Kim Woo Bin POV

Its 5 by the time we both wake up.  He pokes me, asking me to get up.  His eyes are as bleary as mine.  I will need to leave soon.  His manager will be here in couple of hours.  He has a schedule at 9 and I have mine at 11. 

I want to have breakfast with him.  I want to talk more about why he had tears in his eyes when I said I loved him.  I want to know how he really feels.  What does he want to do?  When will we meet again? 

Sigh. 

Nothing can really change.  This is the life we have chosen.  This is where we both wanted to be in our careers.   Now too many people depend on us.  We have signed too many contracts.  Nothing can change….

I see him watching me.  Trying hard not to fall asleep.  He has a tiny frown and an expression I can’t yet read.  What is he thinking? 

“How much time do we have?” he asks.

“An hour at most”

We both sigh.  He pulls me up to sitting position and puts his head on my shoulder.  “Let’s just sit like this for a while okay?”

I kiss his head and nod.

Why do I feel sad?  Why I feel like he is feeling the same?

……

He whispers “This is what I wanted to avoid.  I don’t have bandwidth to feel this way”.

I tell him I know.

He says “I love you”.

I realized I knew that.  I tell him I know.  I tell him I am sorry.  Neither of us knows for what.

…….

We hold each other for another 15 minutes.  Every minute is so precious.  I heart is bursting with a feeling that is hard to bear.  I think he is going through the same thing.

…….

Finally he stirs.  “Want to help me clean up?  My manager will be in soon”

I tell him yes.

We get up from bed.  I help him change the sheets.  We shower together.  No this time.  We are feeling very different things.  He kisses me tenderly.  Washes my back.  Tickles me a little.  I pin his hands down and then hug him. 

We put on our clothes.  Look around just in case.  No sign in the apartment that says anything happened.  It looks clean. 

It’s already 5.30.

I should leave now. 

He asks if we should have breakfast together, like friends who slept over.  That way, if Manager comes in, it won’t look suspicious. I think that will work.

So, we try to cook.  He makes an omelet.  I toast some bread and brew coffee. 

We sit quietly at the dining table and eat.

Its 6.30.

I should leave now.

I look at him.  He has tears in his eyes.  I nod.  He nods back. 

I walk to the door.  Wear my shoes.  He is close to me.  Looking at me.  I pull him very tight to me and kiss him as if my life depends on it.  He kisses me back.  We are both melancholic.   This is not how this is supposed to be. 

I can’t breathe.

I leave him, open the door and walk out.

….

Lee Jong Suk POV

Woo Bin left. 

A wave of loneliness washes over me.  I scream in frustration.  This is exactly what I wanted to avoid.  I knew it would be like this and that is why I had decided not to text him for a month.  But one text from him and I wanted to throw all caution to the wind. 

I scream again in frustration.  How do relationships survive in our industry? Why did I start something that would cause both of us such misery?

I sit on the couch trying to get myself together.  My manager will be here soon.  He can’t see me like this. 

I have a photo-shoot and an interview today.  My manager has already given me likely questions and what to answer.  They all know I tend to go off script.  I have never been good with interviews though I am getting slightly better.  Photo-shoots on the other hand are easier. 

I feel better thinking about practical things. 

I also have couple of scripts that I need to read for my next projects. 

I wash my face again and clean up the kitchen.  That keeps me occupied.  Woo Bin looked bad when he left. 

I am so sorry Binnie.  I know I started this.  You were just fine when you did not know.  I started this.  I can’t help another wave of self pity.  My eyes are welling up. 

NO! Stop!

…….

I get a text from him. 

“Reached home, no incident.  You okay?”

“Not okay.  I miss you.   I love you.  Don’t forget to delete these texts”

“I love you too Sukkie.  Will remember to delete”

“sob”

“I know.  Sob”

“I think we should get it together huh?”

“Yeah”

“Will call later”

“Okay.  If my manager picks up, you stayed over.  I am going to empty few beer cans”

“Okay”

“Last text”

“Last text”

Sigh…

….. I feel better.   That is good.

....

Lee Jong Suk Manager POV

It looked like Woo Bin had stayed over.  I am glad those guys got some time to hang out.  I think Jong Suk needed that.  He has been working like a machine for few months now. 

Wow.  How many beers did they drink?  Trash is full with them.  He has a photo shoot in 2 hours.

I call out “Jong Suk”

LJS: “I am in the bedroom”

I go in there.  He is reading scripts.  His eyes are puffy.  Cheeks have blotches.  That won’t do.  What is he thinking?  He has a photo shoot.  He knows he can’t have a hangover the day of the photo shoot. 

I will need to tell the makeup artist about this so they are prepared.

I tsk tsk at him.  “Jong Sukka, how can you have these eyes today?  Don’t you know you have a photo shoot?  How much did you guys drink?  I think Woo Bin has his movie shoot.  How did he look?  He can handle beer better than you.   You have to be careful.”

I see him bristle.  “I know that.  When was the last time you saw me like this?”  He is unusually sharp.  Hmmm..  Did they fight or something?  Those boys have nothing to argue about.  So, that is not it.  He does not look fine.  It does not look like a simple hang over.

Suddenly he shakes his head and looks up.  He has an apologetic grin and says he is sorry.  “We just hung out and decided to be careless for one night.  Sorry Manager-im.  You know it’s rare.  I am sure they can cover it up.  It will all be fine in few hours”.  He grins wider.  That grin – that is the grin that makes me sad sometimes.  It is a grin that masks what he feels.  It hides things.  It lights up his face and everyone is so dazzled that they don’t read anything else except the cuteness.  But I know that grin and today it makes me sadder.  What happened Jong Suk?

I look around.  Everything looks clean.  Just beer cans in trash and some uneaten breakfast.  Hmmm.  Definitely not a fight.  Well, I don’t have time for this.  I need to get him ready.  Go over day’s schedule.  He is busy and that makes me busy.  I am sure calls will start soon, scripts will come in.  ….

He is growing up and he will figure whatever this is.  If he needs help he will ask me.  And I will help him. 

Don’t be too unhappy Jong Sukka.  Career wise, this is what everyone dreams of.  You have reached a place many only dream of.  It is not always pleasant but when you look back, you will be fine.  You will be proud.  You are young.  Whatever troubles you right now, you have the strength to figure it out and it will all work out.  You are just starting.  You have to get used to this life.  Remember?  This is what you wanted.

I can’t say these things loud and come across as patronizing.  I am sure he knows all this.  I don’t need to say this to him.

“Do you want to start getting ready?  What are you planning to wear?  Should I call the stylist or you already know?

LJS: “Call the stylist.  That may be better”

Okay.  “We will have to leave in an hour.  Make up guys are on the way.  You want to wash up now?”

LJS: “I already showered”

“Already?  What time did Woo Bin leave? 

LJS: “About an hour I think”

“Okay.  Then rest.  I will shout when they come in”

LJS: “k”

Something does not feel right.  But I don’t have time to think about that. 

…

Everyone starts piling in and another busy day in the life Lee Jong Suk begins.

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