Lee Jong Suk’s Manager POV

Lee Jong Suk has been very cranky lately.  A lot has to do with how busy he has been and rest of it appears to be something else and I don’t know what it is.

When he is alone he looks depressed.  He keeps telling me he has done badly in his movies.  He is restless.  Only his stylist and I see this side of him as he is himself around us.  No one else sees this.  He is all smiles, brightness and sunshine when he is in public.   He gets a little too honest during his interviews. 

His popularity soared this year, after that hit drama.  For everyone around him this is exciting though very tiring – especially him.  He is kind to everyone when he himself is not down.  But when he is cranky, he can get cranky. 

….

Managing tired and restless stars is an exhausting job!

…..

“What is going on with him?” his stylist asks me.

“He is just tired.  He has been barely getting any sleep.” I tell her.

“There is something else.  Anything going on with his family?”

“I don’t think so.  It’s the usual.” I reply back.

Though it makes me think what has changed in recent times when it comes to his personal life. 

“Is he depressed about his noona?” she almost sounds serious.

“Are you kidding?” I laugh.  “Do you believe what fans say now?”

She laughs back.  “Just wondering.  He looks a little distressed sometimes.  It is not something I have seen much”

“May be he needs a break” I tell her.

….

I have noticed talking to Woo Bin makes him feel better instantly.  They don’t get to talk often.  But sometimes, when a giggle bursts out of him, I am almost certain it is Woo Bin.

Why do I assume it is Woo Bin?

…..

Well, I have now learnt it was Woo Bin.  So, I was right.  Talking to Woo Bin makes him happy. 

A sigh I did not know I had in me escapes me.

…..

Lee Jong Suk always gets deeply attached once he is attached.  His bond with Woo Bin has been especially strong since the School drama days.  At one time, even I believed everything the fans were saying; that they were actually in love. 

But I laughed of course.

It is a good thing to have that kind of chemistry.  It translates well on the screen and fans believe it.  That is actor’s bloodline.

They did care for each other though.  Woo Bin cared for than Jong Suk I think.  Jong Suk just enjoyed all the caring he was receiving.  They were a perfect pair. 

We managers were not allowed on the set.  Strict rules.  So, Jong Suk was on his own and Woo Bin took care of him like a mother hen.  I was grateful.  I have always felt Jong Suk needed caring.  He was always drawn to someone who cared for him and accepted him just the way he is.  Socially awkward, shy but once he is comfortable, he became very noisy, childish and also very warm.   Sometimes, emotionally dependent and a little possessive.    

Being alone and taking care of yourself since you are 16 changes the way you interact with people.  It gets worse when you are naturally shy but entering an industry that is entirely based on fans and also ruthless in its feedback. 

His personality and his ambition are contradictory to each other.

When I think of him, I get a little emotional myself.

I admire his internal strength.  To defy his dad, despite his personality, to live on his own, stay committed because of his dream, needs strength of conviction.  Especially when the first 6-7 years don’t really go your way. 

He was happiest when he was in that School drama and it was mostly to do with his relationship with Woo Bin and how comfortable he felt with everyone.  The drama director just knew how to get the best out of him and he learnt a lot as an actor. 

…..

When I discovered he felt brighter whenever he talked to Woo Bin, I always gave him space.  Friends talk different things.  Sometimes, they want to complain about their agencies and managers.  They need to vent just like I need to sometimes vent about my own job!!  He can’t do that if I am around.  So, when he speaks to him, I make sure he is alone.

…..

Why is it that I am not as sensitive when he gets calls from his other friends?  Or he calls them?  He is chatty as usual but it’s not the same with Woo Bin. 

…..

What is it about their interactions that is making me uncomfortable that I want to give him space?

…..

I have been getting a knot in my stomach recently and my heart burn has been getting worse.  I have also associated that the heartburn directly coincides when Lee Jong Suk is on phone with Kim Woo bin.

…..

What is bothering me?  And what is making me sad?

I think about the morning I found him puffy eyed.  He gave an easy explanation and I had nodded.  But when I think back, perhaps I wanted an easy explanation.

What is going on with them?  It can’t be.  They are just really good friends.  Everyone needs one person like that.

Right?

…..

May be he just needs a break.  All this crankiness is just due to lack of rest. 

…..

I burn my phone lines and give Jong Suk a pleasant surprise.   Well, I think it is.  It should be considering he has not had rest for last 8 months? 

He gets a 3 day break!  I am excited for him. 

“What am I going to do with just 3 days?” that is his response. 

I wish he was more excited.   I worked so hard for it.

These ungrateful stars!!!

I a little.  “Be grateful” I tell him.

“Thank you hyung” he says.  I am not even sure if he is just being sarcastic.

……

Lee Jong Suk POV

I was going to get three days off! 

I could not believe they made it happen but they did. 

I may not have shown how grateful I was to my manager.  I stay in a constant state of irritation these days and I feel sorry for my state.  I can’t help myself.  It has been so tiring.  And I have not been able to get together with Woo Bin for weeks.  It can get frustrating in different levels.

…..

I want to sleep all three days but I think I will regret it if I do.  I wish Woo Bin could take the three days off and we could go somewhere, just the two of us and forget everything else.  That is a nice fantasy but I can’t indulge myself in fantasies.

I send him a text about the 3 days.  May be he can find a day or two somewhere but I am kidding myself. 

WB “I don’t think I can make it even for one day Sukkie.  But I will keep trying”

I am disappointed but I did not really expect anything else.  He is too busy himself. 

WB “So, what are you planning to do?”

Me “I will sleep some.  But I want to get smashed out one day just to see how it feels.”

WB “What do you mean smashed out?”

Me “Drink”

WB “Alone!?”

What is he worried about?

I tell him I will call my friends.  He knows all of them.  There aren’t too many. 

WB “Where?”

Me “In my apartment, club I don’t know.  I will figure out.”

WB “I don’t like it that you will get smashed out like that without me”

Me “Well, you are not there.  What exactly do you want me to do about it?”

WB “I don’t like it”

Me “Too bad”.  I am feeling petulant. 

I sigh at him.  Well, if he does not like it, I can’t do much about it.  I light a cigarette.

WB “Are you lighting a cigarette? Don’t smoke”

Me “Look who is talking”

I know cigarettes are bad for me.  For my skin, for my health.  I need to shake off this habit.  But, I need some stress relief sometime.  I rationalize. 

I hear him sigh.  Our conversations do not always bring each other comfort.  Sometimes, they just irritate each other.  It comes from the frustration we both feel about our relationship.

WB “Just be careful”

Me “Yeah” I tell him as I inhale all that comforting smoke.  I don’t like this habit.

…..

My holidays are here.  Today, I am going to sleep. 

Tomorrow, I am going to get smashed out. 

…..

I let Woo Bin know that friends are coming over to my apartment around 6 and we will be drinking.  I tell him I will text him whenever I wake up. 

…..

My friends come and we start drinking.  I have asked someone to get a bottle of everything.  From Champagne to Vodka to Scotch to Soju and beer.  I don’t know enough about alcohol to know what is good or bad.  I will drink everything.  I have one day to sleep it all off.  I know I will miss Woo Bin but all the drinks and the noise should drown out the loneliness I will feel. 

It’s been already two hours and I already feel a little drunk.  My mind feels still sober, though it does not look like I am in complete control of my body. 

My apartment bell rings and someone opens the door.

“Kim Woo Bin’s here” someone screams.  There are lots of cheers around.

I am in utter disbelieve. 

Woo-Bin’s here?

Kim Woo Bin POV

I manage to get an early night off.  I can be out by 7 and I can get to Jong Suk by 9.  Hopefully, I can be there when he is all done.

Jong Suk does not like to drink.  He does not really drink.  I don’t know why he wants to get smashed out as he says.  But, once he makes up his mind, there is nothing stopping him.  I don’t even know why I worry.  There will be enough people around him to make sure he is okay but I feel I need to be there. 

In the past, when we were just friends, he would simply go to sleep once he drank little of anything.  I don’t know exactly how he thinks he can get smashed out without falling asleep after couple of drinks.  But, it’s been a while since I saw him drink and I don’t know if his limits have changed.  But I want to be there no matter what.  Even if it is to simply watch him sleep with his mouth open. 

……

I reach up and I hear noise coming out of his apartment.  It looks like the party is going strong.  So, instead of opening the door with my set of keys, I simply ring the bell.  No one knows I have a key to his apartment. 

One of his friends opens the door and screams “Kim Woo Bin’s here”.  There is loud cheer.  It looks like they are all slowly getting drunk.  Their noise only drowned by the loud music.  I wonder what neighbors are going to say.  I look for Jong-suk.

Sukkie’s is sitting on the couch sprawled.  Clearly he was not expecting me.  I see disbelief in his eyes.  I also see a very y smile coming on.  He looks half asleep.  All I want to do is to kiss him but I can’t.   He carefully picks up the glass and toasts me. 

They all know we are close.  So, it’s not a big deal that I go to him, squeeze myself between people to sit next to him and I don’t really think he understands there are people around us as he automatically snuggles close to me and puts his head on my shoulders. 

I laugh at everyone casually.  It is a good thing he is known to be uninhibited when it goes to touching people and everyone knows we are comfortable with each other.  So, no one cares when he gets all snuggly and I put my arm around him.  I whisper in his ears “Take it slow”.  I see all sorts of liquor bottles around.  I sniff his glass to see what he is drinking.  It smells like Vodka mixed with something. 

I have to drink to keep up with appearances.  Somebody asks me what I want and I tell them.  They give me a glass.  The drink is really strong.  I am not going to drink too many.  I will be sane tonight. 

“Hey, can you give me some water?” I ask one of them.  They do.  I pour some in Sukkie’s glass.  He does not notice. 

When I look around, I see Jong Suk’s manager.  He is looking at me.  I see warning in his eyes.  Does he  know about us?  He knows Jong Suk is going to be drunk and may not be in control.  I think he almost senses that me being there is not the greatest idea.  I am feeling slightly angry.  I look at him defiantly.  He knows I will not do anything that would jeopardize any of us.  He needs to trust me. 

Then, someone screams “Let’s continue in a club”

And everyone thinks it is a great idea. 

It is a terrible idea!  People will recognize him and us and rest of them.  They are all famous in their own rights.  But, right now, unfortunately, we together would attract the most attention.

Jong-suk decides it is a great idea as well.  He suddenly is all awake and behaving very sober.  Grinning with the others and saying “let’s go!”.   Someone has to take control of this situation and fortunately, his manager does. 

Manager “That is not a good idea guys.”  There is a collective groan of disappointment. 

LJS “No, I want to go”

Manager “They will recognize you, it won’t be fun for any of you”

LJS “I can cover my face”

I try and discourage them as well.  I am not sure how if I am with him, we both will not be recognized.  That almost spurs him on.  “I want to go” he says stubbornly.  He can get really childish sometimes and this is definitely one of those times. 

The fact that his friends are not thinking straight is not really helping.

Manager makes some calls.  I am sure he is calling the club to tell them about who is coming and how they can ensure privacy and security.  Clubs will not turn down this group.  I am sure he is calling all of our managers and telling them about what is happening. 

It looks like they have worked out something.

Manager “All of you will have to cover your faces.  The club security will help.  Listen to them”

He expects this to be a disaster and I almost sympathize with him.  If anything goes wrong, he would be held responsible. 

I stay close to Sukkie.  We pile on in the van that picks us up and takes us to the club.  Club security is waiting for us at the back entrance.  They usher us in.  We all are wearing hats, caps, hoodies and scarfs to cover most of our faces.  They lead us to the VIP section that is secluded and away from the crowd.  The club is pulsating.  There is a huge crowd that is enjoying the music and dancing on the floor.  Security does a good job.  It does not look like people noticed us.

I heave a sigh of relief.

Jong Suk wants to drink more.  He goes through the menu and orders one of each.  This is going to be an interesting night. 

He has managed to keep holding on to my hand most of the time.  Even when we could not possibly hold hands, he has made sure I was next to him by constantly checking.  I see his eyes look for me the moment we lose body contact.  So, I stick close to him.  I am hoping his friends are too drunk to notice these exchanges.  I think they are. 

Once he is all settled, he looks at me lazily with a smile.  “You came”.   It just melts my defenses. 

He can get really flirty when he wants to and he simply looks y even with half of his face covered.  I want to kiss him right now and I am sure my desire is showing on my face.  I see his eyes narrow as he looks at my eyes and then moves his eyes to my lips.  We both want the same thing.  And then, he suddenly changes his tact and decides to get up and go to the barrier.   I was almost excited and scared that he was going to just kiss me.  I feel slightly disappointed and marvel at his control.  I am also wondering which one of us is really sober. 

His manager keeps looking at us.  I can feel his stare following every move we make.  Well, if he has not figured out what is going on between us, then he must be really dumb.  I think to myself.   I am not really worried that he would do something that would jeopardize either of us.  He cares for Jong Suk.  

…..

Sukkie is holding on to that barrier and moving his head to the music.  I want to go to him but I know we will be making things too obvious.  So, I sip my drink; continue to laugh with everyone, while keeping an eye on him.

He finally comes back to where I am sitting and snuggles back with his head on my shoulder.  “So, this is what it feels like to be drunk” he says. 

I keep a wary eye out to see if anyone is paying extra interest.  Except for the manager, no one else is.  I deliberately ignore the manager.  He is being too obtrusive now. 

It’s been some time since we have been here.  I am not really enjoying this but it looks like Jong suk is.  He keeps straightening up to keep drinking and the moment we lose body contact, he comes back to make sure I am there next to him.  He s for my hands, touches my thighs or simply sits very close where he can put his head on my shoulder. 

It is distracting me.  By now, I have drunk couple of drinks between his apartment and here.  I am feeling a little buzzed myself and it is not a good state for me to be in. 

Then I hear him in my ears.  “I want to touch you”

I tell him in his ears “Let’s leave then”

He says “I don’t want to”

I say “You can’t touch me then.  Behave”

He chuckles and I can feel his hands move towards my crotch.  He is not really thinking straight.  So, I get up pretending to like the music.  Moving away from him to breathe.

May be it was a bad idea for me to be here.  We can’t be together like this in public. 

I don’t look back at him.  One of his close friends joins me.

“This is fun!” he says.  He always screams.  That is his shtick. I laugh and tell him yes. 

“You guys have become really close” he says.

I look at him and I am not sure what he is thinking.  He is definitely drunk.  “Same as always” I tell him.

He puts his arm around my shoulders as he keeps nodding to the music.  “Yeah!”  I am not sure if he is responding to the music as he exclaims that or to responding to us.  I don’t want to think too much about it.  He is a good friend of Jong Suk and he is not a danger no matter what.

I sneak a glance at Sukkie.  He is looking at me and he is looking upset. 

I groan in my head.  What am I doing here?  I am making this worse.  I should have left him alone.  Now, I can’t see that look on his face and not be next to him.  So, I look at his manager. 

His job must be the most difficult one. 

I stand with Kwang-hee for few more minutes.  Sukkie joins us.  He is definitely drunk. 

“What are you guys talking about?” he slurs and he sways.  I immediately hold him steady and take him back to where we were sitting and again look at his manager to wrap this up.  We need to leave.  This is it.  He can’t get more smashed than he is right now. 

It elicits groans from others but, manager stays strong and I am fully with him.  I hear Sukkie saying, “No, let’s stay more”.  But he is not strong enough to resist and we finally leave.

Security again takes care of us, we are back in the van.  I am supporting Sukkie as he walks drunk. 

Inside the car, I am hoping he will behave himself.  His manager takes him from me and sits between me and Sukkie.  I don’t like it but for now, it may be a good idea because Sukkie has been especially grabby.

We first reach Sukkie’s apartment and manager wants to take him in.  I stop him.  “I will take him.  My car is here”. 

I think we have an understanding. 

So, I say my byes to everyone and take Sukkie home.

I open his apartment.  He is remarkably, still on his feet, though clearly drunk. 

As soon as I close the door, he is hugging me.  “You came!”  He exclaims again. 

Me “I could not leave you to get drunk on your own.  Look at yourself”

LJS “Kiss”.  So I kiss him.  I have been waiting for this the whole night.  It looks like he was waiting too. The urgency in his body is telling.  He really is getting into it.  My body responds to his urgency. 

Then I remind myself, he is drunk.  Despite how hot he is right now, I almost expect him to sleep right in the middle of it.  So, I separate myself even as he protests, holding on to me to his dear life. 

Me “Come, let’s go to bed.”

LJS “Yes.  Let’s!”  He is still trying to kiss me more.  It is almost funny if not for how much I want him and can’t have right this second.  He is too drunk to last through it.   

I push him towards the bedroom while holding him firm..  I want him to be comfortable so I try and remove his clothes so he could get into his night clothes.  He is thinking I am undressing him for other things so, he tries to undress me.  He fumbles with my pants.  I am finally able to let go of my own body’s reaction to be able to laugh at his efforts.  He barely notices my amusement.  He is again trying to kiss me and I kiss him back happily.  Drunk or not, his lips are just too tempting.  Indulging in his drunk kisses is least of my problems.  I can kiss him all day. 

And right now, I love him completely, drunk and all.   He is just hilarious. 

I have gotten him to lie down on his back.  He is not letting me go.  So, I relax against him. 

“What do you want?’ I ask him.

“I want you” he says.

“How do you want me?”

He is going to be asleep very soon, so I indulge him in his drunken talk.  I am very amused and unfortunately not really to take advantage of him.  I would not.  He is just cute right now and not really that y. 

He puts his hands down my pants.  I am very amused.  I pull his hands away and tell him I want to snuggle a little first.  He protests, but I hold him while lying next to him and in about a minute, I hear his snoring just like I expected.  I laugh softly as I watch him sleep.

He is cute, y and all mine.  For now. 

Unfortunately, right now, he has to sleep and he will probably get up with a head ache.  I can’t be there when he wakes up but I will stay with him till it is time to go. 

I set the alarm.

…..

When alarm rings, he is still asleep.  I leave a note next to his bed and I leave.

I was glad I was with him.  He would probably forget most of the evening but he will remember I was there. 

I feel happy.

…..