Jungkook had lived in that horrible little apartment for almost two weeks now and he was finally feeling comfortable enough to breathe. He had cut and dyed his hair in an attempt to disguise himself a bit – it was a weak attempt, but he looked different anyway. It wasn't just the hair that made him look different, he felt different too. More... independent, shall we say? Or maybe just more in control of his own life – there was no one to decide for him how he should spend his day, or what to wear, or even what to post on social media. The difference was freedom.

It had come with a terrible price, it's true, but maybe this was for the better – only maybe, becuase things were far from perfect. He had to run away several times, he had to find new places to live, he missed the members and he missed Seung Hee with an ache that wouldn't go away. He missed Seoul, and he missed Korea. No matter how much freedom he had, he couldn't deny that at the end of the day he was all alone.

He didn't know anymore.

He didn't know if he was just lying to himself by repeating over and over that he finally had independence. If he let himself think, he didn't know what was good in independence anymore.

It meant loneliness. Isolation. Regret.

But I don't regret anything – I only regret leaving.

How stupid to think all his problems would stay back in Korea when he ran away to Japan. How stupid to think they wouldn't still affect him every day.

If Jungkook were completely honest with himself... he was just tired.

Tired of life, of making bad decisions in order to find happiness. It seemed that every time he caught a glimpse of happiness and tried to catch it, it always escaped from his grasp but stayed tantalisingly near – he could see it but he couldn't have it.

And now, he couldn't even see it. It was just too far.

Every day was the exact same. Wake up and have a breakfast of plain rice before rushing out to work in that fried chicken place, where he was ordered around until his shift ended at night. Then, he trudged home and sometimes he had chicken to eat – the burned or crumbled pieces that couldn't be served to customers.

Ah wait, there was one more thing every day: his neighbor. She rode the elevator with him every night when he got back from work. At first, seeing that he avoided eye contact she paid no attention to him. A week later, however, she finally said, "It bothers me."
Jungkook froze, wondering if she was really speaking to him or not.

"It bothers me that someone I don't even know is ignoring me and that I don't like it."
He looked at her carefully; she had her arms crossed over her chest and was looking at him through narrowed eyes.

"We're neighbors," she said. "We see each other every day so we should be civil enough to acknowledge each others' presence."
Jungkook hesitated, then nodded. The elevator doors opened, she bid him farewell and disappeared behind her apartment door while Jungkook just stood there wondering what on earth had happened.

After that though, they spoke every day.

Little smiles and murmurs of hellos. Then it progressed to "How was your day?" Jungkook found himself looking forward to when he got home from work, just so he could see her.

Maybe it was because he was finally interacting with a normal person again – someone who didn't shriek his name and point, or boss him around and yell about the late orders.

But one day she wasn't there in the lift. It was strange, because for more than a month now, she hadn't even missed a day. Maybe she was sick? But if she was sick, shouldn't he go check on her? She lived all alone, after all... except who was he to check up on her?

He debated with himself for a while, before lowering his head quickly when all of a sudden two people – a boy and a girl, both in high school uniforms – got into the lift. He hadn't seen them before...

He pressed himself into the very back, as if he could somehow get swallowed up and disappear. Being so close to people in such tiny spaces did that to him – except with that other girl, he wasn't like that... he wasn't afraid.

His heart in his mouth, he didn't dare to even breathe. The elevator opened on his floor and he shuffled out, his head still low. He heard the two teenagers get out to and his heart nearly stopped beating when the boy called out, "Excuse me?"
"Y-yes?" he muttered, not looking up.

"You seem familiar," said the girl, looking him up and down. "Do I know you?"
Jungkook backed away slowly.

"Wait a minute," said the girl. "You're Jeon Jungkook, aren't you? From BTS!"
He turned around and fumbled desperately in his pockets for his keys while the girl kept squealing and the boy was repeating "Oh my god" over and over again.

A door opened. "What's going on here?"
Jungkook was so happy to hear her voice – at first, though. Then he thought he would pass out – what would that girl do once she realized who he was? He would have to move away. It was weird, but the thought of not seeing her anymore made his heart sink.
"I heard you guys talking," she said. "And you're mistaken – this isn't Jungkook."
"No, it is," insisted the teenage girl. "Look at him! It's Jungkook-"
"His name is Kim Shi Hyun, and I think I would know if my brother was Jungkook or not."
What? Her brother?

Jungkook stared at her with wide eyes – what was going on?
She ignored him and went on, "My brother's always being told that he looks like Jeon Jungkook – and hey, what are you doing?" she said, and Jungkook almost passed out again when he realized that she was addressing him. "That's the wrong apartment, we live in this one. Aish, you've already been here for a few days but you always get mixed up..."
"Oh," he said in a soft voice - it sounded like a squeak, to be honest. He shuffled across to her door and she opened it wider for him and said, "Go on in, there's dinner on the table."

Gulping, he went in and he heard her say goodbye to the teenagers before shutting the door.

"That was a close one," she said, sighing.

He didn't dare look up at her... what if she was actually angry at him?

"You should be more careful, Jungkook. Don't act so obvious-"
His head snapped up to look at her – she had called him Jungkook...

"Did you know before?" he whispered. "That... I'm him?"
She nodded hesitantly.

"Then... why didn't you say anything?"
"Because it doesn't matter to me," she replied. "I don't really care if you were part of BTS or not – I'm not into things like that."
"Why did you talk to me then?"
"Because we're neighbors, oviously. I saw you every day but you always ignored me and to be honest, that was weird."
"I guess it was."

They stood in awkward silence, neither of them knowing what to say.

Jungkook was a mess – he couldn't believe that she had known and yet hadn't done anything. Someone other than Jungkook would have wondered whether she had taken candid pictures or videos, but to Jungkook, there was something about her and her expression that didn't even make him think about that.

She looked too honest to do that.

And Jungkook realized that he wasn't ready yet to say goodbye to her for now.

He didn't know why. It was weird, but all he wanted was to be with her.

"Have you eaten yet?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I was about to, though."
He held up the plastic bag filled with chicken. "I have fried chicken, want to share?"
She seemed slightly taken aback, but she finally nodded and smiled. "Sure. I have ramen, want to share?"
He grinned. "Yes, I do."
Jungkook went to his apartment to get some coke, and by the time he got back the ramen was already cooked and put in two bowls.

She gestured him to follow her with the chicken and coke, and they ate out on her tiny balcony.

"Whoa," said Jungkook. "I don't have this!"
"Isn't it nice?" she asked, setting everything down and sitting on the floor cross legged.

He sat opposite her. "It is."

They ate the ramen in silence, Jungkook fishing for something to say. There were a billion things he wanted to talk to her about in fact, but he had to start off with something basic right?

"What's your name?" he said at last. "I mean, you know mine but I still don't know yours-"
"Kim Haerin," she replied.

"You're Korean?"
She smiled. "Why else do you think I can speak such good Korean then?"
Oops, good point.

He blushed a bit. "I don't know, you could have lived there for a while or something."
She laughed. "Nah, I'm Korean. This is my third year living in Japan."
He wanted to ask her why she was living in Japan. He wanted to ask her a lot of questions, in fact – where her family was, what was her favourite colour, what did she like doing in her spare time, what her hopes and dreams were, what made her mad and what made her happy. But he could find out slowly, he had time. It wasn't like she would disappear.

And yes, he did have time.

Every day, they rode the elevator together. Then they went into their apartments to get food and then they ate together on Haerin's balcony. She sometimes missed the elevator, but he didn't worry – she often had days off now. And on her days off she would write.
"I've always wanted to be a writer," she confessed to Jungkook one day. "I never have enough time, but one day I'll finish writing a book."
"Can I read it one day?" asked Jungkook. He wanted to – it would give him a glimpse into the world she had created.

She hesitated. "Maybe one day."
Jungkook nodded – he understood. Not everyone was comfortable with showing things like that.

The more time he spent with her, the more he came to associate her with things he thought he had lost: comfort, warmth, care.

"Don't you want to do more?" she asked him a month later. "I mean, will you work at that chicken place forever?"
The question took him by surprise. "No, but it'll have to do until I find a better job."

She just sighed and nodded before bringing out the soju.

Jungkook was a bit nervous about that. It wasn't a very good idea to drink when he was all alone with a girl – a girl who made his heart flutter and who he longed to embrace.

She poured him a drink and tipped her glass against his. "Cheers."
She drank it down in one go and watched him drink too.

"So, tell me," she said. "Why'd you leave Korea?"
Jungkook almost choked. "W-what?"

"You had everything going good – well, before you left that is. Why did you leave?"
She poured him another drink and he stared at her. She stared back. There was no judgement on her face, not even curiousity... just something very, very close to concern.

It all came tumbling out of him. His first meeting with Seung Hee, how he felt when the girl he liked was marrying his hyung and he wasn't supposed to talk to her anymore. How he had genuinely tried to protect her but then became greedy.

"People have been leaving me for all my life," he said. "I thought... if I held on strong enough, I could keep at least her by my side... but I couldn't – I was in the wrong."

Up till now, Haerin hadn't said a word. She just listened and nodded to show she was following what he was saying, and to Jungkook that was more than enough.

But now, she said, "Have you ever thought about why you kept losing people?"

He frowned. "What do you mean?"
"You lost all the members now. But tell me, were they the ones who left you or did you leave them?"
Jungkook couldn't reply to that – he actually didn't know anymore.

Haerin crept up to his side and he felt her hesitatingly reach out and touch his shoulder. "Don't let the mistakes you made in the past affect you like this anymore," she said softly. "Instead, you should look forward and make sure things like that don't happen again. I know you will never do something like that again. Jungkook-"

He covered his face with his hands so she wouldn't see the tears – he still didn't deserve to cry.

"Jungkook, listen to me," said Haerin. "I know you're thinking that you're a bad person. But you're not – you just made bad choices. You know what makes a good person? The fact that you regret ever having done that – the fact that you're crying over it."

She took his hands away from his face and wiped away the tears. Jungkook loved the way she touched him, ever so softly and it felt like a caress, soothing him. He caught her hand and held it against his cheek.

"Aren't you disgusted?" he asked softly. He couldn't help but ask that question, yet he was afraid of the answer at the same time.

"Why would you disgust me?"
"I'm pathetic," he murmured. "I'm acting like some self-centred loser who can't get over himself."

"Shh," murmured Haerin. "You're not, so don't say that. You've been through a lot alone, so don't be too harsh on yourself."

He gulped and nodded. "Haerin... can you... stay with me?"
She wiped away another tear. "I won't be the one breaking off our relationship."
"W-why?" he asked, voice trembling. "I just asked you to stay with me and... why would you even want to?"
She smiled gently. "Probably the same reason why you want me to stay with you."

Something stirred within Jungkook: hope.

He clutched her hand. "So... what is our relationship now?"
"I doubt it's just neighbors," she replied. "Umm... let's figure that part out later?"
He smiled weakly. "Ok. But you should know I never wanted to stay as just neighbors."
"Neither did I."
"Really?"

"How many times will I have to tell you, Jungkook?" she exclaimed. "But fine, that doesn't matter. I'll tell you every day, forever."
Forever...

The word had a nice sound to it – Jungkook liked it. Heck, none of this made much sense, it seemed to be going way too fast. But he didn't mind – since when was life normal anyway?

Feeling a lot lighter than he did since he left Korea, he said, "I just realized we don't know a lot about each other."
"So?"
"So I want to know you! To start off with, what's your favourite colour?"
Haerin smiled so widely Jungkook's heart stuttered. He pulled her closer to him and she settled herself against him comfortably.

"Feels like I've known you forever," she muttered.

His hand closed around hers. "Me too."
"You do know that this can be considered weird right?"
He laughed. "I know that too."
"There's a lot about me that's weird," she warned. "Just a heads up, you can back out, it's not too late yet."
"Yeah well, I'm weird too so there shouldn't be too much of a problem."
She laughed and the sound filled him up with warmth. They were weird – they didn't know much about each other and they didn't know each other for a long time either, yet there was a strange pull that pushed them together.

Jungkook was pretty sure he had found it. This was a person he was pretty sure would stay by him – he didn't know how he knew, but he just did.

Haerin cuddled closer, and his heart did a jig. As he felt the warmth and her form against him, he wasn't just pretty sure anymore – he was definite.

Jungkook found his happiness, and this time he would never let it go.

Wheeeew so this was a bit angstier than I had meant it to be xD The epilouge will be out shortly, and in the meantime....

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I started a new Yoongi fic, Once in a Blue Moon, it would be nice to see you guys there ^^