilty all of a sudden? He never gave the other any hope, but he never treated him badly either. Soonyoung did try to make friends with him, and they had fun together. Just what typical friends always do…

Have Seokmin been treating him special? Because he thought besides , they were normal friends. Or best friends. Whichever was analogous to -friends. Come to think of it, Seokmin might have treated him better from his other friend a.k.a Jihoon, but his smaller cousin was just a sarcastic antisocial so that was not comparable. Better than Wonwoo? Different, but more or less the same. Or maybe bit more…

Soonyoung let out a long sigh. This was confusing. He was ready to let go of all of this thoughts but why did Jihoon had to mention it?? Now he thought Seokmin treated him better than Wonwoo which was not true. Wonwoo was just an introvert while the other was the opposite, just like him. But, Wonwoo…

Was he wrong? Was Seokmin right? Was he happier with the alpha than the beta? . He didn’t like this dilemma. He was starting to feel down again. Dammit!

Finally reaching his room, he jumped on the bed and was ready to change into a new pair of shorts before his phone rang again.

I just stalked her. They’re not dating. Yet. - Uji

Get ‘em. - Uji

Soonyoung stared at the message, his heart just suddenly jerked a bit. Was he getting excited? Should he try to give Seokmin a mail? Maybe he should apologize first. They can still be friend right? Where else would he found a great man like Seokmin who’s funny and kind?

No. He was having fun with the pretty girl, he shouldn’t try to do anything to spoil it. If he apologize, Seokmin might think he wanted to be with him, and that wasn’t what he wanted. He only wanted to apologize because Seokmin was right, he did a lot for Soonyoung but he never thanked the alpha for that.

Maybe just a thank you message instead of an apology? That could work… That wouldn’t stir Seokmin up or anything right?

… what was he thinking? Of course a simple message wouldn’t affect the alpha that much. He was not that worthy of being obsessed over. He should’ve realized that by now. It was just that… Seokmin always made him feel special. Just like Wonwoo. And he ended up in a delusion that he really was, special. But he was not. And so, he needed to admit when he was wrong, just like any other normal person.

He should send the message.

But what if Seokmin and the girl were currently on a date? That would really be awkward. Or what if they were…

‘AAHHH!!!’ Soonyoung covered his face with the pillow, muffling his scream. . Why did he have to imagine that? They wouldn’t do it that fast right? Two months was too early for them right? They were not even dating! But… Seokmin and his first time was when they first met each other so that it was possible…

… But they were both drunk!!! No!! Why the hell did he have to imagine that?

Whatever. Seokmin wouldn’t be as gentle with the girl anyway. And he wouldn’t let her touch his muscular biceps because he said that was Soonyoung’s. And his abs too…

Dammit. He was getting hard. What the hell. God he was really messed up in the head. He should turn himself off. How the hell should he calm down? This was too awkward, even for him. Should he grab an ice pack and place it there? That would hurt… He shivered just thinking about it.

Owh, right. He had something that would help…

Turning on his computer, Soonyoung opened one of his folders entitled ‘Stupid Dokyeom’, clicking on the first few pictures. It was the alpha with his stupid haircut. He looked stupid. Everything about the pictures were stupid. Biting his lips hard to stop himself from laughing, Soonyoung finally burst out giggling on his bed, looking at the silly photos one-by-one, again and again until his stomach couldn’t take it any longer. His tears were already wetting his cheeks he had to wipe them with the back of his hands.

Oh god. He felt so bad right now. He really should apologize to the alpha. For what happened, and for saving the pictures without his permission.

*****

Soonyoung took long sip of his juice while staring at the entrance of the cafe. He wanted really badly to just go back home right now out of embarrassment but he couldn’t, because if he did, it would be the end. Clicking on the button of his phone, he saw that it was still a few minutes earlier than the promised time, and yet, he already drank his second drink. He really wanted to go to the loo, but what if Seokmin came right then?

Vibrating his legs quickly to distract his full bladder, Soonyoung finally got up. And sat back down. The alpha was here. Dammit. Waving awkwardly, he waited for the other to make his way towards the table, twisting his legs so he could hold everything in. ‘Hi.’

‘Hey.’ That was the first time in a while since he last heard of Seokmin’s voice. He kind of missed the slightly high, milky, gentle voice of the alpha. He also changed his hairstyle, it was now burgundy, which suit him perfect. And he had his bangs up, his image completely different from back then… ‘Are you gonna order anything?’

‘Urm. Yeah. Warm water.’

‘Warm water?’

‘I mean coffee. Black.’

‘Black?’

‘Americano.’ . Just thinking about water made him want to release everything right now. He really needed to go… But Seokmin was right in front of him, and he had something to say… ‘Seokmin.’

‘Uh-uh?’

‘I’m… I…’ Just get it over with quickly! ‘I need to pee.’ Arghh! Not that!

‘Urmm. Okay.’ . That was humiliating! Did he screamed that or did he whispered it? ! Can he just run away and never look back? If he wanted to cut contact once and for all, this was the chance!

Wait. No. That was not the plan.

Rushing towards the men’s toilet, he was finally able to calm himself down a bit. Because of his release, of course. But now he was reluctant to get out and face Seokmin. Sigh. Why did he ask him to meet again?

Slowly getting out and walking awkwardly towards their table, he sat back down, forcing a smile. The other male smiled back briefly, slurped some of his latte and laid onto the backrest, not really saying a word. Which was too tensed for Soonyoung’s taste because since their first meeting, this was really the first time the alpha never said anything. To make things worse, he himself, never knew how to start a conversation. He wondered how the man did it all this time…

‘So…’

‘Yeah. So… Your hair looks great.’

‘Owh yeah. Yuju chose it.’ Seokmin scratched the back of his neck lightly, showing his discomfort, at least, in Soonyoung’s eyes. By the way, who the hell was this Yuju?

‘Owh. Unique colour.’

‘Is that good? Cus you know… you’re the expert with hair colours and all.’ Hell yeah he was! Better than this Yuju, at least. Owh… Maybe Yuju was his hairdresser? If that was the case, then yeah, she has good taste. ‘I think it looks good though…’ Seokmin commented before he had the chance to say anything. Now, obviously he couldn’t comment on it since the man himself had said that he liked it. Not that he was going to criticize it or anything.

‘It’s perfect.’ Soonyoung felt himself blush as Seokmin gave him the half smirk of content. Was he always this gorgeous? The man rarely smirked, he always smiled brightly. Maybe it was the forehead, because he looked really hot, and Soonyoung always had a thing for hot people instead of cute ones. Which was why he was so attracted to Wonwoo in the first place…

Speaking of which…

That was what he wanted to talk about today. How should he start this? Clearing his throat, Soonyoung decided it was better to just go ahead and say it instead of going around with chit chatting about things, trying to connect it to his main purpose.

‘Dokyeom-ah…’ Seokmin lifted his head, his pretty smile still curved on his perfectly smooth cheek, ‘About what happened...’

‘Owh. It’s fine. I got over it.’

‘No. That’s not what I wanted to-’

‘No, really. We can still be friends. Normal friends like everyone else. I’m not sure about best friends though, I still think we need space so-’

‘Seokmin-sshi, I need to say something. Can you please?’ The alpha finally shut his mouth and Soonyoung closed his eyes to relax his mind and recall what he had written down last night. He had made a page-long essay about how he was going to explain himself and apologize, and he took a few hours to remember it so he really needed to concentrate.

‘So. First of all, urm, about the beta…’ Owh god, he already saw the distaste in Seokmin’s face. ‘It’s hard for me to move on from him because he was the first one who ever showed any interest in me. You know how messed up my life is. He was the first one who didn’t care.’

Seokmin shifted his gaze towards his glass and murmured, ‘Not the only one.’

‘Not the only one. You’re right. But he was the first. So he was special.’

Soonyoung held his breath as he saw the alpha nodded. It was a good gesture, but his annoyed expression told a different story, ‘He’s special. Okay. Got it.’

, why was he getting up to leave? Did he say something wrong? He was not even finished yet! ‘But that’s cus he didn’t know about me! You knew, and you didn’t treat me any different. You’re…’

‘A friend. I know. That’s all?’

‘Yaah! I’m trying to say something! You know I’m not good with words!’ He grabbed the alpha and pulled him back down, much to the latter’s surprise. Taking a deep breath, he continued. ‘What I’m trying to say, I realized how much you did for me. That it was not what friends would normally do for each other. Maybe, best friends. But we only know each other for less than a year to call each other that…’

‘Soonyoung.’

‘I’m babbling again. Sorry. Just give me a few moments to arrange everything in my head.’ Still not letting go of the hand, Soonyoung closed his eyes and started to remember everything he wrote again. His momentary panic just erased everything in his head. Moreover, he already skipped a lot from the introduction straight to the main content. How should he rephrase everything? ‘You’re right. You did so much for me, I realized that. I’m happy being around you.’ He tried to recall the highlighted parts, ‘Thank you.’

He peeked to Seokmin who was staring back at him, his face confused. Still refusing to look at the man completely, he tried to remember the next thing on his list, ‘Owh and also I…. phew, I think I also l-like you… I’m not sure… but it’s not, you know, friend thing… more maybe…’ He shut his small eyes again and exhaled. ‘I’m sorry.’

Okay. So he already said everything in the list although it was at random times, but whatever. Finally opening his eyes, he lifted his head to look at the alpha who had an unreadable expression on his face. Smiling bitterly, Soonyoung let go of his hand and played with the hem of his shirt instead, contemplating whether he should just run out and drown himself in the lake, or let himself be hit by a car.

Seokmin had this frown on his face when he locked his sight on Soonyoung, ‘I’m currently going out with someone else…’

‘I know.’ Choi Yuna. Of course. ‘But you’re not dating right?’

‘We’re getting closer.’ Seokmin replied, and Soonyoung felt a pang in his heart. So this was what the other had been feeling all this time. It was not a good feeling. ‘I didn’t want to rush things like I did… we’re taking it slow.’

Forcing a smile, he nodded, ‘I understand. Sorry.’ Owh how he would really love to bury himself in a hole right now. Maybe his idea of getting hit by a car was not a bad idea after all since he could end up with an amnesia and forget about this humiliating moment…

‘You’re asking me to go out with you, right?’

‘Hrm? No. Yeah. I mean, you’re going out with someone. I don’t want to- Just forget what I said.’ There was this long silence when which Soonyoung was really desperate to dash out, but it would be too rude to leave Seokmin behind like this. He should at least have the decency to end things respectably.

‘I can’t do this.’

‘I know. Just igno-’

‘You better treat me better than her. She really likes me and I’m starting to get comfortable with her.’

Did he just heard right? He thought Seokmin just implied that he was breaking up with Yuna girl. Furrowing his eyebrows, unsure of himself, he responded, ‘But I dunno if I… She… She’s obviously better than me.’

‘I know.’ He frowned deeper. ‘But I like you more. And you saying that you like me, how do you expect me to ignore that?’

‘I’m… still a bit confused.’ he stated honestly. This was too sudden. He didn’t want Seokmin to do anything rash if the girl could make him happy. Feeling a hand on his arm, Soonyoung turned towards the alpha, ‘That’s why you need to work hard to catch up. I have choices.’

‘Is that a threat?’ Soonyoung read a lot of things about people saying those kinds of things. Most articles advice people to leave partners like that so it didn’t sound good in his ears…

‘Not with her, silly. Catch up with my feelings. And yeah, the last one is a threat. You need to know at least that.’ Seokmin messed with his hair, smiling brightly, the one thing Soonyoung really missed. His happy vitamin.  

‘Ermm…I don’t really get it but okay.’ The alpha just stared at the smaller male, loving the confusion in his already cute face. Though he really appreciate Yuna’s pretty looks, Soonyoung’s unorthodox sharp features would always be the best for him. How he longed for the omega this past few months…

The man suddenly brought out a foreign looking device which Seokmin took a while to register that it was a smartphone. Very casually, Soonyoung asked him to take a picture together, but his eyes were glued to the phone, ‘You changed your phone??’

‘Erm. Yeah. The old one broke.’ Soonyoung replied shyly to which he responded with a warm smile. Inside though, he was screaming. Because he almost bought the omega a smartphone a few months back thinking he would be doing the man a favour. Thankfully he didn’t because god knows how awkward it would be for them both right now. Not to mention the other would most probably think he was being looked down which would make this making up session almost impossible. That was as a close call. Why the hell did he even considered that in the first place??

Click. He heard a snap and realized Soonyoung was right beside him, already with a peace sign. As expected, looking at the photo, he eyes were elsewhere. ‘You should’ve said something.’

‘Owh. Okay. One more time?’ Finally ready, he made sure to grin as brightly as he could, matching his eyes’ disappearance with the smaller male. Satisfied with the result, he asked the omega to send it to him. ‘Is this an official photo?’

‘What?’ Soonyoung tilted his head a bit at the question which was too adorable Seokmin wanted to squish him.

‘Our first day.’ Hello blushing Soonyoung… he thought at the other’s reaction. 

‘No.’

‘Hrmm?’

‘I just need a pic of you. For bad days…’ he mumbled the last words inaudibly, but Seokmin could still catch it. ‘And I’m just saying I’ll try.’

‘Okay.’ He nodded, ‘So, first day as a trial couple.’

‘That sounds stupid. But, okay…’ Seokmin simpered at the flushed omega, feeling himself getting warm too. , this wasn’t what he was expecting. Who knew breaking up with Soonyoung would lead him here?

Damn, Mingyu really knows what he was talking about. As expected from an omega-killer. He should thank the man later.

To be continued…

Owh yeah! Hoshi getting his man! Ohohoho!!!

Anyways, I’m actually just wondering why you guys are still reading this ^^;; I really appreciate it but I have to admit, it is really long. Lol. I’m sorry. I should’ve planned this better. But I’ll work harder! I don’t want to drag this fic until 40 chapters so maybe a few more chapters left?

And also, just hinting, the break up may, or may not be their worst challenge. I guess some of you already know what’s coming from my other fic. Yes. That’s coming.

Thanks for always reading and commenting guys! I know it’s long so all the more reason I love you guys so much!!