Kim Woo Bin’s POV

I decide I need to take some initiative with my roommate to get things straight.  He knows.  I have not seen him much.  I send him a text that we should find some time to get together.

We decide to just chat in the house.  I am not sure if this is something we can do talk about anywhere else anyway.

…..

We open beers and settle down.  TV is on in the background with muted sound. 

I wait patiently first to see if he wants to start.  As I wait, I think about our relationship.

He is someone I respect.  He is like my older brother.  He is just one year older to me but when I started, he had already spent couple of years in the industry and helped me get myself a roof.  He works a part time job and models.  He is mainstream model and is successful in modeling but there has not been that big break yet.  I was luckier.  Though I struggled initially, my struggle was nothing compared to a lot of people, including Jong Suk.  He struggled for 6 years.  I struggled for about a year.  Mostly six months.

But it is my roommate who helped me and I will always owe him. 

He instead waits for me.  “You called this meeting” he gestures with his beer.

“You probably have questions for me right?” I ask him straight.

“I don’t need to know anything Binni-ah.  I am not uncomfortable with you or something”

“Are you sure?”

He laughs.  “It is just curiosity more than anything”

“What?”

“You went out with girls.  So…”

“May be I am bi”

“Does that really exist?”

I shrug.  There are some questions I do not know how to answer.  I have not asked those questions to myself because they are pointless.

“How come all these years …”

“Are you talking about you?” I ask him.

“I guess I am curious.  We worked out, we saw each other , but nothing..”

I hide my smile “Are you jealous or something?”

“Don’t be a ” he snaps.

“Well, I don’t feel like that for any guy.  I am not attracted to guys in general.  It is just him”

“It must be because he is pretty like a girl” he gestures to the TV.

It is one of Jong Suk’s commercial. 

I throw a pillow at the TV and it turns off.  Whoever added this feature was a genius.

“Hey, cut it out” he is irritated.

“I don’t want to get distracted”

“I am still your hyung.  Show some respect”

“I am sorry.  Turn it on if you want”

“Is it all that childishness about him?  He acts like a kid sometimes.  Is that supposed to be his charm?  All the girls seem to like that” He is sounding really bitter.

“Stop talking about him like that” I tell him coldly.

We are not having a healthy conversation and I am not sure what is bothering him.  My relationship with Jong Suk or the fact that I am doing with a guy or that I hid the fact from him.  I wish he can be straight with me instead of acting like a bitter ex girl friend. 

We seem to have reached an impasse. 

We sip our beers.  We are both agitated.  He knows why I am but I am not exactly sure why he is.

At least he does not dash off.

…..
 

I try and calm down. 

“I wanted to talk so that we could get back to normal you know.  This is not a comfortable conversation for me.  I am making an attempt.  Why are you trying to piss me off?”

He does not answer me.

“Do you want me to move out?  Am I making you uncomfortable?” I ask him.  I know it is a low blow but I need a reaction that gets a conversation going.  It has the desired effect.

“How many gays do we know?” he asks me.

We have known a few.

“Have I ever behaved in a way that indicated I have problems with them?”

I know it is a rhetorical question.  We both know he has no problem with gays.

“What is making you angry then?”

“I am irritated that I did not know.  I am irritated that you have seen me .  I have no problem with girls but I don’t want them to see me unless I want them to.  It messes with my brain a little bit”

“But I told you I am not interested in your ”

“I know it my head.  Does not mean I feel comfortable about it”

“So, I won’t see you again.”

“So, you see how things change right?”

Ah. 

“I get it.  I am sorry.”

“Look.  I still look at s you know” I tell him.  “They just don’t excite me as much as they used to.  If you think our highly intellectual conversations about s and muscles are going to change, you are mistaken.  I am going to continue to enjoy all our dumb conversations.  Not a single thing changes”

“Was that the only thing we spoke about?  s and muscles?” he almost looks pained.

“It was mostly work.  When it was not work, it was either s, girls, or body sculpting.  Heck, I don’t even remember when we had our last conversation unless we were falling drunk over each other.   So, yeah, I don’t think any of that going to change.”

He downs his beer.

“Anyway, I am not uncomfortable with you.  You moving out did not occur to me.  You can move out if you want to and I know you probably want to do it one of these days.  You can afford to live alone now.  If that was why you wanted to talk, you can rest easy.  It is your decision.  I gotta go now.”

“Wait.  I do not want to move out.  I want to stay here.”

“You can’t here then unless it is a girl” He tells me bluntly.

“It did not occur to me to here either” I tell him as bluntly.

“Right.  Okay, I gotta go now” he says. 

I scratch my head.  This is not necessarily a satisfactory ending to the conversation yet.

“I am not ready to tell anyone yet”

“You would be stupid to.  You are now just ing insulting me” He crushes the can and throws it on the ground.

Then he bangs the door of his room.

May be I should not have said that.  I knew he would not say anything to anyone.  But my anxiety is too high. 

He storms out of his room with his gym bag and bangs the door on his way out.

I rub my temple.

…..

Well, that went well!  

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