Jungkook hugged his knees to his stomach, trying to keep from shaking. He knew that sooner or later the company or his hyungs would come, and demand explainations. He thought he wouldn't care, that he would be unafraid... but he wasn't. He was so damn scared right now, not of what he had done, but of how others would react.

Would Yoongi hyung and Seung Hee understand? Would she finally stop looking at him with eyes that clearly said how dare you come back?

His phone rang, and, hands shaking, he checked: it was Namjoon hyung.

Jungkook's phone hadn't stopped ringing since last night, and he let it ring. That meant that no one had found him yet... though he was sure Namjoon and Yoongi knew where he was.

Sure enough, a while later, the code to his apartment was entered and Namjoon came storming in. "Jeon Jungkook, what the hell did you do?"
Jungkook hugged his knees even closer against him, as if that could shield him from Namjoon's fury.

"I did the right thing, hyung."
Namjoon's face was red, and he was so furious he couldn't speak properly. "Y-you ruined it! There is no way Yoongi can return, so why the hell did you go and do that? Now you can't return either!"
"I don't care," said Jungkook. "If Yoongi hyung went down because of me, I'm going with him."
Namjoon grabbed him by the collar and shouted, "Yah! You brat! What about the rest of us? What about me? You only thought about yourself again!"
"I told Seung Hee I would fix it," said Jungkook tonelessly.

"You didn't fiix a thing! All you did was drag yourself in the whole thing!"
"I think... Seung Hee will be able to forgive me now," said Jungkook, tears suddenly pooling in his eyes. "But I want you to forgive me, too, hyung."
Namjoon let go of him, taking deep breaths. "You are the stupidest person I have ever met, you know that? Why you would cause trouble for yourself-"
"Just listen to me!" cried Jungkook, and the raw emotion in his voice made Namjoon fall quiet. "Do you think I can live with myself if they are the only ones who got hurt? And this might take away some of the spotlight on Yoongi hyung – the reporters and netizens should attack me now, not him."

"Jeon Jungkook-"

"You have to understand, hyung, you have to, no one else will, but you have to." The tears finally fought their way down, and he wiped them off with the back of his hand quickly, as though denying that he was crying, denying that he had the right to cry. "I don't care what will happen to me, I only did this so Yoongi hyung would stop getting all the hate – he did nothing, I deserve the hate, I deserve it all."

"But what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know," he said, though he knew perfectly well what he would do. He would leave Korea and start a new life somewhere else. He would leave behind everything, and start over. Maybe in Japan... he had liked it when he visited. Yeah, maybe he could go live in Japan.

The code was entered again and this time it was Yoongi who entered. He just stared at Jungkook for a while before saying, "I hate you so much..."
Jungkook gave him a weak smile. "I know. I do, too."

Yoongi knelt down beside him, and put his hand on the trembling maknae's shoulder. "You didn't have to, you know."
"I know."

"You didn't make things better for me – you only hurt yourself."
"I know," he whispered.
And that was all they needed to say.

* * * *

Three long months had passed since Yoongi had been revealed. The members were all doing solo activities now, and Jungkook had left K Entertainment. His broadcast had shocked everyone – Seung Hee, watching it live, was horrified and no matter how much she called him he just wouldn't answer.

"I actually betrayed the members several times," Jungkook had said. "I was the one who created Yoongi hyung's scandal. Why? Because I was blinded by jealousy."
Yoongi had come running when she screamed for him, and his jaw fell open and he pointed at the screen. "What the hell is he doing?"

"Yoongi hyung didn't tell you because he knew you would get hurt," said Jungkook earnestly. "And he was right to. We should never hurt you. But you shouldn't hurt us either."
And then, he disappeared. Seung Hee didn't even get the chance to see him before his contract was terminated – he had to pay a huge fine for that, which he had to borrow and would no doubt spend years trying to pay back – and he vanished. No one, not even Namjoon, knew where he went.

"Stupid guy," Yoongi fretted. "No, don't read any of those articles – those people can write trash about him but we will not get affected. We won't read those lies..."
And then one day it happened. The fans stopped hating her. A video of her and Yoongi was made; they even had a shipping name: YoonHee. 'ProtectYoongi' project quelled the anti-fans, they demanded Yoongi's comeback.

"You'll be able to go back!" Sung Hee cried, grasping his hands. "Yoongi, it's all right!"
But it wasn't.

"It's not the fans who were the main problem," explained the CEO. "It's the producers and investors – no matter how much the fans want him back, he has become a 'tainted idol.' They don't trust that he will not create some other scandal and thus ruin their business."
"But that's ridiculous," said Manager Woo. "Min Yoongi is one of the most talented-"
"It's not my decision," the CEO cut in. "Even if we wanted to, no one is willing to work with him."
"He can make a solo comeback. He-"
"Woo, that will not change anything. No one wants to invest or work with him."

Woo then took up the task of meeting with producers and making them listen to Yoongi's songs. They all said the same thing: they were afraid to risk it.Woo kept trying; Yoongi was too good to waste. There had to be some way...
* * * *

Meanwhile, Seung Hee graduated high school – Yoongi didn't come, her mother did instead – and, much to Yoongi's relief, her exams were over but, to his horror, she was looking for a good college. "I hate it when you study!" he yelled. "You never pay attention to me – is it your stupid textbook or me?"
Once, just to see how his reaction would be, she said, "Of course you."
His face went pink, and he fidgeted a bit before yelling all over again, "YAH! That's not good! Get lost and study! If you don't get high marks I'll lock you up in the cupborad!"

"Then you help me."
"What?"

"Help me study."
"No."
"Ah, you're too stupid to right? Well, it's ok then, not everyone can be smart-"
"Shut up and give me your book."
She suppressed a smile and curled up beside him while he tried to pretend to know what was inside those texts.

"Explain this law," he said.

"You're teaching me so you explain."
"You stupid kid, I'm the teacher so you listen to me. Can't you explain it? It's so easy!"

Seung Hee then took over, teaching Yoongi instead. This was good in several ways: one, since she had to teach, she understood the subject more, two, it was fun to yell at Yooongi when he yawned, and three, she could be with him.

Yoongi was home all the time now. He still didn't have a schedule. "This means that you have to earn the money, ok?"
"Ok."
"I'm very expensive to keep, you know. I can't wear or eat just anything, you know."
"I know. Don't worry, I'll make money to take care of you."
Though he tried to hide it, Yoongi was fed up with staying shut at home all day, and became increasingly cranky and stubborn about stupid details like arranging the shampoo bottles according to brand and size, and having all the labels facing the same direction. He compulisvely straightened shoes in the entrance, and cleaned every day with such vigor Seung Hee wished he would just go back to being the lazy slob he used to be.

But she never said anything. There was something about the way he cleaned so compulsively and with something that almost amounted to aggression that told her he wasn't cleaning just for the heck of it. No, maybe he thought he could get his own life straightened out and clean if he tried hard enough. And now, seeing him scrubbing away at the windows wasn't funny anymore – it was a bit pathetic, to be honest.

"Yoongi, come watch TV with me!"
"No, let me finish."
"But it's your favorite show!"
"I have to finish this – it has to be clean again."

Nothing would drag him away from it.

Sometimes, he would stay locked up in his – no, their – room and not come out for hours. And when he finally appeared, he seemed shaky and restless, and clung on to her.

"Don't go out," he begged.

"But I have to – don't you want to eat? Just five minutes, ok? Let me buy our dinner-"
"Please don't," he whispered, and his eyes were so scared that she always gave in. Then they ate take-out for dinner.

On those nights, he always held her closer and tighter than he usually did, but then he disapperared in the middle of the night. He would be back by morning though, smelling of alcohol. Sometimes he had cuts and bruises, from drunken fights. He always looked at her the next morning, ashamed, scared of her judgement.

But she never judged him. She just hugged him, no matter how much he reeked and what was on his clothes. "Don't do this to yourself, Yoongi."
He would break away and run to the toilet, where he would lock himself up and turn the tap on so she wouldn't hear him throwing up.

Yoongi hated this. He hated returning to her like this, hated seeing that look on her face – it was not disgust or pity, it was sadness and understanding. This was worse than if she was disgusted. He knew he wasn't making this easier, that he was in fact burdening her with his pathetic behavior, but he couldn't stop. He couldn't stop clinging to her like a child, afraid that if she went out she wouldn't come back. He wouldn't come back either to be honest.

* * * *

Though Yoongi refused to talk with any of the members, even Namjoon, Seung Hee saw them once in a while. Except for Jimin – he refused to see the girl who had broken up BTS. "Yoko," he spat at her.

And Jungkook. He had disappeared when his broadcast aired, and she didn't even get the chance to say goodbye. Or yell at him for being so stupid. Just before it aired, though, he had sent her a text: Please don' hate me anymore. And take good care of yourself and Yoongi hyung. I told you I would try to fix thigs right? Even if this doesn't really fix them, things are balanced now.

No it's not! she wanted to yell at him. Nothing is balanced! You didn't do a thing besides run away from your problems!
Then again, that's what people did. Some people run away and try to build a new life, but the thing is, you can never really escape what you did.

Stupid Jungkook. I forgive you, you didn't have to do something like this. I miss you, and Yoongi does, too.

Namjoon told her, "He is still young, and was pretty confused and guilty. He thought that by harming himself, it would somehow make things all right again."
How wrong he was, then.

Seung Hee started seeing things she didn't notice or realize it's importantance before – the idols that fainted onstage because of too many schedules. A suicide attempt and no one was doing anything, no one even knew why she tried to kill herself. A plea for help on Instagram, which was later taken down but it left it's point: My fans are all I have now. If you see this, please talk for me. My agency won't listen to me.

The fandom wars – someone collapsed, and the fandom created accounts in another fandom's name to speak badly of the collapsed idol: "I'm so glad there are no Chinese members in our group," "He fainted again? What a weakling." That was to make the other fandom look bad. But how could you say that if you were really a fan? How could you try to make another fandom look bad by creating fake accounts and insulting your own idol? And more importantly, why would you try to make another fandom look bad?

The love between an idol and a fan can be a beautiful thing. But if it goes too far, it can become an ugly thing. Or wait, that's not really love then: that's called stalking. If you really love someone, you would not hate them because they got married or are in a relationship. You would not petition for their suicide, or for them to be kicked out of the group.

Fans tried to break into an idol's hotel room. They chased two idols who only wanted to hang out for a while, and that resulted in a car accident – the idols got hurt, but they had to apologize to the fans. Where was the justice in this? Why do they have to take all the bad treatment, why won't people listen to what they have to say without causing a scandal?

They are aware of all this, yet do nothing. They can only do nothing; no one will listen. When asked what he hoped the new year would bring, an idol said, "I wish I will be loved a little more in the coming year." When asked what he always wanted people to remember, he said, "I want them to remember that I'm also human – I have my ups and downs, and I need rest, too."

There are other stories too. Beautiful stories between fans and their idol, but no matter how beautiful they are, it cannot erase the bad.

Things were becoming so hard. Though the fans had forgiven Yoongi a long time ago, reporters were always digging up his past. Seung Hee felt drowned every time she saw a new article about Yoongi appear. But this one – this one was the worst. A reporter had managed to get find one of the girls he'd played around with, and no doubt for revenge she exaggerated everything and Seung Hee tried hard not to believe it. She tried to remember the Yoongi she knew and not let the words poison her.

Miss B claims that Suga often went to karoake bars and got drunk. "He would call all the girls there and go home with the ones he liked. I've been with him several times – each time, he kept taking my phone and checking to see whether I have anything about him on it."
Well yeah, thought Seung Hee. And he was right to check her phone; she couldn't be trusted.

Another woman recounts that he had confessed his unhappiness with his marriage. It seems that though Suga appeared protective, all is not well with the couple. "He does not know how to treat people. I mean, I was with him for only a brief moment of time, but that was enough for me, I couldn't take it any more. He told me the marriage was a mistake, that he wishes he could undo it all."

Meanwhile, the fandom is in an uproar over the new discovery of their favorite idol's true personality. He has always kept a polite face on camera, and the allegations by several ex-girlfriends is putting him in another light altogether.

No, it's not, she though. All right, a lot of fans were shocked and believed in those articles, but the majority didn't. The comments were full of arguments between those who believed and those who didn't.

Seung Hee heard someone come in – Yoongi. Hurriedly, she switched off the tab but he knew what she had been doing.

"I told you not to use the internet for a while," he said. He sounded exhausted. "You'll get hurt."
What about you? She wanted to ask. You are using it, don't you see all those things they write about you?

"I don't want you to see what they say about me," he said quietly.

She could read it in his eyes: I'm scared you'll see me differently.

"I know you saw them," he said. "They're not true, I swear, please believe-"
Seung Hee shut him up by wrapping her arms around his waist. "I didn't see anything," she whispered. "And even if I did, I don't believe them – I believe you."