Cant today too – Hoshi☆

Seokmin frowned, sighing as he let his head fall down. Looking at the ground, he supported all his weight on his hands as he stretched, pretending nothing was wrong. Beside him, Mingyu was doing the same, stretching along with him, which was why he tried not to show how disappointed he was right now.

‘Hey. You okay?’ Seokmin stood up suddenly, almost falling back before realizing he had been in that position for quite a while. He felt a bit light-headed. ‘Dokyeom-ah, you… come on.’ Mingyu put his hand over the other’s shoulders, pulling him close, ‘We’ll stop here.’

‘I…’ He turned his head to the left slightly, again, frowned as he saw his fox talking to someone, laughing. He saw how Soonyoung’s expression changed as he replied to him. The omega didn’t look pleased at all. It was fine if he was in a bad mood, but that was not the case, seeing how he was all smile talking with his friend. Feeling a bit mad at the scene, he turned back to his friend, ‘I’ll just go back.’

‘Aww. No coffee?’ Seokmin gave Mingyu a forced smile before walking back, towards the medical department. He didn’t feel like being there, around Soonyoung. Something ugly was growing inside of him.

The man had been ignoring him since he first mentioned about dinner. At first he thought it was because he was pressuring the omega, like Chan said, but even after he cancelled it, Soonyoung continued to act cold toward him. He didn’t want to assume bad things about his fox so he thought the man was just busy with Jihoon’s competition and his own schedule, which was why he wanted to surprise Soonyoung today.

But…

He was wrong. Soonyoung WAS ignoring him. He didn’t know why. It was just too sudden. Chan didn’t mention any particular change in treatment towards him so it was just Seokmin. Soonyoung was acting cold towards him. Only him.

Why? Was asking him to meet his parents too much for him? Was he acting to soon?

But if that was the reason, why wouldn’t Soonyoung tell him? The omega had been telling him everything that was bothering him since they became close, why keep this a secret? He would have understood. He would have cancelled it earlier had Soonyoung told him to stop. He wouldn’t do anything that would make the other uncomfortable. He thought the man knew it.

Seokmin stared at the lake, trying to clear his messed up head. The thoughts were really suffocating him. He didn’t like this. He wanted to talk to Soonyoung to clear things up but the latter was never available.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ the alpha brought a hand up to hide his closed eyes from the sunlight, wanting to take a nap to forget everything.

*****

Soonyoung turned his phone to silent, wanting to ignore the alpha as he tried to concentrate on Wonwoo. He should have done this sooner. Being friends with his ex.

It was really stupid of him to have avoided the new omega. Hanging out with the latter, just like old times, and not having to avoid stumbling upon him had been really good for Soonyoung. He got enough sleep, a friend to act crazy with, and a bigger problem to deal with other than his own which occupied his mind, making it easier to not think about Seokmin.

It was inappropriate, he knew, but it was nice having someone with a more serious problem than his own. It made his worries seem so small. And, having to handle the man’s random episodes would shift his attention completely to Wonwoo, which he somehow liked. He felt as if he was needed. It made him feel good about himself. That he could take care of someone, a broken someone. A broken someone with hope of recovery. He wanted to see that. He wanted to be the reason for that.

The only problem was, due to a slip of tongue, Wonwoo thought they were trying to fix their relationship back to being lovers. Which was wrong, and completely his fault. Soonyoung was just trying to make the man feel comfortable around him by mentioning his own messed up background, but in the midst of the havoc that was playing in his mind that time, he told the taller male they could be lovers. Like his mother and uncle. Which was stupid.

‘You wanna watch something tonight? I’m doing Walking Dead marathon…’ the deep voice broke his train of thoughts and Soonyoung replied with an honest no. He likes action movies but Walking Dead was too gory for his taste. In fact, he just remembered why they didn’t talk about movies and shows much back when they were together – their tastes were different. Though both loved action-filled movies, Soonyoung prefers the light-hearted ones with comedies while Wonwoo loves more gruesome ones, accompanied with deeper meanings. Except for a few good ones, they rarely fully enjoy the movies they watched together. He just couldn’t tolerate explicit contents. It would haunt him in his sleep.

Hearing that short but firm response, Wonwoo started to scroll around Netflix, trying to find something they can watch together while humming some unknown song.

Soonyoung smiled softly. Seeing how different the man was, how bright he became after that night, Soonyoung couldn’t bear telling him about his intention of not pursuing a romantic relationship. Hopefully Wonwoo would meet an alpha who can make him happy, enough to just want to remain friends with Soonyoung. Or maybe, a therapist telling him not to get into a relationship with another omega because, Soonyoung didn’t have the heart to do it himself.

*****

Staring at the messages from Seokmin made him feel a bit lonely. And sad. A part of him wanted to call and apologize for acting the way he did because Seokmin was being really sweet, trying to call him whenever he had the time and never forgetting the good mornings and good nights, as well as constantly telling him to take it easy, but another part of him, a huge part of him, could not forgive what the alpha did to him.

Soonyoung looked through the stickers the man sent him, secretly wishing another would come soon because it was already late, and there was still no good night messages.

He couldn’t treat Seokmin like this. He didn’t know how other couples fight but he just couldn’t do it. He was mad, and he knew the alpha deserve it but… aside from the lie, the man had been a really good boyfriend. However, that was not enough to make up for his lie.

He didn’t know how to feel about this situation. More than a week or two without seeing the alpha, or hearing his voice and talking to him felt really weird. Even before they were together, they had been calling each other frequently. And after their cool-down period, every single day. The man had become a big part of his life. He missed Seokmin. He missed hearing that voice. Even if he had nothing to say, and he didn’t want to hear Seokmin talk either, because right now, whatever comes out of the alpha’s mouth would sound like a lie to him, he just wanted to hear Seokmin’s voice. It was as if he was addicted to it.

Bringing the phone up, Soonyoung clicked on the call history and without thinking any further, hit the phone icon. He bit his lips anxiously, wondering why he was doing it and regretting the decision after a few rings. Without any answer, Soonyoung cancelled the call, breathing a mixed sigh of relief and disappointment. Closing his eyes, he laid back on his bed before his phone rang, causing him to jump up.

Dokyeom calling…

Soonyoung blinked furiously at the screen, contemplating whether to answer or reject the call. He didn’t want to talk to the alpha but at the same time, he wanted to. He didn’t want to fight but at the same time, he wanted Seokmin to know he was mad.

Slowly bringing his thumb on the green icon, Soonyoung slid it to the right and brought the phone to his ear. ‘Hi…’

‘Hey… You called?’ That voice. That gentle voice. God.

‘You…’re busy today? I mean lately….’ This was awkward. He was sure Seokmin noticed their distance and his avoidance, it was obvious based on his somewhat monotonous tone. That being said, Soonyoung actually wanted to continue his silent treatment so honestly, he didn’t know why he called the man in the first place. They really had nothing to talk about, and he would have to tell Seokmin the reason why he acted the way he did because, he was the one who initiated the contact.

The thing is, he didn’t want to tell the alpha that he knew about the omega house in Daejeon. Why? Because once the fact that he knew about it was out, they would end. Because he couldn’t pretend that this was a small matter. This needed to be addressed and right now, he was still disgusted and utterly disappointed by it. On the other hand, he didn’t want their relationship to end just yet. Sure, he was really mad but he didn’t want to leave the alpha nor did he want to argue or fight. Just thinking about it made him really uncomfortable. He needed time to figure things out. A lot of time to figure things out.

‘Yeah… not really.’

‘Owh…’ That short answer sounded really cold, somehow making Soonyoung really nervous. It was as if he had been caught doing something wrong.

‘I saw you today while jogging.’

‘Really? I didn-‘

‘Yeah, you ignored my message.’ The omega’s heart started to palpitate, sensing the beginning of an argument. A few excuses automatically came up to him but before he could say anything, he realized his jaw was shaking and closed it again, not wanting to stutter. He knew he should be the one getting angry and scolding the other but he couldn’t. ‘Are you mad at me? Did I do something?’

Yes! He wanted to say it but held his tongue. Soonyoung found himself staring at the bedsheet, mind completely blank. He didn’t want to say it but if he answered no, it would feel as if he denied what the other did to him. But he was not ready to say it up front. It was a really humiliating experience. If he said yes and confronted the man, he would be admitting that he fell for it because he was too desperate to be touched.

‘Soonyoung-ah?’

. Tears were falling down his cheeks. What the hell was wrong with him?

Clearing his throat, Soonyoung tried to avoid answering, ‘One of my friend. S-something happened to him.’ He took a deep breath, trying to calm his stutter, ‘He needs help.’

‘Owh no… Is it serious? Do you nee-‘

‘-NO! No, nothing. Just… I can’t. I’m… He’s in a bad shape. I’m looking out for him.’ It was true but it was just an excuse. He didn’t plan to use Wonwoo’s misfortune to avoid Seokmin but it was all he could think of right now to buy him time. And space. ‘I’ll be really busy.’

‘Owh okay… are you okay?’

‘Sure. Just don’t have time cus…’ This was so hard. He felt as if he was betraying the other omega by selling his secret, even though he didn’t mention the latter’s name or what actually happened. ‘He’s not stable. Need to look out…’

‘It’s fine. I didn’t know. Must’ve been hard for you too…’ Soonyoung cursed inside. This gentle, understanding part of Seokmin made it even harder for him to accept the fact that the alpha used his heat to sleep with him. He wished the man was a jerk so he could hate him and end this emotional torture already. ‘Don’t forget to take care of yourself.’

‘I’m ha-‘

‘- love you.’ Soonyoung’s heart almost stopped at that. Love? Love…?

‘I-I… erm, gotta go. H-he’s having a-.’

‘-breakdown.’ Seokmin eyes widened momentarily as he heard the call being hung up. Still unable to accept the sudden interruption, the alpha kept the phone on his ear, as if that would cause his lover to call him back. After a few minutes of silence, only accompanied by the ticking clock, Seokmin finally let the phone down and rested his head on his desk.

That was the first time he ever told Soonyoung straight to his face he loved him. He was sure the other already knew it but something told him he needed to say it today. The tension he felt, and the cold treatment made him feel as if they were moving away from each other.

…but Soonyoung didn’t say it back.

Though, he doubt the omega even heard it considering how his friend was having a breakdown probably somewhere near him.

Which . He knew it was nice of the omega to do it for his friend but Soonyoung was already not getting enough sleep in the first place, and with his busy schedule, they barely able to meet each other for dates. Now, this ‘friend’ just appeared and occupy his remaining time, stealing it from Seokmin.

He knew he shouldn’t feel this way considering the situation but he hated this ‘friend’ of Soonyoung.

Not to mention, he couldn’t shake the feeling that the friend was not enough reason for Soonyoung ignore his messages so suddenly. The change in character was just too abrupt.

Something was wrong.

*****

‘Wassup with you lately man?’ The tall alpha jumped down on the bed, creaking it as he started to get comfortable. Seokmin ignored the question to focus on his book but then decided he needed to talk to someone. Chan wouldn’t understand, Seungcheol was too far from his dorm, and not that close with him. Bam Bam, he was out of the question. All his other basketball club seniors were busy with their rotations. Right now, the only one he could talk to was Mingyu.

‘Are you sure you guys are good? I mean, I’m no expert but sure sound like your fox is avoiding you. Cold feet?’

‘Cold feet?’

‘You know… betas usually change their minds right before marriage or stuff like that. That’s why we alphas,’ the man stood up and walk over to him, leaning against his desk. ‘-bond during . No changing minds right there.’

‘How do you even decided to bond during ?’ Seokmin asked, half-sarcastic. He knew that is the norm, but he just couldn’t see the logic in that. Making such important decision right after something so intimate, when they were somewhat high in each other, it just never seem like a good idea. At least they should talk about it beforehand, which was what he did. Which meant alpha-omegas were no different than betas. Mingyu just raised his shoulders at the question, indifferent. ‘Dunno. Not planning to, don’t care.’

‘Why did I even ask…’ Seokmin sighed. He knew the man wouldn’t be of any help.

‘Maybe he’s mad at you? You did something? Girls and omegas like to act like that I heard.’

‘You heard?’ Again, Mingyu shrugged. He really seemed like he was throwing some random thoughts his way. But, there might be some truth in that. Seokmin really don’t know how to read hints. ‘He said he’s not mad.’

‘Owh… Dokyeom-ah’… you did something didn’t you?’ Mingyu brought his hand up to his mouth, acting dramatic to tease the stressed alpha. Enjoying the panic look on Seokmin, the taller of the two widened his eyes and pointed at his friend, shaking his head. ‘Lee Seokmin, what di-‘

‘I dunno! He said he’s not mad!’

‘Won’t people usually ask why they would get mad in the first place? He said he’s NOT mad? Like, there’s a reason why he would be but he’s not?’ Mingyu leaned closer to Seokmin, enjoying the situation more and more. Seeing the speechless state of the other alpha, he patted his shoulder, trying to hold his laughter. This man, even though he seemed like the more mature one with him being in a serious relationship and studying a year earlier than Mingyu, was really naïve when it comes to real life conflict. How did he manage to survive all this time? ‘Dude. You did something alright.’

‘Okay. He didn’t say he’s not mad. But I think he is.’ Again, the shrug. Seokmin started to get defensive, ‘What did I do?? Ask him for dinner??’

‘How the hell should I know?? It must be quiet serious if he’s running away like this.’

Seokmin frowned at that.

Running away…?

*****

This didn’t feel right. He knew a few changes was certain and was ready to adapt to it but everything felt really different. Skipping classes? The old Wonwoo would flip out if he did that but right now, that was what the other was suggesting – skipping, for no reason at all. Soonyoung understood why the other changed course, but why take something he didn’t like in the first place if he wasn’t determine to complete it? If he wanted act like this and blame in on the major and his classmates, he was better off not returning at all. It was a harsh thought, he knew, but that was the reality.

‘Why do you have so many of these?’ Soonyoung looked over to see the other omega going through his freezer. Sighing, he reminded the man, again to prepare for his next lecture, ‘Still not going.’

Rolling his eyes, Soonyoung finally gave up. ‘Food stock for my heat.’ He muttered incoherently. They wouldn’t talk about it anyway. And since he knew very well how conservative Wonwoo was about heats, even mentioning it in front of him felt embarrassing.

‘It’s…’ Wonwoo tried to change the subject again, as he always did upon hearing about it. ‘It’s expired.’

‘I didn’t notice.’ There was a silence and both of them tried to think about something else to say. Soonyoung knew the other wasn’t comfortable about the matter, and he too, didn’t want to talk about it. He already tried, a lot of time, back when they were together and Wonwoo refused to listen. Nothing would change anyway.  

‘Heat… what, how…’ Wonwoo suddenly spoke, catching the dancer off guard. ‘What does it feel like?’

Soonyoung looked at him, bewildered. He didn’t expect the man to not have it yet, but at the same time, he didn’t even know when Wonwoo first presented as an omega so it could be possible. They never discussed it so he always thought of the subject to be a taboo in their relationship. Which was why he found it even harder to explain something really private.

‘Your body just gets hot and uhm… wants to be touched.’ At least, that was what he felt after Seokmin. Before he met the alpha, it felt like he was having a bad fever and just wanted it to be over.

God, this was embarrassing. He really didn’t want to talk about it anymore. To think of how much his body changed after that trip to Daejeon, because of that persuasion to spend his heat together…

‘C-can you hold it in?’

‘Not really. It’s… kinda sensitive, emotional time and you can’t really think straight so…’ Seokmin really planned it well now that he think of it. He wondered how the guy even knew about his heat though…, his face was starting to heat up. His cheeks were vibrating, he knew he would tear any moment now. Why was he acting like this every time he was reminded of the alpha? He-

‘I-I need to go.’

‘Huh?’ Without any explanation, Soonyoung saw the taller male anxiously shoving his food inside the freezer, not even bothering to close it completely, and ran down to his room. But that wasn’t what broke him from his bad memories, it was the fear Soonyoung felt surrounding him. He didn’t know why Wonwoo was different but whenever he was having a breakdown, Soonyoung could always feel it. It felt so real he thought he would go crazy. It reminded him of his close encounters, but worse. It reminded him of his younger sister presenting those dead animals to him. He felt as if his life was threatened. He knew it wasn’t real which was why he could always stay calm but it was different for the other omega. The man needed his pills to break away from the fear.

Soonyoung chased the other, running towards Wonwoo’s room, worried. This was his fault. He must have said something wrong to trigger his nightmare… ‘Why are you crying? Owh no, I said something?’

‘Go away! I don’t…’ Soonyoung hugged the broken man, not knowing how to stop it. This was probably the worst one yet, the latter’s whole body was shaking and he could see scratch marks all over the other’s hand. This seemed really familiar. This was… what his mother did whenever she had another episode back when he was young. He still remembered it vividly, how confused he was, and how helpless he was as a child, unable to do anything to help her get through her misery. ‘Why are you crying? I need to know so I won’t do it again…’

‘Heat... I don’t wanna be touched!’ So it WAS something he said. Jesus, why the hell did he had to tell it like that when he knew what happened to the man? He really is hopeless when it comes to comforting others. No wonder his mother didn’t care for him. Because he was useless. He only ended up making things worse when he tried to help. ‘Soonyoung-ah! I don’t wanna be touched anymore! That man… I’m scared…’

‘It’s gonna be okay.’ Soonyoung hugged the man tighter, finding himself needing someone to hold instead.

He was not useless, no. He could help the man. He was not the scared little child anymore. He could be someone’s rock now, someone’s support. He was strong enough. ‘I’ll be there with you instead… We’ll get through this together. Is that okay?’

To be continued…

Arghh such a dark chapter! I know this is not as fluffy as the other one so I’m sorry if you came here expecting that T_T I know these past few chapter had been dark. I love angst and I don’t have anywhere to release it anymore so *nervous laughter*

Anyway, just to make thing clear, Hoshi’s running away from his problems, like he always do. He’s always someone who avoids conflicts instead of trying to solve it, and he’s doing it again ^^;; He’s trying so hard avoid having to deal with Seokmin’s lie, and used Wonu’s situation as an excuse. And now you see how much Hoshi’s affected by his childhood! After living with those unstable people for years, of course a small child will develop some sort of trauma. He grew out of it but the current situation is not good for him. Let’s hope something change soon before he digs himself deeper into the darkness!

Do share me what you think might happen next ^^

As always, thank you for commenting here and telling me how much you enjoy this fic!! I really love reading your thoughts and replying to you!! <3<3