Lee Jong Suk POV

I went out an old model friend I knew and one thing lead to another and we ended up back in my apartment and found ourselves in bed the next morning. 

Well, I know I am not all gay.  May be subconsciously I needed to find out.  But right now, I need her to leave.  I am not feeling great in my head.  For some reason, the first thought that comes to my head is what will Woo Bin think.  I debate if I should tell him or not.  The pressure that I feel in my head is irritating me. 

We both move in similar circles.  There is a high likelihood that he will find out.  Should he find out from someone else or should I let him know?

Arghhh..

Why do I feel I cheated on him?  It is so ridiculous!!

……

It’s been couple of days since I have had any communication with Woo Bin.  We had spoken only once since our make out session.  It was slightly awkward.  Neither wanted to really talk about what had happened between us.  Definitely not over the phone. 

Our schedules don’t really match and we kept missing each other when we called.  But we texted each other frequently every day.  Nothing big.  Just hellos.  Brief texts on whatever we were feeling.  “Exhausted” “Really tired and sleepy” “How was your day?” mundane stuff like that.

But now I have not heard from him for couple of days.  I feel too guilty to text him.  I wonder if he has already heard and if that is the reason for this silence. 

….

I can’t bear the suspense anymore.  So, I pretend we are friends and finally text him.

“Hi.  Long time.  Busy?”

I get his text back after almost an hour.  I have been so stressed just waiting for it that I want to fling something at something.  I hate all this strangeness in our relationship that is really the best thing that has happened to me in a while. 

It has always been difficult for me to make friends.  I am kind of awkward with strangers and unless I feel the connection, I continue to stay awkward.   I am not everyone’s cup of tea.  But Woo Bin is different.  He is warm and outgoing.  He can make friends easily and I envy him.  He cut through my shyness very quickly and I held on to him for my dear life.  He gets me and I get him. 

But now, I feel this stress when I talk to him.  Since that kiss.  There is an undercurrent in our interactions that was not there before.  Especially since I went out with that model, it has just gotten worse for me. 

“Been Busy” I get a very curt text.  I am just happy at least he texted back.

“I went out with xxx the other day” I write back.

WB: “I heard”

I don’t know if it is too presumptuous of me to ask him if he is alright with it.  I don’t know if it is the right thing to ask him.  We have not defined our relationship.  It was just a kiss.  There is no reason for me to go through this confusion.  I need to stay casual and not overthink this.  I might be the only one who is making this bigger than what it actually is.

“Did you have fun” I get another text back immediately.

Argh!  It makes me mad. 

“Yeah, lots of fun” I write him. 

“Good.  I am busy now.  Later!” he writes back. 

……

We don’t communicate again for few days.

……

We should have talked like adults, discussed what had happened instead of ignoring it.  I am sure we used excuses of both of our schedules so as not to deal with whatever had changed between us.  I refused to acknowledge anything except I was physically attracted to a guy I was friends with and he the same.  I expected everything else to stay the same way.  Best Friends. 

Now, I have realized things are not the same anymore.  I did not like our last exchange.  Something about that exchange just did not feel right. 

I miss him.  I want to talk to him.  I tried looking thru his fan sites to see if anyone has seen him.  It only looked like he was busy with his shooting.  I saw one photograph that disturbed me.  He was looking at the phone with a devastated look.  Fan posting the picture had asked “What is making Kim Woo Bin so sad”.  There were whole lot of comments from fans on this photograph.   I am sure it was not my text.  Surely, I did not make him feel that way.  He must have been preparing for a shoot…..

It’s been busy for me.  In a way I am very glad. 

 I am surrounded by people every minute, even when I sleep sometimes.  They are worried I will not wake up on time … I barely get any sleep these days.  I need to stop whining and be grateful for my success and for the people who worked very hard for me.  I am very grateful.  But I do feel like I need some space.  

And I feel like I need Woo Bin. 

I feel physically sick when I think about him.  I feel I have lost him.  I wish I can talk to him once.  I don’t know what we will talk about though.  Something fundamentally has changed between us and I was responsible for making it happen.  To have started it and perhaps to finish it.  Good job Lee Jong Suk.  What I a great prick of a friend you are. 

I want to kick myself for being an insensitive guy.  What would I have done if I was in his position?  Made sure I never saw him again.  Oh god!  .  I am a ing bastard.

Woo Bin POV

I did not hear back from Jong Suk after that text exchange.  I did not feel like texting him either.  I regret I went to his apartment that day when he asked me to come over.  I regret that I lost control with just a small peck from him.  I regret that I allowed things to get out of control.  I regret that I felt too emotional based on one make out session.  I almost understand where he is coming from.  We are not practical.  We can’t exist any other way than just friends.  He is making sure I understand it.  Hot make out session be damned. 

When I know all this rationally, why do I feel this ty?  I need some distance from him.  Some space.  Even if he texts, I need to ignore them.  Did he text?  I check the phone again. 

 Nope, no texts.  Good!