Lee Jong Suk POV

I did not answer his calls.  I stopped sending texts.  I was systematically destroying whatever we had because it was too much for me to handle not seeing him.

He did not stop calling for several weeks.

And then he has not called me for two full days.

I guess he finally gave up.

I did not think I could feel any worse.

……

The sound of the door opening woke me up.  I was disoriented, puzzled by the noise.  I do have security system and beeping told me it has to be my manager.  Only he knows the code and Woo Bin.

I looked at the clock.  It was past 1am.

What the ?!!!

Then there were footsteps outside my bedroom.  “Hyung?” I called out.  I could feel my heart pumping wildly. 

“It’s me” Woo Bin’s voice.

What the ?!!!

“What the are you doing here?” shock probably written all over my face.  He was the last person I expected to see in the house.

WB “I came to ask you what the  you are doing?”

He sounded angry. 

I pulled the blanket over me and spoke under the blanket.  “Go away.  I am changing the security code”

He put on the light.  Damn him.  He is too familiar with my place. 

It did not look like he was leaving anytime soon.  He was carrying a gym bag.  I heard as he dropped it on the floor.  My heart was beating too loud and I was afraid he could actually hear it. 

Why is here?  Will he stay? Should I let him stay? No…

But I want him to stay.  Why did he come at this time of the night?

What is he going to do?  Why did he come?

I did not hear him walk to the bed.  He pulled the blanket down and before I could say anything, he was holding my face and examining it. 

WB “What is with the dark circles?”

I brushed his hands away. 

WB “When did you change your hair?”

I struggled.  “ off”

And then he kissed me.  I refused to cooperate struggling against him.

WB “Are you going to be stubborn?”

I refused to look at him.

WB “How is this new approach working for you.  You look like ”

I kept my eyes closed and kept the struggle going to pull the blanket back.  It was a losing battle. 

WB “Talk to me.  What you are doing is not right.  Everything does not go away just by ignoring my existence.  I am here”

WB “Look at me at least.”

He was not going to go away. 

I finally screamed.  “Get the out.  I don’t want to see you anymore.  I have had it”

He was on top of me in an instant.  He pinned both of my hands to the side.  He looked really angry and I have not really seen him this angry in real life.  I have seen him act angry but I think real angry is kind of scary. 

“Yeah?  You want me to go away?  Who started this?  You think I am not having a hard time?  What happened when you were busy and I had some free time?  Did I tell you I don’t want to see you anymore?  Are you being a child?”

What I could not really control was how my body was reacting to him.  We had not touched each other for so long that his touch sent shivers down my spine and blood started rushing to places it had no business to travel.  My ears were hot and I could already feel the stirrings of what has been asleep for a while.  I was still inside the blanket and I was getting worried if he could start feeling my reaction.

“Get off” I tried pushing him.

WB “Make me” and then he proceeded to kiss me again almost violently.  My body betrayed me.  Before I knew it, I was under that kiss and the minute he heard my moans, his kiss immediately softened.

“Sukkie-ya…. Please…..I am sorry.  Please…I miss you” he whispered as he released my hands and held my face again.

I had already given up.  My body did it first and then my heart refused to listen to my mind and then my mind gave up. 

So, I kissed him back and soon we were panting for breath.

“This is not fair” I whimpered. 

 “Can we get rid of the blanket?” he asked.

Well, I guess I must have given him permission because next thing I know both our clothes were off.  He was my as one of his hand me.  It was clear neither of us had any patience.  He found the lube and the and gave me a cursory preparation and then he was inside me. 

I whimpered in pain because I could not scream without waking up the neighbors.  I held on to the bedsheets, trying to manage the pain and he misunderstood entirely.  “Look at me Sukie…Are you going to throw this away?”. 

Then he noticed I was not reacting exactly like someone who was enjoying it.  He saw the tear run down my cheek and that woke him from this ual daze he was in.

“I am sorry I am sorry Sukkiee…I am coming out…I am sorry”

I shook my head.  “Hang on”

I breathed.  He did not move as I breathed.  He came down to caress my face, kiss my lips and slowly me as I continued to relax.

“Sorry Sukkie.  I will never do that again okay?”

In response, I held his face to kiss him back and pressed down his back to indicate I am ready.

He started moving slowly at first and we were back to a rhythm we knew so well. 

“You can’t throw this away Sukkie” he told me as he moved.  I refused to open my eyes.  I just wanted to just let myself go and feel his every breath, his every touch, his every .  I worried if I opened my eyes, he would just disappear and I would be back to the hell hole I was digging myself into.  So, I did not open my eyes and I did not speak.  I just felt him and he let me.

Soon, I felt him shudder against me and in the next few seconds, I shuddered my release right back.

…..

 “You don’t want to look at me?” he asked softly as he came down to kiss my ears. 

“I am sorry I hurt you” he said again..

I did not need him to feel so sorry.  So, I patted him.  I was not ready for words yet. 

“I am staying the night and I am here the whole day tomorrow”. 

I nodded next to him.  I was too overwhelmed to question how he had managed it.  So, I just kept my eyes closed and nodded.

“Just once open your eyes” he begged.

I finally did.  My vulnerability must have come through because all he said was that he was just sorry and he will do better.

I guess that is when the flood gates opened.  I sobbed.  He just held me.

…..

I really don’t like crying.  I don’t really cry.  I hate he ing crying. 

But, I have become a total basket case and it is my entire fault.

…..